


He Thought He Knew Him

by lightmyway



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bisexual Castiel (Supernatural), Bisexual Dean Winchester, Bobby Singer Deals With Idjits, Case Fic, FBI Agent Castiel (Supernatural), Friendship, Hunter Dean Winchester, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Protective Sam Winchester, Sexual Content, Strangers to Lovers, mentions of domestic violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:55:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 133,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24775735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightmyway/pseuds/lightmyway
Summary: After another false lead and failure to apprehend a suspected terrorist, Chicago based FBI Agent Castiel Novak met an intriguing man in an old, dark bar in a small town in Tennessee.  Dean was beautiful and charming, and Cas never stood a chance to resist him.  They spent the next two days exploring each other in every way, leaving with the promise to stay in touch.  What followed was a deep and abiding friendship, one they both desperately needed, kept alive with phone calls and texts and an occasional meet-up.But fate had other ideas, shattering their relationship when a grainy photograph landed on Cas's desk.  Hiding his knowledge of Dean from his partner, Cas tried to understand how the man he spent the last two years developing feelings for and sharing the most intimate details of his life with could possibly be the one he was assigned to capture.  In his pursuit of the truth, his worldview would be challenged in ways he could never have imagined, and his life would be forever changed.  At the forefront of it all was his relationship with Dean, the faith they had in each other, and his journey to rediscover that faith after breaking it apart with the utterance of one word - murderer.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 259
Kudos: 268





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This it going to be another long one. Chapters are running about 6000 words.
> 
> The plan is to update weekly. Happy Reading!

As he stepped outside and walked down the stairs, he took a deep breath, hoping the fresh air would soothe him. Unfortunately, the night air was heavy, sticky and humid, as cloying as the air inside the nondescript building he just escaped. His only solace was that he was blissfully alone for the first time that day. The solitude did not last. The sound of a door opening behind him signaled the arrival of his partner. The man himself was not the problem. _No_ , he was not. It was the circumstances of their new collaboration which created the issues between them. In that moment, he missed his old job. The camaraderie and comfort of knowing those one worked with and the community one served. 

Positive thoughts of his former life never lasted long because his mind invariably went to the reason he had chosen his old job. The downward spiral of his only sibling, lost to drugs, used and tossed aside, dead so many years ago, but always fresh in his mind. Becoming a police officer was supposed to assuage his guilt and help correct his failure to save his brother. Helping others escape the same fate as his twin was the goal he had set for himself at the age of seventeen. 

The scuffle of feet on stairs snapped him back to the present. Irritation slithered down his spine when he heard, _Castiel,_ in his partner’s questioning voice. He hoped it was the end of the questions because the use of his full name was enough of an issue without adding his partner’s need to talk. Cas was a man of few words and always had been. He spent his life listening and observing. Watching people’s eyes, the windows to their soul. Reading body language. Learning early on that the words coming out of people’s mouths often contradicted with the truth, with their real feelings. It was what made Cas exceptional at his job. It was also what had worried his mother when he was young. Silent for too many years, solitary except for his twin. Jimmy was the only one he truly spoke to in his formative years, but when he lost him, the words dried up again. Adding to his mother’s worry was the career he chose. She never wanted her son to become a police officer, but his father guided her to understand Cas's need and helped her find to find pride in it. The entire process had been difficult for her after losing her only other child. The path Cas chose led him into danger and eventually into a life full of travel and distance. FBI agents may have a home base, but cases more often than not pulled them on the road. And lately it had consumed most of his time, leaving his mother to mourn the loss of another son.

The department at his back attested to the distance. One in a string of visits to other departments and sheriff’s offices. Blending together, fruitless and frustrating, and leading to his latest partnership. Cas closed his eyes and took a deep breath, steadying his mind and bracing himself. “Victor,” he responded when he sensed the man at his side.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted. I just want to go back to the hotel and sleep.”

Cas opened his eyes and turned to face Victor, exhaustion never evident in the man’s face, only his eyes ever gave a hint of it. Cas was just as exhausted, dark bags the evidence on his face, but the tight coil inside him would never allow him to sleep. “I think I need a walk to clear my head.”

“Castiel, it’s ten o’clock.”

“I’ll be fine. I am armed and well-trained,” Cas said flatly. The tone told his partner the discussion was over.

“All right. I’ll see you in the morning. Don’t forget our flight leaves at eleven.”

Cas nodded and waved at Victor as he walked off. He waited until the other man was out of sight before turning in the opposite direction. He had seen a bar not far down the road, and all he could think about was the drink in his future. Always conscious of his family’s history with addiction, Cas rarely overindulged, content with a couple drinks here or there to settle his mind. He had learned to stop short of inebriation, only giving in one time. The day they buried his twin, Cas got blackout drunk. From that day, the only addiction he allowed himself was school, and then, work. 

With those memories swirling, Cas stepped into the bar. The place was the epitome of a dive bar - dark, dirty, and noxious. Cas ignored it all as he made his way to the bar. He took the furthest stool, angling himself slightly so he could see the door, keeping his back to the wall. His eyes scanned the entirety of the place, cataloging the clientele. No one stood out in anyway. By the time his eyes returned to the bar, the bartender had worked her way over to take his order.

“Shot of Jack and whatever dark beer you have on tap.”

Before she even had a chance to fulfill his order, a woman sat down on the stool next to him, leaning into his personal space. With one quick assessment, he knew what she wanted. Without a word, he pulled out his badge and flipped it open. She was gone in an instant.

“Not your type,” asked the bartender as she set down his drinks.

“No,” he said crisply, knowing the brusque answer would end any attempts at conversation. What he hadn’t noticed, however, was the presence of the person behind him.

“That was quick. What’d you tell her to make her run away so fast?”

The deep voice surprised Cas, and he was not in the business of being surprised. A brief flash of anger had him clenching his hand around the shot glass and downing it, calming him enough to say, “I don’t pay.”

“She wasn’t here long enough for that game to play out, and I doubt she started with _I’m a hooker_. How’d you know?”

“I just knew.”

“Well, all right then,” the man said as he slid onto the open stool.

Cas finally lifted his gaze to look at the man. He tried to rein in his initial reaction, covering the hitch in his breath. The smirk he got in return told him he had failed spectacularly. 

“So, she wasn’t your type after all,” he said, cheeky and knowing.

“Only because she was a prostitute,” retorted Cas. There was a beat of silence as the man hesitated, and for once, Cas was the one who felt compelled to fill an awkward silence. “I’m Cas. Bisexual but more inclined to beautiful men.” Shock shot through Cas’s body as he wondered why he had shared something so personal with a stranger. He wasn't in the habit of divulging private details about himself even to his family and friends. _Why_ , ran through his mind on a loop as he stared intently at the other man.

The man’s eyes had widened suddenly, and the smirk slipped away. “Ah, well, good to know. Name’s…ah…Dean. And same for me.”

The _why’s_ finally stopped with the hesitation in the man’s sentence. The pause before his name made Cas consider whether he had been given a false one. It irked him when he realized he had shared something so personal with this so-called Dean. A new determination came over him, a need to know the truth. “So, Dean,” Cas paused on the name watching for recognition or a tell but the other man’s expression remained neutral. “Why are you at this ‘lovely’ establishment?” 

“Needed to unwind from a long ass day. And you?”

“Same,” answered Cas.

“Besides, who says this isn’t my kind of place.”

Cas ran his eyes over Dean, taking in the flannel, the worn jeans, and boots, irritated at himself for failing to make an assessment as soon as the man sat down. The fact that he knew the reason for his lapse only irked him more. The man’s face was absolutely stunning, making Cas forget his careful approach to meeting people. “Hmmm…you seem to fit in a bit more than I do.”

“Understatement there, Cas. The suit and rigid posture make you stand out like a sore thumb. It’s why I wanted to introduce myself. Um…that and the smooth way you handled the prostitute. I had her pegged, and I just couldn’t stop myself from seeing how a man like you would handle her.” Dean winked as he finished speaking, giving Cas a beaming smile which crinkled the corner’s of his eyes. 

_Fuck_ , Cas thought, _he is utterly captivating_. He hoped the man hadn’t lied about his name because Cas wanted him. Itched to touch him. The sound of Dean’s sharp inhale made Cas realize he had done just that. Looking down, he saw his hand resting high on the other man’s thigh. Without a second thought, he ran his thumb along the inside of that thigh, raising his eyes to see desire reflected back at him. All pretense gone as to what this was between them.

“We need to leave now.”

Cas couldn’t argue, didn’t even want to try. He had never felt such a strong lick of arousal before, and he needed to see where it led. “Did you drive?” he asked.

“Yeah, come on.” Cas followed him out of the bar and to a stunning black muscle car. He ran his fingers along the side, almost caressing the surface. “Jesus, you keep doing that to my car, Cas, and I’ll get jealous.”

Raising his brow as if in challenge, Cas said, “And what do you propose do about it…” Once again, he paused to emphasize the name, “...Dean.” This time a shutter ran through the man’s body, and Cas knew the truth. And he knew the power residing in the use of the name. It was clear, for whatever reason, Dean did not often give his real name in these types of encounters, and the fact he gave it to Cas was as significant as Cas sharing personal details. 

“Okay, get in the damn car." After giving the aggressive command, Dean quietly added, "Please."

Rolling his eyes, Cas slipped into the car and watched Dean race around to the driver’s side. They didn’t talk, tension and anticipation hanging heavy in the air. When they pulled into a roadside motel, Cas added it to his list of observations about his companion, but he refrained from commenting. Instead, he got out of the car, stepping behind Dean, pinning him to the door as he tried to open it. They stumbled inside when it finally opened. Dean righted himself easily, steady and strong in a heartbeat, making Cas add another layer to his observations of the man. As Cas ran his hands down Dean’s chest, he saw a flicker of nervousness under the raw desire in his eyes. It was gone in a flash, replaced by a cocky smile and a shameless wiggle of hips. Cas gave the man the out, undressing him with deft fingers, staring at the exposed skin as the clothes fell away. 

Dean’s hands worked just as quickly removing Cas's tie and jacket. When he came in contact with the gun holster, Dean didn’t comment or hesitate. He let his hands settle low on Cas’s hips, allowing Cas to remove the item on his own, easily letting go when he walked over to place it on the TV stand. Closing the distance between them, Dean slid his arms around Cas’s waist and began to unbutton his shirt. Pulling Cas’s back tight against his chest, Dean lowered his hands to Cas’s waist, unbuttoning his pants. Cas shimmied out of his pants and boxers. As they hit the floor, he turned around in Dean’s arms. They stood before each other naked and a touch breathless. When Cas raised his head, wanting to see Dean’s green eyes again, he noticed Dean’s focus was on the floor. Running his had along Dean’s jaw and under his chin, he tipped his head up. “Dean,” he said quietly, conveying a need in his tone. 

Raising his eyes, Dean shivered. “Cas, fuck…take me to bed.” 

The words were demanding, but Cas heard the hesitation in his voice anyway. It meant he had to ask, had to get an explicit answer before they moved forward. Turning the question around in his head, he decided to avoid a certain word. One he thought was the reason for Dean’s hesitation. He finally settled on a direct statement with only a hint of question to it. “You want me to top.”

Dean’s cheeks flushed and his eyes drifted away. Despite the nervous reaction, he nodded and attempted to explain, “I…um…don’t…” 

“Shh…Dean, there’s no reason to explain. I understand.” Cas cupped his cheek, pulling him in for a quick tender kiss. “Get on the bed.” The multi-layered image Cas was forming about the man only increased when Dean scrambled quickly on the bed, laying down and spreading his legs invitingly. “Supplies?” asked Cas. In answer, Dean waved his arm at the nightstand. With a nod, Cas crawled on the bed, spreading Dean’s legs wider, making room for himself between his thighs. Suddenly, their haste vanished. The slow slide of Cas’s hands up Dean’s thighs and over his hip bones had altered the atmosphere. A deep need to explore and touch filled Cas’s senses. A need, beyond mere speculations, to know and understand the man lying under him. The need should not have shocked him. Up to that moment, the entire encounter was out of Cas’s purview. Picking up a stranger in a bar, a one-night stand, the urgency of it all. None of it was his norm, not even close. 

With the slower pace, Dean seemed to tense, shifting uncertainly at the tender touch. Cas shushed him again, kissing him chastely, deepening it only when he felt Dean’s body relax. From then on, Cas let Dean’s body and the sounds he was making guide his touch. He measured and weighed every reaction he received, listening and learning. It was a slight shift of Dean’s legs, the deeper bend of his knees and arch of his back, which told Cas it was time. He reached for the lube, coating his fingers, warming the liquid between them. He grasped Dean’s cock, eliciting a raspy moan from Dean’s kiss swollen lips.

“Finally,” he breathed out, voice rough and broken.

Cas chuckled lightly when Dean choked on his next attempt to speak as Cas brushed his fingers over Dean's balls while giving his cock a firm stroke. 

“Unh…ohh…Cas,” sputtered Dean. “Please.” And Cas could see no reason to deny him anymore. He opened Dean slowly, letting him rock down on his hand and up into his fist, ignoring his own erection in the process. By the time, Dean said he was ready, Cas was achingly hard. When he finally entered Dean, he had to bite down on his lip to keep from coming too soon. Calmed by the pain, he snapped his hips forward, making Dean cry out. “More, more,” said Dean between gasps and Cas complied, thrusting deep and slow until they were rocking roughly against each other. Their pace sped up, and Dean practically sobbed, “Tou…touch…me.”

The second Cas closed his hand around Dean’s cock again it erupted. The slick heat of Dean’s body tightened around him, pulling Cas’s orgasm from his body, sharp and fast. It left him breathless and overwhelmed and too weak to hold himself up any longer. Dropping down onto Dean, Cas stayed still as he dragged in ragged breath after ragged breath. The grunt and movement under him made Cas aware he was crushing Dean. He shifted to the side and patted Dean’s side in apology. When he was breathing regularly again, Cas rolled to the edge of the bed feeling the weakness in his lower limbs as he placed them on the floor. He pushed himself up, standing on his wobbly legs. “Be right back,” he said gruffly. “Going to get something to clean you up.”

Walking to the bathroom took more effort than Cas expected. Exhausted muscles moved lethargically even as his mind raced with thoughts about what the hell he had done. Before he could go too far down that rabbit hole, hands slid around his waist. “Thought it’d be better to shower.” Dean’s voice was just as rough as his own voice. Leaning against Cas’s back, Dean directed them to the shower. “It’ll be a tight fit, but I think we can do it.”

The shower turned on and Dean stepped around Cas to test the temperature before climbing in under the spray. “Join me,” he said shakily, holding out a tentative hand. 

The vulnerability Dean displayed concerned Cas, but he refused to let it show. He gripped Dean’s hand firmly, letting Dean pull him into the small tub. Wrapping his arms around Dean, he kissed him soundly. After a deep breath, he said, “This isn’t me.” Dean raised his brow, and Cas hurried to explain, failing miserably. “I mean this isn’t what I do.”

“Showering with someone?” asked Dean.

“No. Picking someone up in a bar and going home with them.”

“Ah, you’re not a one-night stand kinda guy. Can’t say the same for me. Life on the road sort of lends itself to hook-ups.” Dean hesitated, dropping eye contact while clearly trying not to fidget. “But…uh…this isn’t what I do. I don’t typically bring people back to my room. I definitely don’t shower with them. Usually I’d be dressed by now and out the door. The itch to leave too much to ignore.”

The brutal honesty had Cas stepping back, dropping his hands from Dean’s hips. “Oh…I see.”

“Ah, shit,” muttered Dean, moving to pull Cas back toward him. “Believe me, I’m not an asshole about it. I lay it all out there before anything happens.”

Cas eyed him for several seconds, wondering if he should drop the whole discussion. He finally gave in to the part of him that was unwilling to move on. “So, this is…”

“I don’t know what this is. You got out of bed and…fuck...I needed to touch you, be near you.”

Dean’s whole body slumped as if the confession broke the last bit of his strength, and Cas felt an overwhelming need to fill the void. He engulfed Dean in his arms, stroking the back of his neck. “I’m glad you did.”

No more words were said as they washed each other. The touch of Dean’s hands massaging shampoo into Cas’s hair made him weak in the knees, and Dean ended up having to brace Cas against his body. When all the soap was gone, Dean kissed him gently, turning the shower off in the same breath. They dried quickly, and as their towels dropped to the floor, their hands found each other, clasping tightly. Cas led Dean to the bed and let him make the choice. For a moment, Cas thought he would ask him to leave, but then Dean crawled on the bed, pulling Cas down on top of him. “Stay.”

“Of course, Dean.” 

They stared at each other, both seemingly lost in thought until Dean broke the silence. “If you don’t pick people up in bars, what were you doing there all on your own?”

Cas closed his eyes and sighed. Shifting off of Dean, he laid on his side and waited for Dean to mimic him. When they were facing each other, Cas opened his eyes and said, “I needed to unwind after a frustrating day at work ,and I didn’t want to go back to the hotel with my new partner.”

Dean’s eyes flicked to the gun on the TV stand. “Cop?”

“Used to be,” Cas responded.

“Care to elaborate,” chuckled Dean.

Cas rolled his eyes. “FBI agent.”

A flash of some emotion lit up Dean’s eyes but vanished so quickly Cas could not read it. “Here on a case, then?”

“We were, but we’re headed home tomorrow.”

“Where’s home?”

“Chicago, but I’ve hardly been there in months.” Cas paused for only a second before asking, “What about you?”

Dean tensed, and Cas was sure he was going to pull away and deflect, but instead Dean tucked himself closer, angling his body so he could curl around Cas from head to toe. He buried his face in Cas’s neck, making his voice muffled, effectively hiding any emotion in it. “Don’t really have a home anymore. I travel all over and getting back anywhere on a consistent basis seems pointless.” Cas threaded his fingers through Dean’s hair, eliciting a quiet moan. “I’m used to it by now,” Dean said, and then quickly asked, “Is your family in Chicago?”

The mention of family always sent a pang through Cas’s heart, Jimmy’s image crashing through his mind. Ignoring the twinge, Cas answered, “My mom and dad. Mom hates me being on the road so much, especially over the summer when she doesn’t have work to distract her.”

“Ah…teacher,” Dean said, lifting his head and eyeing Cas. It wasn’t the first time Cas took notice of Dean’s perceptiveness. It got him wondering about Dean’s job. Before he could ask, Dean said, “And your dad?”

“He’s a heart surgeon. Sorry I should say, a ‘world-renowned’ heart surgeon,” Cas responded, unable to keep the snark out of his voice.

“I take it he has an ego.”

“Massive. What about your family?”

Dean flopped onto his back, grabbing Cas’s arm, pulling it over his chest. His hold was tight, bordering on painful. The touch made sense as soon as Dean spoke. “Mom died in a fire when I was four, and Dad…well the dad I knew died right along with her.” Dean shifted his gaze, side-eyeing Cas, almost as if he was waiting for a specific response, but Cas remained silent, giving Dean room to add more or change the subject. The man’s eyes shifted back to the ceiling. “He was never the same. We hit the road and never looked back. He disappeared a few years ago. So, it’s just me and Sammy now.”

The hint of a smile on Dean’s lips prompted Cas to speak. “Your brother?”

“Yeah, he was a baby when Mom died. Was at Stanford when Dad disappeared. Dropped out to help me search for him, but after a while there was no sign of him, no lead to follow and I just…I could see it was killing Sam. He missed his old life, missed college. He wanted a different life. So, I made him go.”

“Is he still at Stanford?”

“Nah, some bad memories there, so he opted for Princeton. I tried to settle down with him, get a stable job, live that life, but…” Dean’s voice trailed off as his eyes closed.

“You had an itch to go start the search again,” Cas said, attempting to finish Dean’s thought.

Dean rolled to his side, running his hand up Cas’s side. “You got the itch part right, but I had stopped looking for my dad for a good reason, and there was no point starting again. No, I hit the road, so I could help others in similar situations.”

A picture of Dean’s life started to slot in place. “Private investigator. That explains why the gun didn’t faze you.”

With a huff, Dean said, “I guess you could say that but I’m more like security, bounty hunter, and investigator rolled into one.” Exhaling loudly, Dean sat up abruptly. “What the hell?” Tension crackled in the room as Dean’s body went rigid. “How’d you do that? What’d you do to me?”

“How’d I do what?” asked Cas, perplexed by the change in Dean’s demeanor, the instant change from quiet intimacy to defensive anger.

Dean slid out of bed, mumbling something that sounded like Christ under his breath and shaking his head. “I never talk about myself like that,” he said, angrily pulling on his boxers.

Cas sat up slowly, leaving the bed at the same sedate pace. “Dean?” he whispered kindly as he approached him warily. 

Waving him off, Dean said, “This is all weird and uneven now. You know all this shit about me and-”

Cas took the last step between them, cutting Dean off when he said sharply, “What do you want to know?” 

Dean stared at him, face hard, jaw clenched in frustration. Cas didn’t know if it was directed at him or if Dean was directing it at himself. Some of the irritation seemed to ease when Dean ran his hand over his face. “I told you about Sammy. What about you? Any siblings?” And there it was, the moment Cas always dreaded. The moment he always clammed up and made a hasty exit, but the look in Dean’s eyes, the blatant need to get on equal footing stopped Cas cold. He closed his eyes and turned away, but it was too late. Dean had seen enough. “Oh, Cas, I’m sorry,” Dean said with a deep level of understanding and not a hint of the pity Cas hated.

Tears welled in Cas’s eyes. He brushed them away quickly. “His name was Jimmy. He was my better half. My twin. The only person who really saw me. He shined so bright and brought humor into my life. People flocked to be in his presence. The opposite of me in every way.”

A hand fell on his shoulder, gripping tight. “What happened?” Dean whispered.

“He overdosed.” Cas held his breath waiting for the inevitable questions, but they never came. Instead, he felt the press of Dean’s body and the tender touch of his hands guiding him to the bed. Cas laid down and waited for Dean to join him. After shedding his boxers, Dean sat down, inching toward him as if waiting for permission. Without hesitation, Cas grabbed him and pulled him down next to him. “We were at a party. I tried to stop him, but he just told me it was only a little marijuana and not to worry. What I didn’t know then was that he had already been using. Pretty much whatever he could get his hands on. It didn’t take long for it to become obvious he had a problem. My parents sent him to rehab more than once, but it never took. When he got out after his longest stint, he went straight back to using. By the end he was a heroin addict, living on the streets. He died alone, in an alley, high on heroin and God knows what else. Just another casualty. It was our senior year. He was supposed to be there with me. He should have been there to graduate, to see me give my valedictorian speech. I stood before my class with a painstakingly written speech, but all I could think was how am I supposed to talk about life and the future when I failed to save my brother, and he would never have one.”

Years of pent up emotions, years of buried pain spilled out with every crack of his voice and with the tears spilling freely down his cheeks. Cas felt broken and exposed in that moment, unsure whether he could withstand the ache in his chest. Hands on his face, cupping his cheeks and gentle kisses wiping his tears away allowed him to breathe, loosening the vice around his torso. “Shh…I’ve got you,” Dean breathed against his cheek, brushing his lips over Cas’s jawline. 

With those words, it hit Cas that their roles had completely reversed. “What are we doing?” he asked, not bothering to hide the raw emotion and abject confusion in his voice.

“I have no fucking clue,” Dean said.

After taking a deep breath, Cas asked, “Should I go?”

Leaning back, Dean made eye contact and held it. “I may not know what I’m doing, what we’re doing, but the last thing I want is for you to walk out that door.”

All the air left Cas’s body in one heaving sigh. Consumed by exhaustion, he stared back at Dean, seeing tired eyes looking back at him. “Sleep,” Cas whispered. 

Dean nodded before laying his head down on Cas’s chest. “Don’t leave without saying goodbye.”

“I won’t,” stated Cas. “I’ll be here when you wake.” It took a while for Dean to close his eyes, finally giving in when Cas stroked his hair. It took even longer for Dean's breathing to even out and for him to drift into sleep. Cas stayed awake, listening for the tell-tale signs, only then did he let his mind wander. Thinking over the strange events which brought him to this place, with the gorgeous man wrapped in his arms. The decision had been hasty, yet Cas did not regret a second. The sex was amazing, and needed if Cas was being honest with himself, but it was the conversation which had been most cathartic. And looking at the peaceful expression on Dean’s face and the complete relaxation in the man’s body, Cas knew it had been the same for Dean. To have developed a connection, a shared understanding of loss, with a virtual stranger added to the unique occurrences of the night. That thought resonated as Cas finally gave into his exhaustion, slipping into sleep at the steady beat of Dean’s heart.

When Cas woke, he pinched his eyes shut tight keeping out the light streaming in through the thin curtains. A deep chuckle made him crack one eye to see Dean’s smiling face looking down at him.

“Morning.”

Cas grunted. “Good morning, Dean. What time is it?”

“Eight.” Dean glanced away with a nervous twitch. “So…ah…I was thinking after everything last night we deserve a big breakfast…um…if you have time.”

The first thought Cas had was about his flight leaving in three hours. His second was who cares. He had the next two days off, and Victor could do the damn paperwork for once. Without answering Dean, Cas rolled over, scrambling at the side of the bed as he searched for his pants. 

“Um…Cas?” hedged Dean.

Cas held up his phone in answer. “Breakfast sounds good. Just need to make a call.”

“Oh, okay, I’ll go take a shower,” Dean said, leaving the bed, looking back at Cas with a perplexed expression.

Cas nodded, willing to reassure Dean even if he didn’t quite understand why Dean needed it. With a tip of his head in return, Dean walked into the bathroom and shut the door. Sliding out of bed, Cas picked up his boxers. After pulling them on, he placed a call to his partner. 

“Where the hell are you?” snapped Victor.

“Good morning to you, too.”

Victor sighed, “Good morning. Did you have a good night?”

“Yes. In fact, that’s why I’m calling. I’m staying.”

“What do you mean you’re staying.”

Cas’s eyes drifted to the bathroom door, zoning in on the sound of Dean’s humming. “I’m not yet ready for my night to end. I need this. I need a couple days to relax and just live without thinking about work.”

Following a burst of laughter, Victor said, “Who are you and what have you done with my partner?”

“Victor,” Cas said sternly, even though he was smiling.

“Yeah, yeah. I get it. I’m just surprised you finally asked for it. I suppose this means you’re dumping the paperwork on me.”

Cas chuckled, “That I am. I’ll call Shep and let him know, but I’d appreciate it if you could talk to the hotel and extend my stay for two nights.”

“Sure.”

“Thank you,” Cas said. After a pause, he added, “I have to go. I need to call the airline.”

“All right. See you Monday and I expect details.”

“Of course, you do,” responded Cas with a huff, ending the call with a quick goodbye. Cas smiled as he set down his phone. He had missed the banter between them. Sharing the lead on such an infuriating case had put a damper on their working relationship, driving a wedge into their interactions. Working out of the same office, the close proximity of two men used to being in charge, definitely had its limitations, but Shep and those higher up had left no room for argument when they combined their units. He could practically hear his boss’s voice, demanding they put their egos aside. Shaking himself out of the memory, Cas returned to the task at hand. He placed two more calls – one to the airline and one to his boss. The _it’s about time you had some fun_ from Shep was not what he expected. When he hung up the phone, those words got him thinking. Did everyone notice his lack of a social life? Did they all think he was a workaholic? Not that he could argue with that assessment. Work was and always had been the centerpiece of his adult life.

Shrugging at himself, he set to work picking up his clothes and straightening the room. As he laid out his suit on the bed, he decided the pants and shirt were passable for breakfast. A little wrinkled, but at least they smelled clean. As he was putting on his pants, Dean emerged from the bathroom, naked and dripping. Cas watched as Dean walked in front of him and proceeded to bend over to rifle through his duffle bag. “I have a proposal,” Cas said as he gazed at the curve of Dean’s ass.

“Wow that was fast,” quipped Dean.

Before Cas could think better of it, he lightly smacked Dean’s ass.

“Ah, it’s that kinda proposal.” Dean looked over his shoulder and winked. “I’m game.”

Cas’s breath hitched and his mouth dropped open. “What?” he stuttered.

“Just throwing that out there,” smirked Dean.

Shaking his head at Dean’s antics, Cas said, “You’re incorrigible.”

“I’m adorable.” Dean gave Cas a smug smile before he turned around and faced him. “What’s the proposal?”

Suddenly, Cas didn’t feel so confident in his decision. He faltered for a second, unable to formulate the words.

Dean seemed to sense the shift. “How about you tell me over breakfast?”

“Yes, okay. I can do that,” Cas responded. After dressing quickly, he followed Dean out to the car. Once seated, he said, “Your car truly is beautiful.”

“Well, she is my prized possession. Basically, my home so…”

Reaching over, Cas patted Dean’s arm. “It shows.”

Dean gave him a tiny smile. “Thanks.”

For the rest of the five-minute drive they sat in silence. It gave Cas the opportunity to think about what he wanted to ask Dean and how he should approach the request. Being direct was usually Cas’s MO, and he didn’t really understand why he was reluctant to use it. The drive ended before he could answer that particular question.

“Hope diner food’s okay?”

“It’s fine, Dean.”

After taking their seats and ordering, Cas folded his hands in his lap. “So, the thing is last night was the first time in a long time, a very long time, that I felt like myself. That I relaxed enough to just be.” Keeping his eyes locked on Dean, Cas took a deep breath. “And I’m not ready to give that up yet. I don’t want to put pressure on you, but I’d like to spend more time with you. I know this is out of your norm, but I wanted to, in your words, throw it out there.”

Dean’s face cracked wide, the smile lighting up his eyes, making him even more captivating. “What’d you have in mind?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos and for subscribing. Our boys have a touch of fun in this chapter. Hope you enjoy!

Standing near the window, Cas watched as Dean dropped his bag on the luggage carrier. The smirk on his face told exactly what he thought of the contraption without the added ‘fancy.’ Cas merely smiled with a shake of his head. There was something appealing about Dean’s irreverence, a quality he would find grating in anyone else. Dean chuckled as he walked, or more like stalked, over to Cas. When he was within a few feet, he opened his arms, giving Cas a deliberate invitation.

“No, you don’t,” said Cas. “We are not spending the whole weekend in bed. No matter how tempting you are.”

Dean pouted dramatically. “You’re no fun.”

“It’s been said,” Cas stated flatly, unable to keep a touch of sadness out of his voice.

“Hey, hey. I was just teasing.” Arms wrapped around Cas, tugging him tight against Dean’s chest. “I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t having a good time with you.” With a whisper, Dean added, “Remember that.”

Cas relaxed, dropping his head to Dean’s shoulder. He needed to remember how easily, and almost exuberantly, Dean had accepted Cas’s invitation to join him for the weekend, packing and moving to Cas’s hotel without a single question.

“Since you are going to make me wait for naked Cas, you better have something good planned.”

Leaning back, Cas eyed Dean. “How does mostly naked Cas sound?” A myriad of emotions crossed Dean’s face, so Cas quickly added, “Before your mind travels to deep into the gutter...I’m talking about going down to the pool.”

“What are we waiting for?” said Dean, shoving Cas out of his arms and heading for the door.

Shocked, Cas stumbled back a step and called out, “Where are you going?”

“I don’t keep my swim trunks in my everyday bag. Be right back.”

Dean was gone before Cas could regain his equilibrium. The man seemed to possess an uncanny ability to knock the usually steady Cas off balance, putting him on his back foot. And surprisingly Cas liked it. He found himself smiling at the notion. Another rarity elicited by the man with the intriguing green eyes and freckles. Cas couldn’t remember the last time he smiled and laughed so freely. His smile remained as he dug out his swim trunks. Black and simple, loose on his hips and slightly snug on his thighs. As he stepped into them, Dean entered the room with a wolf whistle, making Cas jump. He rolled his eyes at the juvenile response.

“All right, mostly naked Cas is absolutely acceptable. More like hot as fuck,” Dean growled, shucking his clothes and ogling Cas. “Those trunks…your hip bones… and those fucking thighs…shit…how am I supposed to deal with all that without getting a boner.”

“Discipline,” stated Cas. “Now get your suit on.”

Dean complied readily, dutifully dressing and following Cas out the door and into the elevator. Cas could feel the heat of Dean’s gaze on his back. Being desired was a heady feeling and Cas reveled in it.

“You like how I look at you,” uttered Dean, inching into Cas’s personal space.

“I do,” said Cas, easily agreeing. From the moment he asked Dean to stay with him, he had decided there was no place for pretension and posturing between them. Obviously pleased with Cas’s response, Dean bounced up and down, grinning brightly. When the elevator door slid open, Dean walked out first, giving Cas the full view of his backside in his light green swim trunks. They were longer than Cas’s, but still let him appreciate the bow of Dean’s legs. Legs he had wrapped around him the night before. Cas felt desire well up and quickly shoved it aside, looking away from Dean’s sinful body. _Not the time_ , he scolded himself.

By the time, he was done with his minor trip down memory lane, Dean had catapulted himself into the pool. He emerged in an instant, running his hands through his hair. “You coming,” Dean yelled, voice husky.

With a quirk of his head, Cas stepped to the edge of the pool and dove, shallow and sleek. He came up right in front of Dean whose eyes were wide and filled with heat. “God, you’re sexy.”

Tracing a finger over Dean’s peck, Cas said, “And you’re beautiful.”

“Cut it out. You big dork. Don’t make it weird.” Tipping back, Dean kicked away, flipping over and swimming toward the other end of the pool. Cas immediately gave chase, grabbing Dean’s ankle before he could get away. Dean tried to wriggle out of his hold, doing a belly roll like an alligator, but Cas simply adjusted his grip to follow the movement. With a quick snap, he pulled Dean close, and they ended up wrestling and dunking each other. Laughter and some sputtered coughing filled the air.

When they finally settled down, Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s waist. “I’m impressed. That was a damn fine restraint.”

“I have many skills,” whispered Cas as he draped his arms around Dean’s shoulders.

“I look forward to learning about them.”

“Do you?” asked Cas tentatively.

“Yeah, Cas, I do.” Dean ducked his head and placed a kiss on Cas’s shoulder.

Cas sighed at the tender touch, relieved for some unknown reason. There were so many unknowns in this situation, but Cas needed to stop dwelling on them and just enjoy the moment. He lifted his head and smiled at Dean. “Hot tub?”

Dean nodded. “Lead the way.”

Cas dropped his arms and grabbed Dean’s hand, guiding him out of the pool and to the hot tub. They sat across from each other, the only touch a brush of Dean’s foot against Cas’s calf.

“It’s nice that we have the place to ourselves.”

“Hmmm…why’s that Dean?”

“Because I can do this,” responded Dean, mischief in his tone. The first press of Dean’s foot was on Cas’s knee. The second inched higher, scraping across the fabric of Cas’s trunks. 

Cas gripped Dean’s foot and held it still. “Why’d you agree?” It wasn’t what he planned to say, but there was no way to take it back.

“Let’s see. Sammy’s not expecting me for a couple weeks and I had nothing else planned. I don't like to pick up a new job this close to a scheduled trip to see him.” Dean gently tugged his leg back, and Cas let it go. Leaning forward, Dean continued, “And there was the added incentive of getting to stay in this fine establishment. Aaand of course, there is the fact that I get to do this.” Dean closed the gap between them with a predatory look in his eyes. As soon as he reached Cas, he straddled him. “Is it so hard for you to believe that I want to be here with you?” Dean rocked his hips down as he brushed his lips across Cas’s mouth. “Now, I think I’ve been…what was the word you used…ah…disciplined for long enough.”

Cas stroked his hands up and down Dean’s sides. “Yes, you have. Are you implying you deserve a reward?”

“Fuck, yes.”

“That’s possible.” Dean bucked in Cas’s lap. “But not here,” added Cas, halting Dean’s movements with a firm grip on his hips.

Dean moaned, “Cas.”

“Dean, I said, not here.”

“Well then hurry up and take me back to the damn room.”

As soon as the door shut, Dean slammed Cas into the wall, devouring his mouth and rutting up against him. Frustrated and frantic hands pushed down on Cas’s shorts until his cock sprang free. Dean gripped the half-hard cock firmly, even as he maneuvered his own trunks past his hips. Cas gasped when Dean pressed their heated flesh together, stroking them fast and hard. The friction was just this side of painful but was overridden by the waves of pleasure coursing through his body. It ended as abruptly as it started with them both spilling over Dean’s hands, groans and heavy breathing halting their fevered kissing at last. Mouthing at Cas’s neck, Dean muttered, “Too tired. Hold me up.”

Cas chuckled as he laid his head back against the wall. “Don’t whine.”

“Not whining.”

“I beg to differ,” said Cas as he pushed them away from the wall while holding Dean to his chest. He staggered from the added weight but eventually managed to get them on the bed. Planting himself face first into the pillow, he let out a heaving sigh. 

“I’m not that heavy, asshole.”

“No, but you didn’t do a damn thing to help me.”

“It’s your fault my legs felt like jello.”

Rolling his head to the side, he looked at Dean. “How was that my fault? As I recall you were the one in charge.”

From his prone position on his back, Dean huffed loudly as if readying to make his case. He deflated rather quickly, rolling to his side and propping himself up on his elbow. “You suck.”

“I can do that, yes.”

A burst of laughter spilled out of Dean. “Okay, okay,” he wheezed, waving off his own laughter. “So, when I walked up to you in that bar, I thought my chances of picking you up were about a million to one. And I love a challenge, so I was willing to go for it. But I also thought that if I by some miracle I succeeded you’d be all cold and aloof, and I’d spend the night trying to ruffle your feathers. Trying to get some sort of reaction out of you. But this…the innuendo…the voice dripping with sex…the porn sounds…”

“Porn sounds?”

“Shut up, I’m making a point,” Dean scolded, swatting Cas’s ass.

“Go on,” encouraged Cas with a tiny quirk of his lips.

“I never expected you to be so loose and giving.”

Cas felt tears stinging his eyes, and he turned away before Dean could see how much those words meant to him. “Well, you're easy to be around. Your nature is rubbing off on me.” Cas threw in the last sentence hoping Dean would play off the innuendo, and he could redress his errant emotions. Dean, however, did not take the bait. A soothing hand landed on his back and was soon tracing patterns into his skin with a light touch. 

“Cas, why did you invite me here? Why did you leave that bar with me?"

“I already told -”

Dean cut him off. “You told me something, but not why you left with me in the first place?”

Closing his eyes, Cas let his mind drift back to the bar, to Dean. The laid-back charm and confidence. The way Cas’s body surged with arousal, bordering on need. “You paused before you gave me your name. I wanted to know if you gave me your real one, and if you had, why you did? And I wanted to know why I was so inclined to spill details about myself. But mostly,” Cas paused, opening his eyes to stare at Dean, “I wanted to know why the mere proximity of you made me itch to touch and why the slightest touch between us made me shudder with need.”

Before Cas finished, Dean’s eyes partially closed and his face flushed. Cas could feel the discomfort, the nervous tension, emanating from the other man, but it was coupled with a shift closer as if Dean was reaching out for just that touch. 

“What’s wrong, Dean?”

“Nothing,” he responded too quickly and too timidly for the statement to be anything but false. 

Even without the benefit of Dean’s body language, Cas would have read the falsehood in that single word. “Dean, please?”

“Dammit, can’t you let this go. I hate talking about myself.” Dean opened his eyes and studied Cas for a second. “I don’t do so well with…um. That was a lot to take in.”

“Mmm…I made you uncomfortable.”

Dean laid his head down on the pillow, tucking his hands up near his chin. “Not in a bad way. More like in an overwhelming way.”

Cas rolled to his side and laid an arm across Dean’s waist. “I am not good at subtlety unless it comes to work. I’m more apt to offer blunt honesty in interpersonal communication. Victor says it’s my most glaring flaw.”

“Victor?”

“My new partner. We worked together on cases before, a few days here and there. He claims I hid the full brunt of my personality and only let it out once we were assigned to lead a unit together.”

“Did you?” asked Dean with a smirk. Eyeing Cas’s pinched brow, he added, "You so did,”

“I did not purposely obfuscate. I simply displayed the persona I use with people I encounter on the job.”

Dean opened his mouth and then closed it with a shake of his head. “Obfuscate? Yeah, you definitely did not belong in that dive bar or dumpy motel.” For a second, Cas thought it was a rebuke, but Dean added a small smile and said, “You know, I like the way you talk. I might be developing a new kink.”

“For proper grammar?”

“No, Cas, as in, you’re the sexy professor and I’m your student.” Dean gave Cas a wide grin before nipping at his lips. “Quit picturing it.”

Cas captured Dean’s bottom lip between his teeth, biting down slightly. “Who says-” he started before he was interrupted by the loud gurgle from Dean’s stomach. “Not picturing it now,” quipped Cas before giving Dean a quick kiss to his forehead. “Room service, okay?”

“I don’t know. You made this big show about how we weren’t going to stay in bed all weekend, so…”

Rolling his eyes, Cas asked, “What do you have in mind?”

“Uh…what do you do in your free time?”

Cas frowned, “What does that have to do with lunch?”

“Humor me.”

“Read, crochet, yoga, play pool.” As Cas spoke, Dean sat up and squirmed, clearly itching to ask a question. Before he could, Cas added, “I bowl in a league.”

The squirming ended when Dean catapulted himself to his knees and clapped his hands together. “Holy shit. There is so much to unpack there. Crochet, really?” Cas wished he would have left it off the list because it brought up old wounds. Dean must have sensed his reservations because he quickly said, “We should go bowling.”

“What?”

“I need to see you bowl.”

“Why?” asked Cas, utterly confused.

“Because, I cannot picture Mr. Perfect Posture Professor wearing bowling shoes, let alone actually bowling.”

“I’ll have you know. I have my very own bowling shoes, shirt, and ball at home.”

Flopping back onto his heels, Dean said, “You're kidding.”

“I am not. I am a proud member of the Turkey Buzzards.”

Dean threw his head back and laughed. “You’re telling me that story, but right now go shower, and I’ll find us somewhere to eat and bowl.”

Thirty minutes into the drive, Cas was beginning to wonder where the hell Dean was taking him. They had left the small town and driven through vast fields of nothing. When he spotted a sign for Chattanooga, he reoriented himself, picturing the drive and the roads traversed. Dean had bypassed the freeway, taking them on a meandering route. With a few calculations, Cas realized by doing so he had added a good twenty minutes to the drive. He was about to ask why, when his vision locked on Dean. Window down, arm resting half in and half out, singing along to the loud music. He looked happy and completely at home. The thought made Cas realize that Baby, as Dean called his much beloved car, and the open road were home for his companion. And it also made him wonder for how long it had been true. Not wanting to disturb the moment, Cas let the question go and just observed. 

When they arrived in the city, Dean parked the car at the back of a large lot. As they approached the building, Cas began to feel a sense of foreboding. The bowling alley he frequented was old and unfashionable. The kind where the only money spent was on keeping the lanes perfect. It was the type where one knew everyone’s name. The type which would never have flashing neon. The second the entirety of the building front came into sight Cas knew he was walking into a an entirely different environment. An alley with a massive arcade and laser tag. One which catered to all ages, especially teenagers. Taking a deep breath, he tried to quell the onrush of memories, but they came anyway, slowing his feet. It was as if he was walking in wet concrete, each step labored and forced. Dean outpaced him, reaching the door as Cas stopped. The image at the door morphed into the image of his brother. Jimmy’s wide mischievous smile, his impatience displayed with the constant wiggle of his body. The last true happy memory of his twin. Before the drugs, before the weight loss and sores, before the anger and despair, before the constant apologies, before even that part of his brother vanished and he became a whole different person. One Cas did not know, did not recognize. Before he became the person who stole from his parents, pawning his mother’s keepsakes for a quick fix. Jewelry and coins that had been in the family for generations. Before he became the person who broke his mother’s heart and turned his father into a distant shell of a man. Before he became the person who shattered Cas into a million pieces, leaving him with a gaping wound which would never be filled. 

Cas knew he needed to move, knew he needed to push past the memory and the pain etched on his face, but he was too late. Dean had turned, smile dropping away, replaced by worry. He closed the distance in a heartbeat. “Cas?” he asked achingly tender.

“I’m all right.”

“No, you’re not. What is it? Talk to me.”

“Jimmy,” Cas choked out, unable to add anymore.

It didn’t seem to matter. The name was enough for Dean to grip his elbow and lead him away from the storefront. “We can go somewhere else.”

Cas shook his head. “No, it’s not…bad. It’s the last good memory I have of him. Being at a place like this.”

“Oh.”

“Just give me a minute.” Cas leaned against the building, and Dean copied him, keeping his body close, rubbing his fingers over the back of Cas’s hand. “It’s not just the place,” Cas said after several minutes of silence. “You remind me of him.” Dean’s hand stopped, and his body went rigid. “It’s not a bad thing. You share a certain charm and exuberance. He was always ready with a quick smile, and I see that in you. But I also see a darkness, marks of a hard life. In the end, that was all I could see in Jimmy. Despite his outward joviality, depression plagued my brother, and propelled him to live on the margins of society, giving up his childhood to the path of addiction.”

Dean twined his hand around Cas’s. It was not even close to what he had expected after blurting out so much and branding Dean with his assumptions. It was unfair and unkind, and yet the man reached out and comforted him. Confrontation, anger, they were the emotions Cas was prepared for, the ones he deserved. “Don’t,” said Dean. “You aren’t wrong.”

“But it’s not my place. I shouldn’t presume to know you.”

“Maybe not. Maybe it’s not proper etiquette or whatever, but so what. This whole experience is a bit odd, and so far, we’ve rolled with it.”

Cas stared at Dean, searching his eyes for, he didn’t quite no what, maybe confirmation or possibly sincerity. “So, we roll with it,” affirmed Cas.

“Does that mean you want to go in?”

“Yes.”

“All right, then,” Dean said, dragging Cas behind him. “Eat first?”

“Eat while we bowl, Dean,” stated Cas more firmly than he intended.

“Yes, sir, any other bowling rules I should know.” Dean grinned over his shoulder and gave Cas an exaggerated wink which should not have been sexy but entirely was, much to Cas’s dismay.

Cas rolled his eyes and shook his head. _Incorrigible_ , he thought before saying, “There are rules, but I doubt you are the type to follow them.”

Tugging Cas closer, Dean bumped their shoulders together. “What’s the fun in following rules, Cas?”

Since he had tossed out his own carefully constructed set of rules since the moment he laid eyes on Dean, and had enjoyed it, he couldn’t find it in himself to argue. “Go order us food and I’ll get us a lane.” A few minutes later, Dean came bounding up to him, and Cas said, “I forgot to ask your shoe size, so go get yourself a pair.”

“Bossy,” uttered Dean after a deep chuckle. “I like it,” he added as he sashayed away.

And that right there was why Dean interested him. Inherently loose with his desires but caged in other ways. Cas saw it in his eyes. The way he saw it in others he’d interviewed or…dated. It struck Cas, in that instant, what he had been missing or misinterpreting. The furtive glances, the minute hesitation, the nervous twitch of an eye, the quick clench of a fist. There and gone before Cas could focus on it. Each had happened at some point, and they had all proceeded contact. Proceeded the touch of a hand, the grab of an elbow, a hand on the small of a back. Any touch that could be construed by others as intimate had a glimmer of wait, check, evaluate. Just then Dean returned. “You’re not out,” Cas asserted, angry at himself for the lack of sensitivity and his accusatory tone.

Dean’s eyes went comically wide, even as his lips pressed into a hard line. “I was holding your hand a fucking minute ago, Castiel. I was straddling your goddamn lap in a hotel pool.”

The use of his full name and the way it was spat at him only confirmed Cas’s observations. Dean was too defensive, too quick to snap, but Cas did not have the right to belabor the point. “It’s not my business. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“That’s not an apology.”

“I know.”

A hard stare greeted his response. “Jesus, you still think you’re right.”

Well, clearly, Dean was not going to let it go. “What do you want me to say, Dean? Here, in some random place on a map, you let yourself have this. But in your life, to those who matter…” Cas trailed off, irritated at his damn intuition.

“I have two people in my life that matter, and they know,” Dean said through clenched teeth. After a deep breath, he added, “But yeah in my line of work…you keep that and the random hook-ups you have to yourself. Being in law enforcement, you should understand that.”

Once again Dean had given him an out, a chance to correct his rudeness. “I do. In fact, that is part of the sordid story of how I became a league bowler.”

“Well, now, I have to hear this story.”

Cas didn’t immediately launch into the story, preferring to start the first frame. After both he and Dean had bowled a few frames, and Dean bemoaned Cas’s skill, complaining about cheating and any other insult he could hurl, their food arrived. Pausing to eat, Cas started, “I was one of those kids who never had any interest in sex or dating. I kept to myself, content to let Jimmy live that life. After his death, it was even harder to care about such things. Despite that, by the time I joined the police force I knew I wasn’t straight. I wasn’t ready to put a label on myself as I hadn’t truly explored my sexuality. And I was naïve to think it didn’t matter to anyone. Not understanding the intricacies of society is one of the problems of social isolation. Long story short, I was out with a few guys from work. They commented on the pretty women in the bar, and I commented on a pretty man. I -”

Dean held up his hand. “Wait, wait, you didn’t actually use the word pretty.” Heat flared in Cas’s cheeks. “Oh my God, you did.”

Nodding, Cas said, “I did, and they stared at me with gaping mouths. They didn’t say anything and didn’t blatantly treat me different, but from then on, there was an undercurrent of discomfort. My sergeant at the time suggested the bowling league. Make me one of the guys. I thought it was ridiculous, but since I already stood out for being the youngest detective in the history of my precinct, I figured an attempt to blend in for once in my life might be the best course of action.”

Having just shoved half a slice of pizza in his mouth, Dean mumbled, a barely discernible, “Did it work?”

“For a time. And that is an even longer story and not one to be told without hard liquor.”

Dean leaned back in his chair and eyed Cas with an intensity that made his skin crawl. “All right, finish wiping the floor with me, so we can go play something where I have a chance to beat your ass.”

For the next several frames, Cas tried to take the game seriously, but it grew increasingly difficult with Dean’s antics. He danced and twirled before hurling the ball down the lane. After he stumbled on a particularly wild spin and his ball flew into another lane, Cas lost all semblance of decorum. He laughed and teased and joined Dean, bowling with his eyes closed or facing backwards, attempting a spin on the last frame. The frown on Dean’s face when Cas turned around gave away the final score. Even with the hilarity, Cas had well and truly wiped the floor with Dean.

“That’s it, grab your beer, we’re shooting pool,” Dean demanded as he stomped off in a huff.

Now, Cas was decent at pool, but Dean was spectacular, all grace and confidence. Flowing around the table with an ease of movement and a keen eye. Reading the table with meticulousness and playing with an equal measure of precision. Cas did not stand a chance, and he enjoyed every minute of his defeat because watching Dean in his element was a stirring experience.

Dean beamed at him when the eight-ball dropped into the pocket, winning for the third time in a row. “Your turn to pick.”

A giddy feeling filled Cas’s chest, and that was a word which had never been used in connection with Cas. Even as a child, he was more apt to be seen as stoic or intellectual. Giving into the emotion was freeing, and Cas decided to let out some version of an inner child. “I want to go over there and win tickets and spend them on stupid prizes.”

With a cheeky wink, Dean said, “Well, all right, then. Lead the way.”

Several hours later after highly competitive skee-ball matches and basketball games, irritating games of whack-a-mole, and a myriad of games Cas had never heard of before, they had a massive pile of tickets, and Cas had a new understanding of Dean. He was an obscenely competitive, proud older brother with a penchant to downplay his own worth. Self-deprecation was couched inside false bravado, flirting, and beautiful smiles. Any compliment, even the most innocuous variety, made him blush and deflect. It was as endearing as it was heartbreaking.

“What do you want to get with your loot?” asked Dean, ending Cas’s ruminations.

Cas scanned the display as Dean chuckled. The longer he vacillated the harder Dean laughed. “Shut up, Dean.”

“I can’t help it. You just look so damn serious like your contemplating climate change or world peace. Not picking out a cheap, crappy toy.”

Turning to face the other man, Cas raised a brow and stared sternly. “Just for that, you get to carry it.” Dean’s smile faded when Cas handed him a three-foot tall sparkly, pink elephant.

“What the hell? You’re kidding, right?”

“Not even a little,” smirked Cas, walking past Dean with his head held high. “And I’m hungry and thirsty. I’ll find a table. You get the food. And don’t spill on my prize.”

Dean guffawed and stomped his feet as he turned around and walked away. Making sure to find a table with a view of Dean, Cas couldn’t help but grin the entire time Dean was in line. It continued as he watched Dean trying desperately to juggle the tray and the elephant without spilling.

“You’re a dick,” Dean stated, slamming the try on the table in front of Cas.

“Perhaps.”

“No perhaps about it. Now, eat your damn food.”

Cas realized he was hungrier than he thought and found himself devouring the fried food quickly before taking a break to sip his drink. “What is this awful concoction?”

“It’s a coke, Cas, not a chemistry experiment. Just drink it.”

Cas made a face on every sip, eliciting increasingly exaggerated eyerolls from Dean. Finally, Dean yanked the cup out of Cas’s hand saying, “We need pie.”

“We do not need pie. You want pie. There is a difference.”

“Get off your high horse, Mr. FBI agent. Pie is a necessity.”

Shaking his head, Cas stood up and cleared the tray. “Fine, we need pie.”

“That’s the spirit. I know just the place.”

As they walked out of the arcade, Cas said, “You already had a place picked out?”

“Not my first time here. It’s across town.” Exiting the parking lot, Dean bypassed the interstate and headed north, taking them towards the river.

“Do you have an aversion to the freeway?” inquired Cas, keeping his tone light.

Glancing over, Dean smile brightly. “Baby belongs on the open road, not stuck in a crush of traffic where you can’t even hear the rumble of her engine.”

Cas merely _hmm’d_ in response as his eyes drifted to the scenery and the sunset, watching the swirls of yellow and orange reflect off the water. He let the feelings of peace wash over him, wondering if Dean felt the same. If he felt as comfortable in the silent moment. Shifting his gaze back to Dean, Cas got his answer. There was a quiet reverence about the man, serene and beautiful. Both remained silent, only speaking once they exited the sanctity of the Impala. As before, Dean beat Cas to the entrance, holding the door for him. 

“I recommend the caramel apple, but Sam always got one of their fancy ass pies, and he’d talk my ear off about organic this and locally sourced that.” Dean kept up the litany about Sam and the disputes they had over food options as they were seated and while they ordered, finishing only when the pie was set down in front of him. Cas smiled at the childish glee in Dean’s eyes as he shoveled in his first bite. The moan that followed garnered Cas’s attention in a whole other way. “Quit watching me and eat,” Dean said between mouthfuls.

“Stop making that noise and I will.”

Dean threw his head back and laughed. “Not a chance I’m going to stop now.”

“Of course, not,” said Cas, “But two can play at that game.” A few minutes later Cas was regretting his decision to stoop to Dean’s level. The one-upmanship had escalated to a preposterous level, and he had begun to fear they would get kicked out for indecency. On a particularly graphic moan, he decided to call a halt, kicking Dean in the leg to cut him off.

With a sly smile, Dean leaned back in his seat, draping his arm along the back. “I win.”

Cas had no response and simply shook his head at the devilish man across from him. After a few seconds, he picked up his fork and finished his pie. Pushing his plate away, he said, “You’re paying, and we’re taking a walk.”

“What? I won. Why do I have to pay? And a walk? Do I look like a guy who takes sunset walks?”

“Dean, the sun set while you were having sex with your pie.”

Dean tipped his head back dramatically. “Not the point, Cas,” he said, pulling out his wallet, dropping a twenty on the table, and sliding out of the booth. Cas joined him, and they exited the restaurant together. Dean stopped and looked in the direction of the car, but he didn’t start in that direction. He stood still and waited.

“This way,” said Cas, resting his hand on the small of Dean’s back. The night was cooler than the stifling heat of the previous night, but it was still warm, even once they reached the river. The stillness of the air along the Tennessee River was vastly different than the winds off Lake Michigan, making the light jacket Cas carried wholly unnecessary. As they walked, their hands bumped into each other, and Cas wanted to entwine them. He appeased himself with a touch here and there. Directing Dean with a brush of a hip or a hand on his back.

After one such touch, Dean turned around and faced Cas, walking backwards. “I have a request,” he said, tone strangely serious. Cas braced himself for Dean’s ire and a request to stop touching, but Dean once again surprised him. “Since you are leaving tomorrow, I want to spend what time we have left in the room, in bed with you.” 

Cas increased his pace, grabbing Dean by the hips and pulling Dean toward him. “I’m amenable to that.”

“Good.” 

Back in the room, all else faded away. The heat of the day, the sounds of the hotel, the coolness of the air conditioning. It vanished in a flurry of discarded clothes, wandering hands and mouths, and the shared rhythm of their bodies. Cas had never lost himself so completely. He had never allowed himself to succumb entirely to his desire, but Dean drew him in and never let him go. It was beyond intense and yet somehow freeing at the same time. And when his orgasm ripped through him, Cas cried out Dean’s name, voice broken and body spent. They both collapsed, breathing hard and clinging to each other. The feeling of Dean shifting away made Cas crack open his eyes. He watched the other man leave the bed and head to the bathroom, returning with a warm cloth and tenderly cleaning the mess on Cas’s body. He tossed the cloth to the floor before laying down and curling around Cas. 

“I don’t…” started Dean, breath heavy on Cas’s neck. “This thing…Cas, I…”

Rolling over, Cas wrapped his arm around Dean’s waist. “I know this whole thing has been unique, to say the least, and I understand tomorrow this is over, but it doesn’t have to be goodbye.”

Dean huffed, “It's over is the definition of goodbye”

“Dean, I would prefer to walk away from you with your number in my pocket and the chance to talk to you again. And have the option of seeing each other again.”

“You mean like if my job takes me near Chicago?”

“Or if I’m on a case, and you are in the area.” A veil had fallen over Dean’s eyes, and Cas couldn’t read a damn thing in them. That shield made him realize he had overstepped, and what Dean had been trying to say was _thanks for the good time, but tomorrow is the end_. He wanted the goodbye Cas was trying to prevent, not a see you later. “It’s all right, Dean. It was a passing thought. You don’t have to say anything.”

A hard edge flashed in Dean’s eyes. “You can’t help yourself can you. Always trying to analyze, calculate, and fucking assume what the other person is thinking. You aren’t the arbiter of my feelings, and you shouldn’t jump to conclusions. What I was going to say is this thing between us is not something I’m willing to simply walk away from. Friends aren’t easy to come by when you live on the road.”

“You want to be friends?” asked Cas as he ran his hand up and down Dean’s back.

“Don’t get me wrong. If I am in your presence, sex will be happening, but the odds of us scraping together time to see each other or happening to be in the same place at the same time aren’t exactly high. So, yeah, I was thinking I could use a friend. But if you ever tell anyone I said this sappy shit, the deal is off.”

With a chuckle, Cas said, “I see. You can keep pretending you don’t have a sensitive soul, and I get a new friend.”

“Ha ha, very funny, Cas," Dean responded with a pout.

Cas leaned forward to kiss the pout away before he said, “I agree to your terms.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a few days late. I was busy redoing a bathroom and building a fence. By the time night came I was too tired to think about writing or editing. 
> 
> Thanks for the kudos and for subscribing, and I would love to hear what you think. Hope you enjoy this one. Stay safe and healthy.

The scent of coffee wafting in the room woke him from a hazy dream to find himself naked and tangled in the sheets. The sound of laughter hit him next. Dean’s deep chuckle settling over him as he rolled to the side, encountering the heat of the other man’s body. Spying him with one eye, Cas saw the handle of a cup pointing in his direction. As he moved his gaze upward, he discovered a grinning Dean propped against the headboard. Part of Cas didn’t want to move, didn’t want to take that cup. Part of him wanted to stay sheltered in the bed, staring at Dean. Because he knew once he moved, once he woke to the day, it would be their last hours together. They would slip away quickly, vanishing long before Cas wanted. Dean’s smile faltered, and Cas hated to see it go. Sitting up, he took the cup and attempted a small grin, hoping to bring that smile back. “Thank you, Dean."

“No problem. I ordered room service. It should be here any minute, so you may want to throw some clothes on.”

Legs pressed together, they sat in silence, drinking their coffee. Setting his cup down, Cas slipped off the bed and pulled on his boxers and a t-shirt. When breakfast arrived, the room was just as silent. Cas’s uncertainty ate at him. He wanted to breach the developing gap between them, but his mind would not supply him with a coherent message of any kind. Eventually, he shut it down and focused on the taste of the food and hum of the air conditioner. 

Dean loudly set his fork down. “This is ridiculous.”

“I know.”

“Okay, then, we stop being idiots and start talking.”

An idea finally struck, and Cas was quick to suggest it. “How about we establish some parameters? Possibly a weekly call or text.”

Cas saw Dean’s shoulders tense. “Not gonna be easy. Sammy’s always pissed at me for failing to check-in.”

“I don’t accept that,” Cas stated somewhat angrily, images of Jimmy flashing in his mind. “You will just have to do better, especially for your brother. He deserves to know you’re safe and unharmed.”

“Shit, you’re right. I know what it’s like to sit and worry, waiting for a call that doesn’t come.”

“So, do I, and I know what it’s like to get the call you don’t want at the end of the waiting and worry.” Closing his eyes, Cas absorbed the twinge of pain that came with those words. Less intense after all these years, but still enough to put a catch in his breath.

Dean entwined their fingers, gently rubbing the back of Cas’s hand with his thumb. “I’ll call or text once a week. I said I wanted to be friends, and I need to honor what that means.”

“And I promise the same.”

Nodding, Dean planted a silly smile on his face. “Now that we got that figured out, it’s naked time.”

“You were the one who insisted I put clothes on.”

With a laugh, Dean leaned over and kissed Cas hard on the mouth. 

The next hours of Cas’s life were filled with the most playful, and possibly the most energetic, sex of his life. By the time he showered and dressed, his muscles ached and his face hurt from smiling. Dean was attentive through it all, even as Cas buttoned up his shirt, smacking Cas’s hand out of the way to do it for him. Lunch arrived while Cas was finishing packing.

“Get over here and eat before the food gets cold. That can wait. Cold burgers and fries are disgusting.”

“Whatever you say, Dean,” said Cas as he continued to fold his clothes.

“Cas,” scolded Dean with a glare.

Dropping the shirt he was folding, Cas walked over and sat down. “Happy?”

“Yes, and when did you get so cheeky.”

Cas shrugged, giving a quirk of his lips in response.

“All right you smug bastard, eat your damn food, and then I’m driving you to the airport.”

Cas leaned back in his chair. “You don’t have to do that.”

Laughing, Dean said, “Course I don’t have to, but I want to. Besides you don’t have a car, Cas.”

Deciding not to argue, Cas picked up his burger and took a huge bite. When the food was gone, they lingered at the table and when it came time to leave, they moved glacially. At the airport, Dean pulled up to the curb, parking the car. He got out in a rush and retrieved Cas’s bags, before leaning back against the car. Cas stood facing him, only a few feet separating them. Dean tugged on Cas’s belt, bringing him close, slotting him between his legs. The kiss was deep and long, and when it ended, they pressed their foreheads together. “See you later, Agent Novak.” Cas tipped his head back, eyeing Dean suspiciously. “What? I saw your badge.”

“I believe you have me at a disadvantage, Dean…” Cas trailed off leaving the blank space for Dean to fill.

Without hesitation, Dean slipped his hand around the back of Cas’s neck, pulling him closer, resting their cheeks together. “Winchester,” he whispered, brushing his lips below Cas’s ear before gently biting his earlobe. “See ya, Cas,” Dean added quietly.

Stepping back, Cas kissed Dean’s forehead, stopping himself from uttering ‘goodbye, Dean.’ As he walked away, he looked over his shoulder to find Dean had not moved, and his eyes were still glued to him. Only after he entered the building did he hear the rumble of the Impala’s engine. He smiled at the sound and the picture it conjured of Dean behind the wheel.

The flight to Chicago gave Cas time to reorient himself, but it also gave him time to think about how empty his life had become. Arriving home solidified, those thoughts. Cas’s apartment had that stale, unlived-in smell to it which made his homecoming as depressing as he expected. Throwing open the windows, he sighed. The place was not a home. It was a spot to sleep and nothing else. Dean’s car had more personality, making it more of a home than Cas’s bland apartment, only the view held any merit. Maybe it was time to decorate, open the stored boxes and take out the remnants of his life. The photos and personal items he boxed away long ago. Maybe it was time to take Jimmy out of the shadows, remember the good times and let go of the bad.

As easy as the thought came, the action was a whole different story. Forcing himself to open the door to the small room he had packed it all away in was difficult but actually opening the boxes was gut-wrenching. Hours of closing his eyes to memories, taking deep calming breaths, interspersed with sorting and decorating, left him emotionally drained and wanting nothing more than to crawl into bed.

When he finished, a picture of Jimmy sat on his nightstand. It was one Cas took, and it encapsulated the best of his twin. The brash smile and the twinkle of mischief in his eyes. Cas stared at it as his eyes drooped. He dreamed of his brother and woke with the sound of his laughter. Somehow in the course of two days, his twin had been returned to him thanks to a stranger with a charming smile and an uncanny ability to listen.

Cas grinned as he stepped out of the shower. A half hour later he left for work, feeling lighter and more ready to tackle his job. His mood did not go unnoticed by his partner. Victor pounced almost immediately, yanking him into their shared office.

“Spill.” It was a command said in his best hard-ass agent voice.

“What do you want to know?” hedged Cas.

“Seriously? Cas, you left me to go for a walk and didn't return to the hotel. On top of that you stayed in bumfuck Tennessee. And obviously you met someone.”

Setting his coffee down, Cas leaned against his desk. “I met someone.”

Victor stared at him, clearly waiting for more. When Cas did not say more, he said, “And…”

“And it was enlightening.”

Scoffing, Victor said, “What the hell does that mean?”

“We talked and I learned a lot about myself.”

Victor raised a skeptical eyebrow at Cas. “You talked?”

“I’m not telling you about anything else that happened.”

“At least tell me you got laid.”

Staring back at Victor, Cas wondered if his whole life was altered by one weekend. This was not something he and Victor talked about. Their conversations never ventured beyond work. They were both strict adherents of keeping their private lives out of work. “Um…Uh…” Cas stuttered, slightly unsettled by the shift. After clearing his throat, he stated, “I got laid.”

“Good for you, and by the smile on your face and the fact you used the word enlightening, I assume you agree.”

“I do. Now I’m not telling you anymore. We have work to do. Did you get the paperwork done?" Cas asked with a grin and without a hint of annoyance in his tone.

Surprise lit up Victor’s face. “Shit, he must have been damn good.”

“He was,” said Cas.

“What’s his name? I should send him a fruit basket or something.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “Don’t push your luck.”

His partner held up his hands in surrender. “Paperwork it is.”

As they sat down to get to work, Cas’s phone rang. After answering a quick greeting, he covered the speaker on the phone and whispered, “Shep wants to see us.” After hanging up, he added, “I take it she hasn’t been briefed.”

Victor stood up and slid his arms into his suit jacket. “I sent her a long email and only got a brief response, but I think maybe she understands we need more help.”

“Let’s hope so, we can’t keep chasing ghosts.” Grabbing the still closed file off his desk, Cas followed Victor out the door and down the hall to their boss's office. DeeDee Sheppard was a short woman with piercing eyes who rarely smiled and demanded excellence. Yet, she conveyed kindness and understanding with a simple look. She was a giving boss who brought out the best in her agents. Cas had known her for over ten years. Their paths crossed numerous times before she got her most recent position and brought Cas to her unit. They worked well together and were often compared to each other. Both presented a stern exterior that was tempered by an abundance of heart. Behind closed doors, they laughed about it, knowing it bore more than a little truth. 

Stepping into her office, Cas had no idea what her decision would be, but as usual he didn’t have to wait. Shep never bothered with small talk or pleasantries. “I found someone,” she said before the door was even closed.

Victor gave Cas a speculative look to which Cas could only shrug his shoulders. They were prepared for debate or discussion about their requests, but they should have known better.

“Stop giving each other those looks. I’m as tired of this as you are. Whomever it is has more skill than our analysts, and there is only one person I know who can match that skill while thinking the way they do.”

“Charlie,” stated Cas.

Shep nodded.

“How did you find her?”

Shaking her head, Shep said, “I kept tabs on her, and all I had to do was tell her how unstoppable this guy is. She arrived last night.”

“Um…” Victor uttered. “Who’s Charlie?”

“Best hacker I’ve ever seen.," Cas said before turning to his partner with a smirk. “The rest I’ll leave up to you to figure out when you meet her.” 

Before Victor could comment further a sharp set of rhythmic knocks sounded from the door. It burst open not a second later, swinging wide and almost striking Cas in the back. Looking over his shoulder, he smiled down at the woman sauntering in the room. She was wearing a hoodie with some cartoon character emblazoned across the front. Her red hair was pulled up in a ponytail. “Oops,” she said as her eyes settled on Cas.

“Hello Charlie.”

“Cas,” she said as she barreled into him. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“Charlie, you know I work here.”

“Whatever. Who’s this guy?” she asked, gesturing wildly at Victor.

Stepping out of her embrace, Cas said, “This is my partner Victor Henriksen which I’m sure you already know. And I’m guessing you know where he lives, his social security number, and his entire work history.”

Laughing, Charlie said, “You know me too well, Cas. And new guy I promise not to use any of that.”

Victor eyed her with a pinched expression before turning to Shep. “Where the hell did you find her? She’s a teenager.”

“Hey, I’m twenty-two, and I’ve got skills,” Charlie said with a stomp of her foot just as Shep said, “It doesn’t matter where we found her. She’s the best and I expect you’ll learn that before the end of the day. Now get out of my office and get to work.”

Back in their office, Charlie took a seat on Cas’s desk. “Want to fill me in on what you have on this guy?” Cas handed her the large file. “Still using the old paper and pencil method, I see.”

“In this case, it’s necessary. This guy has hacked our system more than once and used the info to set us on wild goose chases. Every time we think we got him we end up with egg on our face. At first most of his interventions were harmless, but something changed about six months ago. He became political and his actions turned dark.”

“And you’re sure it’s a he.”

“That’s the profile. White male, age thirty to forty.”

Charlie seemed to mull that over as she flipped through the file. Her eyes widened a few times and she _hmm’d_ when she studied the last pages. “So, you almost had him in Tennessee.”

“We figure he cleared out about thirty minutes before we raided the place,” responded Victor. 

“I’m gonna need to see what you found. I assume you have the equipment here and took photos of the set-up.” 

Standing up, Victor said, “Follow me.”

The next two hours were spent watching Charlie analyze every piece of equipment and answering her detailed questions. Cas let Victor take the lead on the questions about their methods and reasoning while he answered her questions on the technical aspects of the case. It was clear by the end of her inquiry she had already formed an opinion. 

“You’re off on his age. My guess, he’s younger than twenty-five. If I had to put money on it, I’d say he’s a teenager.” 

A long pause followed her assessment. Both men shaking their heads, trying to fit that into the facts of the case. Finally, Victor said, “So, you’re saying a teenager is responsible for laundering money, working with the Russians and terrorist organizations, and trying to jump-start a race war.”

“That’s what I’m saying. This entire set-up is not the product of some middle-aged mind. I don’t know if he got sloppy or you got lucky. Because I guarantee he did not mean to leave this much behind. I see teenager all over this.”

Victor dropped into the closest chair, smacking the arms of it. “How the hell is that possible? What is his motivation?”

With a few clicks of the keyboard, a song started to play and images flashed across the large monitor. Leaning forward, listening to the words of Charles Manson, Cas watched as a swastika filled the screen. “We knew about his obsession with Manson and Hitler.”

“I’m not surprised. Those are pretty blatant. Like a badge of honor, he’s proud to display those. The others are more subtle.”

“And all over the fucking map, making it nearly impossible to get a read on him.”

Charlie turned around in her chair, looking directly at Victor. “I think he’s trying to find where he fits. He’s struggling with his identity, with his beliefs, so he’s dabbling.”

Shaking his head, frustration and anger evident in his facial expression and the tone of his voice, Victor said, “Dabbling in hate and seeding chaos.”

Tipping his head back against the wall, Cas sighed loudly. “Dammit, we should have seen the wide swings in ideology were not rooted in following profits. This was never about money It was always about him, his mind, his thoughts.”

“Yeah, but money’s how we’re going to find him. If I’m right and this is a kid, he’s either still living at home or only recently on his own. And this shit doesn't come cheap. He either comes from money, the kind where no one misses a few million here or there, or he figured out early on how to game the system. What we need to be looking at is his activity before his shift in focus.”

“Ignore the hate speech and terrorist affiliations and find him where he started.”

Charlie stood up and punched Cas’s arm. “Exactly.”

Shoving back from his desk, Victor sighed. “Not to put a damper on your plan, but we’ve done that. Before we formed this task force, different units were working on this case, looking into the pranks and petty crimes. No one had any luck finding the perpetrators. Shep figured out they were all connected and formed this unit."

Walking over to the computer, Charlie shut off the music and slumped her shoulders. “I know I’m not the expert here, and I’m not trying to discount your efforts, but sometimes it helps to have fresh eyes.” It didn’t take a genius to see or hear how upset she was. Cas shifted his gazed from her to Victor, finding his partner sporting a guilty expression. Keeping silent, Cas waited for him to fix his error and was not disappointed.

“You’re right. Every scrap of info needs to be gone over if we got the profile wrong.”

With that settled, they called in the rest of the team, briefing them and assigning roles. For the majority of the team, the next days would be spent solely on review. The monitoring of current traffic would continue by a select few and all new communiques would be sent to Charlie immediately. As the meeting ended, Cas felt his phone vibrate. He gave it a cursory glance. Dean’s name jumping out at him, making his heart rate kick up. 

_Miss me yet._

Excusing himself, Cas stepped into the hall and stopped. His body’s reaction to a simple text message made him realize a part of him never expected to hear from Dean again. As he stood stock still, phone in hand, others started filing out of the room, spurring him to duck into a small conference room. 

**Yes**

_You at work?_

**Yes. Where are you?**

_On my way to Sioux Falls_

The location made no sense. Dean was supposed to be making his way to see Sam. Cas was dialing before he could think better of it.

“Hiya, Cas.”

“Aren’t you going in the wrong direction?”

Dean huffed. “Yeah, but something came up. Bobby called and needed my help.”

“Bobby?”

“I said the two most important people in my life know about me. Well, Bobby’s the other one. Sorta an uncle, father figure. Long story. Anyway, he needed my help for a few days. I’ll still be able to make it to Sam’s on time.”

Cas sat down, running his hand over the smooth surface of the conference table. “What does he do?”

“He’s a jack of all trades. Mechanic, owns a scrap yard, but he was calling in a favor for the local sheriff.”

Leaning back, Cas's eyes drifting to the ceiling and the statement he’d been holding in slipped out. “I didn’t think you’d call.”

“Told you I would,” Dean said forcefully.

“I know. I just…”

“Didn’t have faith in me.”

Cas’s chest ached, and he closed his eyes, taking in the pain in Dean’s voice. “More like I didn’t have it in myself.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Cas. You need to find a way to believe me.”

“I’ll work on that.”

“Good,” Dean stated before adding with a chuckle, “What are you wearing?”

“Dean, I’m at work.”

“So, a suit and power tie. I can work with that.”

Cas groaned, “Of course you can, but you won’t.”

“Later?”

Even as his lips curved up into a smile, Cas tried to maintain a serious tone. “Dean, you were the one who insisted we be friends. How is this helping with that transition?”

Cas heard the deep intake of breath and sharp exhale. “It’s not, but man, Cas, I can still smell you on me. And it’s driving me nuts.”

Those words made Cas sit up straight and smack his hand on the table. “Dean, please tell me you have not been on the road all night.”

“Ummm…”

“Where exactly are you?”

“Uh…Iowa?”

“Are you asking me?”

Dean sighed, “No.”

“The only possible way you could be in Iowa is if you drove all damn night,” said Cas, anger simmering just under the surface. “Dammit, Dean.”

“Come on, Cas, I do it all the time. ‘m used to it.”

Taking a deep breath, Cas tried to temper his frustration. “I don’t like it.”

“You and Sammy both.”

“If that’s the case, maybe you should listen and stop doing it. At least tell me you stopped and ate.”

Dean chuckled deeply. “I know we just met, but there is no way you missed how much I enjoy eating.”

“Ah, true, I did notice that.” Cas relaxed, thinking about their time together. “I really do miss you.”

“I miss you, too. It’s weird, right? Missing somebody you hardly know.”

Cas took a second to think about their situation, but nothing concrete came to mind. “Weird, new, unexpected…I don’t know wha-” he stopped when he heard a sharp knock on the door. 

Charlie popped in the room. “Lunch time,” she said loudly, quickly covering her mouth when she realized Cas was on the phone. “Sorry,” she whispered.

“Dean, I have to go. Call me when you get there.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, I need to know you didn’t fall asleep and crash your car.”

“Okay, _Dad_ , I’ll call.”

Cas ignored the snarky use of ‘dad.’ “Good. Talk to you later,” he said simply, hanging up before Dean could respond and smiling down at the phone in his hand. 

“Who’s Dean?” asked Charlie, grinning widely.

“None of your business.”

Her smile faded into an exaggerated pout. “Awww…come on, Cas.”

With a shake of his head, Cas stood up and walked toward Charlie. “Let’s go to lunch.”

“And then you’ll tell me.” Charlie smiled as she gave him a hip check.

Sighing, he said, “Why are you so annoying?”

Charlie clapped her hands. “Yay, that means you’re gonna tell me.”

They walked in relative silence, but once they were seated at the restaurant Charlie pounced. “I’ve never seen that expression on your face. In fact, you hardly ever even smile and when you do it’s this tiny thing, that can easily be missed.”

Resting his hands on the table, Cas met Charlie’s gaze. “He just brings out a different part of me.”

“And?” she implored.

“And we shared a great weekend, and now he’s back to work and so am I. We parted as friends.”

Charlie’s bright smiled faded away. “I don’t get it. If it was so great, why?” Sadness enveloped Cas, and he was unable to contain it, face falling at the reality of their situation. “Oh…I’m sorry,” Charlie added quietly.

“It is what it is, and I have to accept that or risk losing his friendship. And that is the last thing I want,” Cas said, casting his eyes down and away.

With a gentle touch on the back of Cas’s hand, Charlie drew his attention. When their eyes met, she said, “I always knew you felt deeply even if you tried to hide it behind a hard exterior. It’s okay to show that part of you and lean on those of us who care about you.” Her words stunned Cas because he had tried hard to keep people at bay since Jimmy’s death. “Don’t look so surprised. You were there for me when I needed someone to lift me up. You may have tried to hide your roll, and you may not see it that way, but it’s the truth.”

“How did you…”

“Come on, Cas, did you really think Shep took all the credit? And I’m sorry for bailing on the two of you, but I needed time.”

“Charlie, you didn’t bail on us. I understand why you left.”

“I know you do. I…um…I thought of you a lot.”

Cas gave her one of those tiny smiles she had described. “I missed you, too.”

“Enough of this depressing shit. Tell me about the last three years.”

“Not much to tell. Work is my life, and I know you keep tabs on that. What about you?”

Charlie’s cheeks flushed. “I met someone. She’s sweet and kind and gorgeous. I told her everything, and she stayed. Not many people would. She went to the cemetery with me, held me when I fell apart, and didn’t even bat an eye when I told her about the not so legal shit I did.”

Cas scoffed, “Charlie?”

“Fine, you big stickler. My criminal history.”

“I’m happy for you. Does she know you’re here?”

“Yeah, and she wants to meet you and Shep. I thought I’d have her come stay once I get more settled and make some headway on this case.”

Reaching out, Cas wrapped his long fingers around Charlie’s hand. “I’d love to meet her, but it would probably help if I knew her name.”

Charlie broke out in laughter, burying her face in her free hand. “It’s Talia.” From there the conversation was lighthearted, making the lunch pass too quickly. Back at the office, they both fell into business mode. 

The sun was set and the edges of darkness had swept in by the time Cas got home. Stripping off his coat and tie, he sat down on his couch, pulling his phone from his pocket, staring at the blank screen. Dean hadn’t called or texted. Hours had passed. Hours in which he should have arrived at his destination. Laying his head back, he set the phone face down on his leg and waited. _A little faith_ , that’s what Dean wanted and Cas needed to give it to him. Sitting up, he dropped the phone on the coffee table, exchanging it for the remote. Thirty minutes into a documentary on Hitler’s rise to power, his phone rang. 

“Hello, Dean.”

“Sorry I didn’t call earlier, but duty called.”

“You must be exhausted.”

Dean sighed, “I am. That’s why I’m in bed at nine o’clock.”

“We can talk another time. You should get some sleep.”

“Don’t you dare hang up on me again. You agreed to later,” Dean said, delivering the last word suggestively.

“Just because you said the word does not mean I agreed.”

Dean chuckled darkly. “You didn’t say no. So, what are you wearing?”

Cas shook his head, picturing the shit-eating grin on Dean’s face. It was enough to make him cave. “I’m still in my work clothes, sans tie and jacket.”

“Buttons done or undone?”

“Top two open.”

“I wish I was there to undo the rest.”

“Hmmm…me, too.”

“Cas take off your clothes. Let…” Dean’s voice cracked on a long yawn. “…me hear you.”

With a small chuckle, Cas said, “I would but I’m not sure you’d stay awake long enough for it to matter.”

“But I wanted…” Dean started before another yawn interrupted him. “Dammit, but uh…never mind,” Dean said with a nervous tenor in his voice.

“Dean, what were you going to say?”

“It’s stupid.”

“Dean,” Cas said flatly, leaving no room for argument.

“Could you just talk to me?”

Cas closed his eyes and drew in a long breath. “There’s nothing stupid about that. What do you want me to talk about?”

“Anything…why’d you join the FBI?”

“That’s more a story about why I left the police force.” Cas stood up and walked into the kitchen, retrieving a bottle of whiskey and pouring himself a glass. Leaning against the counter, he said, “I think I told you I never quite fit. I was too strait-laced and standoffish to be one of the guys. Being bisexual only made it more obvious. And my moral code didn’t quite line up with theirs.” Cas paused and downed the glass of liquor.

“That bad?” Dean asked.

“Told you I needed liquor to tell this story. If it wasn’t for my supervisor at the time, I wouldn’t have a job in law enforcement. I was blackballed in the department and that follows you. He found a way to clean up my file and used his contacts in the FBI to put in a good word for me.”

“What was in your file?”

“Let’s just say I wasn’t as strait-laced as they first thought. But what I chose to break the rules for made me even more of a persona non grata. Bleeding heart, pantywaist, pussy…I heard it all. The names never really bothered me because I believed in what I was doing. I knew it was the right thing no matter how they treated me.” Cas paused to fill his glass again and took a large swallow before continuing. “But those words and their opinions were enough to derail my career. Advancement was out of the question, and all the shit jobs landed on my desk. My supervisor pulled me aside and told me I needed to get out while I still had a chance. And that’s how I ended up in the FBI.”

Cas heard a rustling sound before Dean said in a muffled voice, “Think you left out some details there.”

“I did.”

“Like ta hear some.”

Taking the bottle and glass with him, Cas went back to the living room. “I’ll tell you about the first one. It was when I was still a patrolman. This one store owner called 911 just about every week. Shoplifting, loitering, vandalism, harassment. You name it. Any minor infraction he perceived he would call, and he wanted every perpetrator arrested. No matter how young.”

“I know the type,” whispered Dean.

“Well, one day he called, and when we got there, he was holding a young girl. She looked terrified. Her lip was split. And all for the crime of stealing a pre-made sandwich. I talked to her while my partner talked to the owner. The stories of course didn’t match in the slightest. Long story short, I let her go, and the owner filed a complaint against me. Said I was letting gang members run wild in the streets. She was barely a teenager and was on her own. She was hungry and desperate, but according to him, she was the start of a crime wave. When his place got tagged a few days later, he filed a second complaint, blaming me and demanding we find the girl and arrest her. The sergeant told me it was my mistake and to fix it, so I found her, gave her some money and my number, and told her to find a new area. Not exactly what my boss wanted, so it went in my file.”

“The girl?” slurred Dean.

“She’s currently consulting on my case.”

Dean exhaled heavily. “Knew you were one of the good ones.” His voice faded away as he finished. 

Listening for several seconds, Cas made sure Dean was asleep before whispering, “Good night, Dean.” Swallowing the last of the whiskey, Cas hung up the phone and made for his bedroom. He stripped off his shirt and dress pants and went to the bathroom. Within minutes, he crawled under the covers and let his mind wander, sifting through his memories of Charlie and running through the details of the case. His last thoughts were about Dean, wondering if he would remember any of their conversation in the morning.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate the comments and kudos. They keep me writing. This chapter focuses on Cas's case, but Dean makes interesting appearances, albeit from a distance. Enjoy!

A month and nothing to show for it but long nights, shitty coffee, and dead ends. The entire team reeked of disappointment. Pessimism reigned supreme and tempers flared. The only bright spot was Charlie’s cheerful encouragement. Cas clamped onto it as if it was his lifeline. Her optimism pushed the team forward, but Cas knew if they didn’t get a break soon it would not be enough. It was why he and Victor had called the meeting, why he demanded everyone bring any scrap of a lead, any bit of information they had questioned or wondered about, no matter how old or obscure. “All right, we need to get started. Prioritize your list and present the one you feel is most promising.”

“Um…I have something,” said a tentative voice from the back of the room, barely loud enough to be heard.

“What is it, Riley?”

“So, I found a long-ago interview, before the task force was formed. From Victor’s unit. They were chasing down an IP address on a scam targeting the elderly. It led them to a house in the suburbs of Lincoln, Nebraska. The homeowners were cooperative, and it never advanced further than a cursory interview. The reason I flagged it is because one of interviewees was a teenager, and the agent noted his disdain for authority.” Victor and Cas both sat up straight when she got to her last point.

“Riley, give the details to Charlie. She can get started while we continue,” said Victor.

With the click of Charlie’s keyboard, they resumed the roundtable, only to be interrupted by an enthusiastic yell. “Got him. They’ve moved to Chattanooga, Tennessee for Mr. Graham’s job about three months ago. He’s one of those ass…um…guys who gets sent in to dismantle companies. They move around a lot. Send the kid to boarding school.” Charlie stood up and walked to the front of the room. “Until recently that is. Seems he got kicked out of the last two. Had a violent altercation with a staff member at one and got caught tampering with school property at the other. My guess, that’s a nice way of saying hacking into the computer system. I’d bet money he’s messing with the computers at his new school. We need eyes on him now, and we should get to Chattanooga ASAP. There is real potential here.”

The call to the local authorities went out with clear instructions to observe only. With that completed, travel arrangements were hastily made. The early morning flight meant it was time to clear out and prepare. Cas and Victor had a brief conversation with Charlie before exiting the building together.

Cas stopped just outside the door. “You should take point on this one since they already know you.”

Nodding, Victor said, “Not sure it’s going to make much difference. Overinflated egos run the show down there.”

“Well then you are definitely taking point.”

“Asshole.”

“So, I’ve been told,” quipped Cas. “I’ll see you bright and early. I’ll bring the coffee.”

“Bribing me with coffee does not make up for it,” said Victor over his shoulder as he walked away.

Smiling, Cas responded, “It’s a start.” 

With his clothes and toiletries packed, Cas sat down to have a bite to eat, his first since breakfast. His phone rang interrupting the makeshift dinner. “Hello, Victor.”

“We have a problem. The idiots picked the kid up.”

“Why the hell would they do that? Under whose authority?”

Victor sighed, “I told you they were hotheads, out to make a name for themselves. I’m sure they’re patting themselves on the back even as we speak. Thinking they did us a huge favor.”

Cas pushed his plate away. “We don’t have enough to even get a search warrant let alone an arrest warrant.” Standing up, Cas immediately started pacing, trying to rack his brain for some way to salvage the situation from the debacle. As his mind raced, he said, “How hard is it to understand a simple directive?”

“They used some bullshit excuse about driving without a license and leaving their jurisdiction to pull him over. Don’t know exactly what they used to actually haul him in.”

“If they fucked this up…they need to release him and be damn apologetic about it.”

“Shep’s already working on that. We knew you’d agree. I just wanted to give you the heads up, so you have a chance to burn off some of that righteous anger you are so famous for,” responded Victor matter-of-factly.

“As if you aren’t angry.”

With a chuckle, Victor answered, “Oh I am, but I hide it better. I don’t terrify people and send them cowering with one look when I’m pissed off.”

With a shake of his head, Cas said, “Goodnight, Victor.”

“Night, Cas.”

A touch of Cas’s anger faded at the use of his nickname, but not enough to prevent him from chucking his phone at the couch, muttering, “Fucking morons.” In a haze of frustration, he sat back down and attempted to eat. His phone rang once again, and he was tempted to ignore it but reason won out. With a huff, he stood up and retrieved his phone. “What?” he demanded angrily.

“Hello to you, too, Cas.”

“Dean,” he sighed, letting the rest of his ire bleed away. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s all right. What’s got you all pissy?”

Flopping down on the couch, Cas said, “We finally had a break in the case and the local cops decided to intervene.” The last word was pushed out between clenched teeth.

“Ah…I know how that goes.”

“I’m sure you do. But enough about that. How are you? How’s Sam?”

“Sam’s good. He’s happy. Loves school so much he’s taking summer classes.”

“Oh, Dean, I’m sorry.”

Dean exhaled sharply. “Nothing to be sorry about. It’s a good thing. He’s getting the life he always wanted. I’m happy for him.”

“I know you are, but that doesn’t negate your own feelings. It’s okay to be sad and disappointed. I know how much you wanted to spend the summer with him.”

A long pause followed Cas’s statement, forcing Cas to wait Dean out. Eventually, he spoke, quiet and pained. “Yeah, well, should have known better. Maybe it’s time for me to let go. Shit, I could really use a drink or to get laid.”

“What’s stopping you?” asked Cas, voice flat and steady.

“Caught a case. Can’t drink on the job and you’re like ten hours away so…”

Shock hit Cas and his breath caught. “Dean, we never promised each other fidelity.”

Dean let out a pained sigh. “I know, but I also know you aren’t out there picking anyone up.”

“You can’t go based off of me. Before you came along, it had been six years. I would never expect you-”

“Cas, stop. I know you’re not asking. And telling me I was your first in six years doesn’t really help matters. Anyway,” Dean scoffed, “I tried to pick someone up. She was hot and I was horny as fuck, but your damn blue eyes kept flashing at me. Telling me it was wrong. Felt like I was cheating. So yeah, can’t drink, can’t get laid.”

Sorrowful and sympathetic, Cas said, “Dean.”

“No, Cas, you don’t need to feel bad or guilty. It is what it is, and you feel just as confused about all this as I do.”

Cas whispered, “From the moment I heard your voice.”

“From the moment you turned those damn eyes of yours on me,” muttered Dean.

“What a pair we make,” barked Cas.

“Hmmm…a hot as fuck pair. What with your brooding chiseled face and my winning smile.”

Dean’s statement conjured the image of that very smile. There wasn’t a day that went by when Cas had not thought of it and Dean’s gorgeous green eyes. More often than not it was when he wrapped his hand around his erection. Stroking himself to completion with Dean’s name on his lips.

“Where’d you go?” asked Dean, breaking through Cas’s reverie.

“Just picturing you and remembering what you do to me.”

“And what’s that?” inquired Dean with a hitch in his voice.

“Distance doesn’t matter. The time apart hasn’t for a second dulled how attracted I am to you.”

“You think about me…”

“Always,” said Cas.

“Fuck,” gasped Dean.

A deep chuckle emanated from Cas’s chest. “Are you touching yourself?”

“Yeah.”

“I haven’t even truly started, Dean. How are you hard already?”

After some unintelligible mumbles and the distinct sounds of movement, Dean said, “May have cheated.”

“How exactly did you do that?”

With a groan, Dean responded, “Don’t be mad.”

“Why would I be mad?” asked Cas, utterly confused as to where the conversation was going.

“I…um…might have taken a picture of you.”

Cas stayed silent, pondering Dean’s admission. It was not what he expected, and he was unsure how to feel about it. He must have stayed quiet too long because Dean’s panicked voice filtered through the phone.

“Shit, Cas, it’s not what you’re thinking. Well, it’s probably a little bit like you’re thinking, but you’re not naked or anything.” Deflating, Dean whispered, “Sorry.”

After taking a few soothing breaths, Cas said, “I’m not upset you have a photo of me. In fact, I wish I had thought to ask you for one. But you should have asked for permission.”

“Yeah, I should have. In my defense, leaving you wasn’t easy, and this was the only way I could keep you with me.”

The honesty floored Cas. Dean’s tough exterior covered a truly, lovely soul. One Cas felt grateful to know. “You are a marvel.”

“To you, maybe, but I feel like an idiot. Admitting shit like that.”

“You shouldn’t, and I think your honesty deserves a reward. What do you think?” said Cas, making Dean whimper. “I’ll take that as a yes. Are you naked, Dean?”

“No.”

“Fix that,” commanded Cas.

Scuffling noises followed. “Done.”

“Good. Now, I know it’s not just my hand you miss. So, I want you to get the lube and your toy and lay yourself out on the bed.”

“Cas,” groaned Dean.

“What is it?”

“How?”

Cas smiled. “How do I know you have a dildo to fill yourself with? Simple. Anyone who loves bottoming,” this time Cas did not avoid the term, “the way you do, but won’t ask for it has to find another way to fulfill his desires. And I’m sure someone with your libido has more than one toy for pleasuring yourself but leave the others because you will only use the dildo in my place.” Cas took a deep breath, holding it for several seconds before releasing it. “Did you do what I asked?”

“Yes.”

“I’m not going to tell you what to do because you know what you want, and you know what I like.”

“Cas,” whined Dean.

“Precisely,” Cas stated as he heard the welcome sound of a cap opening. It was followed by a loud moan.”

“That’s it,” encouraged Cas. “Just like that.”

Through Dean’s gasps and moans Cas heard the slick sounds of sex. It was intoxicating, hardening his own cock quickly. He freed it when Dean started chanting his name. Matching the rhythm of Dean’s litany, Cas stroked himself. “Wish I could see you, watch you.”

“Got a voyeur kink, Cas.”

“For you, yes.” After that, talk disappeared as each man chased his release, succumbing rapidly to their pent-up desire.

“Fuck,” said Dean, breathing heavily. “Never done that before.”

“Me either,” confessed Cas. “Did you like it?”

“Yeah.” Dean paused, and Cas let their breathing fill the silence. When it finally evened out, Dean said, “I’m sorry I suck at this whole friend’s thing. Never really had any to speak of, so I have no idea what I’m doing.”

With a huff of laughter, Cas said, “Not like I’m doing any better when it comes to crossing boundaries. And I’m not sure it matters in the end. I think of you as my friend, my ridiculously attractive friend, but first and foremost a friend.”

“Same goes for me. You think that’s enough to make this work.”

“If we want it to. We’re both stubborn, so…”

“You think I’m stubborn?”

“I may have picked up on that. What with the refusal to drive on the interstate?”

“Ha, ha. Such a comedian. Speaking of stubborn, how was the dinner with your parents?”

There went Cas’s wishful thinking that Dean had forgotten about their last conversation. He closed his eyes and chuckled darkly. “As expected. My mother kept trying to point out other career options and my father was glued to his tablet. Something about needing to read up on the latest literature. I know they love me, and I know my mom means well, but it isn’t only physical distance between us anymore. The life I live and the way it has changed me, just doesn’t mesh with the one they lead.” Cas could picture Dean nodding in understanding. Dean had alluded to a similar distance between himself and his father in the years prior to him going missing.

“Ya know I tried to be what my dad wanted me to be. The good soldier. But at some point, it broke something in me, and I think as time passed, I failed at hiding it. I never confronted him or anything. I mean I never told him about being interested in guys and kept most things close to the vest. The last time we were together there was a giant wedge between us. I’m sure hiding who I was contributed to that but looking at it now I’d say it was more because of what you’re talking about. I grew up and didn’t see the world the same as he did. I may have been hurt by Sammy leaving, but I understood it. Dad never did. Everything was black and white with him. No gray areas. It’s hard to live like that when your eyes have been opened. I owe a lot of that to Bobby and Sam.”

Listening to Dean, Cas started to unpack his emotions about his own parents as his friend seemed to be doing the same. “Thank you, Dean,” he eventually said. “In some ways, I was lucky. I never had to hide my sexuality. They accepted it without question. I guess I wish my mother could do the same for the life I’ve chosen.”

“Maybe that’s the difference. You didn’t choose your sexuality.”

What a profound thought. It had never crossed Cas’s mind, but now that it was out there it made perfect sense. His mother thrived on control but never pushed that need into areas she had no hope of controlling. Her efforts were precise and targeted. Cas was much the same, but Jimmy’s death and the work he did had opened his eyes to the gray, as Dean put it. He wondered how his mother reconciled her need for control with Jimmy’s downward spiral, with the failure of every intervention. “She tried to fix Jimmy, to redirect his path. After, all that energy went into me.”

“It makes sense. And I get it. Letting Sam go is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Not being there to take care of him. It’s a lot to give up.”

“Yes, it is. And she already lost one son,” Cas said sadly, realizing for the first time the struggle his mother must face and how hard it must have been to let Cas go. How hard it must still be.

“That doesn’t mean you have to change, Cas. You don’t owe her that. You’re carrying enough guilt without adding hers to the mix.”

With a sigh, Cas said, “I know. I gave up on trying to please her long ago. It never worked anyway. She’s as much a perfectionist as my father. Only difference is his is solely focused on his work.” Chuckling, Cas added, “I guess I get that from him.”

Dean grunted a laugh. “Yeah, well, try as we might we all take after our parents in some way. I’ve worked damn hard not to turn into John Winchester, but there are times I hear his voice, his words, coming out of my mouth. Makes me cringe every damn time, especially when it’s directed at Sam.”

The heaviness of Dean’s voice signaled the man’s exhaustion. It was the same feeling currently sliding over Cas. Between the intensity of his orgasm and the emotional conversation it was no wonder. “You should get some sleep, Dean. And I have an early flight so I should too.”

“Where you off to?”

“Chattanooga.”

“Mmmm...Good memories.”

“Yes, but I’m afraid this will be anything but pleasant. Where are you?’

“Heading to South Carolina.”

“Will you be coming my way anytime soon?” asked Cas, although it came out more like a plea.

Dean huffed. “You’re the one who canceled. It’s why I stayed on the east coast and took this job.”

Guilt hit Cas square in the chest. “Sorry. I know.”

“Cas, it’ll happen at some point. Be safe.”

“You, too. Talk to you soon.”

“Night, Cas.”

“Good night, Dean.” Cas heaved himself off the couch and walked to his bedroom, dropping onto his bed without bothering to brush his teeth, managing somehow to wriggle out of his clothes before falling asleep.

His alarm blared way too early and Cas groaned at the intrusion. The entire morning followed a similar pattern. By the time, he arrived at the airport he was on edge and not hiding it well. Victor gave him a wide berth as soon as he caught sight of him. Charlie was a different story.

“What’s got you all….” She flapped her arms in his general direction, encompassing all of him in her sweeping gesture.

“Didn’t sleep well,” he hedged.

“That was convincing,” snarked Charlie.

“It’s partially true,” Cas said before abruptly changing the subject. “Did you find anything else on the kid?”

“Oh, boy, did I. This is definitely our guy. Found a couple old posts where he mentioned Manson and some sympathizing with terrorists. Spouting about needing to break up the old social order. I’ll never understand why a rich kid, growing up safe and comfortable in Middle America, ends up embracing this stuff.”

Shrugging, Cas responded, “Complexities of the human psyche. You yourself said he was probably trying to find himself. Figure out where he fits. Moving around, being dumped at a boarding school, only child.”

Sadness filled Charlie’s eyes. “Sounds lonely.”

“Yes, it does.” The depressing turn in the conversation did not detract from the progress Charlie had made. Knowing they were finally on the right track pulled Cas out of his funk, and he eagerly shifted into work mode. With a wave, he got Victor and Riley to join them. Laying out the logistics filled the time until they boarded the plane. The work continued through the flight and by the time they landed, the team was briefed and ready to proceed.

The warrant was served three hours after they arrived. A cursory search of the home found an extensive computer set-up but not nearly as sophisticated as the one they previously discovered. Charlie set to work while Cas and Victor interviewed the parents separately. Cas took the mother and the level of her disinterest and ignorance was staggering. Not once had she questioned the purchases on her credit card, not even when the prices were exorbitant. Nor did she question the storage units rented in her name. The only useful bit of information she provided was the location of the units and two properties which were recently purchased. Victor’s interview had started much the same. The father appeared to be equally ignorant, but the expression on Victor’s face told Cas the man was not nearly as forthcoming as the mother.

Shaking his head, Victor said, “Clueless. Time to go to the source.”

Cas scoffed, “Negligent. Irresponsible. Foolish.”

“Stupid, naïve, willfully ignorant.”

“Ohh…can I play,” interjected Charlie, arms stacked with computer equipment. “Neglectful. Complicit.”

Victor and Cas simultaneously questioned, “Complicit?”

“Looks that way, at least in part,” said Charlie. “Don’t quote me on it yet, but it’s a distinct possibility.”

With the way the mother shared potentially damning information without a second thought, Cas had a hard time believing she had any idea what her son was engaged in. He was about to say just that when Victor said, “Well, that might explain Mr. Graham’s demeanor. When I brought up finances, I thought I sensed some nerves. Strange that he didn’t ask for a lawyer. Hopefully we get to the kid before he decides to get him one.”

At the precinct, Cas stepped into the interrogation room, finding a smug fifteen-year-old. The file in Cas’s hand was thick and made a loud thunk when he unceremoniously dropped it on the table. The kid flinched, but the smirk returned before Cas sat down.

“You were read your rights. Do you understand them or do you need me explain them to you?”

Rolling his eyes, the teenager said, “I got the gist.”

“Why did you agree to talk to us?”

The teenager shrugged. “My mom told me to, so that’s what I’m doing.”

With a slight nod and without a word, Cas opened the file and started sliding the papers across the table. Laying out an array of social media posts, screenshots, emails, bank statements, rental agreements, lists of contacts, and photos. The endless stream had the desired effect. The bravado evaporated and was replaced by nervous tension. The last document elicited a quick response.

“My mom was not involved. She knows nothing. Keep her out of this.” He shoved the paper away, making it fall to the floor.

Cas ignored it, knowing it would serve as a reminder. “Brian, why don’t you tell me how it all started?”

“Instead of answering, the teenager perused the documents, stopping on several items. “How’d you get all this?”

“You’re not the best hacker I know. Not by far. She figured out your signature in a matter of hours.” As predicted those words irked the kid, making him sit up straight and glare across the table. Hoping to push him further and trigger some prideful boasting, Cas extolled some more details about Charlie’s prowess. It was the play they all agreed had the most potential to work in the shortest amount of time because there was little doubt a lawyer would be arriving soon. Finishing, he said, “So you see at twelve she was already better than most.”

“Yeah, that’s nothin’. As eleven, I was scamming money out of old people. And by thirteen I made my first 50K.”

From there it was easy to prod at Brian’s narcissism, letting him think he was the smartest person in the room. Cas displayed a measure of eagerness as he asked open-ended questions, and Brian readily answered. Information emerged in a flurry and gave the team a place to start deconstructing his machinations and find the accomplices. Just as Brian started talking about his father, Victor opened the door. “His lawyer’s here.”

Cas nodded at his partner before turning back to Brian. “That’s my signal to go. For now.” Standing up, Cas picked up the scattered papers and slid them back into the file. He walked to the door, looking back over his shoulder. What he saw was a very different version of the cocky teenager he first encountered. Worry was etched on his face and rightly so. Stepping into the hall, he almost walked into, who he assumed, was the lawyer. He held the door open for her, and she entered without acknowledging him. Once the door was closed, he eyed Victor. “I think we got enough to start.”

“I agree. You got more than I expected. We already have people running the names, dates, and places. For all her indifference, his mother was not happy the dad called a lawyer. I think maybe she knows a bit more than we first thought. Maybe not about the kid, but about her husband. And it looks like she’s chosen a side. While you were in there, she walked Riley through some of their finances and disclosed some other suspicious real estate purchases. Preliminary observations suggest money laundering.”

“Brian was adamant about his mother’s innocence but didn't mention his father. That’s a pretty big red flag he knew his dad was guilty.”

“Agreed.” Victor gestured down the hall and started in that direction. “And my best guess, he found evidence of his dad’s criminal activity, and it started him down this path.” Cas followed him, but soon outpaced him. Victor grabbed his arm before they reached the main room. “This could take months, maybe even years. Do you think Charlie will stick around? We need her on this.”

It was a question Cas had been mulling over since the search, and he didn’t know the answer. Charlie was a wanderer, like Dean, and staying in one place for too long ran against her instincts. And then there was the new woman in her life. “I don’t know. Odds are she will stay awhile and then pop in and out.”

“That’s kind of what I thought.”

“But if anyone can get her to stay it’s Shep.”

“I take it that means we’re done here. You don’t want to stick around and see if he’ll agree to talk again.”

Cas leaned against the wall and sighed. “We’ll wait a couple days at most.” Before he could add anymore, Charlie joined them.

“Well, what happened?”

Frowning Cas said, “Weren’t you watching?”

“Nah, I had my own work to do. Once I find a thread, I keep following it until I hit a snag. So, anything I should know?”

“Plenty. You need to watch the video and hear it in his own words.”

Bumping her shoulder into Cas’s arm, Charlie said, “Can we do it over lunch? I’m starving.”

“Of course, you are. Let’s go.” Shifting his gaze from Charlie to Victor, Cas asked, “Want to join us?”

“Yes, but we’re ordering pizza this time.”

“Fine by me,” said Charlie. 

After watching the interview, Charlie immediately retreated to her computer. Combined with the efforts of the other agents, there were several chains of inquiry to follow. The process would most definitely take months. They had just barely scratched the surface and were only just beginning to understand the extent of the crimes committed by father and son, let alone the activity of the enterprises they worked with. The diligent work continued while they waited to see if they would get another chance to interview Brian or his father. Two days passed with no headway, so the decision was made to head home. There was no reason to stay in Tennessee where the only resources had clammed up. Even the mother had distanced herself after the first day. Flights were booked and the necessary equipment was tagged and shipped. Riley and another agent stayed behind to deal with any loose ends.

By the third day, they were back at the Chicago office, diligently following every lead and working sixteen-hour days. The calls to Dean dropped off, and texts became their only form of communication. In the dark and silence of his bedroom, Cas struggled to sleep, missing his conversations with Dean and the way they eased his ever-present tension. Late one night three weeks later, he broke down and picked up the phone at three in the morning. Eyes stinging with the need to sleep and body aching from the long hours and perpetual insomnia, he ignored the time and called Dean. Two rings in a worried voice answered.

“Cas, you okay? What’s wrong?”

Instantaneously his body relaxed. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“Um…not sure I believe that. You don’t usually call in the middle of the night. You’re all about etiquette and shit.”

Dean wasn’t wrong, but Cas needed to hear his voice and propriety went out the window. “I can’t sleep,” he said in lieu of revealing the full truth of his need, his feelings.”

“I’ve been there. Working long hours, mind racing. It’s hard to come down from that.”

Cas sighed and his sleep addled mind forgot to check his words. “It’s not just that. It’s you.” Silence followed his words. For several seconds, all Cas heard was heavy breathing.

“What do you mean?” Dean asked warily.

Realizing there was no way back from his brief confession, Cas responded, “I haven’t spoken to you in nearly three weeks, Dean. The sound of your voice was fading from my mind and I missed it.”

“Fucking hell, Cas. You could have called me. Anytime. Or you could have clued me in, and I would have called. But you made it sound like you didn’t have time. You kinda suck at this.”

Cas rolled over and curled up into the fetal position, embarrassment and sadness sweeping over him. “I know,” he whispered, painfully.

“Hey, hey, I didn’t mean that to sound so harsh. I’m not great at this either, but I have faith in you, Cas, and you still don’t trust me or believe I’ll stick around if things get tough. And by the way calling me in the middle of the night is not tough or a problem at all. I’m used to odd hours and late-night calls. So, talk to me. What’s going on?”

Loosening the iron-clad tightness in his limbs, Cas laid out flat on his back and stared at the ceiling, wondering how to explain what had changed in him, both personally and professionally. Meeting Dean and having Charlie back in his life had altered the steady pattern, the monochromatic nature, of his life. Haltingly, he started, “I used to have this set of rules. No, that’s not quite right. More like a structure, a foundation I leaned on, but it’s cracked and…um… it keeps on cracking.”

“And that scares you.”

“More like disrupts my rhythm and opens me up.” Cas stopped, choked by some unknown emotion.

“That’s not a bad thing, Cas. Sammy’s always pushing me to open up, unbury my feelings. At first, I thought it was total bullshit. How the hell does rehashing the crap in my life help? How does sharing my fears and wants help anything? But you know what, when I did, with you, I got it. I get it. It’s freeing. My life has been a giant-ass mess for as long as I can remember and I carried it all, alone. I couldn’t put it on Sam. He was a kid, my little brother. Protecting him always came before taking care of myself. And the life we live, friends weren’t really an option, until you. So, don’t disappear on me, Cas. Let me in. I need you in the same way you need me.”

Sometime during Dean’s litany, Cas’s resolve broke and his feelings leaked out. “I haven’t needed anyone since Jimmy died. I made sure to never let myself be that vulnerable again, to never let someone mean that much to me. And then you waltz in and shatter my efforts in one weekend.”

Interrupting, Dean said, “It was one hell of a weekend."

“Yes, it was,” agreed Cas. “It changed me, brought Jimmy back into my life. I talk to people.”

Dean barked a laugh. “Better than talking to animals or yourself.”

“You’re not funny, Dean,” said Cas, trying to hide his amusement.

“Nope, not buying it. I make you laugh and you know it. It’s part of my charm. It’s how I wooed you.”

Unable to contain it, Cas burst out in laughter.

“Told you,” said Dean, all swagger.

Cas shook his head and rolled his eyes despite the fact Dean could not see him. He wanted to snap back with some comment about Dean’s over-inflated ego, but what came out instead was vastly different. “You amaze me.”

A flustered huff greeted Cas’s statement. “Yeah, okay…um…do you think you can sleep now?”

“Maybe. I should try and get at least a couple hours. Tomorrow is going to be another long day.”

“Is this case that bad?”

Sighing, Cas said, “It’s not bad. It’s just extremely complex.”

“No end in sight, then?”

“No. What about you?”

“I got a job tomorrow in Butte which should only take a day or two and then I’m headed to Bobby’s. But I’m available anytime you need to talk. And I plan on seeing you as soon as you have some free time. Capisce?”

The thought of seeing Dean again made Cas’s heart race. “Understood,” he said, a touch breathless.

“Talk soon,” said Dean.

Cas nodded and said, “Yes.” After hanging up, he pulled the sheet over himself and rolled to his side. Thoughts of seeing Dean drowned out thoughts of work and eased him into sleep. He woke more rested and ready to tackle the days ahead.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope all of you are doing well and staying safe. Thank you for the comments and kudos. 
> 
> Mind the tags. This chapter has some intense moments.

The click of heels, the drab walls, the frenzied pace of some, and the blank faces of those stationary were the commonalities of every courthouse Cas had ever entered. As was the mind-numbing boredom he felt every time he waited to testify. Long hours spent thinking of all he could have accomplished in that time. None of his emotions showed on his face or in his posture. He had trained himself to appear sedate, indifferent, only bringing out a measure of intensity when he took the witness stand. Fortunately, his testimony was complete. And yet he waited. Eight months since the first warrant was served. A little over a year since the team was formed. Two years since he first started investigating. And finally, the first prosecution was going forward. Mr. Graham was just the beginning. His son would soon follow him to court. The hope that Brian would take a plea and agree to testify ended the second his father hired a prominent law firm to take over their case and represent them. Cas wished he’d been given more time with the kid, wished he’d had the chance to convince him to save himself, but it was not to be. 

His musings were interrupted by the vibration of his phone. The name gave him pause. Shep knew he was in court to testify. _This can’t be good_ , he thought as he answered. “Hello.”

“Cas, I’ve got you booked on the 3:30 flight. We have a kidnapping.”

The mention of kidnapping drowned out the questions in the tip of his tongue. “On my way,” he said as he stood up and made for the exit.

“I’m sending you what we’ve got so far,” she said, hanging up without a goodbye. Cas immediately opened the email, reading as he walked briskly. 

  * Parental abduction
  * Abusive husband
  * Restraining order, multiple restraining order violations, stalking case pending
  * Two kids, taken at gunpoint
  * Girl, Sarah, age 5 - Boy, Jacob, age 7
  * Mother shot and in surgery
  * Spotted at tollbooth heading north on 294 – one hour ago



More data came in over the next two hours while he waited for his flight.

  * Spotted at another tollbooth on 94
  * Car found dumped on the side of the road a mile from the exit ramp
  * No leads on a new mode of transportation.



Cas read over the highlights several times before reading the summary at the bottom. 

_Darrell Evans had a long history of abusive behavior toward his wife, Sharon Evans. Police visited the home on several occasions, but Sharon refused to speak with them. Two years ago, she took the kids and moved in with her parents, filing a restraining order, which was granted. Darrell violated the order several times and spent time in jail. Two months ago, Sharon approached the police about the escalation of his behavior and his apparent stalking._

_Around 11:00 a.m., the police were called about a shooting at a grocery store. Both the shooting and the kidnapping took place in the parking lot of the store. As per witness statements, Darrell approached with his weapon drawn, shooting Sharon as she was placing shopping bags into the trunk. The children were already in the vehicle. Darrell grabbed the keys from somewhere on her body and kicked her before getting into the vehicle and speeding out of the parking lot._

When he finished, he opened his favorites list and hit Victor’s name. “Search for car rentals and find out the make and model of vehicles he owns,” Cas said as soon as Victor answered.

The abruptness didn’t faze his partner in the least. Over the last months their collaboration had become sinuous and extremely successful. There was an ease to their interactions. One he’d never had before with a partner. Shep said it was because Cas finally allowed it to develop into a friendship. Victor said it was because he wore Cas down and he was _just that awesome_ , to which Cas simply rolled his eyes. Either way Cas was grateful they needed few words to communicate. 

“No rentals in his name so far. He owned some beater car which is no longer registered, but we got the make, model, color, and tags,” responded Victor.

“Doubt he’s using the old plates.”

“We’re pouring over footage from any cameras in the area where the car was dumped. No sign of them yet.”

Cas pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, wishing he was already back at the office and then feeling a pang of regret. 

“Cas, are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Just not looking forward to the call I have to make next.”

“Dean?” asked Victor, knowingly.

“Yes. Second time this month I have to cancel.”

“I’m sorry, Cas,” said Victor with genuine sincerity. “He’ll understand.”

Looking out the window at the empty jetway, Cas shook his head. “That doesn’t make it okay. We’ve barely seen each other these last six months. And the last time it was, for what, an hour – two tops. Just enough time to eat together and try to catch up.”

Victor inhaled and exhaled deeply. “I understand. I really do. This job is hard on relationships. Shit, hold on a second.” Cas could hear muffled voices speaking. The only words he could make out were _fuck_ and _dammit_.” When Victor came back on the line, his voice was somber. “The mom didn’t make it. We have to find this bastard.”

“We will,” said Cas sharply, eyes spotting the plane pulling into the gate. “I’ll call as soon as I land.” Hanging up, Cas was tempted to tuck his phone away before making the call but waiting would only make it worse. He pulled up Dean’s name and placed the call.

In lieu of greeting, an out of breath Dean said, “You’re not coming.”

“No, I’m not. Two children were kidnapped.”

“Don’t worry about me…ah…fuck…Cas, I gotta go.” Dean’s voice had gone from breathless to pained, and his words were accompanied by banging and screaming. “I’ll call later. You get the asshole.”

The call ended, leaving Cas worried and tense. It wasn’t the first time Cas had caught Dean out of breath and clearly working a case, but it was the first time he’d heard him in pain. He was tempted to call again, but stopped himself, knowing the distraction would only put Dean in more danger. He took several deep breaths to calm down. By the time he settled his mind and tucked his worries for Dean away, the plane was boarding. 

The office was in an organized chaos when he finally arrived. Before he had a chance to set down his bag, Victor grabbed his elbow and dragged him back out of the office. “He was spotted at a gas station in Wisconsin, driving the old junker. The amber alert went out with the updated details on the vehicle, and the calls keep coming. Local authorities confirmed the sighting, but no trace of them since.”

Cas let himself be led out of the building and into a waiting SUV, listening without interruption until Victor raced out of the lot. “They haven’t released her death to the public?” asked Cas.

“No.”

“Good.”

Flicking his gaze over to Cas for a second, Victor asked, “What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking that if he finds out she died this could get a whole lot worse. As of now, he’s a kidnapper, throw in a murder charge, and he may not be willing to surrender.” Cas had seen it before. The minute a person no longer felt in control was the minute they became more dangerous. As desperation rose, so did the prospect of a violent end. The inclusion of children added a whole new component, and Cas began to wonder how much that would change the equation. “Darrell had no qualms about shooting his ex-wife in front of his children.”

“From what the witnesses said, there wasn’t a second of hesitation when he pulled the trigger. He was well-prepared and executed his plan flawlessly. The only mistake I see is the use of his own vehicle.”

Cas nodded as he looked down at his phone to read the incoming text message. “He probably thought the lack of registration was enough to keep the car off our radar. Lucky for us he was wrong. State trooper spotted him on 41 north of Appleton. By the time he turned around to follow he was gone,” Cas relayed as he pulled up a Wisconsin map. “There are quite a few highways in that area. Where do you think he’s going?”

“He lived in Green Bay for several years and drove truck so he’s probably familiar with the roads. As to where he’s going, I think he has an endgame. I think he knows exactly where he’s going.”

“I agree,” said Cas, trying to put himself in Darrell’s mindset. “And that’s what worries me.”

“Me, too. Last case I was on like this ended bloody.”

Cas didn’t need Victor to spell out the rest because he already knew the facts of the case. He’d read up on his partner and his most recent cases before they were partnered. Murder-Suicide. Messy domestic case that crossed state lines leading to FBI involvement. “Let’s hope we have a better result.”

“Yeah,” said Victor, quiet and sad.

They drove in silence for the next hour or so. Neither willing to expound on their previous topic. The shrill sound of Cas’s phone broke the solitude. “Hello.”

“Sharon’s parents called. They remembered Darrell used to go to some old cabin up in Door County. They couldn’t give any more specifics than that. But you should head that way. It seems likely he’s on his way there,” relayed Shep.

“All right. Let me know if you get any more info on the location.”

“We’re working on it. It’s definitely not in his name,” said Shep. “I’ll call as soon as we know anything.”

Cas set his phone down in his lap and looked at his partner. “Cabin in Door County.”

Two hours later, they had passed Green Bay and headed up the peninsula. Sturgeon Bay was their current destination. A place to hold up and recharge as darkness had dried up any new leads. They needed food and a chance to clear their heads. And they needed someone to find a hint as to where the cabin could be. They needed a narrower search field, and they needed it urgently. The fact that Darrell had chosen to basically trap himself on a peninsula did not bode well. Victor’s warnings about the man’s endgame were coming to fruition, creating an ache in the pit of Cas’s stomach. A foreboding he was trying desperately to ignore. 

The time dragged, even as it seemed to slip away. Before long they pulled into the hotel. “Food first,” said Victor, “Then we can speak with the local police.” 

“Fine with me,” responded Cas, stomach gurgling at the mention of food. “I haven’t eaten since this morning.”

Check-in was quick, and they were in and out of their rooms after simply dropping off their bags. They found a small burger joint a few blocks down and ordered their food to go. Greasy bags in hand they jumped back in the SUV, eating on the way to the police station. “Wish we’d hear some news,” said Victor as he parked the vehicle. “I hate walking in here with nothing to go on.”

“I know the feeling,” said Cas. 

Even though it was late in the evening, the station was packed. Cas groaned at the sight of several reporters. The groan deepened when one of them spotted them and immediately crossed the room. Cas held up his hand before they could even speak, but the man ignored it. “Can you confirm that Sharon Evans died in surgery?”

The question brought Cas up short for a second, making him pause mid-step before brushing past the reporter in search of the chief of police. As soon as he spotted him, Cas crossed the distance between them. “Get them out of here. Now.” He didn’t have time to make nice and try to appease the locals. The fact Sharon’s death had leaked was a problem. A huge fucking problem. Cas stared down the police chief until the man walked past him and escorted the reporters out of the station. By the time he returned, Victor and Cas were in a small conference room looking at the map on the wall. “What do you know?” asked Cas without glancing at the chief.

“Not a lot. We got a call about thirty minutes ago, but it was a false lead. There aren’t a whole lot of rundown old cabins in this area anymore. The whole area’s a tourist spot, so…”

“What about foreclosures?” asked Victor.

“Plenty of those on the peninsula. House prices and rents run high even after the housing crisis and the recession.”

Victor nodded. “It’s a place to start.” The search began and continued late into the night. They compiled a list of possibilities and hoped their team in Chicago would find something more as they expanded their interviews with people who knew the Evans. Around three, Victor leaned over to Cas. “We aren’t going to find anything else tonight. We should try to get a few hours of sleep.”

“Fine,” agreed Cas, standing up and stretching out his stiff back. Victor stood up next to him and did much the same. They made their goodbyes and left the station with heavy hearts. Back at the hotel, they separated quickly, ducking into their own rooms. Cas undressed and dropped onto the bed in his boxers. After several minutes of laying on his stomach, he rolled over and sighed. Sleep was going to be an issue until the case was finished, but Cas knew he needed to try. He slowed his breathing and closed his eyes, putting himself back in a hotel room with Dean. When he awoke a few hours later, he was pleased to find it had worked. A quick look at his phone told him it was time to get back to work. A knock at his door confirmed it. Cas rolled out of bed, pulled on his pants, and walked over to open the door.

Victor stepped into the room in a rush. “Just got a call from Shep. A coworker of Darrell’s remembered him mentioning a cabin but couldn’t recall the name of the town until he woke up this morning. Ellison Bay.”

“Isn’t that near the tip?” asked Cas as dug out some clean clothes.

“Yep, it’s about an hour drive.” Victor leaned against the wall and waited for Cas to dress. 

With a quick brush of his teeth and a swipe of wet fingers through his hair, Cas exited the bathroom and put out his hand. “I’m driving.”

Victor handed over the keys without an argument. “State patrol is already on route.”

“We have an address?” asked Cas.

“No, but there aren’t a whole lot of options in that area,” Victor said, as he grabbed Cas’s arm, directing him toward the breakfast room. “Grab something to eat.”

Coffees and bagels in hand they left the hotel. Cas put on the siren and stepped on the gas as soon as they were on the road. Hopes were high as the miles passed, but something inside Cas kept telling him it couldn’t be that easy. When they pulled up next to the parked state troopers and stepped out of the car, Cas’s suspicions were confirmed. There was no sign of the car or the Evans. The foreclosed properties had been investigated and doors had been knocked on around the town. “I don’t think they’re here,” said one of the troopers, “but we’ll keep searching.”

Cas didn’t want to agree but found himself nodding. “We’ll stay for a while.”

Hours passed as the fruitless search continued. Cas and Victor grew weary. Their faces matching the grim expressions on the local authorities’ faces. As the noon hour came and went and tensions grew, Cas called a halt. “We need to regroup, start over, start at the beginning. He’s on this peninsula somewhere. The damn place is locked down.”

“No way he made it past one of our roadblocks,” said a gray-haired trooper.

Victor clapped him on the back. “Well, then, where do we go next?”

The trooper turned to Victor. “If it were up to me, I’d say Bailey’s Harbor. Wetlands and forest. Great place for some old cabin, not on any map.”

Pulling up a map, Cas scanned the area around Bailey’s Harbor. Victor leaned over his shoulder to get a better look. “That’s going to be a bitch to search. Night rolls in early. We don’t have a lot of daytime left.”

“No, we don’t. Call it in,” said Cas as he lifted his head to stare at the trooper.

Night came sooner than anyone would have liked, hindering their search operations. It was aggravating and demoralizing, but they kept at it. It helped that someone had spotted the car heading north on highway 57 just outside of Bailey’s Harbor. It was nearing two in the morning when a small light was spotted in the distance, deep in the woods. The approach was slow and took longer than expected. Seeing a tarp draped car in the flickering light from a small window sent a jolt through Cas’s chest. _This was it_ , he thought, _they’re here_. 

He gestured to Victor, and they slipped closer to the vehicle. One after the other. A quick shift of the tarp revealed the old car. A shadow crossed through the light, freezing both men. After several heartbeats, Victor gave the signal to retreat. After rejoining the others, they backed further away to converse. The decision was made to wait and make contact in the morning, keeping the place under surveillance in the meantime. But just as dawn broke the situation fell apart as pained screams shattered the quiet. Cas was on his feet and racing toward the cabin before anyone could stop him. His foot connected with the door just as his nose filled with the overpowering scent of gasoline. He didn’t have time to ponder the reasons for the smell as another blood-curdling scream came from deeper in the cabin. Shoving furniture aside he raced through the darkened room, trying to find her. 

He heard the crack of a gun before he saw the flicker of flame. Charging forward he slammed into a solid mass. His head smacked the ground, dazing him for a second. Gurgling sounds drifted to him, and he surged up to his knees and crawled across the space. Her small body was illuminated in a shaft of light. A dark stain, spreading below her. Wide-panicked eyes stared up at Cas as he lifted her in his arms. She cried out in pain as her arm dropped. _Broken_ , Cas thought as he saw the unnatural bend in the arm. “Sarah,” he whispered as he cradled her to his body. Her breathing was ragged and every huff seemed to dispel another gush of blood from her slim body. When he repeated her name, she briefly opened her eyes. “Jacob,” she mouthed, eyes shifting to the corner. Cas followed her gaze. The broken remains of the young boy sat against the wall. As he brought his eyes back to Sarah’s face, he felt her take her last breath. Nothing made sense after that. 

Cas was in a haze. He heard the voices of others and the sound of sirens. He felt someone take Sarah from his arms before he was lifted to his feet. He found himself outside of the small cabin, lost and confused. Being led away from the scene didn’t seem to alleviate his confusion. Nor did the request for his weapon. Looking down he saw the empty holster. Before Cas could speak, Victor was at his side.

“I’ve got it,” he said, dropping the weapon into an evidence bag. “He needs to be checked for a concussion. Don’t let him out of your sight until he gets checked out.” Victor placed a hand on Cas’s shoulder and squeezed before stepping away. It was only then that Cas looked at the person standing next to him. 

A young man in a trooper’s uniform was holding Cas’s elbow and shouldering much of his weight. “You heard the man,” he said as he led Cas to a waiting ambulance. He was poked and prodded and found to be concussion free which was actually surprising as Cas still felt as if he was in a haze. The feeling persisted as he was questioned and as he watched the scene unfold in front of him. Victor approached and asked how he was doing. He assured his partner he was fine even though the haze still surrounded him. It didn’t fade until he was ushered into a vehicle and saw the road stretch out in front of him. 

“Your partner said to drop you at your hotel so you can get cleaned up.”

“Thank you,” Cas said, voice sounding distant.

“No problem.”

At the hotel, Cas nodded at the young man as he exited the car. “Thanks, again,” he said. The walk into the building and to his room seemed endless. Inside his room, he leaned back against the door and slid to the floor. Closing his eyes, he pulled his phone from his pocket. His hands shook as he tried to grip the phone, and when he opened his eyes, they were so unfocused he couldn’t see the screen. Absently, he jabbed at the phone, hoping he hit the right person. Three agonizing rings later a voice of salvation answered with a cheery ‘hello.’ A sob wrenched from Cas’s body as he tried to speak. His voice came out fractured and heavy, “Dean, help.”

“Cas, what’s going on? Where are you? Are you safe?”

Stumbling through a barely coherent answer, Cas finished by saying, “I need you.”

“I’m coming. I’m in Minnesota. Fuck, that’s …um…five hours from Sturgeon Bay. I’m coming, Cas. I promise.”

The phone dropped away from his ear, and he tapped the screen once again. The text he sent to Victor was short and, he hoped, sufficient. Before it dinged with a response, the phone fell out of his hand. The last vestiges of his mental energy spent as the urge to scrub himself clean consumed him. His hands still held the tinge of blood. The stench still filled his nose. Metallic and intense. He could practically taste burned hair and flesh on his tongue. Nausea overcame him, and he raced to the bathroom, dropping to his knees with a cracking sound and a flash of pain. He heaved into the toilet, but nothing came out. His stomach emptied hours ago at the back of an ambulance as he stared at the ramshackle cabin which had become a graveyard.

The image of her tiny broken body, blood seeping over his hands as he held her brought another bout of dry heaving. His body shook as he settled back on his heels, only to slump to the side, hitting his shoulder on the tub. His eyes drifted to the shower head. The need to be clean overwhelming him again, urging him to strip off his clothes. Shaking hands failed at each attempt to unbutton his dress shirt. It didn’t help that his vision was clouded by the tears welling in his eyes. Lost to the moment, his shoulders hunched in and his chin dropped to his chest as he gave up. But the itch was too much to ignore. Crawling over the edge of the tub, Cas inched forward and turned on the shower, letting the water cascade over him as he rubbed his hands together aggressively. Desperately trying to scrub the blood away. Soap made no difference. No matter how many times he washed them he could still see the blood. He could still smell death.

He closed his eyes in an attempt to hide from it, only to be overcome by the images seared in his mind. “How could a father do that?” he croaked to the empty room. His voice echoing in the small space. Banging his head back against the shower wall, he tried to dispel the visions, but it was no use. Shattered bodies, flames, gunfire, and blood, blood, blood reigned. Cas had held Sarah while she breathed her last breath. Jacob already gone. Gone for at least a day. And Darrell defiant and angry to the end, trying to burn himself and the place down around them. Cas couldn’t remember Darrell’s final moments. All he could remember of those last minutes was racing to Sarah and lifting her in his arms. 

As he looked down at his empty arms, shirt drenched in water, he saw her blood flow once more. Away from his body and down the drain. By the time, the water ran clear, no longer tinged pink, the heat of the water had turned icy and his body shivered uncontrollably. Some presence of mind told him to shut it off. With a tiny semblance of energy, he shifted forward, shut off the water and reached for a towel on the floor. Wrapping it around his shoulders, he brought his knees to his chest and rested his head on them. He started counting his breaths made too rapid, too shallow, and too hitched by the cold racking his body. At some point he must have dozed off because the next thing he was cognizant of was pounding, followed by a loud thud and a crash. Dean’s voice boomed as he yelled for Cas, crashing into the bathroom seconds later. “Jesus, Fuck,” he said as he dropped to his knees next to Cas. 

Wide-eyed, Cas stared at him and whispered, “You’re here.”

“I’m here. Now, let’s get you out of that tub and get you dry,” Dean said as he took hold of Cas’s hands. “Shit,” he groaned, “What did you do?”

Cas followed Dean’s gaze to his hands, seeing the redness, the cracked skin, broken and scabbed. “I couldn’t get them clean.”

“Okay, okay. We’ll deal with that later. Right now, we have to get you warm and stop this shaking.” Dean slid his arms around Cas, holding him tight. With a grunt, he pulled Cas to his feet. He helped him lift his legs over the tub and led him out of the bathroom. Dean stopped next to the bed and removed Cas’s clothes, rubbing warmth into the newly exposed skin. When Cas was naked and dry, Dean eased him down onto the bed and covered him up, tightly tucking the blankets around him. 

Cas watched as Dean removed his own clothes, and for the first time in the other man’s presence he felt no arousal. That more than anything told Cas how much the day’s events had destroyed him.

“Shh, shh,” said Dean as he climbed into the bed. Before pulling Cas to his chest, Dean wiped away Cas’s tears. Tears Cas had not registered until Dean touched his cheeks. “I’ve got you,” Dean said, holding Cas tight. “I’m here. Whatever you need. I’m here.”

The safety of Dean’s arms, his reassurances, broke the dam inside Cas, and he sobbed until his body was wrung dry and his throat burned. A soothing hand ran through his hair and lips pressed faint kisses onto his forehead and temple. Tipping his head back, Cas looked up at his friend. Worry was etched on Dean’s face, and his eyes conveyed empathy and tenderness. “I killed him.”

“Okay.”

“Okay? I told you I killed someone and that’s your response.”

Dean nodded. “You were working a kidnapping case where the man killed his ex-wife. I didn’t expect the story would end with sunshine and roses.”

“Just like that you accept it.”

“I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t.”

“Oh,” said Cas quietly.

“You were doing your job, Cas.”

“I heard her screaming in pain. I couldn’t think beyond getting to her. Everything else faded away. I don’t remember shooting him. I remember the sound of gunshots, but that’s it. They took my gun.”

Dean’s hand slid down Cas’s bicep, fingers tracing the edges of a bandage. “And this?”

“Bullet grazed me. I didn’t feel it until the paramedic was cleaning it.”

Cupping Cas’s face, Dean leaned down and kissed him gently. When he pulled back, Cas saw the mixture of fear and relief in the green eyes he had grown to love. “It was my fault,” said Cas. “I charged in alone. Ran through the place without a second thought. Didn’t even stop when I collided with something or someone.” His breath hitched. “She was on the ground. The blood…It was all around her. Seeping into my clothes as I held her.” Tears spilled down his cheeks. “I couldn’t save her. I killed him, but it didn’t matter. They’re gone. Both gone. She died in my arms. Beaten. Broken. How could he do that?”

“I don’t know, Cas. But sometimes evil wins no matter how hard we try to stop it.”

Cas searched Dean’s eyes. “You really believe that. Good versus evil.”

“Sometimes I think that explanation is too easy. A cop-out, but then the things I’ve seen. The man my father became. He wasn’t an evil person, Cas, but when he drank, when the demons he held inside after my mom died grew too loud…Yeah, I think evil exists, and we must fight it. Wage a war against it. For some like my dad, that war is internal.”

“And men like Darrrell?”

Dean’s eyes grew dark with anger. “They lost the war or more likely they never bothered fighting it. I think some people embrace that darkness. They feed off it.”

A slew of past cases filtered through Cas’s mind. “I’ve tracked murderers. Dealt with terrorists, but what he did to his own kids. I just can’t wrap my head around it.” Cas sighed and laid his head back down on Dean’s chest. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure. There will be plenty of talking about it with the investigation and when I have my psych evaluation.”

Dean didn’t say anything in response, so Cas let himself simply breathe as he listened to the beat of Dean’s heart. A hand ran gently up and down his spine, stopping to rub the base of his neck. “You’ll be on desk duty?”

“Yes.”

“And you missed your vacation days.”

“Mmm…hmmm.”

And you’re hurt.”

“Minor.”

Dean huffed, “I don’t think that’s true. You practically scrubbed the skin off your hands. Not all wounds are visible, Cas.”

“What are you getting at?” asked Cas, irritation picking at his already frayed edges.

Dean sat up slightly, dislodging Cas from his chest. He leaned over Cas and bracketed his head with his arms. “I’m thinking we use the vacation days as we planned.”

“But-” Cas said, stopping when he heard knocking. “Get in the bathroom,” he directed as he crawled out of bed and quickly pulled on some clothes.

“What? Are you ashamed of me?” asked Dean with a grin and a touch of hurt visible in his eyes.

“No, not you. Never you.”

“Then what?”

“I don’t want them to know I called you in a panic. I don’t want them to…” Cas’s voice trailed off.

“See your weakness,” Dean finished for him.

“Yes.”

Dean shook his head. “It’s nothing to be ashamed about.”

Cas wanted to argue, but the knocking grew more persistent.

“Go. Do what you got to do. I’ll be in the bathroom. But…uh…good luck explaining the door,” Dean said as he picked up his clothes.

“You broke down the door.”

“How else was I supposed to get in?”

Cas rolled his eyes as he walked toward the door and assessed the damage near the handle. He opened the door once Dean was safely in the bathroom. Victor’s expression wasn’t nearly as panicked as Dean’s had been, but the worry was evident. 

“Hello, Victor. I’m fine,” said Cas before his partner could ask.

“You don’t look fine.”

“I was sleeping.”

Victor stepped into the room as Cas backed up. “Is your head feeling any better?” asked Victor.

“Yes.”

“Well, good. Then mind telling me why you ran headlong into danger like some fucking superhero.”

Breaking their eye contact, Cas exhaled heavily. “I had to get to her.”

“You could have been killed,” snapped Victor.

“I’m aware.” Needing to change the subject, Cas added, “Where are we at?”

Victor huffed angrily before he said, “Crime scene finished up. The bodies have been removed, autopsies pending. Preliminary investigation says it was a clean shoot.” Victor stepped closer, drawing Cas’s gaze. “Shep called said you’re suspended until further notice.”

Cas took a step back, bracing his hand on the bureau.

“Come on, Cas. You left her no choice. And it’s not forever. Think of it as a vacation. Once the official report is done and you’re cleared, you’ll be back to work.”

“And now?” asked Cas, accepting the truth of Victor’s words. He understood. He had left Shep no other options. His actions deserved suspension.

“You have an interview scheduled tomorrow and then you’re off. Call Dean. You wanted to see him. This gives you the opportunity.”

“I suppose it does.” 

With a tip of his head, Victor turned around and walked back to the door. “Do I need to ask about this?” he said, running his hand over the cracked wood.

“No.”

“All right. Get some sleep. I’ll be by to get you in the morning. Around seven.”

“Okay,” said Cas. 

Victor glanced over his shoulder one last time before he pulled the door shut behind him. Cas waited for a few seconds before telling Dean he could come out. “I guess that settles that,” said Dean. “I’ll find us somewhere to go while you finish up whatever you need to. Do you want me to pick you up?”

“No, I’ll meet you.” Cas expected the questioning look his decision received. It made him wonder why Dean even posed it as a question and didn’t just insist.

“I don’t know that I like that idea. You-”

Cas cut Dean off. “I am perfectly capable of driving myself to meet you. I know I freaked you out.”

“Yeah, you did.”

Walking across the room, Cas opened his arms and pulled Dean into a hug. “Having you here helped. I can handle an interview and a trip home to pack. You can take care of me when I get to wherever you pick,” said Cas, willingly accommodating Dean’s need to be a caretaker.

“Promise?”

“Of course, Dean.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vacation time for the boys and oh do they have...nope, not giving you anymore than that. Read and enjoy!
> 
> Thanks for the kudos and all the great comments. This story is kicking my ass at times and reading your feedback helps keep me working at it.

Rolling to his side, Cas looked out the large bay window. Snow dotted the landscape. Barren trees, canopies emptied of their lush foliage, stood naked in the moonlight. It was stark and beautiful, and the opposite of what Cas had expected when Dean sent him a Springfield address. A place meant for tens of guests was all theirs. Once again Cas wondered how Dean had found the place. Thinking about Dean made him more conscious of the heat at his back. He shifted slightly, hoping to get a glance of the sleeping man, but the arm draped over his waist tightened, halting his movement. 

“Where are you going?” grumbled Dean.

“Nowhere.”

“Good, because it’s way too early to be awake.”

Cas closed his eyes and _hmm’d_ in agreement, yet sleep would not reclaim him. After several minutes, he felt a huff of hot breath on his neck.

“All right, what is it?” asked Dean.

“What is what?” responded Cas automatically.

“Something’s obviously on your mind and right now it’s keeping us both awake.”

With a huff of his own, Cas attempted to untangle the mess in his head. The loss of his badge, even temporarily, had him feeling adrift. Nightmares plagued his dreams. The lack of clarity about the events of that fateful day ate at him. His need for Dean coupled with his desire to push him away confused Cas beyond measure. The ease to which Dean accepted him and his strange behavior was both comforting and disconcerting. The distinct absence of arousal cracked open a whole other set of issues. But he shoved those lines of inquiry away and settled on the one which had crossed his mind when he opened his eyes to see the landscape surrounding them. “How’d you find this place? And don’t brush off the question again.”

Dean’s hand splayed wide across Cas’s stomach before it slowly caressed his abs. “I know the owner. Did her a solid a few years ago?”

“What kind of solid?”

“Just a job, Cas. Nothing out of the ordinary for me.”

“That’s not all there is to it or you wouldn’t keep deflecting.”

Dean rolled to his back but kept his hand on Cas, cupping his hip possessively. “God you really are a cop. The interrogator in you never quits.”

Cas saw no point in arguing the point, so he merely shrugged.

“If you must know,” Dean said with an exasperated sigh, “we had a sort of friends with benefits arrangement for a while.”

Cas grunted, “And you didn’t want to tell me. Dean, I have no illusions about you. I know you had a highly active sex life before you met me.”

Dean’s grip on Cas’s hip tightened, and he felt the touch of lips on his shoulder before Dean said, “Yeah, well, I don’t like talking about that part of my life with you. With the way you…” Dean’s voice trailed off as he lowered his head to rest on Cas’s bicep.

“With the way I…what?” Cas posed the question but did not bother waiting for an answer, providing one himself. “Am about sex. My limited number of sexual partners and encounters.”

“It’s not just that,” Dean said in a rush. “It’s all of it, Cas. Like what’s going on now. If I were in your situation, when I’ve been in similar situations, I fuck and drink my way out of it. And I know that’s not healthy, but it is what I do. You, on the other hand, have…Jesus, Cas. We’ve barely left this bed for two days. Not to mention the lack of clothing, and-”

“You don’t have to say it, Dean. I know my body has checked out. I don’t know why I can’t get aroused.”

Dean planted a series of kisses along Cas’s arm and up over his shoulder. “Please listen to me. There is nothing wrong with you. I was merely pointing out the difference between us. I do not need sex with you, right now. I want it, always, but it isn’t even close to the most important part of our relationship. When was the last time, we had it? Four, five months.”

Cas rolled his eyes as he reached for Dean, placing his hand on the back of Dean’s head, tugging at the short hair. “It has not been that long.”

“Feels like it.”

“Yes, it does. And I miss it. I miss you.”

“I’m right here, Cas.”

Tipping his head to the side, Cas kissed Dean’s forehead. “And I can’t be with you, not the way I’ve wanted,” Cas said, voice heavy and sad.

“Dwelling on it isn’t going to help,” stated Dean.

“I know, but my mind is a swirl of shit I shouldn’t be dwelling on.”

Dean lifted his head from where it was buried in Cas’s neck. With his eyes set on Cas, he said solemnly, “Then unload it on me.”

“No.”

“Cas,” Dean said with force.

“No, absolutely not. I want to be here with you. I want to enjoy my time with you. Not burden you with crap you can’t fix.”

“I’m not saying I can fix shit, Cas, but easing your burden, yeah, I can do that.” Dean ran his hand through Cas’s hair. “And by the way, if Sammy heard me talking like this, he’d shit a brick and be talking about hell freezing over. Let me help. You promised me you’d let me take care of you and you’ve barely let me do a damn thing.”

Resting their foreheads together, Cas said, “And what is it you want to do for me?”

“Feed you for starters. Bathe you, give you a massage.”

“And if I don’t want to talk while you’re doing these.”

“Then you don’t talk.”

Those words affected Cas in a surprising way. Some of the weight left his shoulders and his mind felt a measure of freedom. Freedom from guilt and confusion. It was the first time his body desired any touch beyond a hug or an arm draped around him, and he refused to let his mind make him hesitate by questioning the change. Leaning forward, he captured Dean’s lips in a tender kiss, deepening it when he heard Dean moan. It was everything he had been missing, everything he had not allowed himself. A self-imposed punishment he needed to allow himself to end. The kiss was a start, and the more heated it became, the more his body craved, and the more his mind fought it. Dean must have sensed the tension, the war waging inside of Cas, because he slowed the kiss, humming and shushing Cas as he nipped lightly at his lips. It was not long before they were simply breathing the same air as Dean drifted his hands over Cas’s body, kneading at the tight muscles he encountered. Cas’s body slowly relaxed, and Dean took advantage by rolling Cas onto his stomach. 

The weight of Dean’s body as he straddled Cas filled a need. A need for shelter and safety. The firm hands on his back added to that feeling. For the first time since the kidnapping, Cas’s mind was quiet, solely giving into the physical sensations. It was a heady experience. One he had only ever experienced in Dean’s presence, with Dean’s touch. 

“I love when you let go like that. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt more in control than when you do that.”

Cas had to pull himself out of the drift in order to whisper, “Why do you think that is?”

Draping his body over Cas, Dean placed his mouth next to Cas’s ear. “Because I know you’ve never let anyone else see you this way. Just like I’ve never let anyone else see me desperate to be fucked.”

A spike of arousal caught Cas unprepared and he gasped.

“You like hearing that. Don’t you? How much I want your cock inside me. How needy I am for it?”

“Yes,” breathed Cas as his cock twitched.

Dean sat back up then, running his hands over Cas’s upper back, never letting them venture lower. It was the signal that his intentions were not sexual. That the goal of his ministrations was not sex but intimacy. A quiet understanding of what they were to each other. Despite the time apart. Despite the distance. Friendship and support. Care and kindness. Sex was the bonus. Never the centerpiece. By the time Dean slowed the massage, Cas was nearing sleep and half-hard. Dean slid off Cas’s body and rolled him into his arms, back to chest. His hand wandered down Cas’s chest and across his abdomen before migrating lower, acknowledging Cas’s arousal with a barely-there touch. “That’s a good sign.”

“Wasn’t expecting that.”

“Neither was I to be honest. But you’re not broken, Cas.”

“Felt like I was.”

Pulling Cas closer, Dean rested his chin in the crook of Cas’s neck, burrowing his stubbled cheek against the sensitive skin, making Cas sigh at the contact. The hint of pain kept him grounded in the moment and made him think of the other places he loved to feel the rough scrape of stubble. The thought conjured images of Dean between his legs, leering up at him with a feral grin as he swallowed him down. “Dean,” he breathed. 

“Cas,” responded Dean, hushed and throaty. 

It was a long time before either of them spoke again. Cas listened to the sound of Dean’s breathing, letting it sweep him away. He drifted in and out of sleep, keeping his hand linked with Dean’s where it rested over his heart. When he awoke fully, their joined hands were clammy with sweat, and yet he balked at releasing his grip. He felt Dean squirm behind him, extracting himself from where they were practically glued together. 

“It’s like sleeping next to a damn furnace. We need a shower.”

“I’m not the only one who runs hot, Dean,” Cas said as he rolled over with a smile on his face.

“Mornin’,” Dean said as he brought his hand up to trace the curve of Cas’s lips. 

Cas’s tongue flicked out, making contact with the pad of Dean’s finger. Dean shut his eyes and moaned. “Good morning, Dean,” Cas said, voice whiskey deep and rough.

“Love your voice in the morning. Missed it.” 

“And I missed seeing you flushed and sleep rumpled.”

Dean half-heartedly shoved Cas. “Okay, Casanova, it’s time for a shower, and then you’re finally going to let me feed you.” Dean climbed over Cas and got out of bed, pulling Cas up with him and dragging him to the bathroom. The space was dominated by a glass-walled shower with dual heads, but it was the spacious claw foot tub that drew Cas’s eye. When he had first arrived, he’d paid little attention to the details of the inn, but the tub always stood out. “No, Cas, we are showering. The tub can wait. You need to eat.”

“I’m not starving.”

“Well, your weight loss says otherwise.”

“Dean,” warned Cas.

“I mean it, Cas. Your hipbones are sexy as hell, but they shouldn’t be that sharp and neither should the outline of your ribs.”

Cas looked down at his chest and abdomen, running his hands along in the wake of his gaze. Both the sight and the touch proved Dean’s point. “I just haven’t been hungry.”

“Just another way we’re different. I pound greasy food and junk food. You lose your appetite.”

“It’s not a conscious choice on my part. It slips my mind.”

Dean shook his head. “Well, I’m not going to let you get away with that while we’re here. A quick shower and then breakfast. Got it?”

“Yes, Dean,” agreed Cas as he followed Dean into the steamy shower. Dean stepped behind Cas and wrapped his arms around him. In response, Cas laid his head back on Dean’s shoulder. “Feels good. Being here with you.” His body relaxed further when Dean picked up the soap and started washing him. When he finished with that, he washed Cas’s hair, massaging his scalp, and easing the last of Cas’s tension. 

“There,” Dean said, “I think you’re ready.” Shutting the shower off, he grabbed one of the large fluffy towels and dried Cas fully before giving himself a perfunctory wipe down. 

Cas was so attuned to Dean’s touch he had not realized Dean skipped washing himself until he was dressed and following Dean to the kitchen. He paused and stared at the man in front of him. There was something so inherently giving in Dean. A quality to be appreciated and revered, but one Dean would never take credit for even when he openly stated he wanted to take care of Cas. It was as if it was expected and not special in any way. Cas wondered where he learned to see it that way. Where he learned to undervalue such a trait. “Dean,” called Cas, and when Dean turned to face him, he added, “Thank you.”

“Nothin’ to thank me for, Cas.”

“Yes, there is. Thank you for being my friend, for being here for me, and caring for me.”

“I don’t need thanks for that. It’s part of the job.”

Cas closed the distance between them and placed his hands firmly on Dean’s biceps. “Don’t do that. Don’t belittle that part of you.”

A flush ran up Dean’s neck and his cheeks turned crimson. “Cas,” whined Dean. “This isn’t about me. We’re here for you.”

“Bullshit,” snapped Cas. “When we’re together, it’s about you and me. It’s about us and what we both need.” Pulling Dean forward, Cas gave him a hard, deep kiss. After releasing him, Cas said, “Understand?”

“Yep,” said Dean after taking several deep breaths.

“Good. Now go make me breakfast.”

Breakfast was the first of many snacks and meals Dean prepared for Cas in the large open kitchen. Over the next days, Cas spent hours watching his friend work, marveling at the domesticity of it all. If he put aside his emotional turmoil and the nature of their daily lives, he could almost see it as their future. A time when they had left their careers behind and settled into a comfortable retirement. Those thoughts excited and confused Cas in equal measure. He was a young man, and Dean was even younger. Retirement was nowhere on the horizon and neither of them had the type of personality for sitting still. Yet in this place, tucked away from the world, they fit. For whatever reason, it felt right, as if they truly belonged in a life of quiet and comfort.

Cas’s lips quirked up in a smile.

“What are you smiling about?” asked Dean.

“You,” said Cas as he watched Dean roll out a crust for the pie he insisted on making. Dean raised an inquisitive eyebrow as if asking for more detail. “I guess I never pictured you standing in a fancy kitchen with an apron on, baking.”

“The apron doesn’t do it for you?”

“I wouldn’t say that,” quipped Cas as he eyed Dean from head to toe.

Dean smirked and gave an exaggerated waggle of his hips. “I could wear just the apron.”

The thought alone was enough to get Cas off the stool and over to Dean in three long, quick strides. He slid his arms around Dean’s waist, pressing the full length of himself against his friend. Heat radiated between them. The heat of arousal burning brightly inside Cas, undimmed for the first time since the kidnapping. Dean must have sensed the change because he immediately rocked his hips forward. 

“Want you,” Dean said as he rutted against Cas.

“I want you, too.”

“Don’t want to push you,” groaned Dean, leaning back, trying to put a touch of distance between them.

“Your body says differently,” said Cas as his hand slid into the scant inches of space Dean had created between their bodies. He skimmed his fingers along Dean’s body until he rested them over the bulge in Dean’s pants, emphasizing his point. 

“Well, fuck, if you do that-” Dean's words cut off in a gasp when Cas gripped his erection through his jeans.

“No more talking, Dean. I want this. I want you, and I’ve kept us waiting long enough.” Cas moved swiftly, hands shifting behind Dean, untying the apron and lifting if off in one fluid movement. Dean’s shirt followed, dropped to the floor without ceremony, forgotten, hands already moving to the button on Dean’s jeans. A gasp drew Cas out of his singular focus to get Dean naked. His eyes snapped up to the other man’s face. All hesitation and concern were gone from Dean’s green eyes. In their place was unabashed desire. The look held Cas firmly, captivating him, making him stare intently, trying to relay he felt the same.

There was no stopping after that exchange. Cas’s hands ran up Dean’s body, flicking at his nipples. Dean arched into the touch as his hips thrust erratically. The contact made Cas moan loudly, and Dean swallowed the sound in a brutal kiss as he wrapped one of his legs around Cas’s hip. “Take me to bed, Cas. I want you to fuck me.”

Cas’s body shuddered at the words and the images they conjured. Being buried inside Dean was like experiencing the Fourth of July and a hurricane at the same time. A storm of emotion and sensations which carried Cas to heights he never imagined, and for Dean, Cas knew, it was the pinnacle of his most secret desires come true. An act which left Dean utterly vulnerable and equally satisfied, feeding a part of his soul which had too long gone neglected. As much as Dean was a caregiver, a protector, he was also someone who desperately needed to hand those roles over, if only for a few short hours. He needed Cas to take the reins, lead him to new peaks of pleasure while sheltering him in a strong embrace, protecting him. After a life of protecting Sam, Dean needed someone to offer him the same.

It was a gift, Cas had realized not long after their first weekend together, to be the one selected for such a role. A gift Dean freely gave him, and one which Cas treasured above all others. It was why his lack of arousal bothered him, ate at him. It was never about the physical issue. It was always about Dean and the missing dynamic in their relationship. And as he looked at Dean, his entire body begging for Cas to take charge and lead him, Cas felt the plates shift and the continents come back into alignment. Without thought, he gripped Dean by the back of his thighs, lifting him into his arms and carrying him to the bedroom.

The squawk of surprise from Dean only added to Cas’s arousal and the heady feeling of power coursing through his body. Dean was by no means a small man, yet somehow Cas carried his weight easily. Barely even breathing hard, he lowered Dean to the bed. 

“Cas, Cas, Cas,” Dean repeated on a loop, broken only by _so sexy, fucking hot, want you_. But it was when Dean was laid out on the bed, Cas hovering over him, working to unbutton Dean’s jeans, that he completely gave in and said, “I need you, Cas. Please, give me what I need.” The desperation and trust Dean exhibited in that moment overwhelmed Cas for a second and his hands stopped, words coming to the tip of his tongue. Feelings he’d had for a long time. Words he knew he could not, should not, say. Swallowing harshly, he bit back the words, knowing all the while he could not keep those same feelings from shining out through his eyes.

“Cas,” whispered Dean as he closed his eyes and reached for him, clasping their hands together and pulling Cas over top of him, effectively pinning himself. With Cas’s arms bracketing Dean’s head and his full weight lowered onto Dean, Cas kissed him. All teeth and tongue and urgency. 

Shifting back, Cas slowed the kiss before separating their lips. “Keep these here,” he said, squeezing Dean’s hands. “Don’t move.” Dean nodded, a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Cas leaned in and kissed the tempting sight before backing away and kneeling at Dean’s side. With deft movements, he opened Dean’s jeans and removed them along with his boxers. Making his way back up the bed, he kissed Dean’s legs, watching as they spread enticingly. The invitation was as clear as it was demanding. When Dean reached for his own legs, pulling them back to his chest, Cas said, “So beautiful.” Dean whimpered and then cried out in pleasure when Cas ran his fingers over his hole. “So responsive,” Cas added, lowering his head to nip at the tender flesh of Dean’s ass. Not wanting to leave Dean just yet, Cas sucked on two of his fingers, wetting them completely. And when he touched the damp skin to Dean’s hole, Dean sighed and pressed down against them. 

“Please,” breathed Dean.

“I’ve got you,” responded Cas, sliding one finger into the heat of Dean’s body. He watched breathlessly as Dean took him in and rocked down. Without shame Dean showed Cas exactly what he wanted, arching and crying out in pleasure, rocking aggressively to demand more. Adding a second finger, Cas moved so he could hover over Dean, needing to see his eyes. “Dean, look at me.” It took several seconds for Dean to finally open his eyes. “Hello, Dean.”

“Hey,” Dean huffed. “Missed this.”

“As did I. You’re amazing like this.” Dean tried to roll his eyes, but failed miserably when Cas added a third finger and pressed on his prostate, making him moan. “You are,” stated Cas.

“And you’re still dressed,” said Dean in frustration. “Get your damn clothes off and get the fucking lube. I don’t want to come until your cock is in me.”

Cas chuckled darkly as he found Dean’s prostate again. “Does that mean you’re close?”

“Jesus, yes,” Dean said as he tried to wriggle away from Cas’s hand. 

“Okay, okay,” said Cas as he gently removed his fingers and ran a soothing hand over Dean’s thigh. He planted a kiss on Dean’s forehead before he slipped off the bed. Dean’s eyes tracked him across the room, and Cas loved the feeling of being watched. The distraction slowed down his movements and hampered his search.

Dean huffed loudly. “Hurry up already. It’s in my bag. Outside pocket.”

The demanding voice refocused Cas on his mission. Within seconds and with the lube in hand, he stalked back over to the bed. “No, no, no you don’t,” said Dean as Cas dropped the bottle and placed one knee on the bed. “No bed until you’re naked.”

“Is that right?” Cas asked, sweeping a hand down his own body and lightly stroking his hard cock through his pants.

“Dammit, Cas,” said Dean as he squirmed wildly. “Fucking need you.”

The picture Dean made was breathtaking. His body clamoring for touch, and yet his hands remained next to his head, just where Cas left them. The strain was clear, as was the determination, and Cas wanted to reward him, wanted to fulfill Dean’s needs. Slowly, methodically, he removed his clothes, eyes transfixed on Dean’s every twitch and thrust. The sounds of Dean’s needy whimpers and moans filled the air, and Cas’s cock grew achingly harder. By the time, he was finally naked he was rock hard and nearly as desperate as Dean. “Touch me,” said Cas when he saw Dean’s eyes drift down to his groin. 

“Finally,” wailed Dean. With shaking hands, he fumbled a bit as he opened the bottle of lube, but his grip was sure and strong when he gripped Cas’s hard length. “Oh, fuck, never seen you this hard.”

The hand on Cas’s cock spiked his arousal, so near the edge that he had to fight off his orgasm. “Enough, enough,” he choked out, grabbing Dean’s wrist. The shift brought Cas back to the moment. “And no condom, you’re sure?”

Dean threw his head back and groaned. “Cas, we are not talking about this again. You’re clean, I’m clean. Quit stalling and get your cock in me.”

“Not until you look at me,” said Cas as he laid himself over Dean. Green eyes found blue ones in an instant. “There you are,” Cas whispered. He rocked his hips against Dean’s body, asking for entrance. Dean spread his legs wider and grabbed Cas’s shoulders, pulling him closer. They both groaned loudly when Cas sank into the heat of Dean’s body. “Been too long.”

“It has,” sighed Dean, laying still, letting Cas touch and caress his face. Waiting patiently while Cas kissed his neck and jaw, whispering words of praise between each peck. The stillness ended when Cas captured Dean’s mouth, sweeping his tongue inside just as he snapped his hips forward. 

As much as Cas wanted to take his time and savor Dean, he knew they were both too far gone so he set a brutal pace. Dean grunted and writhed, crying out each time Cas hit his prostate. “Cas, please, need to come. Touch me,” Dean croaked between gasps for breath. Letting his grip on Dean’s hair go, Cas snaked his arm down between the bodies and wrapped his hand around Dean’s cock. With one hard stroke, Dean’s body convulsed, slamming down onto Cas’s cock, yet by some miracle they both staved off their impending orgasms. And Cas took the opportunity to slow his thrusts and sit back, pulling Dean up and into his lap. As often happened with them, the entire nature of their sexual encounter changed. Sliding seamlessly from a frenzied collide of bodies to a sensual roll of hips and slow lingering kisses. Cas found his hands back in Dean’s hair, guiding him so he could deepen the kiss. Dean responded by spreading his knees farther apart, helping to bury Cas deeper inside of him. That simple shift brought Dean over the edge, and Cas held him as his body shattered and eventually slumped in exhaustion. Cas’s cock ached and throbbed, needing release. 

“Don’t stop. Want to feel it,” Dean whimpered, punctuating his words with a tired roll of his hips.

The sound of Dean’s wrecked voice and the smooth slide on his cock pulled Cas into a long-drawn-out orgasm. As he thrust through his release and spilled inside Dean, he felt Dean’s cock spasm between them, causing Dean to shudder and let out a broken moan. “Hmmm…too sensitive?” asked Cas, readying himself to pull out and lift Dean off his lap.

“Stay,” said Dean, hugging Cas tightly around his shoulders. Unable to refuse such a request, Cas held Dean in his lap, rubbing his hands up and down his back until they were both breathing normally. It was then that Cas moved Dean and laid him down on the bed, curling around him. “Best place to be,” sighed Dean. 

Cas reveled in the feeling of having Dean pressed back against his chest as he cradled him in his arms. His body spent and sated, and his mind, at last, free from the haze which had plagued him since he stormed into that cabin. So, as he traced a finger along Dean’s neck, he was able to note a new scar, small and puckered. “Where’d you get this?”

“Uh…guy threw a cigar at me.”

Staring at the marred skin, Cas had the distinct impression it was a bit more than that, but recognizing Dean’s hesitance he chose to move on, tracing old scars and finding other new ones. He refrained from commenting on them until he was holding Dean’s hand, eyeing scraped knuckles. “And these?” he asked kissing along the edges of the damaged skin.

“Those are from working on an old Mustang. Damn thing is so rusted, but it will be worth it when it’s all fixed up and I give it to Sammy.”

“You didn’t tell me you were restoring a car for Sam,” said Cas. “Wait. Doesn’t he have a new car.”

Dean grunted and pulled his hand out of Cas’s grip, elbowing him in the process. “Not you, too. It’s bad enough Bobby’s giving me a hard time. Now you’re piling on.”

With a scoff, Cas responded, “I’m hardly piling on. I was simply clarifying.”

Dean rolled over to face Cas, giving him a skeptical look before he said, “Yeah, Sam has a new car, but it’s a small economical piece of crap. And the Mustang is going to be for special occasions and road trips.” Dean paused, and Cas opened his mouth to speak, eager to point out the economical car would be better for road trips, but Dean covered it with his hand. “Don’t you say it. That dinky ass car is not meant for the open road or snow, or drive-ins for that matter.”

Cas nodded, hoping it would be enough to get Dean to remove his hand. After several heartbeats and a bit reluctantly, Dean slid his hand away. “So, it’s for practical reasons,” Cas stated, trying to keep a straight face. 

“Damn right it is,” said Dean, puffing his chest out. It was that motion which drew Cas’s eyes to the recently stitched wound on Dean’s chest just to the left of the tattoo Cas always forgot to ask Dean about. Dean chuckled, “Didn’t know you were into tattoos?”

“Dean, you know I’m not looking at the damn tattoo. Those are not professional stitches,” stated Cas, leaving no room for argument.

“What do you mean? They’re perfect.”

Rolling his eyes, Cas said, “Dental floss, Dean. You’re stitched up with dental floss. Not to mention the fact the angle of the stitches means you did it yourself.”

“Oh, and how do you know that, Mr. Smartypants?” Cas did not dignify Dean’s smart-ass question with an answer in favor of patiently waiting for an explanation. Of course, as Cas expected, Dean again tried to deflect with humor. “At least it’s not mint flavored.”

Irritation flared in Cas’s chest, voiding his exhaustion, and he quickly sat up, jostling Dean. “This is not funny. How did this happen? And why the hell are you sewing yourself up?”

“Calm down, Cas. It’s not a big deal. Just didn’t see the guy had a knife before he clipped me. And you know what, some of us don’t have health insurance or the time or money to sit in an emergency room waiting hours to get a couple stitches. Stitches, I can easily take care of myself.” The hard expression on Dean’s face brooked no argument, but it was the truth of Dean’s words, the acknowledgement of the unfair system which left hard-working people unable to afford care, which ultimately kept Cas quiet. After a few moments, Dean’s expression softened. “I’ve had worse. I’m all right,” Dean said as he reached for Cas’s hand, tugging lightly.

Letting himself be pulled back down, Cas laid next to Dean. “I can see that,” said Cas, placing his hand on Dean’s chest, covering the tattoo, feeling the beat of Dean’s heart. “I worry.”

“I know.” Dean lifted Cas’s chin and kissed him gently. “I do, too,” he muttered against Cas’s tender lips, letting the light press of their mouths linger. The quiet moment splintered with the sharp ring of Dean’s phone. “Shit, that’s Sam. He knows I’m with you and not to call. This can’t be good,” said Dean as he scrambled out of bed and dug his phone out of his pocket. “What’s wrong?” asked Dean in lieu of hello. Cas listened to the one-sided conversation, knowing within moments their time had come to an end. Anger and hurt flashed across Dean’s face, and the word Dad was repeated several times. After a blunt goodbye, Dean threw the phone down on the bed, bringing his sad eyes up to meet Cas’s gaze. “Seems someone’s been trying to get in touch with my dad. Somehow they got ahold of Sam. I guess they need help, but the kicker is – they hadn’t heard from John in a few months. A few months, Cas. He’s been gone for fucking years, but this person talked to him a few months ago. What the hell am I supposed to do with that? And why the hell would I want to go help this person?” Dean started pacing and tugging at his hair. 

Cas climbed out of the bed and approached Dean slowly, allowing his friend to choose what he needed. The last step between them vanished as Dean engulfed Cas in a bruising hug. “I don’t want to go. I don’t want to open all that shit up again.”

“What did Sam say?”

“That’s the best part,” said Dean, sarcasm dripping from every word. “Sam, who always wants to move forward, let the past go, said we have no choice. Insists we go help this person and figure out what they know about Dad.”

“He’s right, Dean. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”

Dean deflated, making Cas carry his weight. “That’s what Sam said. And he didn’t leave me much choice, he already booked a flight.” Burying his face in the crook of Cas’s neck, Dean added, “I hate leaving you.”

“We were leaving tomorrow morning anyway.”

“It’s that easy for you.”

“You know it’s not, but I understand. You’ve always wanted answers, maybe this is your chance to get them.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to say when I started this story I was looking at it as more of a case fic, but it has certainly led me along an additional path. The emotional journey has pulled me in and led my pen and it continues in this chapter. Hope you enjoy it!!!!

After the wonder of the inn, Cas's apartment felt even more bland than usual, almost foreign to him. It truly did not reflect the person he was becoming. Even with the addition of the photos and more personal touches, it was sterile, and if he was honest with himself, it was downright lonely. Spending so much uninterrupted time with Dean had spoiled him. It kept his body and mind occupied in a way nothing else could. He wondered if Dean was as greatly affected by their friendship as he was. There were moments he felt Dean was, but then days would pass without a return text or call and that peaceful feeling faded away. 

The last days with no contact made his heart ache. He berated himself for his melancholy and his overactive, possessive mind because despite their obvious connection Dean was not his. No, his friend belonged to the wider world. The thought brought him to a halt. “What the hell?” he said as he stared at his clenched hands. “What the hell?” he repeated, trying to understand what he had meant. Why the thought made him worry even more about Dean, about the fact he was off Cas’s radar. “Shit, there’s something there,” he muttered to the empty room. A tug at his mid. One that had needled him as of late. One he had brushed off too often in favor of basking in Dean’s companionship. His need for the other man had clouded his judgement making him miss the signs. There was more to Dean, more he did not know. The evasion about his injuries. The diversions he used to change unwanted subjects. As Cas had opened up more and more to Dean over the months, Dean’s openness faded in and out. Often, what Dean shared was calculated. He gave just enough to convince Cas they were on equal footing while hiding parts of himself.

The revelation hardly helped at that point. Dean was out of contact. If his last text was to be believed, he was still with Sam dealing with the same case and trying to find out more about his father. He’d been on the case long enough for Cas’s suspension to end. Work waited on the horizon and he was not looking forward to desk duty, or therapy for that matter. Charlie kept telling him getting back into a routine would help. It was how he’d lived his life since Jimmy died, and Cas questioned why his mind balked at the prospect.

 _Charlie_ , he thought, _maybe it’s time to talk to her_. She had come and gone after Chattanooga, but with Cas’s suspension she had elected to stay – with a new apartment, a long-term agreement with the FBI, and an almost laser-like focus on Cas. It was not easy to avoid her since she saw fit to move into his building, and since he was restarting work on Monday, there would be no place to hide from her invasions. So maybe it was time to give in and let her help. Allowing his worry over Dean to eat him up when he was still reeling from the kidnapping was far from healthy. Sleep evaded him and his appetite was hit or miss. Dean would not be pleased with him after all he had done to feed him.

“Dammit,” he whispered angry at himself for always coming back to Dean. _Dean, Dean, Dean_ , he thought. Dependency was not his way, yet, somehow, he had been slipping into it with his friend. “God, I sound clingy,” he said as he stood up and walked to the kitchen. His phone sat on the counter tempting him, but he managed to restrain himself. Ten unanswered texts and five unanswered calls was already a bit excessive. He turned his back on the phone and reached for the half-eaten sandwich he had abandoned hours ago. Forcing himself to eat it before turning back to the phone. Decision made, he picked it up and called. “We need to talk,” he said.

“About damn time,” responded Charlie. “I’ll be right up.”

Not bothering to wait for her to arrive, Cas unlocked the door and took a seat on the couch. Within a few moments, the door crashed open and Charlie flopped down next to him.

“Hello, Charlie.”

Foregoing a greeting, Charlie said, “Sooo, no more evading my questions. You’re really going to tell me what’s wrong.”

Cas nodded even as his throat constricted at the mere prospect of talking about his insecurities. He had hesitated to use the term, shying away from it for days, but reality eventually won out and slapped him in the face with it. 

“Cas,” Charlie said in a tentative voice as she touched his arm lightly.

Shaking his head, Cas said, “I’m all right. This is just outside my comfort zone.”

“Is it about Dean?” asked Charlie when Cas finally looked at her.

“Yes,” he said with a heavy sigh. “I think I’m in over my head. This was supposed to be a mutually beneficial friendship, but…”

“But it’s became more for you.”

“It did. He’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and he brings out a part of me I thought was lost forever. I just don’t-” Cas cut himself off and swallowed his next words.

Charlie took his hand, rubbing gentle circles along his knuckle. “You don’t know if he feels the same.”

Cas huffed and shrugged, and then sighed at how childish he felt. 

“It’s okay to be unsure. It’s okay to be afraid.”

“Is it?” asked Cas. 

“Yes, it is,” Charlie said emphatically, leaving no room to argue the point. “Maybe you were naïve about how the relationship would progress, but from what little you told me, I think Dean is in the same boat. I mean a weekly call turned into almost daily contact.” Cas sat forward and went to speak, but Charlie squeezed his hand and groaned. “Don’t bother trying to deny it. Everyone in the office knows. You look at your phone all the time. Something both Shep and Victor say you never did before. In fact, you used to complain incessantly about having one, so don’t both trying to bullshit me.”

Leaning back, Cas let out the breath he had been holding. “Fine, we veered from the original terms and kept veering further and further.”

“So,” she said with blatant amusement in her voice, making Cas turn to see the mischief in her eyes. He rolled his eyes even before she said, “Are we talking about sex?”

“That’s part of it.”

“A good part?” asked Charlie.

“Yes and no.”

Charlie frowned, and Cas rolled his eyes again. “What I mean is being intimate with Dean is wonderful, but it makes it harder to say goodbye. Every time is worse, for me anyway.”

“Can I ask you something about your sex life without you being all offended?”

Resigning himself, Cas tipped his head in a slight nod. 

“You said intimate. Is that what it is between you? Or is it tear your clothes off and get down to business?”

Cas felt his face flush. “It’s both, and…um…sometimes, well more often than not, it’s both in the same encounter.”

“Ohhhh...um…if that’s the case why are you questioning how Dean feels?”

“Because it’s pretty obvious I need him more than he needs me. I never go a day without texting or calling him. It’s ridiculous. Jesus, I was right. I’ve become a clingy, possessive mess.”

“Cas,” scolded Charlie, “wanting to talk to your _friend_ doesn’t make you possessive, and there’s nothing wrong with missing him. If I were separated from Talia as often, and as long, as you are from Dean, I would be a mess. So, I get it.” Charlie sat back and leaned her head on Cas’s shoulder. “How long has it been?”

“Five days.”

“Well, shit, no wonder you’re a wreck.”

Cas bristled at the term but couldn’t dispute her assessment since he’d been thinking much the same about himself for the past two days. “I’m worried. The last text I got only said - _safe, busy_. And then nothing.”

“And he’s on a case.”

“It’s more than that,” Cas said before launching into the story about Sam’s call and the connection to Dean’s father.

When he finished, Charlie asked, “Do you know where they went?”

“Minnesota, but he didn’t say what city.”

Charlie jumped up and made for the door as she said, “Be right back.”

Cas stared at her and kept staring even after the door shut, shaking his head at his friend’s antics. Within a few minutes she was back with her laptop in hand. “Charlie, what are you doing?”

“Finding Dean of course.”

“And how do you plan on doing that?”

“Easy. Tracing his phone.” 

Cas stared at the coffee table where his phone sat. “I don’t think we should do that.”

“We’re not doing it. I am. Now hand me the damn phone. I’m tired of looking at your sad, worried face.” Before he could stop himself, he was complying with Charlie’s demand. Within seconds, she was clicking away at her computer, and Cas sat dumbfounded by his hasty acquiescence. “Um, Cas,” Charlie said, shaking him out of his confusion. 

“What?”

“Um…it’s a burner phone.”

“What do you mean?”

“Aren’t you an FBI agent? You know what a frickin’ burner phone is.” Cas sat silently, unable to respond as Charlie continued typing. “It’s in Windom, Minnesota. I got it pinging off a couple cell towers.” Charlie kept right on working as Cas’s mind was stuck on burner phone. “So, Cas, you said this had something to do with Dean’s dad.”

Cas nodded without conscious thought.

“John Winchester pretty much fell off the grid over twenty years ago. After, oh shit…Cas, how much do you know about Dean’s childhood?”

Charlie’s question brought Cas back into the conversation. “Some. His mom died in a fire when he was four and his dad sort of fell apart. They moved around a lot after that.”

“You could say that. There’s basically no paper trail on them.”

A wave of guilt hit Cas in the chest and he reached over and slammed the laptop. “We are not doing this. It’s an invasion of his privacy.”

“It’s not that-”

“No,” Cas said, cutting Charlie off. “I shouldn’t be learning this from any source other than Dean. It’s not right.”

“Okay, okay,” she said, setting the laptop on the coffee table. “But at least you know where he is.”

Cas grunted. “At least his phone.”

“You said he was in Minnesota. The phones in Minnesota, moving around, so that’s a good sign.”

“Yes, it is,” Cas said dropping his chin to his chest. “Thank you, Charlie.”

“You’re welcome. Wanna watch a movie?”

Tipping his head up, Cas eyed Charlie speculatively. 

“What? I can read the room. You’re done talking,” Charlie said before adding, “For tonight.”

Cas chuckled as he grabbed the remote and handed it to Charlie. 

Desk duty turned out to be as excruciating as Cas thought it would be. Normally, research did not bother him, in fact he was quite good at it, but having it as his sole duty bored him to tears. Days passed and the hours in those days dragged. The only saving grace was a series of intriguing crime scene photos. Ritualistic in nature, heavy with symbolism, and confusing as hell. Missing persons, strange stolen items, a rare body with strange causes of death, with no concrete connections between any of them except for the imagery.

Cas spent hours trying to decipher the language and symbols. Latin appeared more than any other language, but traces of Celtic, Sumerian, Ancient Greek, and to his utter surprise, Aramaic were also found. Staring at the array of photos Cas easily spotted Pagan and Christian iconography, but the origin and meaning of other images remained allusive. Charlie had been tasked with helping him try to decipher the myriad of symbols. Each new discovery left them with more questions. Shaking his head, Cas finally looked up from his research. The office was basically empty. With no pressing cases demanding late nights, most people left at five. Dragging his eyes back to his desk, Cas picked up his phone and looked at the time with tired eyes. It was after nine which meant he had not come up for air in four hours. With another shake of his head, he gathered the photos and tidied his desk. Exhaustion plagued him as he left the building and drove home. He wanted nothing more than to fall into bed. 

At his door he fumbled with his keys, nearly dropping the folder under his arm. Finally managing to open the door, he quickly kicked off his shoes and dropped the file on the dining table, heading toward his bedroom. His stomach gurgled, announcing loudly its need for food. With a swipe of his hand down his face, he turned and walked into the kitchen. Opening the fridge, he came face to face with mostly empty shelves. _PBJ it is_ , he thought grabbing the jelly and a beer before shutting the door. After making his sandwich, he settled on the couch and turned on the TV, picking a random movie he’d never heard of before. It barely held his attention, so as soon as his food was gone, he found himself drifting off. He closed his eyes and slumped further down into the couch. He must have fallen asleep at some point because the next thing he knew he was bolting upright with a racing heart to the sound of loud knocking and someone calling his name. Reorienting himself, Cas realized he was on the couch in his living room and that was Dean’s voice calling his name between deafening knocks. 

Pushing off the couch, Cas stood and rushed over to the door, unlocking and yanking it open in one fluid movement. In the next second, his arms filled with the heavy weight of his friend and his nose filled with the overpowering smell of liquor. Straightening up after stumbling back, Cas pulled Dean closer and wrapped an arm around his waist to steady him.

“Heya, Cas,” slurred Dean.

His usual greeting died on Cas’s tongue as he took in the sight of his friend’s face. The haunted look in his eyes belied the upbeat sound of his voice. “Dean,” he whispered.

Dean flipped his head to the side, making them sway. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t look at m…me like that.”

Cas sighed, “How am I looking at you?”

Trying to extricate himself from Cas’s arms, Dean said, “Pity, don’t need your fuckin’ pity.” It was as if a flip switched. The stumbling, slurring drunk man stood taller and steadier in his anger. Righteous in his indignation, and Cas for the life of him could not figure out how it happened. How it was even possible. “I’m fine,” Dean said when Cas just stared at him with his mouth dropped open in bewilderment.

“You’re certainly not fine or you wouldn’t be here. How ARE you here?”

Dean scoffed, “I know how to find people, Cas. It’s my damn job.”

“Fine, then, where have you been and why are you here after not contacting me in almost two weeks?”

Cas’s question seemed to deflate Dean’s anger, and he dropped his shoulders as guilt filled his gaze. “Sorry.”

“I’m not looking for an apology. I want an explanation. You owe me an explanation,” demanded Cas. Dean flicked his head toward the couch, and Cas nodded in response. “Go sit. I’ll get you some water.” Cas turned to face the kitchen as Dean haltingly walked to the couch. “How’d you get here?” asked Cas while he retrieved a glass.

“Drove.”

Red hot anger flared and Cas’s hand closed tightly around the glass. “You drove,” he seethed.

“It’s not a big deal. Used to it.”

Cas tried to keep himself in check, forced himself not to chuck the glass as he said, “You’re used to driving drunk?”

“Comes with the territory.”

That sad explanation broke Cas’s control, and he snapped. “No, it fucking doesn’t.” The glass shattered against the wall, spraying shards everywhere. One clipped Cas’s chin, but he ignored it. “Where’s your car?”

“Parked in the lot. Why?”

Cas refused to look at Dean as he shook his head and walked to the door. Fear and anger coursed through his body as he took the elevator down to the garage. Dean’s car was easy to spot, but it still surprised Cas. It was perfectly parked in the narrow space. Even between the lines and fully in the spot. Despite that knowledge, Cas continued his mission, checking the car for damage, making sure his friend had not hit something or someone in his drunken state. Thankfully, the car was in pristine condition. With one last glance at the beautiful machine, Cas left the garage. When he got back to his apartment, Dean eyed him curiously. “Well, at least you didn’t hit anything.”

“Told you it’s not my first rodeo.”

“That doesn’t excuse your decision. That doesn’t make it better,” said Cas as he glared at Dean.

Dean stared back and asked, “You mad at me?”

“Yes,” said Cas flatly.

“Okay,” whispered Dean. “But…uh…can we deal with that tomorrow.”

“If you promise that you’ll be here in the morning and that you’ll be honest.”

“Yeah, I can do that,” said Dean, voice tender and small.

Cas left the room, retrieving a blanket and pillow. When he got back to the living room, Dean had removed his boots and coat and was curled up on the couch, eyes closed and breath even. Cas lifted Dean's head, sliding the pillow underneath before covering him with the blanket.

After running quickly through his bedtime routine, Cas laid down on his bed facing the door, knowing sleep would be elusive he second guessed his decision to leave Dean on the couch. Minutes ticked by, or possibly hours, and the sounds of a body shifting and groaning filtered down the hall. He was tempted to get up and check on Dean but decided against it. So, instead, he tossed and turned and struggled to get a few hours sleep. When dawn broke, he woke up from a fitful sleep, sweaty and shaken from a nightmare. Throwing off the covers, he removed his damp clothes and headed for the bathroom. Keeping the water at a cooler temperature, he jolted himself out of his stupor and washed off the remnants of his dream. By the time he entered the kitchen, the coffee was brewing and a plate of eggs and toast were waiting for him. His eyes briefly glanced at the display before settling on Dean and the sheepish expression on his face. “Good morning, Dean.”

“Mornin’ Cas,” responded Dean, voice gruff and sleep worn.

“This doesn’t get you out of your promise,” Cas said, gesturing at the food.

“I know. Eat and I’ll explain.” 

Cas sat down and picked up his fork, and Dean did the same. Between bites, he started, “It was so far from what we expected. My life is filled with unknowns and surprises, but this…this was a clusterfuck and I’m not sure what to do with any of it. Sam’s not in any better shape. Bailed out as usual. Not that I blame him. I wanted to run. God did I want to run, but it wasn’t an option for me. It’s not the way I’m programmed.” Dean looked away and visibly drooped.

“Dean, you’re not programmed.”

Dean laughed, dark and wicked. “If only that were true. I told you before, I’m the good soldier. Family is my responsibility. Always has been, always will be.” Finally bringing his green eyes back to Cas, Dean added, “I have a brother.”

“I know,” said Cas, tilting his head in confusion.

Shaking his head, Dean said, “No, no, I don’t mean Sam. Nope, we have a brother, a half-brother, my dad never bothered telling us about.”

“Is that who called you?” Cas asked, starting to understand the complexities of the story.

“Yeah, he didn’t know about us. He was just looking for John. When we got there, I didn’t believe him. not one damn bit. No way my dad could have hidden this other family for nineteen fucking years. I stormed out and didn’t look back. Left Sam there without a thought. And man was he pissed. It took a lot of convincing on his part for me to come back and talk to the kid.” Dean pushed his plate away and stood up, remaining silent as he paced.

“How did he convince you?”

The dark laughter was back. “That’s the best part. Seems good old dad used to visit the kid and do father son shit with him. Took him to a damn baseball game. There’s pictures of their happy outings,” Dean said, turning to face Cas, pain etched in his gaze. “That man never even threw a ball around with me, and a game, yeah, right? No, he left all that up to Bobby.”

Taking in the information, Cas sat quietly for several seconds before he said, “I understand you’re anger at your father, but you can’t possibly blame…” Cas paused unwilling to leave the kid unnamed.

“Adam,” Dean said, “His name’s Adam. And no, I don’t blame him. He was left in the dark just like us.”

Standing up, Cas approached his friend. “Dean, I know you, and finding out you have another brother wouldn’t leave you this shaken. You certainly wouldn’t call it a clusterfuck.”

Dean shook his head. “How do you do that? I’m still fucking shocked how well you read me no matter how many times you do it.”

“It’s a gift,” smirked Cas.

“Yeah, all right, Cocky, once again you’re not wrong. That was just the beginning of the shitshow. Turns out John was in contact with Adam long after we thought he disappeared. Not in person, but he’d call or text. The contact ended for a few months and then a package arrived with a cryptic note. _Keep it safe_. It was some old gun, a Colt. The kid had no idea what to do with it. Wasn’t even sure it came from John, but it was his best guess. A few weeks later his mom went missing. He’s just your average college kid and suddenly his mom and dad are both gone and he is in possession of a gun. No idea if it’s all connected or not. After the police came up with nothing, he started investigating on his own, even hired a private detective. Guy figured out the gun was practically ancient but had no records of its owners since the original.” Dean paused and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly before stating, “Samuel Colt.”

“Wait, your father had a gun owned by Samuel Colt.”

“Seems so. I spent the last weeks trying to track down any information on the gun, trying to find Kate, Adam’s mom, and following what little trail there was for John.” Shadows of guilt and sadness radiated in Dean’s eyes when he made eye contact with Cas. His voice had broke when he said _Kate_ , and Cas knew.

“She died,” whispered Cas.

“She was dead before we got there. Buried under the house. After we found her, we all started to unravel. Adam was a mess and Sam was distraught.”

Reaching out and cupping Dean’s elbow, Cas asked, “And you?”

“I was numb. Pretty standard for me.”

Cas felt a familiar tug in his mind, and he knew he was still missing something. And without a thought for Dean’s emotional state, he blurted a question. “If they were so shaken up, why did you leave?” It was blunt and hurtful and filled with blame, and Cas wanted to take it back the second it left his mouth. The crushed expression on Dean’s face, the way his body crumbled in on itself, triggered waves of guilt. “Oh, God, Dean, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I know you wouldn’t leave someone when they’re hurting. That’s not who you are.” Cas studied Dean for a brief moment before stepping closer and gripping Dean’s biceps. “What happened?” he asked with trepidation.

“Adam’s dead,” Dean stated, voice cold and lifeless.

Cas froze, unsure of how to proceed after such a revelation. Even though his mind was stuck and unable to process, his body responded, pulling Dean into his arms. For a fraction of a second, Dean stiffened, but then it was as if his strings were cut. His body curled into Cas and sighed in relief as he buried his face in Cas’s neck, letting Cas hold him up as he cradled Dean to his chest. A long time passed before Dean lifted his head and put a small amount of distance between them. Despite the movement, Cas continued to hold him, keeping as much contact between their bodies as he could. Part of him did not want to break the solitude of the moment, but he knew Dean needed to at least sit down. His body could sense the bone deep exhaustion in the trembling man in his arms. “Let’s sit,” he whispered as he ran one of his hands through Dean’s hair. The heavy sigh he received in return told him he had made the right decision.

Dean let Cas lead him to the couch and sit him down. Dean’s hand immediately swept out and grabbed Cas’s wrist, tugging gently. Cas took the hint and sat down next to Dean, sliding his body as close as possible. When they were snuggly fit together, Dean rested his head on Cas’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know where else to go,” croaked Dean.

“I’m glad you’re here.”

“Yeah, right,” said Dean in the self-deprecating tone Cas hated.

“I am. I was terrified…you dropped off the map and I didn’t know what to do.”

With a sad exhale, Dean said, “Neither did I. It was like walking through a dense fog. I think I understand how you felt after Wisconsin. You kept talking about a haze.”

“Hmmm…”

“I know I should have called, but…I…it was all such a mess. Sam fell apart and left. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him like that, and it scared the shit out of me. And…” Dean’s voice trailed off, laced with unshed tears.

Cas slipped his arm around Dean’s waist, resting his hand on Dean’s hip. “Dean, you can tell me anything.” Cas felt the shrug and sensed the tension in Dean’s body, so he added, “You can, but if you can’t that’s okay. I understand.”

After several minutes of Dean breathing slowly, almost as if he was counting his breaths, he said, “I was it, ya’ know. Had to take care of burying a brother I just met. Some nice kid who deserved better.” 

Questions lingered in Cas’s mind, repeated over and over, _how did it happen? how did he die?,_ but he kept them there, finally pushing them down and away. If Dean had wanted to share the details, he would have. Instead of probing further, Cas asked, “What do you need?”

“This,” responded Dean, burrowing into Cas’s side, tipping his chin up and kissing the ridge of Cas’s jaw.

The touch should not have surprised Cas. Dean had told him more than once how he dealt with emotional issues. Drinking and sex. He’d already given in to the drinking, so sex was next up on the list. Cas’s thoughts swirled, unsure if he should allow Dean to again rely on vices to heal his pain. Pain he knew would still be there in the aftermath, perhaps a bit buried, but still present and still damaging. The desperation in Dean’s touch, in the increasing pressure of his lips, broke the last remnants of Cas’s resolve. Denying Dean what he sought had never worked before, and it would surely not work under these circumstances. His friend needed contact, needed the intimacy they shared whenever their bodies melded together, skin to skin. The last thought was accompanied by the shift of Cas’s body. The movement of his hand to cup his friend’s face, drawing him into a tender kiss. Even with the soft press of lips, passion flared. The ever-present magnetic pull spilled over, and within seconds, Cas was leading Dean to the bedroom.

The care Dean showed him at the inn was given back in equal measure. Cas slowly undressed Dean before doing the same to himself. His lips ran over every inch of Dean’s body, paying special attention to the tender flesh of his inner thighs. Dean went pliant under Cas’s hands and mouth, his only movement the slight rocking of his hips. When Cas turned him over, Dean whimpered, pressing his body down into the bed before lifting his hips, displaying the glory of his backside to Cas. It was in that moment Cas realized he wanted to honor the gift Dean had so readily given him by offering something he had never thought he would desire. Yet, with Dean he wanted it all. The first kiss and slight nip on Dean’s ass received a welcome groan of pleasure. Using his hands, Cas pushed and pulled at the tender flesh, exposing Dean fully. 

“Cas,” moaned Dean with hints of awe and shock in his voice.

The response spurred Cas on and he swiped his tongue over Dean’s hole.

“Oh, fuck,” said Dean, voice wavering and body quaking. 

Cas held firm as Dean thrust his hips. Continuing his ministrations, he swirled his tongue, flattening it against Dean’s hole every few seconds. Dean writhed and moaned, trying desperately to press back into the heat of Cas’s mouth. Spearing his tongue, he breached the tight muscle, and Dean’s body arched violently.

“Cas, please,” Dean said, brokenly. “Need more.”

“Shh…I’ve got you,” said Cas as he slipped a finger into Dean. But it was not enough for the man below him and he begged for more, needy and panting through his pleas. By then, Cas was beyond desperate himself. His body ached to fill Dean, but he didn't want to hurt him by rushing. He slowed the thrust of his finger, readying to add another.

“No, no, Cas…please, now.”

“I will not hurt you.”

Dean groaned, “I want it. Need it.” Cas shook his head and looked up at Dean, surprised to find Dean staring at him with steel and fire. “I need to feel it. To feel something other than this gaping darkness.”

Cas’s eyes went wide. “Pain?” he breathed.

“Yes,” stated Dean. “Want to know I was here. That I have you.”

The clarity of Dean’s words and the command in his voice quelled any further arguments Cas had, so he slid his finger out and grabbed the lube from his nightstand. Dean shook his head when he saw the bottle. “Dean, I will give you what you asked for, but this,” Cas shook the bottle, “is nonnegotiable.” Not bothering to wait for Dean’s response, Cas slicked up his cock and pulled Dean’s hips off the bed. The snap of Cas’s hips, the ferocity of his thrust, pushed Dean up the bed as he cried out in both pain and pleasure. Cas gave no quarter, pulling Dean back on his cock as he pounded into Dean’s willing body. It was the most aggressive sex Cas ever experienced and his body begged for release, but he held off by sheer will. 

Dean sobbed and moaned, unintelligible words adding to the mix. Finally, his voice broke on a loud sob as he let go. Cas held him through his orgasm, pulling out and finishing himself off with three hard strokes, covering Dean’s ass and lower back with his release. Intentionally marking someone was outside his purview, but an unadulterated need had taken over. A need to keep Dean in some small way. Accepting his own motivations, Cas understood Dean’s request. He understood why Dean wanted to be able to feel their connection in a physical way in the days to come. Sliding up Dean’s body, he sheltered him in his arms, laying himself over Dean’s back. When he tipped his head to the side to look at Dean, he saw the tear tracks on his face. “Oh, Dean,” he whispered.

It was Dean’s turn to shush Cas. “I’m good,” said Dean, leaning forward to kiss Cas. After a series of lazy, sensual kisses, Dean rolled over slowly, keeping Cas’s body above him. “Mmmm…so good,” murmured Dean.

They lay together until the heat grew too much and their bodies began to itch. Showering quickly, they tumbled back into bed. Cas pulled Dean to his chest draping his arm over Dean’s chest. “Good night, Dean,” whispered Cas, receiving no reply except the sound of Dean’s steady breaths.

Cas woke before Dean, the afternoon sunlight streaming in the window illuminating Dean’s skin. It made Cas itch to touch the full expanse of Dean’s body. As tempting as it was, Cas refused to wake Dean, slipping out of bed and dressing quietly. When he reached his living room, he picked up his phone and texted work, apologizing for not going in and letting them know he would not be in the next morning. After he was done, he walked into the kitchen and started preparing lunch out of the meager ingredients in his fridge. Soon the room was filled with the scent of coffee and bacon. As he turned to go wake Dean, he spotted the man leaning on the wall watching him. “You’re beautiful,” said Dean, voice tender and soft.

“That’s my line,” responded Cas with a tiny smile.

“Maybe, but it doesn’t make my statement any less true,” Dean said as he stepped into the kitchen and kissed Cas.

“When they separated, Cas said, “No time for that, lunch is ready.”

Smacking Cas on the ass, Dean said, “There’s always time for that, but I am starving. I haven't eaten much lately.”

“Except way too much alcohol,” scolded Cas. “And don’t think I’m done berating you for driving drunk.”

“Yes, sir,” said Dean with a cheeky grin and equally cheeky salute.

Cas rolled his eyes and shoved a plate onto the table. “Sit down, shut up, and eat your BLT.” Cas’s harsh movement knocked the file folder onto the floor. The contents spilled out, photo after photo on display. Dean moved first picking up the images. He studied the pictures with, what Cas could only call, knowing eyes. “You recognize them?”

Dean shrugged. “Not exactly. This one looks Celtic. Heard a few of these Latin phrases before.”

“You speak Latin?” asked Cas.

“Nah, not really. That’s more Bobby’s gig. I suppose I picked up a few things from being around the old man.”

Mulling Dean’s words, Cas retrieved his own plate and two mugs of coffee. “Do you know what that symbol is? What it means?”

“No, it looks familiar, but beyond that I got nothing.”

With that, Cas gathered up the photos and shoved them all back into the folder, setting it aside. They ate in silence for several minutes until Dean cleared his throat. “That for a case?” he asked, gesturing at the file. “Thought you were on desk duty.”

“I am. It’s research. That’s what I do now - paperwork and research.”

“Research for what?”

Cas sat back and eyed Dean. His friend was definitely trying to act nonchalant as if he was just making conversation, but Cas sensed a hint of interest in Dean’s tone. “Not sure yet. And I can’t go into detail with you.”

Dean shrugged, “Yeah, I get it.”

“So far, it’s just a big jumble of locations, symbols, and strange occurrences. I’m looking for the link.”

With a raised eyebrow, Dean said, “Thought you couldn’t tell me anything.”

Cas chuckled, “Well, that’s all you’re getting, so I don’t think there’s any harm done.” Changing the subject, Cas asked, “What do you want to do while you’re here?”

“Figured you had to work.”

Smiling, Cas said, “You gave me an excuse to skip the tedium. So, I’m all yours for the rest of today and tomorrow.”

“Now that sounds promising,” smirked Dean.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the case heats up...
> 
> Welcome to all the new subscribers. Hope you are enjoying the journey. And as always thanks for the kudos and comments.

The screen on his phone illuminated again revealing Dean’s latest text message. Reading it over one more time prompted him to scroll back through their other texts. As he perused some, he chuckled at Dean’s childish humor. With others, he felt his face flush and immediately tried to will it away. The hand on his shoulder and the deep laugh next to him signaled his immense failure. Glancing to his side, he glared at his partner. 

Victor raised his hands and backed his chair away, acting sheepish while continuing to grin at Cas. “Don’t let me interrupt. I’ll just go see if there’s been any progress.”

“You do that,” said Cas, eyes already drifting back to his phone.

“Tell Dean hi for me,” Victor said as he ducked out of the room.

Cas wished he could, but Dean was out of contact for the next two days. It was why he was spending so much time staring at his old messages and listening to old voicemails. A practice, that with time, Cas had learned to accept about himself without the nagging voice telling him he was clingy and dependent. As he scrolled through the texts, he remembered the day six months prior when he accepted their situation and his reaction to it. It happened when he watched Dean come to terms with losing a brother and realizing he could not afford to lose the other. The constant checks of his phone, the pacing, the anxiety, the grief, the guilt. Dean exhibited so many of the traits Cas despised in himself, yet with Dean he understood, he empathized, he accepted them without question. Their conversation before Dean left Cas’s apartment sprang to mind.

_“I think I need to go see Sammy.”_

_“Are you sure you’re ready?”_

_Dean shrugged. “Yeah, I shouldn’t be mad at him for living his life. He stayed until he couldn’t anymore. He had to get back to school and the new woman in his life.”_

_“You didn’t tell me he had met someone,” said Cas._

_“I don’t know anything about her other than they’re dating and it’s new,” Dean responded before adding, “I hate that he’s afraid to tell me about the changes in his life, but I get it. Sometimes I hear myself talk and I sound like John.”_

_“You’ve mentioned that before.”_

_“Makes sense since it keeps happening. Like when I said Sam bailed. That’s something John would say. That’s something he said many times, and I picked it up. It’s not fair to Sam, and I need to fix it. I need my brother.”_

A few hours after that conversation, Dean had left. He spent the next three weeks visiting Sam, meeting his new girlfriend and Sam’s other friends, and constantly updating Cas. It became a part of their routine. They learned about the people in each of their lives. After months of listening to Dean talk about Sam, Cas’s vision of him was of an extremely intelligent man who was dedicated and serious. Quiet and studious, but also blunt and argumentative. Hints of Dean’s frustration and feelings of abandonment bled through when he talked about Sam, even as he displayed his immense pride in his younger brother, and it made Cas wonder how much seeing Sam only through Dean’s eyes distorted the image of-

The smack of a folder hitting his desk disrupted his train of thought. “We have a matching fingerprint.”

“What?” asked Cas as he pulled the file over to him and flipped it open.

“The one in Naperville and the one in Topeka.”

“Which one in Topeka?”

Victor sat down on the edge of Cas’s desk. “The John Doe.”

Closing his eyes, Cas ran through the details of both cases, placing them in the timeline of all the others. Two cases in a sea of many. “It’s not much when you consider the expanse of our findings.”

“Yeah, well, it’s a link. Two states, two crime scenes.”

“As different as they come. If Charlie hadn’t found the mark on the threshold, we would never have added Naperville to our case files.”

Pushing himself off the desk, Victor stood up and walked around to his own desk, flopping down into the chair. Cas watched his partner as he shuffled some papers around and picked up a pen. The tapping started and Cas knew better than to interrupt. The rhythm Victor used often told the story of what he needed. The fast tapping he was currently using meant he needed quiet, usually to form a plan. After a few minutes, Victor said, “We’ve compiled enough data and offered assistance where we could. But I think it's time we do our own canvassing. Sitting here is driving all of us insane, and it doesn’t seem to be doing us any good.”

Cas nodded his agreement but kept quiet and waited for Victor to finish.

With a small smile, Victor added, “We should start in Topeka and work our way back to Illinois.”

“All right,” Cas responded as he flipped through the case files on his computer. “So, if we take a pretty direct route, we have Topeka, Shenandoah, Ames, Belle Plaine, Platteville, and the four in Illinois.”

Victor’s eyes scanned his own computer. “We could send a team to do the other cases in Minnesota and Wisconsin, but I want Charlie with us. I think she’s developed a better eye for these symbols than either of us.”

“I agree,” said Cas as he leaned back in his chair and stared at Victor. “Before we go to Topeka, we should recanvass Naperville.”

Two days later, Cas knocked on the door of a professor from North Central College. Her husband disappeared from their home in the middle of the day three weeks prior. There were no signs of a struggle and his personal belongings – cell phone, wallet, keys, and ID badge – were in their usual location. His car was in the garage. The only oddity, until Charlie noted the mark on the threshold in the crime scene photos, was the work van which had been spotted in the neighborhood. The logo did not match the local gas company or any company in Illinois. The closest approximation was a company in Oregon which was the only reason the file ever ended up at the FBI. Nothing came of the initial investigation and the case was remanded back to the local authorities. The FBI’s return to the case was not exactly welcomed by the current investigators. As the door opened in front of him, Cas wondered what the welcome would be here.

Presenting his badge, Cas said, “Professor Daines, I’m Special Agent Novak and this is my partner Special Agent Henriksen.”

“The FBI was already here. Weeks ago.”

“I know and we’re sorry for intruding again, but new evidence has been discovered and our team is taking over the case. We would appreciate a few moments of your time.”

Nodding her head, she said, “Fine, follow me.”

Once seated, Victor began, “We have discovered a connection between your husband’s disappearance and another case. Do you have any connection to Topeka?”

“Not that I can think of. I’m not sure about James, but I suppose it’s possible.”

Cas sat forward. “Was James usually home during the day?”

“Yes, he worked from home, most days. Although he had started to go into the office a bit more frequently.”

“But he was supposed to be home that day.”

The professor closed her eyes. “Yes. We were supposed to meet for lunch, but he never showed. When he didn’t answer his phone, I drove home.” Her breath hitched. “He was just gone.”

Cas waited for her to compose herself before asking, “Was there a particular reason he was spending more time in the office?”

Visible tension spread across the professor’s face and her voice was pinched when she said, “There were issues with a new employee.”

Picking up the questioning, Victor asked, “Do you know what issues?”

Aggressively shaking her head, Professor Daines stood up and walked to the window. “I thought it was an affair, but James swore it was not. But she was this pretty, young slip of a woman, and I saw the way she looked at him.”

“Is this the woman who quit about a week before his disappearance?” asked Victor.

“Yes.”

“Professor,” said Cas, “Did you believe your husband?”

“I did, but after he…I just don’t know. They said they tracked the woman down and it was a dead end.”

After asking some other basic questions and getting approval for Charlie and her team to examine and take new photographs of the house, Cas and Victor both stood. “That’s all the questions we have right now. If there is anything else you think of, anything at all, please call.”

As she walked them to the door, Professor Daines said, “There was one thing I thought was strange. A reporter came by last week, but he was from an out of state newspaper.”

Victor stopped. “Do you remember which one?”

“No, and he didn’t give me a card. Which also seemed odd?”

“Do you remember the state?”

A perplexed expression settled on her face. “No,” she said hesitantly.

“Could you describe him?” asked Cas.

“Um…tall, brown hair, I think. No, wait maybe it was blond. I’m sorry…I haven’t slept much.”

With a tip of his head, Cas said, “I understand. Take some time and think about it. Give us a call if you remember any other details.”

Over the next days, they heard similar stories and rarely received any new information. A pattern, however, was becoming clear. Other people were interested in these cases, often interjecting themselves into the investigation. Reporters from unknown publications meeting with victims or the victim’s family members. In Belle Plaine, they discovered an unidentified FBI team had approached the local authorities and spent two days in town, and hours after their departure the missing woman showed up at her home with no explanation of her whereabouts and no recollection of the events leading to her disappearance. The last two months were a blank slate.

Growing more frustrated as they traveled, Victor and Cas began to bicker like an old married couple. It was Charlie who finally snapped and told them to grow up. After the confrontation, the two men apologized to each other and to the others accompanying them. It went a long way toward soothing everyone’s nerves and only two days later the team made some much-needed progress.

Victor stepped into the small conference room in the back of the Peoria Police Department. “We got another case. Same MO as Naperville except the missing person is a woman and a similar symbol was found on the threshold. I just got confirmation from the Butte Police Department. We have another fingerprint match. Charlie any luck on deciphering the symbol?”

“Not yet. Although we found some similarities to fertility symbols.”

“All right. Maybe the new mark will help,” Victor said before turning to Cas. “The husband of the victim reported a visit from a reporter. Out of state, tall, brown hair.”

“Just like Naperville. I assume they couldn’t remember anything else.”

“No.”

Cas shook his head and started pacing. “How is it possible that no one remembers significant details about a strange visitor, asking questions about their missing or deceased loved one?”

“At least the description of the fake FBI agents was more descriptive,” said Victor, his voice laced with sarcasm.

Chuckling, Cas said, “Oh yes, _old_ really narrows it down.”

“I love the sheriff who seemed to think ‘anywhere from forty to sixty’ was helpful.” 

Both men laughed, even as they griped some more. It continued until Charlie interrupted them. “If you two are done whining, I got something.” The laughter stopped immediately and both agents turned their full attention to their resident computer genius. “Good,” she said, “We were right. Part of the symbol represents fertility. We have a male symbol in Butte and female symbols in Naperville and the Barker case in Topeka. If you look at the pictures, the fertility sign is visible to the outside when the door is shut.”

“Well, shit,” groaned Victor as he ran his hand over the top of his head. 

“What?” asked Charlie, squinting in confusion.

“It’s a mark.”

“Yeah, I got that,” she said with a bit of bite.

“What Victor means is that it’s possible the person or persons is tagging the house beforehand. Marking who to take.”

Charlie looked down at her computer screen. “So, this means we could have more than one perpetrator.”

“It means we could have a whole crew,” clarified Victor. 

“But then why are we only getting one matching fingerprint?” asked Charlie.

Sitting down, Cas rolled his chair closer to Charlie. “Because it’s likely they have one designated person to extract the victim.”

“Okay, so, where do we go from here?”

Victor stepped over to the map on the wall. “Butte is beyond our original search parameters. We need to expand our search area.”

Staring at his partner’s back, Cas said, “I think it’s time for this to be nationwide. And I think we need to send out directives to every agency and police department asking them to find any unsolved case that seemed odd and run any unidentified fingerprints associated with those cases.”

“Cas?” chided Victor.

“What?” snapped Cas. “We have twenty-six cases right now, in twelve states. Each week seems to add another case and another state.”

Victor eyed his partner. “For accuracy’s sake, we now have twenty-seven cases and thirteen states. But the connection between some of them is miniscule. Come on, we’re adding cases with one element matching or if it’s strange in anyway.”

“It’s more than that and you know it, and we’ve eliminated plenty of cases that don’t fit enough of the criteria.” Cas crossed his arms and stared at his partner. “You know I’m right.”

“Yeah, and I hate it,” complained Victor before he added, “It’s time to go home and prepare for the inundation of emails and calls. You know, they’re all going to try and dump their unsolved cases on us.”

Charlie bounced up from her chair. “Don’t worry, my team works fast and the program I wrote will weed out the junk.”

Laying down on his bed, Cas crossed his ankles and sighed deeply. Another late night, in a series of late nights spanning months. Another set of cases adding to the workload. Fifty-four and counting to date. Fingerprint matches for Naperville, Butte, and Topeka in an additional nine cases. Twelve cases, with only four similar MO’s. Six other cases connected by a different set of prints. An additional thirteen states and no end in sight. And additional manpower, all needing to be brought up to speed. No wonder Cas was exhausted. Talking was the last thing he wanted to do, but he had promised Dean they could have a real conversation after being relegated to texting over the last week. Taking several deep breaths, Cas tried to release the tension from his body, relaxing his muscles and clearing his mind. When he felt marginally better, he picked up his phone.

“Hey, you,” said Dean with a bright smile. Cas tried to give his friend a smile in return, but it fell short. “You okay?”

Exhaling heavily, Cas admitted, “I’ve been better, but I don’t want to talk about it or me. Where are you?”

“I’m at Bobby’s. Taking the next few days off.” Dean glanced down and away, jostling the camera as he moved, bringing more of his body into the frame.

“What the hell is that?” asked Cas.

“Fuck, you weren’t supposed to see that.”

Anger flooded Cas’s system and all the tension of the past weeks erupted. “I wasn’t supposed to see that. Really? So, you were just going to lie to me. Well, fuck you, Dean.” At those words, Dean’s face fell. “Don’t give me that look. I’m not letting you off the hook. Not this time.”

“Cas, I was going to tell you. I…um…just wanted to ease you into it,” said Dean as he turned his head in the direction of a gruff voice yelling, _Damn, idjit. I told you to tell him_. “Shut it, Bobby. Quit eavesdropping on my conversations.” 

“If you weren’t such a damn fool, I wouldn’t have to,” responded the gruff voice before a door slammed. 

Dean brought his gaze back to the phone. “Uh…so that was Bobby.”

“I like him,” declared Cas.

“Of course, you do.”

“Now tell me how the hell you broke your leg.”

Dean rolled his eyes and leaned back, swinging his leg onto the couch, letting Cas see the extent of the cast. “I fell out a window,” mumbled Dean.

With a scoff, Cas said, “Just because you said it quietly and unintelligibly doesn’t mean I didn’t actually hear it or understand what you said.”

“A guy can hope,” responded Dean. Cas glared at him, staring him down until the man cracked. “You win. Yes, I fell out a window. Well, um…more like jumped, but since I didn’t stick the landing-”

Cas shook his head as he cut Dean off, “You DIDN’T stick the landing. That’s what you’re going with.”

Dean grinned widely. “Yeah, cause I usually stick the landing.”

Cas’s lips quirked up without his permission. “Dammit,” he said, chiding himself, “that fucking smile gets me every time.” Dean chuckled and winked at Cas. “I’m still mad at you,” stated Cas.

“I know I should have called you when it happened. Bobby said I was being stupid, but you were so busy and you’ve been so stressed, Cas. I didn’t want to add to it.”

“You don’t add to my stress except when you do things like this. When did it happen?”

Guilt filled Dean’s face. “Uh…last week. Surgery was on Monday morning.”

“So, when we talked that day…”

“I was in the hospital.”

Running a hand down his face, practically scrubbing his frustration into his skin, Cas said, “Dean, you have to stop trying to dictate what I can handle. I’m your friend, not your responsibility. I’m not Sam.”

“I know. And I’m sorry. I’m just not used to having a relationship like ours.”

“That makes two of us but keeping things from me is never the way to go. Understood?” demanded Cas.

“Yes.”

Cas smiled. “Now how many more times are we going to have this exact conversation before you get it. Should I be keeping track?”

Dean threw one of his hands in the air. “You and Bobby would get along well. You know that.”

“I’d like to meet him someday. He seems like a wise man.”

“Oh, he is, but don’t tell him I said that. Speaking of Bobby, he was showing me some book of symbols and it got me thinking about the one I saw at your place. I tried to describe it to him, but it was a long time ago so I’m not sure how accurate I w-”

“Dean,” Cas said cutting him off. “You shouldn’t have seen that file and you shouldn’t be talking about it.”

Sitting forward slightly, Dean responded, “I didn’t set out to talk about it. I’m bored and driving Bobby crazy so he keeps giving me crap to keep me busy. And that’s how I ended up seeing a similar symbol and asked him about it. That’s all.”

Closing his eyes, Cas took a deep breath. “Fine, but please don’t bring it up anymore.”

“Okay,” Dean agreed before adding, “Are you guys getting anywhere on this big mysterious case?”

“Dean,” scolded Cas.

Dean rested his head back against the couch. “Fine, fine. No more questions, even though it would help me get through the immense boredom I am facing for the foreseeable future. Keep your FBI secrets and don’t share them with your needy friend.”

“My secrets,” barked Cas, “That’s rich coming from you. You can barely even put a label on your job.”

“Yeah, well, that’s because in my line of work some shady shit happens, and I don’t want to compromise you,” said Dean, humor lacing every word.

Taking in Dean’s words and his tone, Cas tried to accept them as the joke they were meant to be, but that little voice in the back of his mind told him there was more than likely a hint of truth in his friend’s words. Bounty hunters often skated a fine line. Getting the job done sometimes required a crafty interpretation of the laws. Charlie would understand completely as a hacker’s job sat at the fringes of lawful society, and often, in her words, they pushed the boundaries for the sake of that society. Cas knew Charlie and Dean were cut from the same cloth. He saw it often and he should not be surprised Dean walked the same tightrope, sometimes losing his balance, too. 

“You, okay, there, Cas?” asked Dean.

“I’m good, just thinking about how you and Charlie are similar. You know she’s dying to meet you and she’s pissed that I always forget to take a picture of you.”

“How is that possible? Does something distract you from that mission?” asked Dean, voice deep and sensual.

Cas groaned, “You’re an ass.”

“I’m your ass,” quipped Dean.

Bolting upright, Cas said, “You did not just say that.”

“I did and I meant it. Would you like me to show you?”

Heavy footfalls followed the slamming of a door. “Boy, you better not be having phone sex in the middle of my living room, on my damn couch.”

Dean’s face turned bright crimson, even as he snarked back. “It’s not phone sex if you can see each other.”

“It’s not? Then what is it?” inquired Cas with a chuckle.

“You be quiet. Both of you be quiet. I’m stuck on this damn couch and can’t get-”

Cas interrupted with a command, “Do not finish that sentence, Dean Winchester.”

“Listen to your boyfriend,” yelled Bobby.

Dean sat up and glanced over the back of the couch. “For the hundredth time, he’s not my boyfriend.”

“I’m not,” said Cas, clutching his chest in mock indignation.

Scowling into the phone, Dean said, “All right, that seals the deal, you two are not allowed to meet.” There was little heat in Dean’s voice despite the angry expression on his face, and within seconds he cracked a smile. “You think you’re funny. Don’t you?”

“Hmmm…maybe,” Cas murmured. “I wish I could come and take away your boredom. But we’re back on the road the day after tomorrow.”

“Jesus, Cas, how many days have you even been home in the last month?”

With a sigh, Cas said, “Funny you should ask. Charlie spent part of the day yesterday totaling our logged miles and hours on the road. Needless to say, I have a right to be exhausted and to crawl under these covers and stay for a week. Which would be longer than I’ve been home this month.”

“You’re starting to sound like me.”

“The difference is I have a place to go home to,” stated Cas with a hint of a grin.

“Hey, now, Bobby’s is home.”

Cas laughed, “I stand corrected. Will you be staying there until you get the cast off?”

“Yeah, not like I have much choice.”

“I heard that,” said Bobby.

Dean shook his head and chuckled. “You see why I could never get away with anything around him. I swear he hears everything.”

“My mother is the same way,” Cas said with a nod.

“Have you seen her lately?”

“She came to visit last week. It was good to see her even if she kept pointing out how tired I looked. She kept recommending treatments for the bags under my eyes.”

Smirking, Dean asked, “Which ones have you tried?”

“Thanks for that,” Cas deadpanned before he cracked a loud yawn. “I hate to cut this short, but-”

“Hey, Cas, no. You need sleep. We can talk more another time.” Despite the statement, both men sat silently and stared at each other for several heartbeats. “Night, Cas,” Dean eventually said as he signed off.

The next weeks passed with an increasingly agitated Dean and an overly stressed Cas. They talked almost daily but in short spurts and with quick goodbyes. Cas could hear Dean’s need to get back on the road, and he often heard Bobby’s wish for the same. Hearing the grumbled comments in the background had become commonplace on their calls, giving rise to an image of the man in Cas’s mind. He had yet to see Bobby, catching only brief glimpses of flannel and a baseball cap as he slipped in and out of the room. And even though Dean found his whole situation frustrating, Cas appreciated the peek into that part of Dean’s life. The interesting thing was Charlie was getting something similar. She often heard parts of their conversation and had interjected on several occasions. And as Cas had suspected, Dean and Charlie meshed easily. Kindred spirits, she called it, although she continued to be bitter they had not met in person, to which Dean simply laughed. The more she complained and pouted the more he chuckled about it. 

On one of those late-night phone calls, Cas and Charlie’s phones both chimed. With a rushed goodbye, they each read their incoming texts, alerting them to two new victims. Decapitated and burned in Racine, Wisconsin. 

Cas placed the call to the office. “Why is it one of ours?”

“There was a fake FBI team in town asking questions about four missing teens a few days before the bodies were found.”

“Any word on the teens?”

“Yep. An anonymous tip led them to an abandoned house where all four teens were found dead of exsanguination.”

“All right, thanks, Riley. Charlie and I are on our way in. Assemble your group and Maggie’s group. Leave everyone else out for now. They need a break.”

“Got it, boss.”

Cas rolled his eyes as he hung up the phone.

“She called you _boss_ again.”

“Yes.”

“At least she’s not nervous and shy around you anymore,” said Charlie, and Cas had to agree. Riley was always a capable and dedicated agent, but once she let go of her nerves she shined. Charlie bumped her shoulder into Cas. “Lead the way, boss.”

“Don’t.”

“Why not?” whined Charlie, and it didn’t stop there. She badgered him in the elevator and in the car. She finally dropped the topic when they got to the office. 

A hive of activity was already under way. Victor caught sight of them amidst the chaos and immediately crossed the room. As he approached, Charlie ducked away. “We got a vague description of the FBI impersonators. They match the ones in Belle Plaine,” stated Victor.

“That’s the one where the missing woman showed up without any memory of her ordeal. So, in one case, we have no bodies and the missing person returns unharmed, and the other has six dead bodies with two modes of death. How the hell does this make any sense? I feel like the more we learn the further away the answers are.”

“Join the club,” said Victor. “I think we send Riley’s team to Racine and she should take Charlie. You and I should still head out to Tulsa and take Maggie’s team.”

“That’s fine by me. Tulsa makes twenty-five fingerprint linked cases with twelve dead. I think it deserves priority. Is Shep still planning on going with us?”

“No, she’s planning on going to Racine.” 

Cas turned away from Victor and scanned the room. “All right, let’s get to work.”

Two days later, Cas stared at his computer screen, taking in the disturbing images. The strange ebb and flow in the level of violence was confounding. It was an aberration from all other serial killers. Some of the oldest cases were by far the most graphic and bloody. And some of the recent ones didn’t even have a murder victim. There was no discernible pattern of any kind. And Tulsa was no exception. The fingerprint found on one of the bodies matched Naperville, but there was no mention of a strange reporter. Instead there were bogus FBI agents. One young, one old. One male, one female. Oddly, there was no mention of the agents in the official file. The case was five years old and had been shelved as a cold case. The three victims were all children and had been found with their hearts missing. The disappearances and deaths spanned a three-month period. As he stared at the pictures of their young faces, Cas started to wonder when it had all started. Who was the first victim? Why the differences in the cause of death? Why leave some victims alive? And how and why did the killer’s desires change over time, and when exactly had they started to refer to a single killer again? And what did the burglaries and other petty crimes have to do with it all?

“He’s not using them for money. That’s for sure,” said Victor, making Cas snap his head up in surprise. “What?” asked Victor, “You were mumbling under your breath again. I know by now to listen to your musings. Sometimes they give us our best leads.” 

“Not this time I’m afraid. These are the first children we’ve added to his case file. Why go after kids then and not now? It doesn’t add up.”

“Nothing adds up. And I think that might be the problem.”

Cas turned and fully faced his partner. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I think we’ve been looking at this all wrong. Putting this guy in the category with other serial killers is hindering our investigation. I know the death count made it inevitable that he would end up there, but I think we need to forget that line of inquiry.”

Shutting his computer, Cas pushed back from the table and stood up. “So, we look at each case individually. Try to solve the different components of them without looking at them through the lens of the larger case. What does that tell us about this one? Why hearts?” With those questions hanging in the air, Cas sat back down in front of his computer. Hours passed as the two men reviewed and rehashed every detail. The sound of Cas’s phone interrupted their latest discussion. “Hello, Shep,” said Cas.

“Cas, when you two are done in Tulsa, I want you to come to Racine.”

“Did you find a connection to Tulsa?”

“No, but we have differing descriptions of our FBI impersonators from the victims’ family members, and we don’t think it’s an honest mistake. Somebody is intentionally lying to us. Also, you need to see the scenes and the bodies. This wasn’t a typical exsanguination with some blood loss. All four were completely drained. There is something we’re missing. I feel it.”

Cas huffed, “I’ve been saying that to myself for months. Victor has too, so we’re reworking the details on this case and plan to do the same for the others.”

“Well, good. Once you get here you can fill us all in and we can start again. If word gets out about the extent of these crimes and we have nothing to show for our months of work…” Shep trailed off as she sighed. “I don’t even want to think about the repercussions. We need a concrete lead.”

“I know. We should be able to wrap up here tomorrow.”

“I’ll expect you on Wednesday, then. And send Maggie's team home,” Shep stated before hanging up.

Cas looked over at his partner who was typing on his phone. “I heard. Makes you wonder how many of these vague descriptions have been the truth. Okay, so, Wednesday morning flights. We got 6:15 or 8:30.”

“Go with 6:15,” said Cas. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold on tight...

Arms wrapped around Cas’s waist and a solid body slid up behind him. “Mmmm…something smells good,” whispered Dean as his lips brushed Cas’s ear, “and the food doesn’t smell too bad either.”

“What a compliment,” said Cas, breath hitching as Dean’s lips skimmed over his neck. Turning his head, he captured Dean’s lips in a needy kiss. Licking across Dean’s mouth until he opened to him. Food forgotten, he turned in Dean’s arms and cupped his face, deepening the kiss. When Cas finally released him, he breathed, “Good morning, Dean.”

“That certainly made it one. After last night I wasn’t expecting you to be so energetic this morning. Aren’t you sore? I know I am.”

“Yoga and running. You should try it.”

Dean laughed, “Yeah, no. Not gonna happen. I get enough running on the job and yoga…Can you even picture me doing that?” Flashes of Dean in different yoga positions flooded Cas’s mind and a smile came unbidden to his lips. “Oh, you are so picturing it,” snarked Dean as he snapped his hips forward, rutting against Cas’s hardening length. “Forget the food, take me back to bed.”

Shoving Dean back, Cas prepared to do just that before he shook his head and said, “No, no. We are not throwing away another meal because you can’t keep your libido in check.”

“Me,” chuckled Dean, “I’m pretty sure last night was all you. As I recall, I had little say in the matter.”

“Yes, well, I may have finished it, but you started it by climbing in my lap at the damn dinner table.”

Dean stepped back into Cas’s personal space, placing his hands on Cas’s firm chest. “You were wearing the shirt, Cas, and talking to me in that sexy as voice of yours. What did you expect?”

Rolling his eyes, Cas said, “I wasn’t doing anything special with my voice.”

Shrugging his shoulders, Dean said, “Doesn’t matter. Being in your vicinity and hearing your voice after months apart…that’s all it takes. I fucking need you, Cas. I need to see you and talk to you. I need to be with you. I need your stupid blue eyes and your gravel voice and these damn fine arms that can carry me to bed. And I need the heat of your body and I need your cock. I need to feel you and touch you. I just…” Dean’s voice broke as his head dropped to rest on Cas’s chest.

“I missed you, too, Dean. Every day, but especially at night. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Dean’s head snapped up. “What do you mean?”

“This is getting more difficult. Pretending we’re friends with benefits when it’s so-” Cas stopped when he saw a guarded look on Dean’s face. Taking a deep breath, he said, “We are more than that. You just gave me a whole list to prove we are more than that. What are you afraid of?”

“Don’t,” snapped Dean. “Don’t put this all on me. When I was laid up at Bobby’s and he called you my boyfriend, you agreed we weren’t boyfriends. You joked about it.”

“And you immediately denied it, so what was I supposed to do.”

Dean furrowed his brow and took a big step back. “Are you saying you wanted me to agree with him?”

“No. I don’t know,” said Cas, shaking his head in frustration. “I told you this is difficult. I know what we are. What we promised. I know the distance makes this…” Cas waved his arms around wildly, “whatever this is, but sometimes I want-” Cas halted, feeling deflated by his own confusion on the matter.

“So, let me ask this, you carved out this time for us and asked me to meet you here, what did you want?”

Only one word came to mind. “Time,” sighed Cas, “I wanted time.”

“Cas?” Dean uttered mournfully.

“What? It’s true. We never get enough time. I thought I was the type of person who could handle this type of relationship, but I’m finding out I’m not. I want more,” stated Cas as he reached out for Dean. Pulling him closer, he added, “With you.”

Dean cupped Cas’s cheek. “It’s not like I don’t want the same, but our lives, our jobs…Come on, Cas, you know it’s impossible, especially right now.”

“Right now?” inquired Cas.

Placing a gentle kiss on Cas’s lips, Dean slid his hand to the back of Cas’s neck, holding him steady. “The case you’re working on is consuming your time and energy. And you can’t vent about it with me or let me shoulder some of the burden.” Cas closed his eyes and sighed, but before he could address the issue, Dean added, “And I understand why you can’t, so we don’t need to rehash that discussion. But that does not change the facts.”

Cas tipped his head forward, resting their foreheads together. “Sometimes I want to quit,” whispered Cas, the ache in his chest growing. It eased as Dean threaded his fingers into Cas’s hair, massaging as he went. The touch felt amazing and Cas could not stop his moan of pleasure.

With a firm press of his fingers, Dean said, “You need this.” Pulling back, he took Cas’s hand and led him from the kitchen. “That tub we never got around to using is calling our name.” 

Cas went willingly, only stopping when the smell of smoke engulfed them. “Dammit Dean. We ruined another meal,” he said as he pulled his hand free and turned back toward the kitchen.

“Nope. You go run the bath,” said Dean, grabbing Cas’s shoulder before jogging past him. “I’ll clean this up and join you in a minute.”

With a small smile, Cas watched Dean walk away, only leaving when Dean left his line of sight. He made his way slowly to the large bathroom, appreciating the beauty of the space. As he filled the tub, he ran over their conversation, struggling to find another solution. If he was honest with himself, he knew it was futile. Their work kept them apart and would continue to do so. And the longer the nightmare of a case continued, the less time they had and the further apart they grew. His muscles tightened at the negative thoughts and the case flooded his mind. They had made some progress since Racine. A black car spotted leaving several crime scenes, bearded FBI impersonators, a slightly more detailed description of the reporter which seemed to match the description of another FBI impersonator. The information began to weave the disparate parts of the cases into a cohesive narrative. Victor’s initial assessment after Charlie identified the fertility symbols was looking more and more likely. A crew, but what kind and for what purpose. Cas could not find it in himself to label it a cult, even if others on the team had already done so. It just didn’t sit right with him. The cases differed too greatly and were spread too far. Charlie and Victor agreed with him. They all thought they were missing a big piece of the puzzle. 

“Hey, hey, Cas, wake up,” shouted Dean as he pressed up against him. “Don’t think we need that much water. Unless you plan on flooding the floor.”

Cas blinked and his eyes focused on the tub. The water was almost to the edge and would have spilled over within seconds if Dean had not arrived and shut it off. “Sorry,” he muttered.

“It’s okay, Cas. I just wish I could take your mind off it and make you forget for a few hours.”

“You do. You’re the only one who can.”

“Good to know,” said Dean as he drained some of the water. “Now get your clothes off, get in the tub, and let me work my magic,” he added with a wink and a smile. Both served to make Cas chuckle and to erase some of his swirling thoughts, but it was the touch of Dean’s hand on the small of his back as he climbed into the tub that made Cas fully relax. Dean’s body slid in behind him and his hands immediately started rubbing Cas’s shoulders. His strong hands soon slid down along Cas’s spine, fingers pressing and kneading the muscles. “I love your back,” whispered Dean as his lips grazed the base of Cas’s neck. 

“Hmmm…” moaned Cas, leaning back into the wet heat of Dean’s mouth. The sensation sent tingles down his body, settling in his groin. “Dean, please,” he groaned when Dean nipped behind his ear. Dean’s hand slid from the small of Cas’s back around his waist and a took a firm grip on Cas’s half-hard cock. 

“Is this what you want?”

“Yes,” breathed Cas, bucking up into Dean’s fist. The first stroke on his cock sent Cas crashing back against Dean. An arm snaked around him and came to rest across his chest, hand placed directly over Cas’s rapidly beating heart. The pace Dean set was slow and languorous. It was everything Cas needed and not enough all at the same time. Cas found himself wanting to beg for more all the while relishing in the sensual, loving touch. Because despite the time apart and the distance that cropped up between them, when they were together that was what they shared. No matter if Cas fucked Dean senseless, or Dean traced Cas’s entire body with his mouth. It all came from the same place. A place of faith, trust, and love. 

The realization was all-encompassing and overwhelming, and before Cas recognized the signs his orgasm rippled through his body, and he spilled over Dean’s hand, long and intense. The gasp and groan behind him made him turn his head to see Dean staring back at him, eyes filled with lust and awe. The words came to him again. Words that often swirled in these moments. Words Cas always bit back, but he heard himself say, “I love you,” before he could contain them. The body behind him tensed and the face in front of him paled, and Cas felt a crack form in his heart. He tried to pull away, averting his eyes and shaking his head as he did. The denial of his own words was on the tip of his tongue, something about the heat of the moment or emotional overload. All of it was bullshit, but Cas was determined to try. Before he opened his mouth, firm hands pulled him back and his mouth was devoured in a hot, wet kiss. He could feel the desperation in the press of Dean’s tongue, the way it begged for entrance and swept in with force, searching and demanding. Cas opened to the onslaught and let Dean take what he needed. The press of Dean’s mouth matched the press of the cock against his back. His thrusts were erratic and his sounds were needy. And when Dean’s orgasm hit, he collapsed, burying his face in Cas’s neck and whispered a broken, “Love you, too.”

They sat like that long enough for the water to turn cold and for Cas to start shivering. The movement must have snapped Dean out of his trance because he said, “Shit, Cas, you’re freezing.”

“I think we need a shower to warm up.”

“And clean up,” said Dean, frowning down at the murky water. 

Cas chuckled at the disgusted expression. “It’s not that bad, Dean. You swallow it.”

“Yeah, no, that is not the same. At all. This is nasty. Get up so I can get out,” complained Dean as he shoved at Cas’s immovable back. “Come on, Cas, please,” he whined. With a quick kiss and one final laugh, Cas stood up, turning to pull Dean up with him. He led him to the large shower, wrapping his arms around him as they stepped under the lukewarm water. “Could have waited ‘til it warmed up, you ass,” said Dean as he started to shiver. 

“Sorry, just wanted to get the cooties off you.”

“You did not just say cooties,” said Dean with a snort. Cas grinned at him and was not the least surprised when Dean kissed the grin off his face. The shower turned into a series of kisses and a whole lot of wandering hands. When they finally exited, their skin was wrinkled and flushed. A calmness permeated around them until their eyes locked and the enormity of what had occurred crashed down on them. They each averted their eyes and grew shifty. Cas flexed his hands and shifted his feet. He heard several deep exhales and the shuffle of Dean’s feet. Reaching for a towel, Cas tried to ignore the sounds and focus on quickly drying himself. He left the bathroom first without looking back, dressing in a rush and scurrying back to the kitchen. _Just make breakfast_ , he thought as he tried to distract himself. He worked too fast, banging the pans and shutting cabinet doors too harshly, so when Dean walked in he did not hear him. 

The nervously uttered, _Cas_ , made him jump, after which he froze. It took several deep breaths for him to respond. “Dean?”

“Are we going to talk about this?”

“Do you want to?”

“Cas answer the question,” stated Dean.

With a nod, Cas turned to face Dean. “We should,” said Cas, resigned. “I meant it.”

“That’s good to know,” responded Dean as he took a step toward Cas.

Holding out his hands, Cas said, “I’ve felt it for a long time, but…” He paused unsure of how to proceed. Dean closed the distance between them, and they wrapped their arms around each other. “I was afraid,” he finally said as Dean watched him intently.

Green eyes lit with understanding. “I wanted to tell you, too, but it didn’t seem fair to you. To us. This is already so complicated.”

“I’m glad I know.”

Dean smiled, shyly. “Good,” he whispered before placing a kiss on Cas’s forehead. “We really suck at just being friends. Should have listened to Bobby. He’s been telling me for months. Man, he’s going to be impossible when he finds out.”

“If it helps, we are friends, so we did get that part right.”

With a chuckle and shake of his head, Dean said, “Nah, that won’t help. The whole _friends_ thing was how he explained it to me.” 

“What do you mean?”

Dean gave him another kiss before stepping out of his arms. “I’ll explain, but I’m starving,” he said as he pulled the eggs out of the fridge. He started making breakfast and Cas joined him, earning a bright smile. “Friends aren’t really my strong suit. When I was young, I didn’t really get the chance to have them and when I got older, I tried a few times but people tend to come and go in my life. So, just the fact I kept in contact with you and made an effort to see you was enough for Bobby. I guess it’s sort of an all or nothing for me. I don’t do casual-” Dean stopped speaking when Cas huffed a laugh. Setting the pan of eggs aside, he turned to look at Cas, quirking his lips in a sheepish grin. “Yeah, okay, so casual sex I do, but I don’t do casual when it comes to friends. As Bobby explained it to me, my friends are family.”

Cas’s breath caught, and he faltered as he said, “I’m family?”

“Yeah, you are,” Dean said quietly, a blush settling on his face. With a huff, he looked away and added, “Now shut up and finish the sausage. I’ve spent all the emotional capital I have. The rest of the day is food, sex, TV, and zero conversation.”

Part of Cas was still processing the latest revelation, but he let it go for the moment, content to play into Dean’s change of subject. “So, you don’t want me to talk when I’m fucking you into the mattress.”

“Jesus, fuck, Cas,” yelped Dean as he dropped the spatula, splattering the stove with scrambled eggs. “Look what you made me do. And dammit,” he said, grabbing the spatula and aggressively pointing it at Cas, “you know that’s not what I meant.”

“Oh, yes, I seem to recall you saying you need my gravel voice.”

“Don’t be so smug.”

“So, you don’t need it,” said Cas with a tilt of his head.

“Fuck you, Cas, and your damn sexy voice and head tilt thingy.” Dean ducked his head and started stirring the eggs, muttering under his breath, “Sexy fucking adorable cocky asshole.”

Cas stepped behind Dean, placing his hands on Dean’s hips. Leaning in and brushing his lips along Dean’s neck, he whispered, “I love you, too.” Dean shuddered, stumbling back into Cas. With Dean pressed up against him, he added, “My perfect, sexy, cuddly, beautiful man.”

“I am yours,” said Dean, voice quavering.

“I know,” stated Cas as he held Dean close, soaking in the heat and quelling the shaking in Dean’s body. After several heartbeats, Cas let go and stepped back. Without a word he plated their food and set it down on the table. “Join me?” he said, holding out his hand. Dean walked over and took it, entangling their fingers and holding firmly as they ate. “What’s going to happen with this place?” asked Cas after finishing half his plate. 

“I don’t know. She isn’t coming back, but she doesn’t want to sell it.”

“I hate to see it just sit empty and eventually rot away.”

Dean shrugged. “Seems like whoever she hired is doing a good job with the upkeep. And it doesn’t always sit empty. We aren’t the only people she lets stay here.”

“Ah…that’s good. I wish…” Cas’s voice trailed off, annoyed with himself for wishful thinking.

“I feel the same,” said Dean.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Yeah, well, I know you, and I know you love this place and what it represents.”

“And what’s that?” asked Cas.

“A place for us to be together, away from the world.”

Setting his fork down, Cas sat back and gazed at the man seated next to him. They had come a long way since that first weekend together. The time spent simply talking and getting to know each other, made even more necessary with the heavy reliance on the phone. Distance had its draw backs, but it also had the benefit of forcing them to reveal themselves with depth and breadth. It had started that first night with shared confessions and shared need. It was strange to think his faith in Dean stemmed from that first encounter. Never before had he connected with a person so easily and so readily. And he knew for Dean it was much the same. They shared a bond which at times seemed shaken by circumstances in their lives. By missed phone calls and misunderstandings. By stubbornness and bursts of anger. But in the end, the bond never truly wavered because it was rooted in faith and now, love. And Dean was right. This place symbolized all that for Cas. 

“Are you done?” he asked, voice cracked with emotion, “Because I’d like to start to fulfill your next request.”

“Ohhh…” said Dean, eyes wide.

“I believe sex came after food.”

Dean nodded eagerly, pushing his chair back and jumping to his feet. “Yep. What are you planning? Wanna fuck me into the mattress?”

“I think that can be arranged. If you behave,” Cas said. Dean closed his eyes and groaned in response. Cas stood, moving into Dean’s personal space and pulling him flush against him. “Dean?” said Cas forcefully.

“Oh, shit…Cas,” Dean said as he backed up a step. “If you want me to be coherent enough to answer, you can’t go pressing your body against me.”

“Who said I want you to be coherent? Now, get moving. I expect you naked and on the bed by the time I join you.” As Cas started picking up the plates, he heard Dean shuffle out of the room. Needing to touch Dean, he dumped the plates in the sink and quickly followed the sound of Dean’s footsteps and a trail of clothes. The man was everything he ever wanted, and Cas was going to do his damnedest to be the same for Dean. That was the plan, anyway, until unforeseen circumstances obliterated it.

The world they had created over almost two years, the one crowned by their time at the inn, shattered in the wake of a heartbeat. In the blink of an eye. In the pixelated image on a screen. It shattered into a million pieces along with Cas’s heart. The echoes of deceit and shock reverberated in Cas’s mind. Crashing back and forth as if his head was being slammed repeatedly into a brick wall. He tried to rein in his reaction, fighting to breathe evenly. He could not let the others see. He could not let them know the war in his mind or the pain coursing through his body. He prayed his face did not show the shock. Hoped it had not paled, although the nausea wafting over him signaled it most likely had. Bracing his hands on his chair, he fought down the urge to vomit, the urge to flee, the urge to cry, the urge to scream, making himself look at the image again. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he was seeing things. 

It was the wrong choice because the second glance only confirmed the first. There he was in all his beauty with his beast of a car in the background. Even with only his back showing, the bowed legs and the well-known coat sealed it for Cas. He couldn’t process it, and he couldn’t stay seated. Pushing his chair back, he stood, waving Charlie off, when she glanced up at him. In a rush he left the room. His breathing grew ragged and his feet automatically carried him to the bathroom. He emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet, continuing to heave as he struggled to breathe. Sweat ran down his neck and his fingers began to ache with his death grip on the toilet. When he finally stopping gagging, he sat back on his heels and forced himself to release his fingers. Shaking out his hands, he stared at them. Remembering the way they slid over Dean’s body. The way he arched into the press of Cas’s fingers. Tears filled his eyes and a sob broke free. For several moments he let them flow, only wiping them away when anger surged in his chest. Anger at Dean. Anger at himself. 

Remembering the nagging feeling, the tug, he often felt when he talked to Dean. The questions he didn’t ask. The burner phone. Charlie’s face that day. What had she wanted to share? Why hadn’t he let her? Other clues filtered in – the black car, the strangely explained injuries, the evasiveness about his job. The signs were there, but Cas had ignored them all. And now he had his answer, Dean was the one he had been hunting. It explained his interest in the case. It explained his absences. But it did not explain the Dean he knew. The vulnerable man who laid himself bare for Cas. Both physically and emotionally. Cas could not believe anyone was that good of an actor. 

“Stop,” he said, smashing his hand into the wall. He was spotted at the scene. His car was pictured across the street from the location of a body. Fingerprint matches at both locations. And a mysterious reporter. One whose, albeit, vague description, Cas suddenly realized, fit Dean. Before he thought better of it, his phone was in his hand. He had no idea what to say, but he the need to do something engulfed him.

“Hey, Cas. What’s up?” Dean said cheerfully before Cas was prepared to hear his voice. It took him back a second and he froze. “Cas? You there?”

It all hit him then and spewed forth. “All this time. All lies. Every damn day. Every conversation. Every word a lie. How could you? How could you do that to me? How could you do that to all those people? What you did-” Cas gagged but continued, speaking over Dean in a rush, hurt and anger pouring out. He ended with one word, spoken harsh and yet broken. “Murderer.”

A small voice said, “I never thought you’d think...No,” Dean stated firmly, “I guess you would think that.” And then he was gone. 

Cas thought about calling again because something about those words did not sit right, but he figured Dean had already shut the phone off and maybe even disposed of it. “Maybe I have it wrong,” he said quietly. Standing up took more effort than he expected, the pain in his knees reminding him how long he had been kneeling on the bathroom floor. He brushed himself off and wiped his face. After several deep breaths, he rejoined the others, looking at the map and dates on the board. As he stared at the map, conversations with Dean filled his mind. _I got a job in Butte. I’m five hours away. Crossing Kansas. I’m in Iowa. Be there in two hours. I can meet you in Lincoln._ He needed to create a timeline for Dean’s whereabouts. He needed to be sure. It was the only explanation he could give himself for as to why he did not tell the team. Why he sat quietly, letting others take the lead on the new information. By the time they adjourned, Cas had a plan. His rush from the room earlier and his clammy skin were put to use. 

“Victor, I’m not feeling well.”

“Go home. You look like crap.”

“I feel like crap.”

Victor walked him to their office and helped him gather his things. “We got this covered. Don’t rush to come back.”

“I can’t make any promises,” said Cas.

With a chuckle, Victor said, “I’ll sic Shep and Charlie on you.”

Cas held up his hands in defeat. “All right. I’m going.” Cas stepped out of the office, turning back to say, “I’ll call and let you know when I’ll be back.” 

Victor clapped him on the shoulder and gave him a small nod. With that, Cas ducked down the hall, hoping to avoid running into anyone. When he spotted red hair, he sidled down an adjacent hallway and made for the stairs. He managed to avoid any more close calls and arrived home, only to turn around and leave a few minutes later with his go bag in hand. There was no way around the next part of his plan. Driving would take too long, so he had to risk the flight. It angered him that Dean already had him lying to his partner and endangering his career. As he chucked his bag in the car, he clenched his jaw and pushed aside the thoughts of Dean. He had to think of this as just another case. Just another investigation. He needed answers, and since he didn’t know where Dean was and had little chance of finding him, that left Sam. 

He arrived on campus, address programmed in his phone, yet he held back. Approaching Sam, whom he'd never spoken to, at his home felt like an invasion of privacy and a betrayal, so he waited and watched. When Sam left the building and made his way to campus, Cas followed, observing from a distance. As the pathways cleared and the movement of people trickled down, he picked up his pace and called out. “Sam.”

The tall man hesitated and then kept walking, so Cas said, “Sam Winchester.” The man’s body went rigid as he stopped and turned. When their eyes met, Cas was surprised to see recognition in Sam’s eyes. The anger which followed, however, was expected. 

“Castiel,” spat Sam.

Holding his hands up placatingly, Cas said, “I’m only here to talk.”

“You know I was going to leave, but he told me you wouldn’t come. Even after what you said, he believed you wouldn’t involve me. Said you were too good a man for that. Guess he was wrong.”

Cas flinched at the implication. “Sam, there was nowhere else to go or I wouldn’t be here. And as you see it’s just me and no one knows I’m here.”

“What do you want?”

“I want to know where he is,” Cas said flatly.

“I’m not giving up my brother. I can’t believe you even asked me that. Not after everything he’s told me about you and him. He told me he loved you. Do you know how rare that is? How special you were to him? And the fact he told you how he feels…I was so happy for him.”

Cas couldn’t listen to anymore, so he interrupted, “Sam, please. I need to talk to him.”

“No, you don’t. You had your chance, and you ripped him apart,” Sam’s voice broke and tears welled in his eyes. “You broke my brother, and you don’t deserve anything from either of us. Leave me alone. Don’t come here again.” 

“I just want to know the truth,” Cas said loudly as Sam walked away.

“Maybe you should have started by asking him that, and maybe it’s not even close to what you think,” Sam snapped before lengthening his strides.

“What the hell does that mean?” asked Cas to Sam’s retreating back, but the younger man just kept walking. Cas stood there until he lost sight of Sam, more confused than when he arrived. Nothing made sense. Sam’s reaction to seeing him, Dean’s words, Sam’s cryptic message. It was confounding, as confounding as the case had been over those long months. Standing alone, with the bustle of campus life around him, Cas was unsure of where to go from there, and he felt truly lost. After several minutes, he finally managed to move his feet. Back at his hotel he tried to regroup, but his only thought was to try and find Bobby. He tossed that idea aside, assuming he would not be any more welcome than he was with Sam. Sitting down on the bed, he hunched over and rested his face in his hands. That nagging, tugging feeling in his mind was back and it was determined to poke and prod at every word exchanged, at every interaction with Dean. Sam’s words flashed in every so often, breaking up the steady stream of Dean. 

“Not even close to what you think,” he muttered, picturing Sam’s harsh glare. _Start by asking that, asking for the truth_. He wondered again what he meant. _What truth?_ There was evidence. Plenty of evidence. Forensic and circumstantial. Pulling himself upright, Cas walked over to the small desk and grabbed the hotel notepad. Filling page after page with detail and speculation. With evidence and alternate theories. By the last page, he was exhausted and irritated. Doing this on his own was not possible, not without Sam’s cooperation, which in hindsight he should have never expected. Picking up his phone, he placed the call. 

“Hello.”

“Give me everything you have on Dean Winchester.”

He heard a sharp inhale before Charlie asked, “Cas, what’s going on?”

Sighing heavily, Cas said, “It’s a long story.”

“Is this why you pretended to be sick and left work?”

“Who says I’m pretending?”

Charlie scoffed, “I do, since I’m standing in your apartment and you aren’t here, and neither is your go bag.”

“How’d you get in my apartment?” asked Cas, hurrying to add, “Never mind. It doesn’t matter. This is more important.”

Concern laced Charlie’s voice as she said, “I saw your face, Cas. And I saw the car.”

“It’s him,” said Cas, heart aching and voice breaking.

“You can’t believe that.”

Cas tensed as he said, “What else is there to believe? Everything I’ve looked at so far points to him. It adds up.”

“If you really believe that you would have called Shep and Victor, yet you’re calling me for help.”

“I…I…it just…how could I be that wrong about him? I’m not ready to give up the hope that I’m wrong.”

“All right, that's good,” said Charlie. “I’ll get all I can on him. You just get your ass home.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is late and ends a bit abruptly. I have been sick so writing and editing were difficult. And now we have fires bearing down on us and smoke filled skies exacerbating my illness. I edited what I could while trying to get this out to you as soon as possible. I cut the chapter off at a transition point, leaving the rest to be edited and added to the next chapter. Hope this finds you all well. Stay safe and healthy. And thank you for all your comments. They helped propel me to finish this chapter and post it tonight.

Plodding his way out of the airport, Cas felt the exhaustion seep into his bones. His body ached and his head pounded. Sleep had alluded him since the moment he recognized Dean in the photo. It was painful in a multitude of ways and yet for the first time he felt a measure of hope. Charlie’s determination, her belief that they were wrong, had crawled inside him and made a home. Deep and desperate but still present. The ride home was quiet and he let his mind wander, traveling from one explanation to another. None struck his core as real possibilities. The investigator in him pushed to debunk them, even as his heart, his need for Dean, tried to cling to them. At his apartment, he was surprised to find the lights on and music playing. 

“Charlie,” he called.

“Yeah, Cas. Back here.”

He walked down the hall, dropping his bags as he went. “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

“Nope,” she said, a hint of mischief in her voice. “I seem to have come down with the same illness as you.”

Cas chuckled as he rounded the corner. The humor in her voice had given him further hope, but the second he saw her face it dropped away. “What?” he said, staring at her pale face and the wounded look in her expressive eyes.

“I…Cas, it’s a lot. And nothing.”

Shaking his head, Cas approached her, eyes trailing along the walls. Every available space was covered with what seemed to be a timeline. “I don’t understand.”

Charlie shook the tablet in her hands. “It’s impossible to understand.”

The hesitation and discomfort in her voice made Cas nervous and he blurted, “It’s not good. Is it?”

With a shrug, Charlie said, “I found more evidence he was at several crime scenes. And then there are holes where he disappears entirely. One of the cases where we found the matching fingerprint occurred when he had his broken leg, so I just don’t know. Could he have been lying to you about it?”

The answer was easy. “No, I saw the leg within days of him getting his cast off. It would be impossible to fake the atrophy and the sickly white skin.”

“Okay, then,” Charlie sighed, “it doesn’t add up. Same MO, down to the minutest detail. How?”

Cas rolled his head, trying to ease his sore neck muscles as he contemplated the new information. With a small shake of his head, he stepped around Charlie to stare at an image on the wall. “It’s him. I’d know that back anywhere. So, I guess the crew theory is right.”

With a shake of her head, Charlie said, “I don’t think that fits, either. There’s too much that doesn’t add up.” She paused before walking across the room, stopping in front of the wall by the door. “Dean told you about the fire that killed his mom but didn’t go into detail. Correct?”

“Yes,” responded Cas. “And I didn’t ask him to elaborate.”

“All right, then, I guess I’ll start there. The fire was not normal. It baffled the fire investigator so much he called in several others, but none of them could agree. In the end, they labeled it ‘indeterminate means.’ They couldn’t even agree if it was arson. From what I read, it started on the ceiling, not near any electrical lines or output. There was no accelerant. It makes no sense.”

“Just like everything else with this case,” muttered Cas.

“Exactly,” barked Charlie. She turned to face Cas. “His life wasn’t easy.”

Cas nodded, “He told me they moved around a lot, and he had to take care of his brother.”

“But it’s more than that, Cas. Within days of the fire, they were gone. They were gone before the paper did a spread on the fire and labeled four-year-old Dean a hero for rescuing his brother. They were gone before the investigation ended. And the house, they left it all behind and stopped paying the mortgage. It sold at an auction, but I have to tell you that house has a story all its own.” She shifted slightly and placed her hand on a picture of the home. “It’s traded hands over and over. No one stays. I spoke to a couple people who live in the neighborhood. It is the house everyone avoids. Some people say it’s haunted.”

Cas shook his head and scoffed.

Charlie huffed at him. “All I know is that they seemed pretty spooked about it.”

“Okay, leaving that aside.” Charlie raised her eyebrows at him, so he added, “For now.” When she nodded, he continued, “Where did they go?”

“That’s just it, Cas. Nowhere. There isn’t a single trail. No credit cards, no bank records, no work records. Nothing. They simply vanished.”

Cas felt his eyes widen and his mouth drop open as disbelief flooded his system. “That’s impossible. No one can just disappear with two kids in tow. And Sam got a scholarship to Stanford, so he had to go to school at some point. Wait, he did get a scholarship?”

“Oh, yeah, a full ride, but that’s jumping ahead. I didn’t mean to suggest they vanished forever. They cropped up every few years. John would work for a few months. Both boys went to school. There’s a record of Sam graduating high school but not one for Dean. They reappear in different states - Wyoming, Florida, South Dakota, Indiana…you get the picture…and at all different times of the year. Attending school for a few months before they leave again. It’s unbelievable that Sam was able to complete school, let alone get a scholarship.”

Walking over to Charlie, Cas ran his hands along the wall, settling on a picture of the burned house. It came from a newspaper in Lawrence, Kansas. As he continued to trail his hand along the wall, he stopped on a startling document. “CPS,” stated Cas.

“They were called when the boys were twelve and eight and living in a motel. I have no idea how the boys remained in John’s care. Dean wasn’t enrolled in school and from the reports it appeared John was gone a lot, leaving Dean alone with Sam. But somehow, he kept custody. Dean ended up enrolled in school and they stayed for six months, finishing out the school year.”

“What the hell were they living on?”

“John worked as a mechanic during that time. But to be honest there is very little record of him working after Mary’s death. And he never filed for unemployment or got assistance. So, your guess is as good as mine.”

Cas let that information sink in, and it left little doubt that John was doing something illegal to obtain money. “Where did they go after that?”

“No idea. The next time they crop up is when Dean’s eighteen.”

Turning to face Charlie, Cas said, “That can’t be right. Dean mentioned living at some boy’s home when he was sixteen.”

“I didn’t find any record of that, but that doesn’t mean he lied. School records are hard to track if there is no other corroborating data. Anyway, they stayed in Fairfax, Indiana. Although there is no record of John working there, Dean had a job at the time.”

“Wait, if he was eighteen why didn’t he finish school.”

“I talked to the guy who owned the shop. Dean started working full-time for him about three months after he was hired. So, best guess, he dropped out to take care of Sam. The guy never met John, and he didn’t remember Dean mentioning him at all.”

Cas ran a hand down his face, getting more and more frustrated, angry, and sad as he learned about Dean’s childhood. Without conscious thought, he started pacing and grumbling. If John Winchester was not missing and presumed dead, Cas’s first instinct would be to hunt him down. He wondered about his own reaction. Dean was supposed to be the center of this investigation, but his mind was stuck on John. “What a pathetic excuse for a father? No wonder Dean has abandonment issues.”

A tentative hand cupped his elbow, halting his movement. He looked down into Charlie’s face, seeing deep concern. “I think you need to understand something. I tried to connect the dots between some of our old cases and the locations the Winchesters crop up.”

“Okay,” said Cas, “And?”

“And nothing. There isn’t a single strange case or unsolved murder in the locations they lived, while they lived there. But…” Charlie trailed off as she walked over to another section of wall, filled with crime scene photos. Pointing at one, she said, “I did find a pattern. Cases seem to coincide with John’s disappearing act.”

“What exactly does that mean?”

Taking one of the photos down and handing it to Cas, she responded, “It means I think I might have found a match between John’s movements and some of our oldest cases. That one in particular.”

Cas stared at the photo for several moments before he could place it. “Orlando, late ’98.”

“Yep.”

“What’s the connection?”

Charlie nodded as she pulled up a document on her tablet. “This.”

As he skimmed the document, Cas froze. A shiver ran down his spine before a surge of adrenaline made him snap. “That son of a bitch.”

“Cas,” uttered Charlie, sounding mollified. “We don’t know it’s him. I…it could be a coincidence. I could be wrong.”

With a huff, Cas tipped his head back and glared at the ceiling. “A man in his forties to fifties, claiming to be FBI is spotted entering a motel with a lanky teenage kid. Around the time, Sam Winchester just so happens to be in his early teens. And there just happens to be a driving permit issued in Sam’s name from Miami.”

“Well, okay, when you put it like that it sounds bad. Like really bad.”

A thought hit Cas, and he blurted, “Dean?”

“No sign of him in Florida around that time. His driver’s license was issued in New York, registered to a defunct address, just like Sam’s. Both places once had homes but are empty lots now. And John never renewed his license.”

Each new piece of information seemed to make the situation worse. Adding John and Sam to the mix of their cases was depressing, but if Cas let the investigator in him take over, he realized it was not unexpected at this point. The cases now ranged over decades, which meant Dean could not be the sole perpetrator. And it seemed fitting, or devastating, for John to be involved. Cas shook his head and flopped down in the nearest chair and dropped his head into his hands. 

“Cas,” said Charlie, hesitantly.

“I need a few minutes. Can you…”

“Yeah, of course, Cas. I’ll go get us some food.”

Once he heard the front door close, Cas stood up and walked over to the door. He took his time studying every scrap of information Charlie had plastered to the wall. It was a harrowing story of loss and abandonment and responsibility given much too young. It painted a distressing picture of Dean’s upbringing, and it provided a motive for Dean’s descent into crime and murder. How else could the information be interpreted? He was raised by a criminal. That much was obvious. And Sam, somehow he got out, but Dean did not. Thoughts of Sam brought back the man’s words. The anger in his voice, the way he looked at Cas with disappointment and disdain. The total faith in his brother was laced through every word spoken. Cas could not help feeling as if he were still missing something. That they were wrong in some way. 

When Charlie returned with a bag full of burgers and fries, Cas forced himself to eat. They stayed silent as they consumed the food and even for several minutes after they were done. Cas was the one who eventually broke the silence. “What did you find out about Dean’s time in New York?”

“Other than the license and worthless address nothing. I kind of stopped looking when I got a hit on Orlando. Why?”

“When was it issued?”

Charlie closed her eyes for a second. “Um…1995, I think.”

“So, that would make Dean sixteen.”

“The boy’s home,” said Charlie animatedly. “Let me see what I can find.” 

As Charlie searched for evidence of the home, Cas continued his perusal of the wall. He halted abruptly in front of the section on Sam’s time at Stanford. His jaw practically hit the floor when he saw another photo of a burned building and the accompanying news article. One dead, a woman named Jessica Moore, Sam’s girlfriend. “Charlie, what do you know about the fire at Stanford?”

“Ah…yeah, that was a shocker. The damn thing mirrors the one that killed Mary Winchester.”

Cas’s knees buckled and he rushed to sit down before he collapsed. “According to Dean, John went missing during that time. He never mentioned the fire, but I distinctly remember him telling me he picked up Sam from school to go search for their father.”

“You don’t think…” said Charlie, trailing off when her voice cracked.

“What the fuck else am I supposed to think?” he snapped, angrily slamming his fist on the desk. Charlie flinched back and shifted her eyes away quickly. But not quickly enough for Cas to miss the hurt in them. “Shit, sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled.”

With a shrug, Charlie said, “I get it. This is awful.” 

“Yes, it is. I hate this. I hate where the evidence is leading us.”

Charlie approached the desk, sitting down on the edge. “Do you really think John Winchester murdered his wife and son’s girlfriend?”

“I don’t know what to believe, but I keep coming back to Sam’s statements and his demeanor towards me. He seemed genuinely hurt by my actions, and even a bit shocked by them. And I’d never met the man before, so how can that be?” posed Cas with a shrug of his shoulders.

Silence followed Cas’s rhetorical question as they both sat and stared at the image of a burnt-out building. “You know he left Stanford. Walked away that night and never returned. At first, they suspected him, but one of his friend’s gave him an alibi said he was out of town and arrived back to see the building on fire. Since there was no physical evidence and no consensus on whether it was arson or not, they dropped the investigation.”

No response came to Cas’s mind and so Charlie continued. She laid out more of the story, starting with what she had just found about Dean’s time at the boy’s home. He had clearly committed some offense to end up at the place. While she explained, she seemed to draw her own conclusions, rushing to believe this somehow cleared Dean. Cas hated to burst her bubble, but he had no choice. Just because Dean’s fingerprints had once been in the system, meant nothing since the records were likely expunged when he turned eighteen. The disappointment on Charlie’s face was easy to read, but she pushed on explaining a few other cases. None of which provided any more evidence either way. After a long recitation, Cas interrupted. “What about Adam?”

“Adam?” asked Charlie, clearly at a loss.

“Dean’s brother,” said Cas. “The one in Windom.”

“You’re going to have to give me more than that, Cas,” responded Charlie with a huff.

Sighing, Cas leaned back in his chair. “Remember when Dean disappeared and I asked you to find him.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s right he was in Minnesota, but what is this about another brother?”

Cas tapped his fingers on the desk as he remembered Dean arriving at his apartment stumbling drunk and spouting about his unknown brother. Shaking himself out of the memory, Cas said, “If Dean was telling the truth, his father had another son named Adam. He only found out about him after Adam called Sam asking for help. I don’t know exactly what happened but Adam died.”

Charlie sat frozen for several moments before she jolted forward and went for her laptop. “Okay, so we have a name Adam and a place, Windom. Anything else that will help?”

“I think the mother’s name was Kathy, or maybe Kate.”

“Got a last name?” asked Charlie. Cas shook his head. “No biggie,” said Charlie as she clicked away on the keyboard. A gasp drew Cas’s eyes away from her fingers. Charlie’s eyes were wide and her face had paled. 

Cas’s chest constricted as he choked out, “Just tell me.”

Taking a deep breath, Charlie gripped the arms of her chair. “Kate Milligan disappeared from Windom, Minnesota and has not been found. A coworker called police when she didn’t show up for work. No clues were found. Her son, Adam, disappeared after leaving college. His roommate claimed Adam had went home because of some emergency. He was never seen again.”

“No, no, no,” moaned Cas as the extent of that long-ago conversation with Dean hit him all at once. “That can’t be right. Dean said she was buried under the house and that Adam died after they found her. He made it seem like he had to take care of the arrangements by himself. Sam left and…” Cas lowered his head to the desk, mentally adding Kate and Adam Milligan to the death count.

Arms wrapped around him and pulled his head up from the desk. “Cas, you don’t know what happened. Why would he tell you anything if he…if…that makes no sense?”

“What makes no sense is why I just let it go. I didn’t ask a damn thing about her death or Adam’s.”

“Cas,” Charlie said, lightly shaking his shoulders, “Don’t do that. Don’t question every interaction you had with him. None of this is on you. You trusted a friend. If you blame yourself, you have to blame me too, since I listened to you and stopped looking into Dean.”

“It’s not your fault, Charlie.”

“Exactly and it’s not yours either,” she responded before releasing him and returning to her computer. “Um…if it helps, Dean didn’t lie, John Winchester is listed as Adam’s father.”

Pushing away from the desk, Cas stood up and started pacing again. “Not sure that helps. Seems like maybe Dean found out about his father’s relationship and…No,” said Cas forcefully. “No, there is no way he killed them. He was here, drunk and crying. Devastated and broken.” A small gleeful noise emanated from across the room, and Cas turned to see a bright smile on Charlie’s face. “What?”

“I’m so happy you said that because I was starting to question the other things I found. Dismissing them as aberrations or maybe seeing them as wishful thinking. The rest of all this…” she said, waving her hand to incorporate the information plastered on the walls, “…was making me wary and resigned.”

“What other things?” asked Cas. What could only be called panic filled Charlie’s eyes, and Cas sighed heavily, “Charlie, what is going on?”

“Okay, so, please don’t be mad, but I needed help and there was no one else I could ask. People at work were out of the question and I didn’t want to involve any other hackers or contacts. I wanted to protect-”

Before her rambling could continue, Cas said, “Stop. Who did you ask?”

“Talia. We can trust her, and she has some expertise in this area.”

“In what area?” asked Cas.

Charlie furrowed her brow and pouted. “Um…talking to victims. You know that.”

“Charlie,” Cas said through clenched teeth, ignoring his memory lapse. “We shouldn’t…”

“Cas, come on, what choice do we have? I needed to concentrate on digging up information, and I kinda suck at lying, so I took the risk. And before you complain or give me all the legalities, I want you to know it worked. She got further in some of the cases than any of us have.” Charlie’s posture changed from nervous to determined and confident, so Cas simply nodded, signaling her to continue. “She posed as a victim herself, giving enough detail to warrant their belief in the veracity of her story. Victims who previously gave vague descriptions suddenly had more details. They talked about a charming, handsome man, but the most interesting thing was that several called him a hero. Giving him credit for saving them. In one case, there was a dispute between a mother and daughter. The daughter said he saved her, but the mother blamed him for the death of her husband.”

A tension headache had been creeping up on Cas for the last hour and the new revelations intensified it. He rubbed his temples, trying to ease the pain. “I don’t know what to think of this.”

“I don’t either, and I think maybe we need to include at least Victor in our new discoveries. We need a different perspective. There are too many variables and too much info for just the two of us.”

Cas wanted to argue. He wanted to keep it quiet, but he knew Charlie was right. He was too close to be objective, so really that only left Charlie. “All right, but I’m not ready to tell him it’s Dean.”

“Cas, how the hell would we be able to explain all we’ve found? How would we even be able to explain how we identified a name?”

“I…I…fuck,” groaned Cas as he realized he had to concede her point. “Fine.”

Emotionally exhausted, Cas had asked Charlie to give him the remainder of the night. He promised to contact Victor in the morning although he refused to specify a time. Ill-prepared to include his partner, Cas wanted to put it off as long as possible. Several scenarios played out in his mind, and none were promising. Dreams of those scenarios plagued his sleep and he found himself waking frequently through the night. Giving up on the endeavor around five in the morning, he rolled out of bed and slowly plodded through his apartment. It seemed to take an inordinate amount of time to do the most mundane tasks. When the coffee was finally brewing, he meandered down the hall, approaching the spare room with trepidation. 

His legs would not move forward and so he stood in the door and stared, eyes unfocused. The sound of knocking disrupted his numbness. Without thinking he turned and walked to the door. Charlie stood on the other side with Talia at her back. “Hey, Cas,” said Charlie quietly.

“Good morning, Charlie,” Cas responded automatically and without feeling. “Talia,” he added with a nod and a hint of surprise in his voice.

“Um…sorry I didn’t tell you she was here, but she’s been staying with me and since she already knows I thought…”

“It’s fine Charlie,” he said as the stood aside to let them into the apartment.

“No, Victor, yet?”

Cas shook his head. “Haven’t called him. It’s only seven.” Turning away he trudged into the kitchen and poured himself a coffee, staring at the cabinet in front of him. It was why he did not realize what Charlie was doing until he heard her say, “Victor, we need you at Cas’s now.” His shoulders slumped, but he did not comment. Refusing to speak, he poured each of the women a cup of coffee and handed them over. Walking away, he entered his living room and took a seat on the couch. He heard Charlie and Talia whispering behind him but refused to make an effort to hear them. Time faded away as he closed his eyes and shut down his mind. By the time Victor arrived, Cas felt less tense and more open to the idea of help. 

His partner stepped into the apartment, and Cas turned his head to see his perplexed expression. “Hello, Victor,” said Cas with a weary smile.

“Someone mind telling me what the emergency is.”

Cas closed his eyes and turned his head, leaving Charlie to do the honors. As Charlie talked, Cas cringed on each mention of Dean’s name. Victor remained silent, so at least Cas had a slight reprieve from a full-out interrogation. Regretfully, he got to his feet when Charlie and Talia led Victor to the spare room. He watched his partner methodically take in all the information on the walls before asking for access to Charlie’s computer. Cas leaned against the doorjamb and watched the pained expression on Victor’s face. It mirrored the one Charlie wore the day before, and he was sure it resembled his own face. Pain was a good word for what Cas felt despite the release of some of his tension. When Victor raised his head, he quickly made eye contact with Cas. “Are you all right?” he asked.

“Not in the slightest,” said Cas honestly.

“Well this is unexpected,” stated Victor as his eyes shifted to Charlie. “You shouldn’t have involved Talia.”

“Too bad,” said Charlie. “I made the call because I needed her, professionally and personally.”

Talia slid up next to Charlie and wrapped her arm around the smaller woman. “If it helps, this is not my first rodeo with an investigation or with victims. I big part of my practice is working with victims of violent crime.”

“I know,” said Victor, “Charlie talks about how proud she is of you and your work all the time. But that doesn’t mean she should unilaterally give you access to an investigation, and Cas, you should have told me right away. What were you thinking?”

“I don’t fucking know. And I still don’t because the man I know, the man I love would never…” Cas’s voice broke on a choked sob. With a deep breath, he added, “And yet look at all this. What am I supposed to think?”

Victor stood up and crossed the room, stopping in front of Cas. “I trust your instincts, Cas, and there are enough anomalies here to question a whole lot of this investigation. So, we tear it all apart and analyze every alternative.”

“What?” asked Cas, utterly confused by his partner’s reaction which was so vastly different from the scenarios his mind concocted.

“I said we tear it all apart. You, me, Charlie, and Talia. If the alternatives don’t pan out, then we tell Shep.”

Reaching out, Cas placed his hand on Victor’s shoulder. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

“Good thing you’re not asking then. This is my choice, Cas.” Turning around, Victor pointed to one of the maps on the wall. “According to his own words to Cas we have Dean in Butte, the fertility symbol case. Do we have a connection to Naperville or Topeka besides the fingerprint?”

“Not so far, but there is a connection to Tulsa,” responded Charlie. “Talia, you should explain this one.”

With a sharp inhale and exhale, Talia began, “I spoke to one of the parents. At first, she was not very forthcoming and she was angry at me for contacting her and opening old wounds. But after I told her I lost a son in the same way, she started to open up. The funny thing was she avoided mention of the FBI agents that investigated at the time of her daughter’s murder but had plenty to say about those who showed up recently. I tried to ease her into talking about the fake agents without giving out too much detail. A few words her and there describing Dean and she finally talked about him. All I know is that the way she described him made it easy to read her respect and admiration for him.”

“And the other parents?” asked Victor.

“They refused to talk to me.”

Victor ran his hand over his bald head several times before he huffed. “So, we have admiration and respect, added to charm and heroism. History tells us killers are often charming, but the fact some people call him a hero is beyond odd.”

“Precisely what I thought,” said Talia. “But they sounded so earnest and grateful, I wholeheartedly believed them.”

Shifting his gaze from Talia, Victor asked, “Cas, what do you make of it?”

“Dean is a beautiful and charming man. There is no doubt about that. For the rest, your guess is as good as mine.”

Charlie cleared her throat and tapped her finger near a series of photos. “Think about these. They all disappeared and returned out of the blue with few, or no, recollections.”

Eyeing the photos, Cas said, “I suppose those are the next calls to make, then.” 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay safe and healthy. Thanks for joining me on this journey and happy reading.

After days of fruitless phone calls and research, the atmosphere in the apartment was stifling, and Cas felt the heaviness in his chest. As he looked around the room, he let the last vestiges of hope bleed away. He knew there was no recourse left. In fact, they had passed it hours ago, possibly a day ago. It was time and they all knew it. Time to call the damn thing, yet no one spoke. No one made eye contact. Instead, they all stared down at their laptops or at the files piled on every surface. Cas thought maybe they were waiting for him, but he didn’t have the courage to do it. So, he waited. Another hour passed in near silence. It felt like the moments before a funeral when the only sound was whispering and quiet tears. The longer it dragged on the more Cas wanted to shatter the tension. Scream and rant at the unfairness of it all. Thankfully, Victor saved him from such a display when he finally called it.

“That’s it. We have to tell Shep.” Cas could hear the apology in Victor’s voice even as he said the dreaded words. When Cas raised his head and made eye contact, Victor added, “I’m sorry, Cas.”

“I know.”

Charlie and Talia both stood up and crossed the room, engulfing him in a tight hug. They whispered words of apology and sympathy. After they let him go, Charlie said, “She’s going to be pissed at us.”

“No,” said Cas forcefully. “She is going to be pissed at me. I am the one who walked out and took leave without telling her the truth. I will do this alone.”

“Absolutely not,” snapped Victor. “You’re my partner, Cas. We’re telling her together.”

Cas thought about arguing but stopped when he realized it was futile. Victor was just as stubborn as Dean. Cas cringed, shaken by the mere thought of the man. Every attempt they made had failed to materialize into a concrete lead or alternate explanation. They ended basically where they started. A mixed bag of MO’s and descriptions. Conflicting witness statements and beliefs. And a bevy of circumstantial evidence they could not escape no matter how they parsed the details. The glimmer of faith Cas clung to, faded and fizzled, until only a tiny spark remained. For the life of him, he could not extinguish the last piece. Dean held a part of his heart and always would. He buried those feelings behind the evidence, keeping it tucked away in a box of shared memories. Keeping the Dean he knew separate from the one discovered in all those files. “No time like the present,” he stated as he stood up. “Charlie, Talia. Thank you for all your help.”

“Uh…of course, Cas. We’ll clean all this up.” Talia waved her arm at the giant mess. 

“I would appreciate that. Box it all up. Shep will want to see it.” Without waiting for a response, Victor gestured to Cas to follow him from the room, leaving everything behind, even their personal laptops. Empty handed they left the apartment. Victor drove, all the while trying to engage Cas in conversation. 

As they approached the parking garage, Cas said, “Let me do the talking. This is my mess and you are a mere bystander. I’ll let you be there with me, only because resisting is pointless when you have your mind made up, but I will not let you take any of the blame. Understood?”

“Cas, helping you was my choice and I will not shirk my duty to be honest about my role.”

“Fine, but only if she asks.”

Victor shook his head as he pulled the car into a spot, put it in park, and turned off the engine. “All right. If you insist.”

“I do,” Cas said with a nod. Stepping out of the car, he ached to return home and crawl into bed. Disappear from the world. Bury his head in the sand and erase the day he recognized Dean and his car in that grainy photo. But it was not to be, so he trudged forward reluctantly, hampered by memories and gut-wrenching discoveries. He wondered if he would ever mend where he was torn in two. With that thought fresh in his mind, he knocked on Shep’s door, hearing a quick, “Come in.” As he opened the door, he took in the sight of Shep seated at her desk, obviously not surprised to see him. 

“Someone alerted you,” Cas stated.

“Yes, and from the look of you, they were right in their assessment. Have a seat and tell me what’s going on.” Her voice was stern and brooked no argument. Despite her demeanor, Cas could sense the worry in her eyes. 

Not wanting to delay any further, Cas bluntly said, “The man in the photo is Dean Winchester.”

Shock washed over Shep’s face. “Jesus, fuck,” she swore after taking a deep breath.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away, but I needed to know more. I wanted to believe…” Cas let his voice fade away, dropping his gaze and sighing in obvious pain. “I have found no answers.” He forced himself to look in her eyes as he finished, “And so here I am.” 

She stared at him for several moments, her dark eyes assessing him, reading more in his eyes than he could ever convey in his words. “And you?” she asked, breaking eye contact to seek out Victor, “What do you have to do with this?”

“I helped my partner try to make sense of it, and when we failed, I told him it was time to tell you.”

With a shake of her head and a huff, Shep said, “Well at least one of you came to your senses. Charlie was with you?” Victor nodded and Shep stated, “Of course, she was.” Standing up, she turned her back on them. “Victor leave us. I need to speak to Cas privately.” Stepping toward the door, Victor patted Cas’s shoulder and then left the room. Once the door shut, Shep turned around and faced Cas. “How are you?”

“Confused, angry, embarrassed, heartbroken.” Cas could see her desire to comfort him, but he knew it would not come. Not after he failed to report the information. Not after he failed to confide in her.

“You should have told me right away, even if you needed to do it in private. You put this whole operation at risk. And including Charlie and Victor...needless to say all of you are off the case. Each of you will be interviewed, and you WILL provide every scrap of evidence you have. We were already on shaky ground, and this…this makes it so much worse.”

“I know, but I just couldn’t believe it was him.”

“And now?” asked Shep. Shoulders drooping, Cas dropped his chin to his chest. “Cas, what did you find?”

“We found evidence going back to his childhood, to his father, circumstantial but it certainly provides a blueprint.” Cas prepared himself for a barrage of questions, but Shep shifted the conversation. She launched into how she planned to proceed. It shocked him when she asked who he would put in charge if it was his choice. The answer was easy. Riley had earned her position on the team, and her recent promotion, with stellar work. She understood the ins and outs of the case and had the temperament to handle the delicate situation. And Cas trusted her to be fair and not to jump to an immediate conclusion. She never rushed to judgement which Cas greatly appreciated. Shep agreed, not surprising since she had been the one who pushed for Riley’s promotion. The difficult part for Cas to accept was that Charlie would be sidelined right along with he and Victor. They were to be reassigned. 

Shep explained the necessity, and finished with, “You will still be part of my unit and will take over for Parker’s team. I need his team to fill-in for you. I expect you and Victor to get them up to speed after you are interviewed.”

The dismissal was evident in her voice, so Cas stood up and responded, “Of course.” He exited the room and shut the door quietly to find Victor waiting for him. 

“Well?”

Cas took Victor by the elbow and shifted him toward their office. “Parker will take our place and we will take his.”

“That idiot. Really?”

“Victor, he’s not that bad. And keep your voice down.” 

With a shake of his head, Victor sped up and stepped angrily into their office. When the door shut behind Cas, he rounded on him. “There is no way he can be of any use to the task force. He’s too full of himself, not to mention his penchant for jumping to the wrong conclusion. Remember the Redfield case?”

Oh, yeah, Cas remembered Redfield and the fallout. It was a wonder Parker kept his job, but that was irrelevant in this moment. “We have no say. We burned our bridge. Besides Riley will be in charge and she knows Parker better than most. I have faith she will be able to rein him in.”

Turmoil and confusion ensued over the next week, accompanied by looks of pity and derision. Cas bore the brunt of the looks, but Charlie and Victor were faced with their own stares. After intense interviews and a massive exchange of information, Charlie disappeared for several days, taking personal leave. Victor and Cas packed their office during those days and moved down a floor. Riley moved into their office despite her initial refusal to do so. It took both Cas and Victor to convince her to relent. As head of the task force, her place was in that room, and they wanted her to have it over anyone else. 

A trickle of information leaked out from the task force, so Cas knew Sam Winchester was gone by the time the FBI arrived. No trail was found. As for Dean, his car had been caught on camera again, but he remained allusive. Cas shared the only photo he had of Dean and sat with a sketch artist. He thought he was already torn apart, but that process showed how much more he could shred. It took hours to recover from the intense feelings of betrayal he directed at himself. Guilt and shame combined to make an exhausting cocktail. Victor escorted him out of the building and to the nearest bar where they proceeded to get properly drunk. Charlie and Talia had joined them and the four of them stayed until closing. The hangover the next day was well-earned and excruciating. It took the entire weekend to recover. 

On Monday morning, Cas finally felt functional, and it was good luck because the day had barely begun when a new case landed on his desk. Three missing men, last seen at truck stops. Vehicles either missing or abandoned. Miles apart and crossing state boundaries. After reviewing the information, he leaned back in his chair and ran his hand through his hair. The number of missing persons’ cases seemed to be skyrocketing over the last years. Or maybe it was just that his proximity to the Winchester case tainted his view of the world. The Winchester case. He struggled with calling it that, but it was better than using Dean, or so he told himself. In the dark of night, Dean’s image came to him, called to him. During the day, he could manage to compartmentalize unless he overheard information or heard Dean’s name. Then, his nightmares joined the day. 

He shook his head, aggressively trying to clear away the detritus and refocus on the task before him. With a quick text, he alerted Victor to the new case. Within moments, Victor arrived. Their discussion was quick, and before Cas had time to truly brief him they were on the road, headed for Remington, Indiana. The latest missing person case occurred at a truck stop to the east of the town. The man’s truck was left and he was seen on a security camera talking to a woman, possibly a prostitute. When they arrived at the location, deputies from the sheriff’s department were securing the vehicle and interviewing witnesses.

“Hmm…I didn’t realize this just occurred,” said Victor as they exited the car.

Cas joined his partner by the front of the vehicle. “Two nights ago was the last time he was seen. Police weren’t called until early this morning.”

“Why the delay?” asked Victor.

A tall man approached them as he answered the question. “This is a busy stop. Trucks come and go all day and all night. The semi didn’t stand out until one of the day shift worker’s recognized the cab. He knew Mr. Jameson was supposed to be gone on a long haul.”

“We’ll need to talk to the worker, and we need to see the security footage.”

“Of course, follow me, Deputy Tomlinson will assist you.”

An hour later, it was clear Matthew Jameson’s disappearance matched the others. A long-dark haired woman had been spotted speaking to two of the missing persons before they vanished. Cas overheard one of the deputies speculating it was a prostitute killing her Johns. It was a possibility they had to consider. 

“What do you think?” asked Victor when they got back in their SUV.

“Not sure yet. Prostitutes working a truck stop usually use the Johns’ vehicle to conduct their business, yet no forensic evidence has been found in the cabs so far. If she’s involved, we need to figure out how she’s transporting these men.”

Victor hummed as he tapped the steering wheel. “I’d like to think we could get some pictures from traffic cams, but this is in the middle of nowhere. When we get to the sheriff’s department, we need to talk to the state police because the Remington police aren’t going to be any help.”

“All two of them. Really, you don’t think they’ll be any help?” Cas said, sarcastically. “These kinds of cases are a disaster. Way too many parties claiming jurisdiction.”

Barking a laugh, Victor said, “That sheriff’s deputy seemed capable. He knew how to take charge of a crime scene, so at least we have that going for us.” 

Cas hummed his agreement before placing a quick call to find out their accommodations and make arrangements with the sheriff. The department was fifteen miles away from the truck stop which gave the department time to prepare for their arrival. After checking into the hotel, they picked up a couple of coffees and then headed to the department. The sheriff met them, and Cas introduced himself and Victor before asking, “Any luck on the traffic cameras?”

“No, but Deputy Tomlinson called. He wanted you to know that a red sedan, driven by a long-haired person appears several times on the security camera footage.”

“Well, that’s something,” said Victor. A long briefing followed before Victor drew Cas away for a private conversation. “There’s nothing else we can do here right now, and I’m starving.”

“I’m shocked by that information,” deadpanned Cas.

“Ha, ha. You know I think I liked you better when you had the stick up your ass.”

Cas rolled his eyes and chuckled. “No, you didn’t.”

Victor grunted as he bumped into Cas. “I guess that’s true. Now, get in the damn car so we can go eat.”

“I’ll get in the car, but you are taking me back to the hotel.” With a small grin, Cas looked over at his partner and added, “I want a shower before I eat.”

With a nod, Victor agreed, “Yeah, yeah, fine. I’ll pick up some food while you clean up.”

Darkness had crept in while Cas showered and waited for Victor to return with their dinner. Being alone in the room left too much time think, so he decided to step outside. As he exited the building, his phone dinged with a message. When he read the cryptic text, he immediately felt an overwhelming sense of tension. His return text was short and demanding. _Call me now._

Victor ignored the command to call, sending another message instead. **No time. I need to follow her _._**

_Don’t you dare._ Cas waited but the message went unread, so he called Victor. As expected, it went to voicemail. Racing back to their room, Cas called Charlie. “I need a trace on Victor’s phone.” Charlie did not speak, but Cas could hear the click of a keyboard. “Um…sending you the coordinates. What’s this about?”

“I don’t know yet, but I think he’s following a suspect.”

“Alone?” asked Charlie.

“Yes,” responded Cas.

Charlie groaned in exasperation, “Okay, keep me on speaker, and I’ll keep tracking him.” As Cas raced out of the hotel, he realized Victor had the damn car. “Shit, I need a vehicle.”

“Hold on, let me see what I can do.” Cas waited for a moment and then thought better of it. Just as he was about to call the local authorities, Charlie said, “An auto shop two blocks down has a rental for you, but you need to hustle because they close in fifteen minutes.”

Cas immediately started walking in the direction Charlie directed him. “You mean to tell me they wouldn’t hold it for the FBI.”

“Nope. Not big fans of authority. I had to work my magic to even get him to agree.”

Rolling his eyes, Cas said, “All right, whatever. I’ll call you back as soon as I’m in the car.” When Cas spotted the shop, there was little doubt about the man’s politics. Ignoring the propaganda, Cas picked up the car, saying as little as possible. Within minutes, he was behind the wheel and reconnected with Charlie. She directed him through the city, following the path of Victor’s phone which ended near the entrance to an alley. Cas searched the area, finding nothing helpful besides the phone. His frustration was reaching a fever pitch, and he found himself scowling at the pavement.

“Cas,” Charlie said, “I got a read on Victor.”

“How? Never mind. Where?”

“Looks like an industrial area, bunch of warehouses and storage places, about a mile from you.”

Cas jumped back into the car and tore off down the road. When he reached the industrial buildings, he spotted a red sedan. As he approached, a woman stepped out of the car and walked toward a dark warehouse with broken windows. Graffiti covered much of the exterior and litter covered the lot. He killed the headlights and slowly parked. Pocketing his phone, he quietly exited the car and followed the woman, keeping to the shadows as much as possible in a mostly empty lot. Fortunately, the woman seemed oblivious to her surroundings too focused on her phone conversation. Every once in a while, he heard her raised voice but could not discern the words. After she disappeared inside the building, Cas crept to the door, easing it open, praying it would not squeak, grateful when it didn't. Following the sound of her footsteps, he wove his way into the depths of the building. A tiny sliver of light drew his eye. Moving in that direction, he heard a scuffle and a voice yelling, “Look out.” There was no doubt it was Victor’s voice, so Cas raced forward. 

The shocking sight before him brought him to an abrupt halt. Gun in hand, Cas raised it, taking aim and firing the instant Victor yelled, “Shoot her.” The shots landed square in her chest but did nothing stop her movements. With a quick move, she shoved the man in front of her away, knocking him to the floor as she grabbed for Victor. Before Cas could close the distance, the man stood up and grabbed her from behind, yanking her back against him. Cas’s eyes went wide as he recognized Dean grappling with the woman while Victor tried to free himself. Within a flash, a knife flared in the light, plunging into the woman’s chest. In the next breath, Dean lifted his gaze, locking eyes with Cas. They stared at each other for a second before Dean released the body in his arms and turned and fled. “Dean,” said Cas, voice shaky and too quiet. Returning his focus to his partner and the scene before him, Cas ran across the room, dropping to his knees in front of Victor. “What-”

“Cas,” Victor said, cutting him off, “I’m fine. Go after him.” Cas hesitated and Victor added, “We need him. Go now.” This time Cas listened, leaping to his feet and racing after Dean. As he exited the building by a side door, he spotted Dean rounding a dumpster.

“Dean. Please. Stop.” For a second, Cas thought he would not comply, but then Dean stopped. Cas approached cautiously as he added, “Turn around.” When Dean did, Cas saw a hint of joy in his eyes which was immediately extinguished and replaced by abject pain. The sight of that pain and the bloody hands and clothes sent a wave of sadness over Cas, and he blanched.

“What?” snapped Dean.

“I just want to talk to you.”

Dean chuckled, “I might believe that, hell I might even agree once you no longer feel the need to point a gun at me.” 

Cas followed Dean’s gaze as it lowered to his hand. The hand holding his gun in the ready position. A gun Cas did not remember raising. Quickly he dropped his hand to his side, but it was too late. When he looked up, Dean was gone. Part of him wanted to give chase, but he needed to get back to Victor. Making his way through the building, his mind raced. Images of the woman in Dean’s arms, her back to his chest, as Dean stabbed her in the heart. The body dropping to the ground. From there the images made absolutely no sense. Shaking his head, he tried to clear them from his mind. It worked until he rounded the corner and saw Victor kneeling on the floor, next to the spot where the woman fell. 

“What the fuck?”

“What the fuck, exactly?” said Victor. 

“She…that…” stuttered Cas.

Victor turned to look at Cas. “I’d go with that. Because whatever _that_ was, was not human and neither was the other,” said Victor as he pointed at another spot on the floor where another decayed body lay.

“I don’t understand. How? What?” Cas paused and looked around the room before adding, “What the hell happened here?” Victor glanced back at Cas before his body seemed to give out and he crumpled, falling from his knees to his backside. Cas dropped down next to him and braced him. The rapid beat of Victor’s heart and the short shallow breaths were a worrying sign. “Just breathe. I’ve got you,” whispered Cas. A few deep breaths later, Victor had calmed enough for Cas to lift him from the ground and set him on the chair. 

The sound of a voice filtered through the dead silence in the room. Both men tensed until they realized the voice was coming from Cas’s pocket. When he pulled out his phone, he heard Charlie frantically yelling something about police and kicking his ass if he’s still alive. “Charlie,” said Cas, interrupting her rant. 

“Dammit Cas. You scared the shit out of me.”

“Sorry, I forgot you were still on the phone. No matter what you heard we’re fine,” responded Cas, hoping to ease her worry. “I’ve got Victor with me, but…uh…please tell me you didn’t call the police.”

“Cas, I heard gunfire. What the hell was I supposed to do?” 

“Shit,” groaned Cas. 

Victor grabbed his arm and urgently said, “Have her call them back and redirect them. We can’t have them here.”

“Charlie,” said Cas, “You need-”

“I heard Victor. I’ll make the call, but I want to know what’s going on as soon as I’m done.”

Cas sighed, “That will have to wait because at this moment we have no fucking idea what is going on.”

Charlie hung up with an angry, “Fine.” After she was gone, Cas put his phone back in his pocket and looked around the large space. “All right, talk, because if you don’t start explaining, I’m going to…”

“Yeah, believe me I get it,” said Victor when Cas failed to finish his statement. “As I was leaving the restaurant after picking up our food, I spotted a woman that looked remarkably like the woman on the security footage. Her hair was a slightly different shade, but there was something about her, so I decided to follow her. It was easy to keep my distance. She was walking rather slow, but her pace quickened when she reached a corner. I sped up as she abruptly turned the corner. I spotted her near the entrance to an apartment building. I lost sight of her as she stepped under an overhang. When I got there, I felt a presence at my back. Next thing I know I felt a stabbing pain on my neck and then I woke up here, tied to a chair.” Victor’s hand had reached for the back of his neck but stopped short of touching the skin. 

“Let me,” said Cas as he rounded the chair. Marring the skin were several bloody puncture wounds in a curved shape. “I think one of those things bit you.” With a glance at the body and quick study of its exposed teeth, Cas added, “The marks match its teeth.”

“You mean fangs,” scoffed Victor. “We need to accept this shit is not normal, and we might as well start calling it like we see it. Because those are definitely fangs and gunshots did nothing, but those things practically disintegrated when Dean stabbed them.”

“What was he doing here?” mused Cas as he stare at the wound on Victor’s neck.

Victor gestured at the floor. “That’s simple. He was here to kill them. And he was not the least bit shocked at the sight of them.”

“Okay, save that for a second,” said Cas, unable to deal with the issue of Dean for the moment. “You woke up here and then what happened.”

Shifting in his seat, Victor leaned back and sighed heavily, launching into the story. 

"I awoke alone and cold, body aching. The meager light didn't allow me to see much of my surroundings. As I tried to assess the area, I heard footsteps approaching. When she came into the light, I got a glimpse of her eyes. They looked strange, but when she turned more fully into the light they were normal. I assumed it was simply a trick of the eye caused by my confusion, the distance, and the dim light. She searched me and found my FBI badge. Her hand shook as she held it. Walking away, she placed a call. The person on the other end was clearly angry. The conversation grew heated. I could hear her defending her reasons for taking me, but I don’t think they were well received. The topic shifted to what to do with me and that’s when I caught sight of movement in the shadows. She must have sensed it too because she turned to face the area and that is the moment I saw her shift or change or whatever you want to call it. Fangs descended and her eyes became almost snakelike. As she took a step forward, Dean leapt out of the darkness. He didn't hesitate. He plunged a knife into her chest, twisting it. And she just crumbled. Before I could say anything, Dean approached me. He tried to untie me, and then the other one entered. She charged him and I yelled to warn him. And that’s when you came in."

Victor stopped and stared at Cas, looking slightly lost, but also determined. His voice was strong when he added, “Dean saved me.”

“It appears we got it all wrong,” said Cas, voice laced with grief and guilt.

Nodding, Victor said, “It seems he is the hero those victims said he was. But Cas, you couldn’t have known. None of us could have ever suspected this.”

“Maybe not, but Sam tried to warn me. He said it wasn’t close to what I thought.” Cas felt the devastation in his heart as he realized the full extent of his errors. The unwarranted pain he caused by losing faith in the man he loved. When he spoke again, it came out choked with emotion, “And now what?”

Victor stood up and grabbed Cas’s shoulder, looking him square in the eye. “And now we call Shep and tell her she needs to come here with a small select few. And then we search this place because the other victims might be here somewhere.”

The idea was sound, and Cas agreed readily, but he made a couple additions. “But first we need to get your wound treated, and then we need to call Charlie back because if we don’t, we’ll never hear the end of it.”

“All right, but you’ll have to take care of the wound. We can’t afford the questions that will be asked if we go to a hospital or clinic.”

Cas hated that Victor was right because the wound was nasty and could easily get infected. Not to mention the fact, he lacked the supplies to do any sort of treatment which meant the first order of business needed to be getting a first aid kit. As he was about to suggest he run to a store, another thought crashed into his mind. “You don’t think there could be more of them.”

Shaking his head, Victor said, “I doubt Dean would have left if there were. I think he knew exactly what he would find here, with the exception of me. Because to be honest the only moment he seemed the slightest bit confused was when he recognized me.”

“That makes sense since you were obviously not meant to be taken.”

Victor started walking around the room, peering into the shadows. “By the way,” he said after kneeling down and looking under some piece of equipment, “Dean looks just like that sketch you helped create, except for the scar on his left temple.”

“What scar?”

“It’s a ragged line about an inch long, running just along the edge near his eye.”

Cas closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I think every time I saw Dean he had a new injury or scar. That one can’t be very old since he didn’t have it the last time we saw each other. You know all his explanations for his injuries were vague, as were so many other things related to his work. You say I couldn’t have known, but it was staring me in the face. He talked about losing people, not being able to have friends or relationships. I think maybe in some cases he wasn’t talking about merely losing touch.”

“His dad,” said Victor.

“And I’m guessing his mom. Charlie said the fire made no sense. Nothing about this whole investigation made any sense…” Cas trailed off as he thought of all the anomalies and unexplained occurrences. 

Victor waved his arm, gesturing at the bodies. “In light of all this, it makes some sense now.”

“It does, and it makes what I did to Dean all the worse. I did what I hate. I jumped to conclusions.”

With three quick strides, Victor stood before Cas. “No, dammit, you did not. You went to see Sam. You investigated. We investigated, and only when we exhausted every lead did we report him.”

Cas shook his head, the sting of tears in his eyes. “You don’t understand. I called him a murdered. The second I recognized him, I picked up my phone and accused him. And you know what he said to me…He said, _I never thought you’d think_ … But he didn’t finish that sentence instead his voice hardened and he said, _No,_ _I guess you would think that_. I hear those words, in his voice, every time I try to sleep and each morning I wake up. And I finally understand them. He believed in me and like so many others I failed him. When tested, I chose to believe the worst and abandoned everything I knew about him. The selflessness. The unconditional love. His kindness and compassion. His vulnerability and gentleness. How could I do that to him? He’ll never forgive me.” Defeated Cas backed up and dropped into the chair, resting his elbows on his knees and hanging his head in shame.

“Cas,” Victor said gently, “You just described a man who would forgive you.”

“I wouldn’t deserve it.”

“Well, good thing it won’t be up to you. When we find him, and we will find him, you will apologize and then it will be his choice. Now get your ass up and go get some bandages to cover this wound.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here it is...

The lack of light made dressing Victor’s wounds problematic, and Cas made sure to complain about it and the unsanitary environment. Victor simply shook his head and addressed the larger issues at hand. “So, we have two dead creatures. Dean still on the run. And an angry boss on her way with Charlie.”

“I told you she would not be pleased with the lack of detail.”

Victor leaned against the door jamb. “Yeah, well, we didn’t have another option. It’s not like I could just blurt out a monster kidnapped me.”

“True, but a little more info may have helped.”

Shaking his head, Victor pushed off the wall and marched back into the building. Yelling over his shoulder, he said, “It’s better to show her.”

Cas felt a visceral reaction to those words, and he blurted, “Why? Why is that better? If you trust someone, you should tell them what you know.” Victor stopped in his tracks and turned around to stare at his partner. Cas’s eyes locked on his, and he saw the challenge in them. “No, that was not about Dean,” said Cas in response to that look.

“Oh, yes, it was,” stated Victor. “I wondered when the anger would set in.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

Taking several steps in Cas’s direction, Victor held the eye contact, clearly searching Cas’s gaze for something. For what Cas did not know, and it appeared Victor did not find it because he dropped his head and sighed. “It won’t help, you know. Blaming him for keeping this from you.”

“I don’t-” Cas started before his own thoughts drowned out the next words. Why hadn’t Dean trusted him? Why would he keep this from him after everything they shared? And why when Cas said what he did, did he not explain himself? Why hang up? “He should have told me.”

“Maybe, maybe not, but until you know why he didn’t, being pissed at him isn’t a solution. If you want him to forgive you, letting your anger boil isn’t the best choice.”

“I suppose not,” agreed Cas before he changed the subject. “Did you find anything?”

Victor scoffed. “You were only gone fifteen minutes, so no. After the call I barely had five minutes to look. How did your call go?”

With a chuckle, Cas rolled his eyes and shrugged. “She said, _I knew it_.”

“She knew what?”

“I have no idea. She refused to elaborate.”

Victor turned and started walking again. As they retraced their steps into the depths of the building, they searched the area. Most of the building seemed untouched. Dust still settled and undisturbed. Only the ground showed evidence of their presence. Either the women had not been there long or they isolated themselves to one section of the building. As they walked, Victor said, “I don’t think Charlie ever believed Dean was the bad guy.”

“The bad guy?”

“Her words not mine. I know she went along with the decision to turn over the evidence, but she never seemed wholly on board. I think she kept working on her own.”

“Oh, I know she did. I finally had to tell her to stop talking to me about it. It was too hard. Hearing about Dean, any scrap of information, made work unbearable and having her add to it was exhausting. But now, I wish I had listened to her.”

A hand dropped on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “She’ll be here soon. In fact, we should hustle up and finish this search. Those men could be here.” Going room to room, they scoured every inch of the building. They eventually found one of the men, body shoved into a corner. A similar but more vicious bite wound on his neck was the only discernible injury. Reconvening in the main room, they looked down at the bodies of the two women, or what was left of them, and gave them a more thorough inspection. “Those teeth…Do you see that?” asked Victor, pointing at a hole in one of the fangs.

Cas leaned in to get a better look. “Venom,” muttered Cas.

“What?”

“That’s how venomous snakes poison their prey.”

“Well, shit. Wait, if that’s true how am I alive?” Victor’s question set them on a long discussion. Talking back and forth, throwing out any idea about the creatures killed time more rapidly than either realized, so the sound of movement shocked them both. Thankfully, the voices they heard were familiar and welcome. “No, this is the place. They have to be here somewhere.”

“We’re back here,” responded Cas. Within moments, Charlie and Shep rounded the corner. Squaring up, he tried to block their field of vision. “You should have called. We would have met you outside.” He felt Victor join him, standing behind him and to the side a step. Their movements did not go unnoticed, and Shep raised her eyebrow skeptically. 

“What are you hiding?” she asked.

“We are not hiding anything. It’s just that we need to tell you a bit more before we show you.”

Eyes hard, Shep said, “Charlie already filled me in, so get on with it.”

Cas shook his head, “She doesn’t know everything. All she knows is that Dean was here, and he saved Victor.” Charlie’s eyes went wide, and she stomped her foot. An action Cas had seen many times, although most often when Charlie was a teenager. It took him by surprise to see the woman before him act the same, and he couldn’t help but smile.

“Don’t you dare smile at me. I’m pissed at you.”

Forcing his lips down, Cas bit his cheeks and quelled the laughter brimming inside. As he struggled, Victor took over, brushing past Cas with a nudge and a huff. “What Cas was trying to say is that the only way you will understand and believe us is if we show you.” With a glance back, Victor stared Cas down. The message was clear. Cas should not hold Dean to a standard Cas and Victor did not meet. Cas tipped his head, and Victor continued, addressing the women again. “It’s why you needed to be here before we explain.” 

“Fine,” said Shep. “Get on with it.”

The explanation was short and sweet. Victor left off any embellishments and fancy language. He got to the heart of the matter as quickly as possible. When he got to the part about Dean, Charlie inhaled sharply before her eyes found Cas. They exchanged tense looks as Victor explained the rest of the encounter. Cas took over from when Dean ran away. All three of them looked pained when he repeated Dean’s words. “Cas,” whispered Charlie.

“I know,” said Cas. “I’m why he ran.”

Shep waved him off. “We can worry about blame later. Right now, you need to show us the bodies. All three of them.” Cas nodded and stepped aside. By unspoken agreement, Victor and Cas stood back and let the two women make their own observations. “Where is the victim?”

“Up there,” said Victor, leading the way down a hall and up a set of stairs. 

“And you said he has the same wound as you do.”

Victor’s hand shot up toward his neck just as it had done before. “Yes,” he said as he clenched his fist and dropped his arm. 

“Victor’s is more superficial than the victim’s. It might explain why he lived.”

Silence settled over them as if a heavy blanket had smothered out the sounds. The weight of a shifting worldview none of them could ignore or avoid. Their expressions resembled that of many victims they interviewed. Cas saw it in the others and felt it within himself. A burden of knowledge unknown to most, now shouldered by them. He understood why the people obfuscated. Why they protected Dean and lied to the authorities. He understood why they didn’t remember or only had vague descriptions. They were not just protecting Dean. They were protecting themselves. They were hiding the truth. A truth people would not believe. “They had no choice,” he said. “They had to lie. If I were in their shoes, I would have lied. In fact, if those bodies weren’t down there, I wouldn’t have told you.”

“Me neither,” said Victor. “Without proof we’d just sound like a crazy people.”

Shep gave Victor a grave look. “And that’s the crux of this. Isn’t it? What do we do with this information? Who do we tell?”

Cas shook his head. “No one, but us. We don’t know enough.”

“Cas is right,” said Victor. “Until we talk to Dean and get a better understanding of this, we need to keep this quiet.”

Charlie nodded, but her words contradicted the movement. “I’m not keeping this from Talia. She needs to know.” Before either Victor or Cas could argue, she added, “She deserves to know.”

“And we are telling Riley,” said Shep. “It won’t go any further than that for now, but we need to include her. She has the most up to date information on the case and I trust her.”

Both men tensed, but it was a Victor who spoke. “Are you sure you want to burden more people with this when we know so little?” 

With a slight shift, Shep stood in front of Cas and Victor, blocking the only the light in the hallway. “I understand your point, but we need help. We need to clean up this scene and get these bodies somewhere. We have to find a way to identify the victim and close the case without raising suspicions. And we need to find Dean. The four of us are not enough.” With that statement, the decision was made, so Cas simply gestured to the room on their left. The body remained where they had found it, except the neck wound was now visible. “All right, we are not going to be able to treat this as a regular crime scene. Cas, you and Victor carry the body down to the other room. Charlie find us a truck to transport the bodies. We are also going to need a place to store them and set up an office. While you do that, I will brief Riley. Oh, and Charlie I need a secure, untraceable line to contact her.”

“Got it,” said Charlie as she saluted and headed out of the room.

After watching Charlie go, Shep turned to Cas. “Since I have a few moments before she gets the line set up is there any other information you have. Any ideas on how to find Dean?” 

“Um…have you found Bobby yet.”

“There is a Robert Singer who owns a scrapyard in Sioux Falls, but we don’t know if it’s him. He’s known as the town drunk and the sheriff was familiar with him, but he was not home when Parker went to interview him.”

Something about those words brought back a long-ago conversation with Dean. “The sheriff…is it a woman.”

“Yes,” said Shep, a hint of irritation evident in her tone.

Cas rolled his eyes. “I wasn’t keeping anything from you. I just didn’t remember until right now. The first time I learned about Bobby he mentioned a sheriff. Said something about her needing help.”

“Well, that changes things,” said Victor.

A frown creased Cas’s forehead as he looked at his partner. “Why? We have no idea if Dean was telling the truth or trying to shore up his bounty hunter lie.” As he finished, he noticed a change in Victor’s stance and a touch of anger in his eyes. “What?” asked Cas.

His partner sighed heavily and then slumped his shoulders. “Cas, every time we talk about Dean you try to be overly objective, almost to the point of bending over backwards to see the negative. I don’t think Dean lied to you all the time. In fact, after everything I’ve seen and experienced today, and all I know about the man from your own words, I would wager that he hardly ever did.”

Cas latched onto Victor’s words, letting himself remember his time with Dean. As he ran through his memories, Victor talked. “He didn’t lie about where he was. We tracked his movements, and he was honest with you. He didn’t lie about Sam. About Stanford and Princeton. He told you about his mom and the fire. He told you about John’s disappearance. He told you Adam and his mother died.” Listening to the list, Cas realized how true Victor’s observations were. Dean had been honest, as honest as he could be without potentially exposing the supernatural. 

Before Cas could interject and add other memories, Shep said, “I agree. And I think you and Cas need to head to Sioux Falls and meet this sheriff. We’ll need to fabricate a case, so I can send you to South Dakota.”

Cas stared at Shep as she continued to lay out the plan. A plan filled with lies and cover stories. The more she talked the more complicated their situation became. Hiding bodies, making up cases, burner phones, hacking…skirting the edges of criminal activity and fully crossing it. “If we are going to do this,” he said, cutting Shep off, “we need to make a fucking story board or we’ll never keep it all straight.” 

It took the better part of the next days to outline, organize, and build what for all intents and purposes was a whole new unit. The process tested the creativity and mettle of all involved. Charlie procured a boarded-up restaurant with a large refrigeration unit near the Chicago office. By the time, the bodies were transported and stored, Riley and Talia had drafted a set of interview questions and were off recanvassing victims. Shep was hard at work developing fake cases that would provide cover for their travel and expenditures. Underpinning it all was the search for Dean. He was the linchpin to the entire operation. They needed his knowledge, and they needed to find him sooner rather than later.

Their best bet was Bobby since there had been no sign of Sam or Dean. Heading to Sioux Falls, Cas and Victor left the FBI behind. For this part of the plan, they were simply civilians. The first stop was a visit to Sheriff Jody Mills. Cas went alone, dressed in jeans and a button-down shirt. The leather jacket he wore had been a gift from Dean, bought on one of their long weekends together. When his world imploded, he buried the jacket in the back of his closet, digging it out specifically for this trip. It seemed fitting to take that step, acceptance and a step toward healing for himself and an apology to Dean. As he was introduced to the sheriff, he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. Victor had entered the sheriff’s department. It was the signal to put their plan into action. 

“Thank you for meeting me Sheriff,” said Cas.

“Of course, when your boss called, she said this was in regard to a personal issue.”

“Hence the casual clothes,” stated Cas, pointing at his jeans. “I’m trying to find someone and the only person I know who might have an idea where to start looking is Bobby Singer.”

Sheriff Mills gestured for Cas to enter her office. Once inside, she shut the door and asked him to take a seat. “As I told the other agents, Mr. Singer is not likely to be of any help. He spends most of his time drunk and the other part buried in his books.”

Eyeing her skeptically, Cas said, “Yet, when the agents went to speak with him, he was gone. And he stayed gone. I was hoping you had some idea of where he went.”

“I have no idea. Mr. Singer is paranoid about his privacy, religiously keeps to himself. The only reason I know anything about him is from the times I’ve had to haul him in.”

The tone of her voice had a finality to it, and her choice of words signaled she would offer little more. Further questioning was pointless as was the information she had provided. It was exactly as they anticipated. She offered pieces of information, innocuous yet pointed enough to seem she was cooperating. Displaying a willingness to help and an apology for not being able to help more, all the while protecting Bobby Singer and whatever she truly knew about him. With that understanding, Cas made his goodbyes.

“Thank you for your help.”

“Sorry I couldn’t provide you with anything more specific.”

“It’s fine. I knew it was a longshot. Have a good day, Sheriff Mills.”

“You too, Agent Novak.”

As Cas left, he made sure to avoid eye contact with Victor. He placed his trust in his partner and went to stake out the salvage yard. As he drove, Victor called. “She called to warn him. And just as we thought, your name seemed to lead to an argument. I think your guess is correct. Bobby’s not going anywhere this time.”

“Well, I’m almost there and no cars have passed me since I turned onto his road.” Cas had tried to keep the anticipation out of his voice, but Victor’s next words proved he had failed.

“You are waiting for me. I know you want to find him, but, Cas, you are not going in there alone.”

Cas reluctantly agreed and regretted his acquiescence almost instantly because the time it took for Victor to join him felt excruciatingly long. When he finally spotted his partner’s vehicle, his tension did not disappear. It simply shifted from annoyance to anxiety. Victor sensed it and immediately tried to reassure Cas. “It’s going to work out, Cas. It may no be pretty, but Bobby staying is a good sign.”

“I suppose, but that doesn’t mean we’re welcome. I’m guessing he wants to chew my ass.”

With a grunt, Victor said, “That’s a given.”

His words and his smile eased Cas’s tension, and he found himself huffing a laugh. “Might as well get it over with then.”

Pulling into the long driveway, the sight lines were obscured by numerous junked cars and parts. They spotted the peak of the house first and after clearing the last of the cars, a porch came into view. Standing on that porch, shotgun in hand, was Bobby in his trademark hat and flannel. The expression on his face was hard and most definitely unwelcoming. Scanning the area near the house, yielded another armed figure. A tall Black man with an equally angry expression. His body snapped to attention and his gun rose to the ready position. Forcing his eyes back to the porch, Cas saw that Bobby had stepped forward to stand at the edge of the stairs. 

“Okay, then,” said Cas as he stopped the car and turned off the ignition. Looking over at Victor, he shrugged.

After attempting a reassuring smile, Victor said, “Time to face the music.” They reached for the door handles and exited the car. 

“That’s far enough,” groused Bobby before adding with a sneer, “What do YOU want Castiel?”

“I want to talk,” Cas said, holding up his hands placatingly. “I just want to understand.” A loud grunt emanated from the side of the house, but Cas ignored it in favor of maintaining eye contact with the man Dean saw as a father. He needed to convince Bobby he was here to stay. 

“Hush Rufus,” Bobby said with a quick glance to the side of the house. When he turned back to Cas, he asked, “You think you deserve that?”

Cas let his face fall, showing the depth of his emotion. “No, I know I don’t, but I am here all the same.” As he finished, he felt Victor’s presence at his side. He wanted to wave him off, but it was too late.

“He’s not the only one here. I deserve to know what the hell took me and bit me.”

The change was instantaneous. Bobby’s gun dropped to his side, and his body relaxed. Rufus seemed to follow that lead and lowered his gun as well. “Come in but don’t get too comfortable,” said Bobby, punctuating his words with a glare directed solely at Cas. 

“That wasn’t so bad,” whispered Victor as they walked to the house.

As they entered the home, Cas felt a sense of déjà vu. There was a familiarity to the space. Despite the little he had seen when he video chatted with Dean, he had obviously formulated a vision of Bobby’s home. The clutter and disarray. The old lived in feel. It fit his vision and it fit the man in front of him. The sunken couch Bobby gestured them to triggered a pain in Cas’s chest. He pictured Dean sitting on the couch, broken leg propped up, smiling and jabbing at Bobby for eavesdropping. Without thought, he blurted, “Is he here?”

Bobby grunted but did not answer, so Cas asked, “Is he safe?”

“Yes,” Bobby answered as his gaze shifted to the door. 

Cas and Victor both turned. Rufus was standing in the doorway, eyeing the occupants of the room. “If you’re good, Bobby, I’m gonna take off.”

“I’m good. Check-in when you get there.”

Rufus grumbled something about being a mother hen and then he was out the door, letting it bang behind him. Bobby shook his head before turning his eyes back to the men seated on his couch. “In answer to your question, they were Vetalas.”

“Vetalas?” mused Victor.

When Bobby responded, it was as if he was reciting a well-known list. “Snake-like monsters. Poison their victims. Hunt in pairs.” He punctuated the recitation with, “You’re lucky Dean was there.”

“Yeah, I figured that out, especially after Cas shot the second one and nothing happened.”

Bobby hmmm’d. “Guns don’t work on a lot of monsters. Vetalas are one of them. Only way to kill ‘em is to stab them in the heart with a silver knife and twist.”

“And…um…you just know…” stuttered Victor.

Waving him off, Bobby said, “Everyone has a story of how they learn about this shit. Not gonna tell you mine.” From a room to their right they heard a snort, quickly followed by the shuffle of feet. “You might as well come out here if you’re going to grunt and groan at me,” retorted Bobby.

“Nope, not a chance.”

Cas’s heart rate sped up and his breath caught. “Dean.” His eyes snapped back to Bobby. 

“Don’t look at me. He’s calling the shots on this. I told him to confront your ass and quit hiding. Not that I’m surprised,” Bobby huffed as he looked at Victor, “These two have been dancing around each other for damn near two years.”

“Oh, I know,” said Victor just as a door banged.

Bobby did not hesitate, eyes finding Cas. “Go,” he said, “He’ll be in the shop.” Cas froze, unable to breathe or move. “Idjit. He wouldn’t still be here if he didn’t want to talk. He knew you’d come.”

Those words spurred Cas into action. Pushing himself up off the couch, he gave Victor a cursory glance. It was enough to see the concern in his friend’s eyes. Friend it was because in this moment they were not agents they were merely men trying to face a changing world. And to do so Cas would also have to face a broken relationship and a shattered heart. Taking a deep breath, he crossed the room. As he exited, he heard his friend say, “So you kill monsters?”

“We hunt them. We’re hunters,” stated Bobby, flatly. The statement carried Cas outside, and by the time he reached the shop, he had accepted the truth of it. Dean saved people by hunting monsters. What a strange thought. What an earth-shattering fact. Monsters exist. The supernatural exists. And people know. People who risk their lives to hunt them. And Dean was one of them. It all fit the man he knew. The man he loved. He wondered how he could have ever thought otherwise because his instinct had screamed at him, telling him Dean was a good man, an exceptional human being. A door loomed in front of him. He could hear the sound of metal on metal just on the other side. 

Nerves tore at him. Pausing, he took a deep breath and steeled himself. The idea of facing Dean was both a torture and a necessity. A blessing and a curse. His heart ached to apologize and right the wrong, but his mind feared the outcome. It was why he had to force himself to open the door and step inside. When he called out, his voice was weak and shaky. “Dean.”

“What do you want, Agent?”

“I want to go back and never make that phone call.”

Dean scoffed. “Too late for that.”

“I know, so all I can do is apologize.”

“And you think…what…that will fix this?”

Taking a few measured steps, Cas finally laid eyes on Dean. Leaning over the engine of the Impala, Dean’s head stayed down, eyes trained on the car. “Not even a little, but I am going to do it anyway. Dean, I’m sorry. I should have given you a chance to explain. I should have listened to my gut. I am so sorry I turned my back on you.”

Finally raising his head, Dean turned pain-filled eyes on Cas. “You called me a murderer, Cas.”

Cas flinched but managed to keep his feet firmly planted even though a huge part of him wanted to run away. “I did,” he said with a strained voice.

“How could you?”

“I don’t…no that’s not right,” Cas said glancing away. “I saw you. I saw your car. I didn’t stop to think or question. I just let my mind take me through the evidence and it all fit, so I made that call. But then, I couldn’t let it go.”

Anger surged across Dean’s face. “No, you had to go and harass Sam.”

“Dean, please, I didn’t want to disrupt Sam’s life. I wanted answers. I needed answers.”

“Well, how does it feel to finally get some?”

All the pent-up energy drained from Cas’s body, and he slumped against the car. The next words out of his mouth were not what he planned. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Dean pushed off the car, flinging the towel in his hand over his shoulder and slamming the hood in one fluid movement. As always, there was an economy of motion in Dean’s reactions. A body well-versed in the need for precision. A body, Cas now understood, prepared and skilled for combat.

“Really, that’s what you’re going with?” Dean shook his head and snapped, “What exactly did you want me to do, _Agent_? Walk up and say I hunt monsters. And what, you would have just accepted that and me? Yeah, no, no. I tried that once and the look I got...the finger pointing at the door…the harsh, nasty words. Nope, wasn’t going to do that ever again.”

“Dean,” pleaded Cas, aching at Dean’s use of _Agent_. With another shake of his head, Dean turned away, body taut with tension. Cas could read it in every move, the barely concealed anger, the hurt. “I hate what I’ve done. I hate how I’ve hurt you. How I’ve hurt myself. I lost the best thing that ever happened to me. The one person I felt truly understood me. And I am the one who did it. It’s all on me. So, no, Dean, I am not blaming you. I wish you had given me a chance, but I understand why you didn’t. And not knowing does not excuse my actions.”

Dean whirled around, whipping the towel off his shoulder so quickly it cracked the air. “Jesus Christ, Cas. Is this what you’ve been doing?”

“I…I don’t understand.”

“This whole time. You’ve been beating yourself up.” Dean eyes raked over Cas’s body as he spoke. “I can see it now. Clear as day.” Cas’s body shook, and he crossed his arms over his chest, holding tight, trying to quell his internal trauma. “You’ve lost weight. The bags under your eyes are more purple and bruised than usual. You look like you’d crumble apart in a stiff breeze.”

Shaking his head, Cas went to deny it. He did not want Dean to absolve him of his guilt out of pity. “No, I-” he started, but Dean interrupted.

“Save it, Cas.” Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m tired and seeing you like this, makes it worse.” 

“Please, Dean,” Cas said, not above begging as he’d already shown with both words and the sorry state of himself. “I love you. Even when I thought…I loved you. It’s why I broke. It’s why I tried so hard to prove my first conclusion was wrong. We tried Dean. We really tried. Charlie and Victor. Even Talia. But…” Cas’s voice faded as uncertainty crept into his thoughts. Where was he going with this? First blame and now what…excuses. It was not fair to Dean. He had no right to put any of this on Dean. To ask for forgiveness or understanding. To try and explain it all away. The shaking started anew as he realized what kind of man he had become. And when he raised his eyes to find stormy green ones staring at him, he let the reality of the situation finally hit home. Dean deserved better. He had always deserved better. Resolved, Cas uncrossed his arms and straightened his back. “You’re right. You don’t owe me anything. I’m sorry to have bothered you. Goodbye, Dean.” 

“No, you don’t get to do that, you goddamn martyring asshole. I have a right to be mad at you. I have a right to yell and throw shit and stomp my fucking feet if I want to. You do not get to run away. You don’t get to talk about love and come here looking all broken. Trying to make me feel sorry for you. I have never in my life let someone in the way I let you in. You were my lifeline Cas. My hope. My dreams. You made me want a different life. You made me think I might be able to have it. And then you ripped it away. One word, Cas, and you tore me apart. Tore my hopes and dreams apart. The one thing I wanted from you more than anything was faith. Faith in me. Faith in yourself. Faith in us. And instead of fighting for it, you’re going to walk away. Give up. Not even try to give me what I want. What I deserve?”

A sob tore out of Cas’s throat and he crossed the space between them. He had no idea what he was going to do, but he needed to be closer. It was all he could think. Touch, feel, mend. But it was the wrong move to make. When his hand reached for Dean’s wrist, Dean yanked his arm back. “You don’t get to touch me, Castiel. Not like this. Not in this moment.”

Tears fell down Cas’s face as he said, “What do you want me to do?”

“I don’t fucking know,” yelled Dean, face red and fists clenched.

With nothing else to do or say, Cas dropped onto an overturned milk crate and put his head in his hands and gave Dean the only card he had left to play. The one Dean had inadvertently asked for. “Don’t think just act. Yell, stomp your feet, throw things…I’m here for all of it…anything…and I’m not going to run.” 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your comments on the last chapter. They were so thoughtful and greatly appreciated. And wow, this story just crossed 100 subscribers. Thanks for joining the journey and welcome to all of you.

Destruction, death, pain, loneliness, unfair responsibility, a shattered future. Cas sat and listened to the harrowing tale of Dean’s descent into the life of a hunter. The fire that took his mother. The demon that killed her, burning her on the ceiling of Sam’s nursery. The burden of being responsible for a six-month old Sam at the tender age of four. The search for the demon that consumed all their lives. The inability to please an overwrought father who turned his son into a soldier, withholding love and kindness to toughen him into a killing machine. The ache of hiding who he was and who he wanted to be in favor of being obedient. The loss of Sam on more than one occasion. And the beatings he took as a result. 

The feelings of abandonment when Sam left for good. The disappearance of a father who found the hunt more important than anything else in the world. The solo hunts which sheered off pieces of the man Dean wished to be. The injury and blood that filled all the years of his life. The scars he bore both physical and emotional. Made all the worse by feelings of inadequacy. The feeling of never being good enough. Never finding the monster who killed his mother. Never fulfilling his father’s wish. A life dedicated to hunting. Trying to make up for the failure. How many did he have to save before it squared that failure? So many lives lost. So many lives saved. But it was not enough, never enough, and all of it on his shoulders. A burden no one should have to carry. And yet it was the life Dean led. The life he dedicated himself to at every turn. The father who demanded it was gone, and yet he stayed. Continued the hunt. One brother dead and one brother gone to another life, and still Dean persisted. 

The pain and sadness had been there. Lurking in the shadow of his gaze. Pulsing in every beat of his heart. The devastation and loss consumed him and was there in the darkness of his mind. But there was also light. Beauty and love shining in his soul. Unconditional and all-consuming. Love which carried him through the darkest days and terror filled nights. Love he gave willingly to others. Sacrifices he made to shelter and aid those he cared for, those he considered family. Strength beyond measure. A backbone of steel. A heart large and welcoming despite his protestations to the contrary. 

Cas ached for Dean, felt it in the deepest parts of himself. The want and need to comfort were powerful forces. Forces he had to ignore because it was not the time. It may never be the time because he had forfeited the right to be the one to offer such comfort. Forfeited it with his rush to judgement and cruelty. Because for Cas the more Dean talked, the more he understood that is what his actions were. They were cruel. Dean had suffered enough. Lost enough. Been treated as a tool, a weapon. Been pushed aside, pushed away, found unworthy. Cas’s words and deeds added to that narrative. Instead of treating Dean as the treasure he was, Cas broke the trust between them and became just another person who shoved him away. 

The story of Dean’s life went on and on, filled with anger and tears. Filled with heartache and bitterness. People he failed to save and the guilt he bore over every single life lost. The shame and disgust he found in himself too often. The broken pieces melded together by the kind words of those he saved, by the father figure who always welcomed him with open arms, sheltering him in the only home he’d ever truly known. A brother who despite the distance found a way to come when he was most needed. And knitted most tightly together by the support and love of the man he opened his heart to, the man he allowed himself to need and love. The man who then ripped those pieces apart, shredding and tearing at the stitching until it was no more. 

The last of Dean’s words dropped from his mouth, quiet and cracked. His voice weakened by the number and force of his words, but most significantly by the emotional retelling of a traumatic life and all its devastation. “Now you know.”

Day had come and gone. The night wafting in and taking charge. Dark and foreboding. No moonlight to brighten it. A fitting punctuation to the story just told. Silence ensued, heavy and uncomfortable. Both men exhausted, eyes red, cheeks tear-stained. Neither bothering to wipe the evidence away. For Cas, they continued to fall, but for Dean, he seemed to have emptied them all. His eyes were dry as he finished, dull and shadowed. The anger had bled away at some point in the telling. Cas could not pinpoint the moment, but he recognized the absence of it. Unsure what was expected of him now, Cas sat and waited, hoping for a sign. Dean offered more. “Your turn,” he said, giving Cas the next step.

Despite his misgivings and his feelings of doubt, despite the failure of his earlier attempt, despite his lack of right, Cas did the only thing that felt natural. The one thing he alone could offer. He expected a rebuff. Deserved it. Braced himself for it. But it did not come. When he pulled Dean up and into his arms, he went willingly. Collapsing against Cas, letting him bear his weight. It was familiar and comforting, and it gave Cas hope. Hope he may yet be able to heal the rift he created. Dean sobbed when Cas’s hand found the back of his neck and brushed through the short hairs there. Holding Dean tightly to his chest, Cas caressed his back and whispered his love and devotion. 

Dean did not return the hug, arms hanging at his sides, but he did not pull away. Until the last of his sobs subsided and the trembles in his body slowed, he let Cas hold him and care for him. It was a gift, and Cas made sure to tell him. When Dean finally pulled back, he stayed close, resting his hands on Cas’s hips. “This doesn’t mean we’re okay.”

“I know.”

“You have no idea how much I want it to mean that, but I just can’t. Not now.”

Cas cupped Dean’s cheek tenderly. “It’s all right. I understand.”

“Just because this is between us doesn’t mean you get to leave. You get that, right?”

“Yes. I’m not going anywhere,” agreed Cas.

Stepping further back, Dean dropped his hands from Cas’s hips and eased out of his arms. Cas released him and shifted back a step. “What happens now?” asked Dean.

“What do you want to happen?”

Dean shook his head and turned around, walking to the dark window. Resting his head on the glass, he said, “Not with us. With everything else. You didn’t come alone, Cas, so you’re here for more than this.”

“I am.”

Dean huffed and then said, “I get that you want answers, but how much are you willing to learn?”

Cas took a deep breath and let it out slowly as he took a step toward Dean. “Everything. All of it.”

“You sure about that. Once you start down this path it takes you. Takes over.”

“I don’t have a choice.”

Dean tipped his head back and looked at the ceiling. “Of course, you do.”

“You had no choice.”

With an abrupt turn, Dean faced Cas, eyes hard and unforgiving. “I was not given a choice. There is a difference.”

Sighing, Cas nodded, accepting the truth of those words. “All right, then, I am choosing to walk down that path. We all are.”

“Whose we?” asked Dean.

“Besides me. Victor, Charlie, Shep, Talia, and Riley.” Anger and disappointment flashed in Dean’s eyes, so Cas asked, “What would you have had me do? You were gone. Victor was injured. We had bodies and a crime scene.”

Running his hands through his hair, Dean said, “I shouldn’t have left.”

“No, don’t do that. I was pointing a gun at you. You had every reason to leave.”

“I never wanted this for you.”

Cas heaved a deep breath and, on the exhale, said, “I’m glad I know. This secret would have always been between us. And I am not one to shy away from uncomfortable truths.”

With a shake of his head, Dean responded, “I guess you’ve made up your mind then.”

“I have and so have the others,” Cas said matter-of-factly. “And we need your help.”

Dean’s body visibly tensed, and he deliberately broke eye contact. Cas felt the loss of those expressive green eyes and the connection they created when they gazed into Cas’s blue ones. The fact that Dean felt it necessary to look away brought up several conflicting emotions and a jumble of reasons. He sensed Dean was protecting himself, putting distance between them. It was understandable considering the intensity of their interactions since Cas stepped into the shop. Even though the talk had shifted to a more clinical discussion of the situation, the space still reverberated with pain and betrayal. It was clear Dean needed a break after the gut-wrenching retelling of his life and his next words proved it. “Well, I guess we should get inside and start your lessons into all things supernatural. I’m sure Bobby has been filling Victor in this whole time.”

“Of course, Dean. I’m ready to learn.”

As they entered the house, they heard the sound of dishes clanking and muttered voices. Dean led the way into the kitchen and Cas dutifully followed. Victor and Bobby were seated at the small kitchen table, eating hot dogs and greasy fries and drinking what looked like whiskey. “How many of those have you had?” asked Dean.

“Several,” said Victor, “And I don’t regret a single one.”

“Hmmm…so you’re dealing the way hunters do. Artery-clogging food and functional alcoholism.”

Cas cringed and wretchedly muttered, “Dean.”

Grunting, Dean responded, “What, Cas? Look around.” Despite his desire to ignore Dean’s command, Cas found himself scanning the kitchen and the adjoining rooms. Bottles littered many surfaces. Several liquor bottles sat on the floor next to the couch in the den. A couch which had a recently used pillow on one end and a crumpled blanket at the other. “See,” said Dean when Cas looked back at him. Tears stung the corners of Cas’s eyes and he let out a tiny moan of sadness. “Fucking hell. Stop it.”

“Stop what, Dean? You asked me to look and so I looked. What did you expect me to do with this knowledge?” Cas picked up a nearly empty bottle of whiskey, sloshing the liquid inside as he shook it in Dean’s direction. “You hardly ever drink anymore. You told me y-”

“Yeah, well, things change,” snapped Dean, cutting Cas off and closing the distance between them until they were standing toe to toe, the bottle wedged between their chests. 

“Enough,” said Bobby, grit and steel in his voice. “I don’t know what you two have been doing out there for hours, but obviously you didn’t fix shit. Shut up, sit down, and eat.”

Both men followed the order and proceeded to sit. Cas kept his eyes trained on his plate, ignoring the other men at the table. The food tasted like ash in his mouth, but he forced himself to swallow and finish the entire plate. Dean was already angry at him for his weight loss. There was no need to add to that frustration. When Cas finished, he pushed his plate away and looked up for the first time since he sat down. Bobby and Victor were staring at him. Unable to take the scrutiny, Cas glanced to his left. Dean was standing by the sink, looking out the window, drink in hand. His plate, Cas noted, was barely touched. Before he could comment, Bobby said to Victor, “It’s late. I assume you’re staying.”

“If that works for you,” responded Victor.

“Wouldn’t have said it if it didn’t.” Bobby stood and walked toward the hall without a backward glance. Victor scrambled to his feet and followed the older man. “And you two work out your crap. Talk it out. Punch it out. I don’t care which, but fix this,” yelled Bobby. 

“Or fuck it out,” added Victor, making Bobby grunt. “What?” said Victor, “It works. Cas is a whole different-”

“Victor,” snapped Cas, “Stop.” 

Bobby turned to face the kitchen, locking eyes with Cas. He did not say a word, but there was something knowing in his look. Bobby grabbed Victor by the forearm and yanked him out of sight as he said, “See you boys in the morning.”

Once they could no longer hear their footsteps, Dean said, “We are not having this discussion.”

“Yes, we are. I lost my twin to addiction. I’ll be damned if I lose another person I love to it.”

Dean took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. Cas could hear the pain in the ragged nature of the breath. “That’s not fair, Cas.”

“Why not? It’s true. Jimmy was the most important person in my life and I couldn’t save him. And now there’s you. I’m not going to pretend I don’t love you. I get that we may never get back what we had, but that love is not going anywhere.”

With another deep breath, Dean turned to face Cas. “You don’t really get to lecture me when you haven’t exactly been taking care of yourself. Besides, this,” he said holding up his now empty glass, “is recent and temporary. Seeing you was…it fucking sucked, Cas. There was this moment when you first looked at me, that I thought you…” Dean’s body shuddered and he shook his head, turning away. “Doesn’t matter, what I thought. We’re here now and it feels all wrong.”

“Dean, please look at me,” Cas pleaded. He waited a heartbeat and then another, hoping Dean would face him. He needed to see the green eyes which haunted his dreams and his waking hours. When Dean finally shifted enough to eye Cas out of the corner of his eyes, Cas said, “I feel wrong. Have felt wrong since the moment I called you a murderer. And when I realized I’d raised my gun to you, I no longer recognized myself. I’d always known precisely who I was until I met you. And now I have no idea who this man standing before you is. The conviction and surety I’ve lived my life with is gone. Shattered in a myriad of ways. Most of which are my own damn fault. And being here, with you, is tearing me apart even more. I want nothing more than to hold you and soothe you, but I don’t have that right anymore since I’m the reason you need comfort.”

By the time Cas finished, Dean had turned to fully face him, eyes locked on Cas’s, tears welling in them. “I hate this. I hate everything about it. My whole shitty life has been dictated by hunting. You were this separate thing. This oasis, and I came to rely on it always being there. From the very fucking beginning. You get how rare that is for a hunter. How rare that is for me. I don’t let people get close. I don’t tell them about my family or share my feelings with them. And I certainly don’t let them fuck me. But you, you tore that all down. That phone call tore it all down. I’ve never felt that devastated. I’ve never felt that level of shame and believe me there is a lot of shame in my past.” Dean stopped and ran a hand down his face, sighing heavily. As his hand slipped away, his eyes were downcast and his shoulders were slumped.

“Why would you feel shame? I’m the one who should be ashamed,” said Cas, confusion evident in his voice and the tilt of his head.

Dean muttered under his breath before he audibly said, “If you thought that about me, then there must be a reason you did. Something about me that made you think I’m capable of that. I’ve done a lot of shitty things in my life, Cas. Illegal, morally questionable things. It’s part of the hunting life. It’s not something I can run from or pretend didn’t happen, so yeah, I think maybe you saw that somehow. Saw what I am.”

“And what exactly do you think you are? Because what I see is a man who had responsibility thrust on him as a child and found a way to survive. I see a man who sacrifices his own happiness and well being for others. Who has always sacrificed it. I see a hero.”

Dean huffed a dark laugh. “You wouldn’t if you knew what I’ve done. Who I’ve been.”

As he’d talked Dean’s anger had seemed to disappear once again, replaced by self-deprecation and need. The broken pieces of Dean were on full display. The pieces Cas had glimpsed in the past. The ones he tried so hard to help Dean heal, just as Dean had done for him. It seemed the progress they’d made had faded. “Loving you isn’t conditional, Dean, so tell me what you’ve done and who you’ve been because each step you took made you the man I fell in love with. The first and only person I have ever wanted.”

“Jesus,” Dean said, as he reached for a bottle of whiskey. Cas caught his hand and halted his movements. “I’m not drunk enough to have this conversation, Cas. Not even close.”

Cas shook his head, holding Dean’s hand tightly and picking up the bottle with is other hand. Before Dean could protest, he drained the bottle over the sink. “No, you don’t need it. We have never needed it to talk to each other. And I need it to stay that way. Maybe I don’t have the right, but I need you to agree to it because I can’t watch you punish yourself. I can’t watch you hurt yourself. I just can’t. Okay?” Cas’s voice broke on a sob, and the tears he’d been holding at bay spilled over.

Dean stared at him for several seconds, dropping his gaze away when he said, “Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fine, you win, no drinking, but I ain’t looking at you and I don’t want you staring at me with those piercing blue eyes. They shred me in a way nothing else has ever done.”

“Dean?” croaked Cas.

“Come on, you already know that Cas. No one reads me like you do. You shred every barrier I put up. So, I guess what does it matter if you shred another one.” Dean brushed past Cas but didn’t shake off the hold on his wrist. Leading Cas into the den, he gestured at the couch. “Sit and don’t talk.” And so again, Cas sat and listened. He itched to speak. Itched to wrap his arms around Dean, but he kept silent and seated. “I thought I accepted this shit a long time ago. I did what I did to protect Sammy. To keep us alive, but when you came into my life, it dredged it all up again. You were this perfect, fucking angel, who stepped into my life. You brought the sunshine into my darkness, but all I could think was I’m not good enough. Not for you. Maybe not for anyone. Sure, I save people, but does that really fix all the shit I’ve done.”

Dean stopped for a moment and then started pacing, fast and hard. Feet pounding into the floor as he continued, “You know about my time at the boy’s home, but I never told you why. I assume you guys tracked all that crap in your investigation, but nothing you found tells the whole truth. Not even close. I got lucky. Seems funny to say about being sent to what amounts to juvie, but it’s true. Dad never found out what really happened and I got a break. Got to be a normal kid, well as normal as I was ever going to get. I got to put it behind me at least for a little while. Got to go to school, make friends, met a girl. But it never went away. It was always in the back of my mind. Rearing its ugly head. Haunting my nightmares. Making me keep people at arms-length. No one knows. Never tell. Never tell and it will go away. That’s what I told myself, and I’m pretty good at faking it ‘til I make it. But then I met someone and I wanted to come clean. I wanted to tell her. I have no idea why, but I did. When I went to tell her, I froze. I couldn’t do it. It was too much, so I spilled my guts about hunting and the supernatural instead. And she threw me out. After that it was easy to keep shit buried. I put a giant chip on my shoulder and plastered on confidence, became a cocky, ladies’ man. And it worked. Until you. There were so many moments where I almost told you. Moments where you had me broken apart and open in more than one way. Moments where I thought if I kept it in any longer, I would never recover. But then I’d imagine the pity or disgust I’d see in your eyes and I shoved it aside. Begged you to fuck me. Begged for more, harder, until I could bury it again. But shame has a funny way of showing itself when you least expect it. I was so angry at you after that call. I never thought there’d be room for anything else. But grief came quick and hard and then the shame came.”

Dean had stopped pacing right in front of the cluttered desk. His fingers ran along the edge, brushing papers and tapping at intervals as he talked. His recitation had turned into a blathering of emotions and dancing around the central part of the story. Through it all Cas sat silently, but when Dean’s movements finally came to a halt, even as he continued to ramble, Cas intervened. He sensed Dean’s need for a push. His need for permission to finish the tale. “Dean, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay. I’m here and I’m staying. No matter what you tell me, I’m staying. Do you understand?”

Exhaling sharply, Dean dropped his head. “Yeah, okay. Just don’t look at me, please.”

“Of course, Dean.”

“The official record said I got busted for shoplifting. Which was true, but that was like a week earlier. They let me off cause I was just stealing some food. Dad was gone and the money ran out and I had to feed Sammy, so…anyway, the cop was nice and talked the store owner into dropping it. But then a week passed and Dad still wasn’t back and Sam’s shoes fell apart. And the motel needed the rent money. I didn’t know what to do. I needed the money fast and I needed more than I could easily steal.” Dean’s voice broke and he swallowed harshly. With a quick glance Cas saw Dean’s clenched fists and that he was vigorously chewing the inside of his cheek.

“Dean, tell me.”

In a shaky voice, Dean said, “It’s not like I’d never been propositioned before. When you hang out around bars when you’re underage, it’s a given. They think you’re a runaway and um…they know you need money, so yeah, I knew how I could get money quick.”

“Oh, Dean.”

“Dammit Cas, I don’t want your pity.”

“It’s not pity. It’s empathy. And you’re getting it because no one should have to prostitute themselves to put a roof over their brother’s head and feed and clothe him.”

Dean lifted his head but kept his eyes distant. “I hated it. Every second of it, but I’d do it all over again for Sam.”

“I understand.”

“Do you?”

Cas nodded, “Yes, I did things I’m not proud of for Jimmy, so I get it.” Dean finally made eye contact and Cas’s breath caught at the raw pain he saw in them. When he was able to speak again, he said, “I love you, Dean. This doesn’t change that. In fact, it clarifies some things.” Standing up, Cas approached Dean, entering his personal space, wondering if he would be allowed to stay. Dean remained still, not reaching out but not pushing him away either. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. Not over this or whatever else you’ve convinced yourself of. You did what you needed to survive. There is absolutely no shame in that. And as far as the rest, I was in the wrong. I let a few pieces of evidence cloud my judgement about you.”

Curling in on himself, Dean said, “Wouldn’t have happened if I’d told you the truth like Bobby wanted.”

“I thought that at first, but after talking with Victor, I realized I probably wouldn’t have believed you. So, we would have probably ended up in the same place just under different circumstances.”

Dean’s head fell forward, resting on Cas’s chest. “I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid, and besides, it’s sort of a rule in the hunting community. You don’t tell people unless you have no choice. Most people will never need to know. They’ll never come into contact with the supernatural, so leaving them in the dark is for the best. Those of us who know got drawn in by horrible events in our lives. I wanted to keep you out of it, Cas. I wanted a life outside of this world, with you.”

Running his hands up Dean’s back, Cas braced himself for rejection, but instead he felt Dean lean into the touch. Encouraged, he let one hand trail up to Dean’s neck. “And now what do you want?”

“Sleep,” whispered Dean.

Cas hmm’d. “Anything else?”

“I don’t want to be alone, but I can’t…I...”

“Shhh…it’s all right. I’ll stay, over there.” Cas tipped his head gesturing at a chair on the far side of the room. “Go ahead and go to sleep.”

Dean lifted his head, following the motion. “Don’t you think that will be kinda uncomfortable…um…for both of us.”

“Do you have a better suggestion to fit your parameters?”

“I guess not,” Dean said as he extricated himself from Cas’s arms. Cas felt the loss immediately and couldn’t contain his sigh. “Cas,” groaned Dean, “Don’t make this harder.”

Stepping back, Cas put some more distance between them and tried to give Dean a reassuring smile. He failed spectacularly by the look on Dean’s face. “I’m sorry. The last thing I want to do is make this more difficult for you.” There was a flash of sympathy in Dean’s eyes before he abruptly turned and walked over to the couch, flopping down on it with a grunt of frustration and what Cas reasonably thought was physical pain. “Dean, are you hurt?” Dean raised an eyebrow, challenging Cas. “I mean physically,” stated Cas with a slight roll of his eyes.

“Got a bit banged up, and spending hours under Baby’s hood didn’t help matters. But it’s par for the course. I’m used to it, so there’s no need to worry about me.”

“I always worry about you,” Cas said as he took a seat.

“You saying shit like that doesn’t help, ya know? And the way you look at me…makes me want to pull you down on this couch and wrap myself around you.” Cas’s breath hitched, and Dean ignored it. “But then I think the last thing I should want is you touching me. Even that hug, I know I leaned into it, needed it even, but it also made my skin crawl.” Dean laid back and exhaled sharply. “Hunting has taken so much from me and now it feels like it’s taken what made us, Us. Does that make sense?”

Resting his elbows on his knees, Cas clasped his hands together in front of him and hung his head. “It does. The ease we’ve always had, from the first moment we met, isn’t there. I rethink every word I want to say and every word that leaves my mouth. I’m hesitant and nervous and have no idea what I should do. What I’m allowed to do? I’ve never once felt that around you.”

“Hmmm…” responded Dean, sounding as if just that took too much energy, yet he continued in a hushed voice. “Touching you is the most natural thing I think I’ve ever experienced, besides letting you touch me. I just feel so conflicted about it, now, and that alone makes it all kinds of fucked up. I want to forgive you, forget really, but…”

“I understand, Dean. And if you can’t forgive me, I will understand. I just hope you will give me the chance to try and make this right because losing you isn’t just losing my lover. It’s losing my best friend. Even if we can’t get the first one back, I hope we can at least part as friends.” Cas’s voice cracked on his last words. Shaking the emotion off, he raised his head to find Dean staring at him, a hint of a smile on his lips, even as his eyes were clouded with sadness. “What?” asked Cas.

“Lover, really? No one says that.”

“I do, apparently.”

Dean rolled over and propped his head up on his arm. “Is that how you see us?”

“Partly, but there’s so much more.”

“Yeah, there is,” said Dean as his eyes slowly closed. His head dropped back and his breathing evened out. Cas watched the process, remembering so many other nights in which whispered conversation led to Dean drifting off. Seeing Dean peaceful in sleep was always comforting, and despite their current situation it still was. Tension bled away as he let the rhythm of Dean’s breaths lull him into sleep. It was not a restful sleep as Cas shifted in the uncomfortable chair, waking frequently. When he jolted awake for the fifth time, he heard the sound of whimpering, followed by a cry of pain. He was out of his chair before he could even register what was happening. The sounds increased and whispered words filtered through the whimpers. “Cas, no, don’t. Please.” By the time Cas reached the couch, Dean was thrashing and rocking his head back and forth. “Why?” Dean wailed as his eyes shot open. Disoriented, he looked around, clutching at empty space. 

“Dean,” Cas said quietly as he closed his hands around Dean’s. The touch seemed to ground him and his eyes focused on Cas. “Hey, are you with me?” asked Cas.

“Yeah, yeah,” said Dean, dropping his head back. “Shit, that was a bad one.”

Cas tried to refrain from commenting, but he simply couldn’t. The pain elicited by Dean’s cries was overwhelming and the words spilled out. “Uh…you were saying my name.”

Without making eye contact, Dean responded, “Ah…yeah, I’ve sorta been dreaming about you a lot. Sometimes it’s pretty bad.”

“Oh,” Cas said, dropping back on his heels and letting go of Dean. As he went to stand, Dean reached out and grabbed his wrist.

“No, don’t go. I need to see this Cas, my Cas, not the one in that damn dream. Do you have any idea how many times I thought about confronting you, just so I could see your fucking face and those damn blue eyes of yours? I missed you. Dammit, I fucking missed you.”

“That was a lot of damns,” stated Cas before the full brunt of Dean’s words registered. When they did, he whispered, “I missed you, too.” 

“Kiss me.”

Cas’s eyes went wide, and he reeled back. “Dean, no, you don’t want…you said my touch makes your skin crawl. I…I…it wouldn’t be right.”

“You keep asking me what I want, and well, this is what I want right now, so…”

Dean’s words were earnest, and there was a touch of pleading in his eyes. It was enough to make Cas lean forward and bring his hand up to cup Dean’s cheek. “Are you sure?” asked Cas. Dean nodded, so Cas closed the last bit of distance between them, gently touching their lips together. He moved no further, letting Dean decide whether to deepen the kiss. The wait seemed interminable, but eventually Dean nipped at Cas’s lower lip. Cas’s breath caught at the familiar touch and his mouth opened automatically. Dean tensed and pulled back slightly. Cas went to speak, but Dean placed his finger over his mouth.

“I’m okay,” assured Dean. Cas closed his eyes and nodded once. Dean’s finger slid away, and he gave Cas a light kiss. Opening his eyes, Cas found Dean staring at him with a look of tenderness. “I know this is a mess, and we are all kinds of fucked up, but one thing hasn’t changed, Cas. I love you, too.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter. Another day at Bobby's. Enjoy!!!

Cas sat next to the couch and watched as Dean fell back asleep. He stayed for several minutes unable to walk away, or even look away for that matter. Dean was beautiful when he slept, relaxed and youthful. Usually Dean carried an incredible amount of weight on his shoulders and it showed in the weariness around his eyes. In quiet moments of rest, that all faded, leaving behind smooth skin and sleep flushed cheeks. Cas loved simply watching the steady rise and fall of Dean’s chest and the soft puff of breath expelled from his lips. A nagging feeling started pricking at the base of his neck, and then he heard a voice scolding him for taking something which did not belong to him anymore. The voice unfortunately was commanding and could not be ignored. The tone heavy and gruff and so very much like the one he heard each time he tried to fix the rift with Jimmy. Listening to that voice had him pushing to his feet and walking away from Dean. Each step sent a wave of pain through his chest. An ache he had been carrying since he fled the conference room and called Dean a murderer. An ache he deserved.

Walking over to the window, he rested his head on the cold glass. The only thing he could see was a hint of his reflection. Not that he needed to see it to know how he looked, how much he had aged in a small amount of time. _Selfish_ , he thought as he pondered that touch of vanity. It was a theme running through much of his recent days. Selfishness. Self-absorbed. Any way one wanted to look at it, Cas had let his own pain and sense of loss rule, even here in this space where Dean’s should take precedence. Letting his own feelings consume so much of his time and energy was wrong. Taking a deep breath, he tried to put himself in Dean’s shoes. Tried to understand what growing up as a hunter must have been like and how it affected every aspect of Dean’s life. Thinking about it made Cas realize what a marvel it was that Dean trusted anyone, let alone showed his vulnerability. Cas always knew he should be honored by it, but it went beyond even what he understood. And for Cas to have been the one to throw it out the window with a hastily uttered word seemed especially damaging, and he wondered how Dean found the strength to share his feelings, to offer his love after what Cas had done. 

As his mind wandered, he began to truly envision Dean as a hunter. He saw how it reflected a career in law enforcement, all the while sitting outside the purview of society. No accolades, no support. A lonely existence where lives are lost with little to no recognition. The unfairness of it made Cas groan in frustration. The sound reverberated off the window and his breath fogged the pane of glass, clouding his reflection. He traced a finger through the moisture before placing his palm on the surface, obscuring the last vestiges of his image. He did not like the person he saw, so the gesture eased some of his tension. Staring at the back of his hand, he remembered the intimate moments in which he traced Dean’s body, running his fingers over his heated flesh. The gasps and moans he elicited from the other man. The way Dean arched into his touch, always seeking out a connection. The whines he heard when he pulled away too quickly or without warning. Dean craved touch, and Cas had loved providing it. Sighing he leaned back from the window and closed his eyes, feeling a lick of arousal in his groin. With a shake of his head, he shoved those thoughts aside, willing away the beginnings of an erection. The action was too late.

“Cas,” said Dean, voice exceedingly close and laced with irritation.

Embarrassment replaced any hint of his arousal and he ducked his head. Sorry was on the tip of his tongue, but he held it back. He had done nothing but use that word and it was woefully inadequate. Instead, he inched forward, turning fully away from Dean and hiding himself as best he could. 

Hands slid over Cas’s lower back, stopping at his hips. Dean gripped them in a bruising hold, pushing Cas further away, as if he needed to ground himself or perhaps stop himself from wrapping Cas in his arms. “What are you doing?” asked Dean with bite.

Cas shook his head because he had no response. Nothing to offer either in defense or apology. 

“Tell me why you’re awake.”

“I don’t really sleep much anymore. My mind does not allow it.”

Letting go, Dean moved to stand at Cas’s side. “What do you think about?” he asked quietly.

“I am at this place where I want to go back, forget all this happened. Sometimes my mind goes there, I guess. But more often than not I am plagued by my mistakes, by the sound of your voice and the look in your eyes. And then there is all this other shit swirling around about the supernatural and my complete lack of knowledge. All these questions about it. What if I put away an innocent person? What if I could have saved someone if I had known? How many times have I failed because I did not know what was out there? What would our relationship have been like if I’d known? I feel foolish in many ways. Foolish for not seeing the signs with you and with all of it. It was right in front of my face, and I was clueless.”

Dean leaned against the window frame and looked back at Cas. “You can’t think like that.”

Speaking before Dean could continue, Cas said, “Ignorance is not a defense, Dean.”

“In this case, yeah it is. And I fail all the fucking time, Cas. People die on my watch, and I know about all this. I was raised in it, so who’s the bigger failure, here.”

“No, I’m not letting you do that. You are hardly a failure Dean. You raised Sam and that alone shows what an amazing person you are. And for the rest, I’ve read the transcripts of Talia’s interviews. People see you as a hero. They trust you and are willing to protect you, even when they’ve lost someone.”

Dean scoffed, “I think you’re a bit biased.”

“So, what if I am, it’s still the truth. What you and Bobby do deserves respect? And it most certainly deserves legal protection and a salary.”

Dean’s eyebrows shot up. “Nope, no way. Get that out of your head right now. Hunters work independently and on their own terms. We don’t need some ‘big brother’ looking over our shoulder. The government would just get in the way. We know what we’re doing and how to clean up after ourselves. And some of the stuff we have to do…well, it’s not exactly legal and it would never be.”

“Dean,” Cas said forcefully, “You should not have to do this all on your own. And I understand it’s messy and it’s going to take work, but we want to help. I want to help.” Cas looked at Dean, hoping he could see the sincerity in his eyes despite the low light. “I understand it will be hard for you to trust me, so I don’t have to be directly involved with you.”

“Cas, stop. You have to quit the whole guilt thing while we talk about this. Because right now this isn’t about us.” The words stung, but the truth in them had Cas schooling his guilty expression and replacing it with his professional one. Dean gave him a quick nod and then added, “This is about a larger issue. Hunters like their anonymity and their freedom. We don’t need outside help.”

“Well, how about proper medical care and decent accommodations? And the chance to take a vacation and have a home? How about having protections so you know you won’t be arrested? This isn’t just about the cases, Dean. This is about your health and well-being. It’s about fairness. I don’t know exactly how this is going to work or what exactly the FBI’s role will be but doing nothing is not an option.”

Pushing off the window frame, Dean stepped away from Cas and walked toward the kitchen. He did not bother looking back as he said, “You’re still a stubborn ass.”

_Yes, but I’m your ass_ , thought Cas, but he bit back those words and remained silent. He watched as Dean shuffled through the kitchen and began rummaging through the fridge. After several moments, he shut the fridge with a huff, hands empty and a frown on his face. Turning toward the counter, he reached for the coffee pot. His movements were slow and methodical as he proceeded to make a pot of coffee. Without a single word to Cas, he opened a cabinet and pulled down a box of cereal. “You gonna just keep standing there and watching me?” he asked, shaking Cas out of his trance. 

“Um…sorry,” muttered Cas, flinching when he realized he was back to apologizing. He almost flinched again when he found Dean’s eyes on him, analyzing him. He recalled many times when those eyes traveled the length of his body assessing him for a very different reason. His body had tingled with desire on those occasions, but this time he felt anxious and unworthy. That feeling forced him to break eye contact.

“Cas, I’m mad and disappointed and hurt, but that doesn’t mean I want you constantly groveling. I thought I had already made that clear.” The box of cereal hit the counter as Dean turned back to the counter. He gripped the edge and dropped his head. Frustration and irritation evident in his every gesture. “I can’t do this if every minute is going to be about what happened. I won’t subject myself to that. And you shouldn’t ask me to.”

Cas felt the bitterness in those words and could easily read just how done Dean was with him and discussions about their relationship. Taking a step back, he eased himself down into one of the dining chairs. With a herculean effort, he buried his feelings and shoved aside thoughts about their earlier conversations and his desire to continue them. Changing subjects from the personal to the professional, he asked, “Would you tell me about the cases involving the fertility symbol on the threshold? I know you were at several of them.”

Dean immediately straightened but kept his back to Cas. “We’re still working on it. So far, we know a siren is involved, but for some reason it doesn’t fit the regular pattern. They are generally loners, but the whole scenario screams that others are involved. Bobby has a recent theory but we have yet to find evidence to prove it.”

“What is the theory?”

“The use of fertility symbols led him to look into it. The creatures are rare and some don’t believe they actually exist outside of myth. They are supposedly the children of Lucifer and Lilith. Demonic and wholly ruled by sex, forcing themselves on unsuspecting humans. I ran into what I suspected was a succubus while Sam was at Stanford, but we haven’t found anyone with first-hand knowledge of incubi. The other issue is the concept of a siren being willing to work with them. Demons are not exactly looked upon favorably by other supernatural creatures. There is the possibility the siren is being coerced into procuring people for the demons. It wouldn’t be the first time they have used monsters to do their bidding. It’s one of the reasons they are not trusted.”

As Cas listened, he incorporated the new information into the evidence the FBI had collected. There were some similarities in their theories. “We concluded that one individual was procuring the target. The symbol marked the home and the sex of the person to be taken. We found four cases spread out over four states, and no one has yet to be found. Why so far apart? How are they connected?”

“I hate to tell you, but it’s more like twelve cases, and we’ve only found one person who managed to escape.” Dean finally turned around and looked at Cas. His face was devoid of emotion when he added, “Bobby thinks they were somehow immune to the siren’s powers.”

Cas ruminated on that for a second. “And what precisely are their powers?”

“I assume you’ve at least heard of the siren’s call. Well, it runs a lot deeper than a simple call. They have venom which gives the victim feelings of euphoria. They can read minds and provide illusions to fulfill desires. They are a kind of shapeshifter which is how they get close to their victims. They lure them in and then entrap them with their poison.”

Interrupting Dean, Cas asked, “For what purpose?”

With a sigh and a shrug of one shoulder, Dean responded, “That’s where this gets weird. Usually sirens use the love their victims feel for them to make them commit violent crimes. The worst part is those acts are usually against the people the victim loves. The siren gets off on it and then they lose interest. Leaving behind a giant clusterfuck. But if Bobby’s right, the siren is only using its powers to lure the victim away. Where’s the payoff for them?”

“Well, that lends credence to the idea they’re being coerced. How exactly would a _sex demon_ go about making a siren to do its bidding?”

Dean broke out in laughter. After several seconds, he took a deep breath and managed to say, “Two words I never thought I’d hear out of your mouth. Sex god, maybe, but not that.” The smile that followed those last words was genuine and Cas returned it. They held eye contact until Dean took a step forward. When he sat down across from Cas, he brought his gaze back up. “In all seriousness, it’s possible they are using sex to control the siren. Desire drives a siren. The desire to see their victim succumb to them fully.”

“So, you’re thinking the demons turned that around on them, using similar methods to make them pliable.”

Running his hand over his face, Dean groaned. “I wish I had more concrete answers, but what we know about succubi is really limited and for incubi it’s almost non-existent. Myths are only so accurate. They usually get the larger scope correct, but the details are often completely wrong. Take vampires. Myth says they can die by a stake to the heart, but the only way to kill one is to cut off their head. And don’t get me started on the other stupid shit like garlic and coffins.” Dean shook his head, clearly irritated by the portrayals of vampires in popular culture. “Anyway, it’s probably accurate that they are the children of some powerful demons, but as for Lucifer and Lilith who knows. Not sure I believe the whole Lucifer story.”

Pain flashed across Dean’s face and Cas wondered how an abstract conversation about myths could elicit such a reaction. It prompted him to ask, “Why?”

“Why don’t I believe?” Dean asked after a heavy exhale. “Do you see any evidence of angels in this world? Because I sure the fuck don’t. To believe in a fallen angel you gotta believe there is some god out there with angelic children. Yeah, no, not buying it. Besides there’s no evidence of their existence. And if they ever did exist, they are long gone.”

Dean’s pained expression suddenly made perfect sense to Cas. A demon had taken his mother from him, altering his entire life. “Oh, Dean,” said Cas, voice choked with emotion. 

“They certainly never answered my prayers,” Dean said flatly. With a wave of his hand, he said, “Forget it. Not like it changes the situation we have. Whether they’re Lucifer’s kids or not…”

The floor behind Cas creaked and a gruff voice said, “That’s not exactly true, Dean, and you know it. Origins matter when it comes to supernatural creatures.” Both Dean and Cas turned to see Bobby standing in the door with his arms crossed over his chest. “I know this is a sore spot for you, but we have to consider everything.” Dean glared at Bobby, but the older man did not flinch or look away from the anger displayed in Dean’s eyes. Once Dean’s eyes softened, Bobby turned to Cas and said, “Morning. I see you’re finally getting some education.”

“A little, but we just got started,” said Cas. Bobby nodded before walking over to get himself a cup of coffee. 

“Why are you up so early old man?” asked Dean as Bobby took his first sip.

“You two aren’t exactly quiet.” Bobby glanced away from Dean and looked at Cas with a raised brow. “And Mr. FBI upstairs is a loud sleeper.” 

“I am well aware,” said Cas. 

With a nod, Bobby crossed the room and said, “Dean, are you making breakfast?”

“The sun’s not even up yet.”

“Well, your man over there looks like he needs to eat.”

Dean shook his head and loudly whispered, “He’s not my man.” Cas reeled at the statement, feeling them like a slap to the face, but he managed to keep his face placid and his breathing steady. Dean observed him out of the corner of his eye, but Cas did not react which left an opening for Bobby.

“Keep telling yourself that. We all know it’s not true. Now start breakfast while I talk to your man,” stated Bobby, holding up a hand when Dean went to respond. “Cas, I’m glad you’re here. You’re good for him. He acts all tough and cocky, but-”

“I’m right here,” snapped Dean as he slammed the fridge door. 

“Thought I told you to make breakfast.”

Dean huffed, “What do you think I’m doing over here?”

Bobby ignored Dean’s comment and returned to his conversation with Cas. “As I was saying he’s not nearly as tough as he looks.”

The sting in both men’s voices ate at Cas. Not wanting to be the cause of an argument between them, Cas decided to force a change in subject. “Bobby, Dean mentioned vampires and it got me wondering about a case we had in Racine.”

“Four missing teens,” interjected Bobby. “We got there too late to save them.”

“So, it was vampires.”

“Yes.”

“And you beheaded them and burned them.”

“Yes.”

Cas stared at Bobby for several heartbeats. “The descriptions of the feds. It was you and Rufus.”

“First case we’d worked on in years. He’d been hunting the rogue pair of vamps for months after he and several other hunters took out their nest.”

Leaning back in his chair, Cas was bombarded by imagery, a mixture of his imagination and scenes from movies and TV. The miasma did not help bring an ounce of clarity to his understanding of the situation. The learning curve on the supernatural was going to be steep, and it was going to require a clean slate. Shutting down the images, Cas said, “A nest?”

“It’s not what you’re probably thinking. Vamps travel in groups they consider family. Taking one vamp out does nothing if you don’t find the nest and take out the rest. Usually they hole up in abandoned buildings or homes. Patience is key to hunting them or you run the risk of leaving some alive. Rufus’s partners were new to hunting and rushed in without knowing if all the vamps were present. When they counted the bodies, they found two missing. The couple Rufus and I took out were actively feeding. Preparing to find a new family. It’s why they weren’t cautious. Taking four people at once is risky and not normal behavior.”

Wrapping his head around the new information, Cas started to catalogue the monsters. “So, we have vetalas, vampires, sirens, demons…what else is out there?”

“The list is damn long, Cas, and it will take more than one breakfast to go over. Bobby, you should focus on the ones we encounter most often,” said Dean as he turned to face the table. His eyes landed on Cas before he quickly diverted them to Bobby before turning back to his task. “No sense overwhelming him with ones we have never seen.”

“I’m not overwhelmed, Dean. I’m just trying to adjust my thinking. Fitting these details into what I know about the open cases we have at the bureau,” said Cas. Dean did not turn around as he busied himself with cooking the eggs and bacon he had pulled out of the fridge. Cas sighed, returning his attention to Bobby who was staring at him with a sympathetic look. It did not make Cas feel any better because from everything Dean had told Cas about Bobby, being sympathetic was not in his repertoire. Not unless the situation was _pretty damn dire_.

With a blink, Bobby’s expression completely altered, and he was all business again. “Dean’s right, and I spent many hours yesterday helping your partner line up the cases with probable monsters involved. He kept meticulous notes and sent off those details to your team. Wouldn’t let me convince him to leave them out of this.”

Movement caught Cas’s eye just before he heard, “Not a chance.” Victor entered the kitchen with a knowing smile. Clearly, Bobby and Victor had covered that topic several times. “Charlie’s building the database as we speak. And I heard from Shep. She wants to meet you, Bobby. They’re willing to come here.”

“Nope, that ain’t happening. It’s bad enough I got you two feds here. Hunters will never come to me if they think I’ve sold out to the government.”

Bobby’s rant was interrupted by a clatter of dishes as Dean set plates and cutlery on the counter. “I’m not serving you,” he said as he gestured at the pans on the stove. “Serve yourselves.”

Once they were all seated, Victor stated, “You could come to Illinois. See our set-up.”

Cas saw Bobby’s hesitation and tried to persuade him of the necessity. “I get why you don’t want us involved, but we’re in it now. And we need your help or we’ll be as blind as those hunters whose impatience cost four teens their lives.” 

“Boy, you sure no where to hit. Fine, I’ll come, but Dean’s not going anywhere near the FBI. Not until you figure out how to call off the dogs. He stays here.” Bobby’s words were directed at Victor and Cas, but his eyes were on Dean the entire time. He was giving the younger man an order. One he expected to be obeyed. 

Dean’s ire was just as blatant as Bobby’s message. “I go where I want, Bobby. When has ordering me around ever worked?”

“So, you’re saying you want to come,” said Cas, unable to keep the hope out of his voice.

Immediately, Dean’s gaze snapped to Cas. “I didn’t say that. I just don’t like people telling me what to do.”

“All right, all right,” said Victor, “Bobby will come for now, and before we go any further, I think we missed a step.” Holding out his hand, he looked at Dean. “Dean, I’m Cas’s partner, Victor. It’s nice to officially meet you. Last night was…”

“A tension filled disaster,” Dean finished for Victor as they shook hands.

“Close enough,” said Victor. “But seriously, I wanted to thank you for saving my life.”

Dean’s cheeks tinged pink, and he brushed off the credit. “Don’t mention it. It’s part of the job.”

“Maybe so, but I still owe you. And I promise I will find a way to clear your name as soon as we get back to Chicago. I know how important you are.”

Shaking his head, Dean glared at Bobby. “What kind of crap have you been telling him?”

“Only the truth,” Bobby said matter-of-factly. “You’re the best hunter we got and benching you long-term is not an option. Until you’re cleared, we should concentrate on figuring out how the hell this is going to work. And I guess the first step in that is meeting your boss and providing you with some research and materials.”

“We would appreciate that, Bobby,” said Cas. They were the last words he spoke for quite a while as Bobby continued Cas’s education, discussing other creatures and theories. Breakfast ended during a description of ghouls. “Seems like there are a lot of monsters that can shapeshift.”

“Most can pass themselves off as humans easily enough. Vamps with retractable fangs, werewolves are basically human until they turn, but yeah, there are quite a few that shapeshift, and those that can, make things a lot more complicated. I’ve had a shifter copy me before and a ghoul copy…” Dean froze as his face paled. With a quick shove back from the table, he stood up. “Um…I’m gonna go shower and then run to the store. There’s nothing left to eat here.” He kept his eyes averted and exited the room without waiting for a response.

“What was that all about?” asked Victor.

“Not my story to tell,” said Bobby. “But, uh, Cas, you should probably go with him. It’s about Adam.”

“Dean’s brother,” said Victor and Cas at the same time.

Bobby eyes shot to Victor. “You know about Adam. Why the fuck do you know about Adam? That should have been off limits.” After a heartbeat, Bobby said, “Cas, how could you share that with them?”

“I…it was before I told the team about Dean. Charlie and I were trying to figure this all out because deep down I just couldn’t believe Dean was a killer. We tried to find proof to the contrary. Victor, Charlie, Talia, and I. But when we couldn’t we had to turn over everything we had. And besides, I don’t know much. And some of what we found about Adam didn’t match what Dean told me.”

Victor and Bobby both grunted before Bobby said, “Well, now you know why. Not like he could tell you the whole story. I was shocked he told you anything about it.”

“He was very drunk.”

“I wasn’t that drunk,” said Dean. He was leaning against the door frame looking casual, except for the hard look in his eyes. “And I don’t appreciate you talking about me behind my back.” Turning on his heel, he grabbed a set of keys off the side table and made for the front door. 

Bobby shoved at Cas’s shoulder and whispered, “Go.” 

Cas stumbled to his feet and raced after Dean. He spotted him climbing into an old pick-up. “Dean, wait, please.” Dean paused, leaving the driver’s door open. Cas took it as an invitation and slipped around to the passenger door. As he climbed in, he asked, “Is there something wrong with the Impala?” The glare he received signaled it was a touchy subject.

“No, Cas, there is nothing wrong with her except for the fact her picture is in every damn police station across the country. You made me sideline my car, Cas. My baby.” The door slammed and Dean started the truck. “You know what that car means to me.”

“I do, and-” Cas stopped, biting back the obligatory, _I’m sorry_ , instead, he said, “That sucks. She’s a beautiful car, and she should be on the road.”

“Damn right she should,” Dean said. 

Cas sensed a change in the air, and his thought was confirmed when he glimpsed a small smile on Dean’s lips. He returned the smile as Dean drove them out of the salvage yard. And Cas decided right then that Adam’s story would have to wait. The next half hour was spent listening to Dean wax poetic about his car. Some of the stories Cas already knew, but it was still amazing to hear Dean talk without bitterness in his voice. To see him smile and laugh was especially heartening after the recent turmoil. Dean shined, and Cas, as always, was drawn to him. The gap between them closed marginally and without conscious thought. Dean seemed as wrapped up in the familiarity as Cas, dropping his hand, palm up, to the seat between them. Cas swallowed nervously when he laid his hand over Dean’s. The touch only lasted for a few seconds before Dean slowly retracted his hand. The nature of the removal left Cas with a feeling of hope. And when Dean turned to him with a tender smile the hope blossomed. Tears welled in his eyes and he quickly averted his gaze, not wanting Dean to see how such a small gesture affected him. 

“Cas look at me,” Dean said gently. When Cas complied, Dean added, “Hiding from each other isn’t going to fix anything. You want to know how I feel…well, I want the same. Why the tears?”

“It felt like us again, for a moment, and then you smiled at me and…I just got overwhelmed.”

Dean’s hand dropped back to the seat and traced the side of Cas’s hand. “So, you’re not overwhelmed by learning about monsters and demons, but a smile pushed you over the edge.”

“That shouldn’t be a big surprise to you. You often overwhelm me. The way I feel about you…” Cas trailed off unable to express the extent of his emotions. 

“The feeling is mutual, Cas. You have to know that.”

Cas hesitated for a moment before saying, “I do.” Dean nodded and left his hand pressed against Cas’s for the remainder of the ride.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The damn election has me so stressed that this one took a little extra time. Sorry for the delay, but you do get the benefit of an extra long chapter that covers quite a bit of ground. Happy reading!!!

The comfort they had found on the drive continued in the store. Dean smiled as they walked the aisles, teasing Cas when he picked out ‘old man food.’ It all felt familiar and reminded Cas of happier times. They often shopped together for their weekends, disagreeing and bickering like an old married couple every time. Despite their words, the tone had always been light and by the time they had reached the check-out laughter would win out. Cas was surprised they had slid into their usual behavior. It brought a warmth to his chest, one which had been absent without Dean in his life. It was a warmth only Dean elicited. A smile slipped onto his face and remained there as they shopped. He chuckled when Dean tossed in boxes of kid’s cereal with a shit-eating grin on his face. “You know that’s full of sugar.”

“I do,” said Dean. “That’s what makes it good.”

Cas rolled his eyes and pushed the cart away from the other sweets in the cereal aisle.

Dean laughed and raced to catch up to Cas. “You eat it, too. So, I don’t know why you always argue about it.”

“That doesn’t mean I should.”

“Well, I ain’t eating that bran shit you bought, and you won’t eat it either so it’s just a waste of money.”

With a roll of his shoulders, Cas eyed the box of bran flakes with a look of distaste but refused to remove it from the cart. He was not willing to give Dean the satisfaction. And in his heart, he knew he would be eating the cardboard cereal. His stomach had not been taking food well. Nausea was ever-present and he found himself vomiting more than he ever had. Dean did not need to know that, so he shook off the thought and tried to return the banter. “One of us has to be an adult.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” quipped Dean.

“Where indeed,” said Cas as he rounded the corner and pulled the cart to an abrupt stop. “Sheriff? Sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

Sheriff Mills stared intently at Cas before giving him a slight nod. “Agent…Novak?”

Cas huffed, “No need for that. We both know you are well aware of who I am.” She gave him a tight smile before her face lit up with a bright grin.”

“Hey, Jody,” Dean said as he brushed by Cas.

Opening her arms, Jody responded, “Hey there. Good to see you out and about.” 

Dean settled into her arms and rested his chin on her shoulder. “Good to be out.”

“Does this mean-”

Stepping out of the hug, Dean interrupted her, “They know.”

“Good. That’s good,” she responded before turning to Cas. “And how are you coping?”

Stunned by the query, Cas took a step back. “Um…okay…I guess.”

“Well, that’s not good enough. I think we should talk. Knowing this and being law enforcement is…let’s just say it’s unique. There aren’t a lot of us out there, and I’ve never met a fed who knows, so we should talk. Dinner tonight. My house at six,” Jody said with no room for argument. Turning to Dean, she added, “Don't bring anything, I've got it covered.”

Dean simply nodded as if it was a common occurrence, and for some reason that realization made Cas smile. When Jody walked away with a quick wave over her shoulder, Dean said, “What’s with the smile?”

Cas shrugged, not sure if he should voice his observation. His hesitation prompted Dean to bump his shoulder and repeat his question. Relenting, Cas said, “It was nice to see you with her, with someone who clearly cares about you.”

Dean flushed and averted his eyes. “Yeah, ah…she’s family so…”

“I’m glad you have that.”

Scoffing Dean said, “It’s not all sunshine and roses. Between her and Bobby, I’ve got more parental input than I know what to do with.” 

Hearing the real meaning behind Dean’s words, Cas said, “And you love it.”

With a shrug, Dean grabbed the cart and got back to shopping. After they checked out and were back in the truck, a solemn mood swept over Dean. His hands were gripped tightly on the steering wheel and Cas could not figure out what had changed. The heavy sigh drew his gaze to Dean’s face. The clenched jaw and intense stare unnerved Cas, but he remained silent. His silence paid off when Dean said, “About Adam. You deserve to know what happened, but uh…just let me get it out without interrupting.”

“Okay,” agreed Cas, holding their eye contact.

Dean nodded and looked away. He started the vehicle and pulled out of the lot. “I wasn’t planning on showing up at your apartment. Telling you about what happened was dangerous. If you had asked questions, I had no answers I could give. Um…most of what I told you was true. Adam’s mom was dead when we got there, but so was Adam. Ghouls had killed them. We didn’t figure that out right away. He convinced us he was our brother, and the part about Dad spending time with him, doing normal father son shit was true. But it was a ghoul talking to us. After we found their bodies and took care of the ghouls, Sam bailed. The whole situation was a nightmare and we fought about everything. Mainly about John. I don’t blame Sam for leaving. Staying would have just led to fists flying. So, after he left, I took care of the bodies, gave them a hunter’s funeral and cleaned up the house. Drank a ton and drove aimlessly until I ended up at your door. The rest you pretty much know.”

Cas sat with that information for a full minute before he reached over and took Dean’s hand. “Is there more you need to tell me?” he asked.

Exhaling sharply, Dean said, “I wish sometimes you wouldn’t do that.”

“Oh,” uttered Cas, taken back a bit.

Dean squeezed his hand. “Cas, it’s all right. There is more. The ghouls wanted revenge on John, but they got us instead. I think I really accepted Dad was gone when we discovered the Colt as we swept the house. The last time I talked to him he mentioned some special weapon he thought could kill the demon that killed Mom. Adam having that gun and the cryptic note about it…I think he sent it knowing he was going to die. And since we never heard from him…yeah, so, um…that’s why I ended up at your door a giant ass mess.”

“And the gun?”

“Bobby had heard a rumor about it but most hunters thought it was just a legend. The thing is supposed to be able to kill just about anything.”

Shifting in the seat, Cas faced Dean. “You don’t believe it, do you?”

“I don’t know. There’s been no sign of the demon. Not since Dad went AWOL. It’s one of the reasons Sam rushed back to school and started his life again. He thinks it’s over.”

“But you don’t,” stated Cas.

Dean glanced over at Cas, shaking his head once they made eye contact. “You know I’m not one for fairytales, Cas. Some magical fucking gun just shows up and somehow Dad gets a hold of it and kills the thing we’ve been hunting our whole damn lives. We are not that lucky.”

“I wouldn’t call it luck, Dean. Your father dedicated twenty years to finding your mother’s killer. Uprooting you and Sam. Destroying his relationship with the two of you in the process. And in the end, it ruined him and cost him his life. That is the furthest thing from lucky.” When Cas finished, he wanted to take it all back. Dean had yanked his hand away and was back to white knuckling the steering wheel. “Dean,” he said tentatively.

“What, Cas? I think you pretty much said it all unless there’s some other part of my life you want to rake over the coals.”

Turning away, Cas looked out the passenger window, mourning the loss of the shared smiles and laughter at the store. Even in their precarious situation, it seemed Cas could not refrain from blunt honesty. Without thinking, he bit his lip until the metallic taste of blood hit his mouth. It was an old habit one he had broken until it had recently reemerged. Keeping his head turned away, he released his lip, soothing it with a sweep of his tongue before he said, “I should not have interjected. You asked me not to and I failed. I will try harder to keep my opinions to myself.” He delivered the words quick, in a staccato like fashion. Without waiting for a reply, he added, “I wonder what Bobby and Victor have been doing. I should probably call Charlie. She texted and called a few times and I haven’t gotten back to her.”

“Cas, stop talking.”

Cas stopped, grateful for the command because his rambling was about to get out of control. He clamped his mouth shut and closed his eyes, letting the quiet wash over him. They remained silent the rest of the ride. As they carried the groceries into the house, they discovered packed bags by the door. “Going somewhere,” Dean yelled when he spotted Bobby.

“Decided I wanted to get this over with, so we’re leaving. We were just waiting for you to get back.”

“Well, okay, I guess that’s settled,” snarked Dean.

Bobby stepped into the kitchen. “You damn well knew we were going, so stop acting like a cranky teenager.” After giving Dean a long look, he yelled, “Vic, let’s go.”

Those words spurred Cas to join the conversation. “I haven’t packed, yet. Just give m-”

“You ain’t coming,” said Bobby, cutting Cas off. 

“What?” said Cas and Dean at the same time.

“I said he is not coming. Cas here needs an education, and since I spent hours teaching his partner, you get to do that. Besides, you need a babysitter or who knows what you’ll get up to. And Cas here fits the bill nicely.”

Entering the room, Victor said, “And don’t forget you two still need to talk or…”

“Not this again,” barked Bobby as he threw his hands in the air. “Get your bag and get in the damn car.”

Victor gave Bobby a sheepish smile before he walked over and picked up his bag. Looking back over his shoulder, he said, “Dean it was nice to meet you. Cas, I’ll call you later.”

Bobby went to follow him to the door, but Dean stepped over to him and said, “Bobby, I need to talk to you.” Sighing, Bobby nodded and walked over to the den, closing the sliding doors after Dean entered. The conversation started off in quiet tones, too quiet for Cas to hear. The level rose and Cas could not refrain from stepping closer and listening at the door. “…not ready for this,” Dean said in a pained voice. 

“As I’ve told you all along, you need him. Figure out how to get past this or you’ll regret it. Believe me, the way you feel about him, the way you look at him is how I was with Karen. I pushed her away, Dean, and then she was gone. I regret it every minute of every day. Don’t make the same mistake I did. I’ve never seen you happier than you have been these last two years. Don’t lose that, please.”

“Bobby, I-” Dean started, but Cas did not hear the rest because Victor grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the door. Shocked, Cas turned around to see a glare on his partner’s face.

“You know better that. Eavesdropping on a private conversation is not fair. You need to let Dean come to you when he’s ready. He deserves at least that much.”

Cas ducked his head in shame. “I know.”

Victor released his arm as the doors to the den opened. Bobby looked at the scene before him but did not comment. Instead, he gave a quick glance behind him and then walked over to his bag. “Stay out of trouble,” he bellowed as he headed for the front door with Victor on his heels. The door banged shut behind them.

The silence from earlier returned and felt even more stifling than it had in the car. Cas busied himself with emptying the bags. After several moments, he realized he was alone. All the tension bled out of his body and he dropped his head to the counter. The action came too soon because Dean had not left, he was merely grabbing the rest of the groceries. Cas felt him before he heard him. Eyes burning into the back of his neck. Straightening up he got back to work. When he finished, he finally looked at Dean.

“So, whatever this is,” said Dean, waving his arms between them, “We need to rein it in before we go to Jody’s because if we don’t she’s going to grill the crap out of us.”

Taken aback, Cas said questioningly, “You still want to go to Jody’s?”

“Yes, Cas. We said we’d go. If we don’t, she’ll show up here.”

“Oh, um, okay,” said Cas.

Dean stared at him, brow furrowed and eyes stern. “What’s with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re acting all tentative, and earlier in the car, you were biting the hell out of your lip and fidgeting.”

“I was not fidgeting.”

Dean huffed, “Yes you were and you’re lips all fucking chapped and bloody now, so quit bullshitting me and tell me what’s going on with you?”

Deflating, Cas walked over and sat down, resting his elbows on the table and clasping his hands together. “I’m on edge. I don’t know how to do this. How to go from laughing with you one minute to having this giant wedge between us the next. And the usual way I talk seems to set YOU on edge, so I guess the best way to describe it is I’m insecure.”

“Not somethin’ I’d ever associate with you.”

“It’s been known to happen. Not often, but lately…” Cas let the words hang and lifted his gaze to find Dean walking away. His steps were slow and heavy as if he carried a weight on his back. The sight saddened Cas and he quickly looked away. Forcing himself not to dwell on it, Cas finished putting the groceries away and then went to take a much-needed shower. The hot water washed away the grime of the long day and night, and it helped ease his tension, draining away his swirling thoughts. Mind blank he went through the mechanics of completing his morning routine. Once dressed he puttered around the house, picking up books and flipping through them. Eventually, he settled on the couch with a pad of paper and series of books and documents. He took copious notes and tried not to think of Dean. After a few hours, his mind wandered and he wondered where Dean had gone. 

Knowing he needed another distraction, he went to the kitchen and made himself a small snack. Seated at the table he listened for any sign of movement in the house. A faint sound of pounding emanated from the exterior of the house. Standing he carried his plate to the window. He looked out as he finished eating. In the distance of the scrap yard, Dean was beating the shit out of an old car. When his swings slowed, his head turned toward the house as if he could sense someone watching him. Cas stayed still and kept right on staring. Dean stared back for several moments before dropping the crowbar on the ground and walking back and into the house. Sweat dripped down his face and neck and Cas followed the descent. Dean ignored him as he headed straight for the stairs. The shower started and only then did Cas move. He washed his plate and glass and went back to taking notes. It was where Dean found him an hour later. 

“We should probably get going. Jody hates tardiness.”

Cas laid the pad on the coffee table and straightened the pile of books. “Okay,” he responded as he stood. Dean turned away and walked out the door and Cas dutifully followed. 

Sheriff Mills opened the door in a flurry, pulling Dean in for a bone-crushing hug. Standing behind Dean, Cas saw the way he relaxed into her hold and heard the exhalation of his breath. It was the first time Dean seemed absolutely calm since Cas arrived in Sioux Falls. When she let go of Dean, she reached out to Cas, shaking his hand as she pulled him into the house. As he stepped around her, she patted his back. Cas looked over his shoulder and was met with a look of kindness and understanding. _Maybe she doesn’t know the whole story,_ thought Cas. _Why else would she be so welcoming?_ Those thoughts died when Jody said, “Has he forgiven you yet?”

Cas’s eyes went wide and his mouth dropped open.

“Don’t look so shocked. These hunters act all tough, but when they need a shoulder to cry on, they let it all out.”

“Can it Jody,” yelled Dean from another room. He tipped his head around the wall and rolled his eyes at her. “You know that only works with you because you have some kind of magic power over me.” Cas inhaled sharply and stared at Jody. Dean chuckled. “I don’t mean literally, Cas. She’s just got that whole mom superpower shit.”

“Oh,” said Cas, a word he seemed to say much too often as of late. His confusion and uncertainty must have been easy to read because Jody rubbed his shoulder and gave him a small smile. 

“Dean is just not used to letting people get close enough that they care to ask him how he’s doing. The first time he practically ran out of the house. I’m sure he ended up at the bar trying to forget the whole experience.”

Leaning against the wall, Dean crossed his ankles and smiled at Jody. “You aren’t wrong. But who can blame me when my experience at heartfelt talks consisted of a grunt here and there from Bobby and a _man up_ from my dad. No one can get me to talk the way you can except…” Dean’s gaze shifted to Cas. He let the unspoken name linger in the air. With pursed lips, he turned around and left the room.

“Well, I guess that answers my question,” said Jody with a hint of pity in her voice. “Don’t worry. He’ll come around. I’ve never met another person with a larger capacity to forgive than Dean. He has the biggest heart.”

“I know,” whispered Cas. “I just wish I knew what to do.”

Jody gave him a knowing smile. “Just be there. It’s that simple.”

The words rang true in a way nothing else had since Cas broke their relationship. Loss and abandonment were Dean’s greatest fears, so staying, not leaving him or cutting him off, was truly the only solution. Cas had discovered the simplicity of Dean’s needs early on in their relationship, and he had allowed the stress of their current situation to block that knowledge. “Thank you,” he said as he returned Jody’s smile.

“You’re welcome. Don’t make me regret it.” Stepping away, she said, “Come on dinner’s on the table and if I know Dean, he’s probably picking at it.” Sure enough, when they rounded the corner, Dean was chewing and looking like a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. 

Blushing he smiled at Jody. “What it smelled good?”

“Sit down and eat off a plate already,” huffed Jody.

All three of them sat down and proceeded to fill their plates. Cas felt slightly uncomfortable but the friendly smiles Jody kept sneaking him helped immeasurably. Dean caught her on one of those smiles and shook his head fondly at her. Cas took the pleasant moment to ask, “How long have you known each other?”

“I met Dean about three years ago. I’d known Bobby for years, as much as anyone can know Bobby that is. I had heard of the young boys who used to live with him on and off but had never seen them around town. It was sheer luck Dean and I met when we did or I might not be here.” Jody paused to reach out and pat Dean’s hand. The look they shared was one of people who had seen too much but appreciated the fact they had faced it together.

Dean shrugged one shoulder. “I don’t know about that. You were holding your own.”

“Hardly,” said Jody with a chuckle. “He’s just being modest as always.”

“He does tend to do that,” agreed Cas, taking a moment to glance at Dean. “We’ve been working on it.”

Dropping his head, Dean muttered under his breath and started eating again, clearly trying to hide his flushed cheeks. Jody laughed and returned to her own meal before asking, “So Cas, tell me how you’re handling learning about what goes bump in the night.”

Sitting back, Cas set his fork down and rested his forearms on the table, taking a deep breath in the process. “For me, I think in a way I’m grateful. It explains so many things I did not understand, and it brought me back from the edge I was ready to fall over. I know for most people it must be a traumatic and terrifying experience but…” Cas let his sentence fade away as he felt Dean’s heavy gaze on him.

“But it led you back to Dean,” Jody finished for him.

“Yes,” said Cas. “Losing Dean, thinking the worst, I’d take the monsters and demons over that any day.” 

Dean let out a pained groan. “Cas,” he intoned, drawing the name out and sighing. When Cas looked his way, Dean had his eyes averted and was fidgeting with the fork in his hand. The tension ratcheted up and Cas could feel Dean closing off again.

It was at that moment Jody intervened. “I never did finish the story of how Dean and I met. I was actually on vacation. The first one I’d taken in years. There was a nice bar in the hotel where I was staying. I got the pleasure of watching several people try to pick up a man sitting at the end of the bar. He’d greet them with a killer smile only to shoot them down. At one point, I realized he knew I was watching. It didn’t dissuade him in the slightest. After a few beers, I gave him a wave and left the bar. The next evening, I was shopping and I saw a reflection of a man grabbing what I thought was a woman in the alley across the street. When I got a better look, I saw it was a girl. I raced out of the store and down the alley. They grabbed me and shoved me in the trunk of car. When the trunk opened, I kicked out and rocked my body out of the car and ran like hell. And right into the man from the bar.”

“She means literally. Knocked herself on her ass. I hauled her up and got to work. I’d been following this group of vamps across three states and wasn’t going to lose them again. I handed Jody a gun and a knife and told her to stay behind me. The guy reached us first, flashing his fangs. Took his head off before he could mouth off as they always seem to do. When I turned to check on Jody, she was steady, had the gun raised in the ready position. Impressed the hell out of me.”

Jody laughed, “Not like there was time to dwell on anything when two more vamps were coming out of the house.”

“Wait, I thought guns didn’t work on vampires,” said Cas.

“They don’t, but they can slow ‘em down. Jody’s a great shot. Gave me time to take them both out.”

When Dean paused to smirk at Jody, Cas realized a piece of the story was missing. “What about the girl?”

“Ah,” Jody said, “That is its own story, and if you can wait for a little while the answer will be here.”

The wording was strange and confused Cas, but no matter how many questions Cas asked, Jody said he would have to wait. Dean told him he could keep asking, but it wasn’t going to get him anywhere. Cas finally relented when Jody set a piece of pie in front of him. “Eat,” she said. And Cas did. Before he finished, he heard the front door open and a young female voice call out.

“Jody, why didn’t you tell me Dean was coming over?” A young dark-haired girl rounded the corner and made a beeline for Dean. He was out of his chair and wrapping his arms around her in the span of a heartbeat. When he kissed her forehead, she squirmed out of his arms. “Stop it, I’m not a baby.” Dean chuckled but let her go. Her eyes landed on Cas. “Who’s this?”

“This is Cas,” said Dean.

“Oh, shit, really,” she blurted.

“Alex, language,” snapped Jody.

“Sorry,” said Alex, not sounding sorry in the slightest.

“Hello, Alex. Nice to meet you,” said Cas, standing up and holding out his hand.

Her eyebrows shot up and she smacked Dean’s arm. “Oh, man you weren’t lying about his voice.” Taking Cas’s hand, she shook it aggressively. “I’m so glad you’re here. This guy never shuts up about you. It’s always Cas this and Cas that.”

“All right enough out of you. Aren’t you supposed to be an angsty teenager now who does nothing but complain?” Dean said with a small grin on his face.

Alex stepped away from Cas and faced Dean. “What’s there to complain about? I got the coolest Mom in the world and more kickass uncles than I know what to do with. And now I get to meet the man who turned one of those kickass uncles into a mushy, sappy mess.” Ignoring Jody's admonishment about her language this time, she glanced over her shoulder at Cas and winked. 

Dean rolled his eyes but did not deny her statement. Cas grinned at him and Dean returned the smile. The bright light Alex brought into the house and into the conversation continued through the rest of the visit. When the evening was coming to an end, Cas leaned over and whispered to Jody, “She’s the girl.”

“That she is.”

“How?” asked Cas.

“The vampires had kidnapped her, and over the years they trained her to help them capture victims.”

Cas nodded in understanding. “The ploy in the alley.”

“One of many techniques they used,” said Jody. “After it was all over, we brought her back here. It wasn’t easy, but we’re a family now. We make it work.”

It was obvious to Cas that those words were true. He could feel the warmth and the love, and he could see the trust and faith in Alex’s eyes when she looked at Jody. He had wondered why Dean never told him about Jody before, but the answer was looking at him with a smirk on her young face. She was clearly still teasing Dean, and he seemed to be enjoying every minute of it. Dean didn't tell Cas about Jody because he could not expose Alex. 

Breaking into his musings, Jody said, “You know, Cas, there are a lot of kids like Alex out there. Not her exact story, but ones who lost everything to something supernatural. Bobby mentioned your team might be looking to get involved in some way. If that’s true, keep the victims in mind. We have limited resources and numbers and a lot fall through the cracks.” She touched his arm and stared at him with naked emotion in her eyes. Pain and loss and something unnamable. “Just think about it.”

“I will,” assured Cas. 

“Good, that’s all I wanted to hear. As for the rest, I’m ready and willing to help your team, even if it’s just giving advice on how to reconcile being both a law enforcement officer and a hunter.”

“We would appreciate that.”

“And Cas, don’t give up on Dean. He loves you. It’s plain as day, and it’s why Alex can get away with teasing him about it. He can’t brush it off and crack a joke because that would be denying the truth. And one thing I know about Dean, once he lets you in, you are family, and family means everything to him.”

Cas went to respond but Dean interrupted his train of thought. “Jody, if you’re done with your pep talk? We should probably get going.”

“I’m done. But I expect you both back here before you take off again.”

“Got it. Cas, let’s go.” Dean didn’t wait for him to respond. He turned to Alex and pulled her into a tight hug. Standing up, he crossed the room to hug Jody. Before Cas realized it, Jody had wrapped her arms around him, giving him a brief hug of his own. “All right, all right, come on Cas,” said Dean as he opened the front door. Hurrying to catch up, Cas said a quick goodbye to Alex, receiving a whack on the arm in response. 

Sitting in the car, Cas felt Dean’s eyes on him. He tried to wait him out, knowing Dean wanted to say something, but impatience won out. “What?” he asked.

“Why is it all my friends and family seem to be on your side?”

Cas snapped his head around to look at Dean, shocked by his question. “They’re not on my side, Dean.”

“Oh, really, then why have they all tried to push me to forgive you. And I know Jody was not alone in talking to you about us.”

Unable to deny it, Cas nodded his head.

“So, what is it about you?”

“I don’t think it’s about me at all. I think it’s about you and what they want for you.”

Dean struggled with what to say, opening and closing his mouth several times. He settled on starting the car and driving away from Jody’s. This time Cas waited, letting Dean decide how to proceed. “Even Sam seems to think I should let this go.”

Shock registered once again and Cas’s breath caught in his throat. 

“Wasn’t expecting that, were you?”

“No, not at all. He was angry with me. Disappointed in my actions. Not that I blame him. If someone had treated Jimmy, the way I treated you I would have been livid.”

Shifting his gaze from the road to stare at Cas, Dean said, “Well, seems he got over his anger. He pleaded with me to give you another chance, especially after I told him about you.” Cas had no response except a look of confusion. “I told him about our conversation and about how you…no offense, Cas, but you look like shit. Like your whole damn world fell apart, and when I told him that, he said, _Doesn’t that tell you everything you need to know_. And he said it in his ‘I know everything voice’ which pissed me off.”

“He’s not wrong,” sighed Cas. “When Jimmy died, I had a similar reaction, but I had mourned Jimmy for years before he passed. With you it was this sudden rift. It felt as if you had been ripped away from me and I was left gasping. It didn’t really matter how it happened, what role I played in it, because in the end, it felt like I was dying. And you see the result of that. I couldn’t eat, vomited much of what I managed to eat, work became overwhelming. Victor’s been carrying my weight; not sure I would have even gone to work without his and Charlie’s constant badgering.” The heavy breathing from Dean and the pinched expression on his face unnerved Cas. He wondered if he had once again said the wrong thing, and it would lead to Dean closing himself off, shutting the door, ending Cas’s glimmer of hope.

After several seconds, Dean huffed, “I don’t know what to do with that.”

“I don’t expect you to do anything with it. In fact, if it’s easier for you, put it away for now.”

Dean nodded and they dropped into silence. When they arrived back at Bobby’s, Dean begged off, saying something about being tired. He disappeared upstairs leaving Cas alone to deal with his thoughts and those thoughts were far from healthy. With little hesitation, Cas poured himself a whiskey and stood at the living room window. He watched the shadows created by the moonlight as he untucked his shirt. Sipping his drink, he unbuttoned the top few buttons and then ran his hand through his hair. The position he was in was a mirror of the previous night. And the similarities continued when he realized Dean was behind him. Cas did not turn to face him, letting Dean look his fill. 

“You’re gorgeous, you know that,” Dean said as he stopped directly behind Cas. His breath warm and heavy on Cas’s neck. “I can’t get away from you. I was up there trying to sleep, but your scent has already filtered through the house. The smell of your aftershave and shampoo lingering and I’m drawn to it. I’m drawn to you.” Dean ran his hand down Cas’s back. “Maybe it’s time I listened to my family because loving you is like breathing and I’ve been out of breath too long.”

Cas whimpered and leaned into the touch. 

Pulling him closer, Dean rested his chin on Cas’s shoulder. “I never stopped wanting you,” whispered Dean before placing a kiss below Cas’s ear, sending a shiver through his body.”

Cas did not know what to do. Voicing his own wants and needs seemed dangerous somehow. But staying silent presented its own problems. Dean took the decision out of his hands. “Cas, let me have this.” Exhaling, Cas nodded. In the next breath, Cas felt the hardline of Dean’s cock pressing against his ass. Dean’s hands slid around his waist, rocking Cas’s body against him. Slowly, they moved backwards toward the couch, Dean staying behind him the entire time. As he kissed the back of Cas’s neck, he undressed him, clothes falling away in a flurry. It was only after Cas was on his knees resting his forearms on the arm of the sofa that he began to feel strange. Every time he’d tried to turn to see Dean, a motion or a word kept him from it. Since the moment Dean came down the stairs, Cas had not looked upon him. 

The weird feeling increased when he felt Dean lean over his back and brush against Cas’s nakedness. Dean remained clothed, except for where his sleep pants were pulled down to free his cock. A shudder ran through Cas’s body, and it was not from pleasure. Dean read the reaction completely wrong. “That’s it, Cas. Missed this.”

A rush of breath escaped Cas’s mouth, and he felt the first tears well in his eyes. “Dean, I, please,” Cas choked unable to continue. 

Dean immediately went rigid. “Cas,” he questioned.

“Not like this,” responded Cas. “Please.”

The weight lifted off Cas as Dean shifted back and away while resting his hands on Cas’s hips. “I don’t understand.”

Cas went to say, _I need to see you,_ but what came out was, “Do you not want to look at me?”

“Shit, Cas,” Dean said as he pulled away completely.

“No, no, don’t leave. I want to be with you, but I want to see you.”

Dean sighed as he ran a hand up Cas’s spine and settled it on his neck. With his other hand wrapped around Cas’s chest, he lifted him off the arm of the sofa. Keeping contact, Dean stood up. Holding out his hand he stepped into Cas’s line of vision. “Come with me.”

Taking Dean’s hand, Cas stood. He let Dean lead him up the stairs and into the bedroom at the end of the hall. Voice deep and bordering on desperate, Dean said, “Tonight, I need to be in control. That’s what that was downstairs, not whatever was running through that mind of yours. I need to be inside you.” Cas squeezed Dean’s hand and gave him a small smile. In response, with the ease of someone who intimately knew Cas’s body, Dean laid him out on the bed and touched him until Cas was moaning and writhing. Dean touching him the way he always did, with reverence and need, combined with the mixture of love and lust in his eyes, had Cas embarrassingly close to coming within minutes. 

When Dean slowed his movements and eased off slightly, Cas realized Dean was in the same situation. “Feel like a teenager,” said Dean.

Breathing heavily, Cas muttered, “I…me, too.”

“Are you ready, sweetheart?”

The endearment surprised Cas. He choked back a sob as tears spilled down his cheeks despite his efforts to hold them back. When he opened his eyes, Dean was staring at him, a single tear running down his cheek. “I’m ready,” said Cas. 

There was no resistance as Dean slid into Cas’s willing body. Before he started moving, Dean wiped Cas’s tears away and kissed him hungrily. “I love you,” whispered Cas, holding Dean tightly to him. Dean took his time, thrusting slow and steady, never pressing for more as he maintained eye contact. Having been on edge, Cas was amazed he held out long enough for Dean to lift him into his lap and rock into his body over and over. Cas held himself up so Dean could control their movements. His orgasm hit him by surprise, and he collapsed in Dean’s arms.

Dean held Cas for a few moments before laying him back on the bed. Still hard, Dean rolled his hips, finishing with a deep moan and filling Cas with his release. Holding him close Cas whispered, “Love you, love you, love you.” Dean ran his hand through Cas’s sweaty hair and kissed the words off his lips. Looking into Dean’s eyes, Cas was unsure of where they stood, and he understood sex could not, and did not, solve all their issues. But when Dean smiled and whispered, “I love you, too,” Cas let himself believe they would be okay.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was quite a week. The stressful election and my son was exposed to Covid so we had to quarantine. Negative test results, so yay... Hope all of you are staying safe during these chaotic times. Wishing you all well. Enjoy!

A touch of cold air made Cas stir, and he rolled over to reach for Dean. The bed next to him was empty, and it slowly registered in his barely awake state. With a crack of his eyes, he saw the rumpled pillow and wide-open bed. “Dean,” he called.

“Right here,” said Dean.

Cas sat up and looked toward the voice, finding Dean standing at the window. “I see it’s your turn to stare out the window.

“Hmmm…I guess.”

“Couldn’t sleep? Is something wrong?”

Dean turned to face Cas. “No, not really. Being here is strange.”

“At Bobby’s?” asked a confused Cas.

“Being at Bobby’s with you. When this started between us, I never thought we’d be here. I never thought…” Dean sighed and dropped his gaze.

Cas lifted the sheet and slid out of bed, approaching Dean with a touch of nerves. “Never thought what?”

Shaking his head, Dean shifted his feet and angled his body away from Cas. Something in Cas would not accept Dean’s movement, so he closed the distance between them and stood directly in front of him. He ran his fingers along Dean’s cheek, pressing slightly until Dean made eye contact. “I know this is hard for you. I know relationships are difficult and unfamiliar to you, but I think we were always going to end up here. Loving you was never in doubt Dean. It was a certainty. The man I met that first night drew me in and never let go. For me, being here with you, in this place you spent much of your childhood, feels right, despite the reasons we ended up here.”

Dean grabbed Cas’s hand, stroking it, watching the motion. After several seconds, he looked into Cas’s eyes. “I never prepared myself for you. For what we had.” Cas blanched and Dean squeezed his hand, adding quickly, “What we have. I never thought I’d have this and the reasons for you being here now hurts. I think I had started to envision you being here, being with me, meeting Bobby and Sam, but it seemed so far-fetched. And I certainly never imagined it like this. I wanted you here. I wanted you to see me and know me.”

Interrupting, Cas said forcefully, “I do know you. I see you. I’ve always seen you. Being in this world where the supernatural exists and you are a hunter does not change what I feel or know about you. This…” Cas gestured between the two of them, “…is the most real, most honest and deep relationship I have ever had.”

Leaning forward, Dean rested their foreheads together. “Cas, I want you to know that I forgive you, and I want to find a way forward. I want to live my life knowing you are in it. But how is that going to work? Where do we go from here?”

“Well, a day ago I would not have had an answer for you. I wasn’t sure you would forgive me or welcome me back into your life. But after last night, I have hope. I see myself at your side. I see you in my life. I see us working together.”

“Really?”

Cas chuckled. “Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it. Bobby’s there right now working with the FBI. Why couldn’t you do the same?”

“Um…the wanted posters all over the country kinda limit my chances.”

“Is that what you’re worried about?” asked Cas, to which Dean nodded. “That will be taken care of. We should talk to Charlie tomorrow and see how it’s going. Is there anything else you’re worried about?”

Dean stepped back, even as he held onto Cas. He walked them over to the bed and sat down, gesturing for Cas to join him. Once they were both settled, Dean sighed heavily. “I don’t know if I can handle you being a hunter. It’s bloody and dangerous and the thought of you…it scares the shit out of me.”

“And you think I don’t feel the same. For two years, I’ve had to deal with your constant injuries and frequent radio silence. And don’t tell me you never worried about my job.”

“I did, but this is different. You wear a suit, Cas. You sit at a desk a lot of the time.”

Cas rolled his eyes and pulled Dean into a hug. “You know that’s not the truth.”

Dean shoved Cas lightly and huffed a laugh. “Yeah, I do, but it would be nice if you let me live in denial.” Cas tackled Dean and laid his body flush against him. “What are you doing?” asked Dean.

“Showing you I can take care of myself. If I can take you out, I can handle hunting.”

Dean immediately rolled them over and pinned Cas to the bed. “I’m not that easy.”

“I think you are,” whispered Cas as he pulled Dean into a brutal kiss. “And I intend to show you.”

“Fuck, Cas,” Dean said as he bucked his hips. “You are everything I’ve ever wanted and never thought I could have. I thought it was over. I thought I’d never have this again.”

With a tug on Dean’s hair, Cas stared at him intently. “I am not going anywhere. I never wanted to leave you, and I plan on being with you and loving you for the rest of our lives. If you’ll have me?”

Shock and wonder registered on Dean’s face. After kissing Cas over and over, he pulled back and stared for a second. “Cas?” he said, soft and unsure.

Seeing Dean’s reaction, the implication of his own words hit Cas in a torrent of emotions, and he realized the truth in them. He realized how long he had thought about sharing his life with Dean, making it official, while never thinking they could actually do it. But things were different now for them personally, they had a real chance to be together. The official part was still a work in progress and definitely couldn’t happen in South Dakota or Illinois for that matter. But at least they could start with being in each other’s lives on a more regular basis instead of a weekend here and there. With a powerful rush of feeling, Cas said, “I mean it, Dean. This is forever for me and I want it all.”

“Holy shit,” blurted Dean. “I…I…um…fuck. Does that mean what I think it means?”

Cas ran his hand through Dean’s hair as he shifted them until they were lying face to face. He smiled gently when he said, “Yes. You don’t have to answer and if the answer is no it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere either way.”

“I don’t have to think about it, you idiot. I told you loving you is like breathing, what did you think that meant. I want this. I want to know that you’re mine and I am yours. So, yes, you asshole, yes, even though I know you’re as surprised by your question as I am.”

“Oh, you caught that did you?” Cas asked with a hint of humor in his voice. Dean side-eyed him and smirked. Cas tugged on Dean’s hair. “Don’t be cheeky. It’s been in the back of my mind for a while and when Vermont legalized it I just…realized it was becoming a possibility for people like me, like us...I began to wonder. It made me envision how it could be or how I wanted it to be and then the reality of our situation would strike. We were hardly ever together, so I didn’t see a path forward.”

“And now you do?”

“Yes.”

“So, if we’re doing this, we should probably stop talking around it and name it for what it is.”

“Ah…I suppose you’re right. Do I get to call you my fiancé, then?”

Dean frowned and shook his head. “Oh, God, that sounds ridiculous. No, we are definitely not doing that.” 

Cas heard the humor in Dean’s voice and saw the hint of a smile on his face, but there was an undercurrent in his eyes he could not read. Dean’s body was held a bit too taught, and Cas worried he had pushed too far, too fast. His own body seemed to be floating and his mind was racing, but Dean’s conflicted demeanor brought Cas back to earth. Running his hands down Dean’s back, he hoped to breach whatever shadow hid in Dean’s eyes. At least enough to allow Dean to answer honestly. “Dean, are you sure? Because I feel you holding something back. I didn’t mean to push you, or myself for that matter. It’s only been a few weeks since this whole nightmare started. I know I hurt you and we have just come back together. And I know we’ve talked and you said you forgive me, but I’m not sure that the pain and anger are gone. I know my guilt isn’t gone. I’m still trying to believe I deserve forgiveness for what I’ve done. And here I am pushing the boundaries.”

“Cas stop,” Dean said as he covered Cas’s mouth with his hand. “I am still hurt and there is some anger and maybe that is bleeding through, but it doesn’t change what I feel for you and what I want. Pain, anger, frustration are all part of being in a relationship. We will hurt each other. You will irritate me and I will frustrate the hell out of you. That’s a given. Anger is new for us but, come on, did you seriously think we would never be pissed at each other. You’re stubborn. I’m stubborn and there is no changing that. So, what I want is to move on. Deal with the hurt and anger, but I don’t want it to rule my life. It ruled too much of it already. You were the one who showed me a different path, and I have healed in these last two years. Sam and I are in a better place. I’ve let Bobby into my life again, and then there’s Jody…And I owe that to the relationship we have built. How we are together taught me how to communicate. How to be open, instead of burying my feelings in anger. So, yes, I am sure. Bobby was right about us, about me. Pushing you away was never really an option. I was always going to welcome you back, Cas.” 

Frozen by Dean’s words, Cas lay perfectly still until Dean kissed him gently. The touch reanimated him, and he kissed Dean back just as gently. They remained connected for a heartbeat after the final kiss. Dean pulled back first, running a finger across Cas’s bottom lip as he said, “I want you to be in this moment with me. I don’t want you wallowing about if you deserve this or that. Seeing you so torn up and so anxious is hard for me. Almost as hard as hearing you call me a murderer. Please try to be here with me. It’s what I want. Don’t fight this because I don’t intend to. But, uh, could we keep the whole engaged thing to ourselves for now.”

Nothing made sense. Dean’s statements seemed to indicate one thing and then, as he continued speaking, something else entirely. _Why keep it to themselves when his family indicated they wanted him to forgive Cas? Why when they seemed to indicate their support for their relationship?_ Cas’s thoughts raced and he did not know what to say or do. Going from a moment of euphoria to whatever was happening inside of himself after Dean’s last statement overwhelmed him. It took tremendous effort to rein in his errant thoughts and ask, “Why?”

With a touch of a frown, Dean replied, “Because they’ll question it. They’ll wonder what the rush is and why now after everything I told them about us. About how you made me feel? I told Bobby right before he left that I wasn’t ready. How do you think he’ll react to this revelation?”

“If that’s the case, maybe we are rushing things.”

“Cas, when have we ever done anything by a ‘proper’ timeline.” Dean practically sneered as he said proper, and the look in his eyes was even more convincing about how he felt about it. Quieter he added, “Unless you’re rethinking this whole thing.” 

“I’m just talking through it. I’m not changing my mind.”

“In that case, what I’m saying is that I don’t think we’re rushing things. We left that bar within moments of meeting each other. We connected instantly. And at every turn I did not follow what was ‘proper’. The second I saw your gun and realized you were law enforcement I should have found a way to leave. I definitely should have snuck out after learning you were FBI, and when I knew you were working on cases connected to the supernatural, I should have bailed. Add Charlie and what I know she’s capable of, yeah that was a huge potential problem. But, don’t you see, Cas, I couldn’t let you go. From the very beginning you were worth the risk. You’re still worth the risk. But I don’t want to spend the next months defending us. We all have enough to figure out without adding that complication.” Dean paused but continued before Cas could respond. “That day, the first time we had to say goodbye, what were you thinking?”

“That’s simple,” said Cas, “I was thinking how lonely my life was going to be without you. I knew friendship would never be enough.”

A bright and joyous grin broke out on Dean’s face. “There you have it then because for me I knew you were it for me. I was willing to throw out all the rules and be with you. And like I said I didn’t really think I’d get it all with the life I lead, but I wanted it. Wanted you,” Dean finished with a whisper.

Cas cupped Dean’s face and kissed his lips before running them along his jaw. With his mouth hovering next to Dean’s ear, lips practically brushing the curve of it, he whispered, “And I want you and I love you, deeply and unconditionally.” He trailed back to Dean’s mouth and kissed Dean with more passion and more abandon. Dean returned the kiss with equal fervor. Eventually they eased off and let themselves revel in small kisses and declarations. With each passing moment, sleep called to them. Eyes drifted shut. Cas felt the moment Dean fell asleep. Holding him, he placed a kiss on Dean’s forehead before he closed his eyes and succumbed to the peace and warmth of their embrace.

Morning brought a clarity Cas had not felt for quite a while. He felt freer and more settled. Lighter in a way. Dean always brought that feeling into his life and Cas was glad it was back. Slipping out of bed, he stared down at Dean. “God, you’re beautiful,” he whispered. “How did I get so lucky?

Groaning, Dean opened one eye with great effort. “Seriously, Cas, waxing poetic at ass o’clock in the morning.”

Cas chuckled. “It’s almost noon.”

“No, shit. Really?”

“Yes, really. And I’m starving so get your ass out of bed and come have breakfast with me.”

Shaking his head, Dean threw the blankets off. ‘Yeah, yeah. You’re still fucking bossy.”

“And?”

“And?…What do you expect me to say?” Dean grinned wickedly as he shifted off the bed and approached Cas.

“You know what I want to hear,” said Cas with a quirk of his brow.

“Yeah I do,” replied Dean as he ran a finger across Cas’s stomach.

Shivering from the delicate touch, Cas tried to regain control by deepening his voice and grabbing Dean’s wandering hand. “I’m waiting.”

Dean grunted and rolled his eyes, but then he eyed Cas with a serious expression. “And I like it.”

“I know you do,” Cas responded, pulling Dean into a light kiss. “But now is not the time. Get dressed and meet me downstairs.”

By the time Cas had the coffee started, Dean entered the kitchen. They worked together to make breakfast, eating and talking. They kept the conversation light after the heavy talk the night before. Dean reached out during the meal, touching Cas frequently. Cas reciprocated knowing Dean craved touch. They finished and cleaned up, side by side. Staying within a few feet of each other. Last dish in hand, Dean said, “About what you said…us being partners. If you’re going to hunt, I need to be with you. That’s a deal breaker for me.”

“I never saw it any differently. And since we’re on this subject, let’s call Charlie and see what progress they’ve made.” Cas grabbed his laptop and headed to the living room. He sat down on the couch and waited for Dean to join him. A nervous tension radiated off Dean. “What’s wrong?” asked Cas.

Sighing, Dean said, “You all got dragged into this world…”

“And what? You’re worried how they’ll react to you,” Cas finished for him. “Dean, Charlie doesn’t blame you. She’s so glad we were wrong.”

“Okay. Go ahead.”

Practically vibrating, Charlie greeted them. “Yay, it’s both of you. Hi Dean.”

“Hey Charlie,” responded Dean. “And yeah we’re together,” he added as he showed Charlie their entwined hands.

“Yes, yes, yes,” she cheered with a giant smile on her face. “I knew it.”

Cas frowned at the familiar phrase. “You keep saying that. What exactly did you know?”

Charlie visibly cringed before giving Cas a sheepish look. “Okay so um…don’t be mad at me, but I’d been suspecting for a while that we had it wrong. There were so many inconsistencies and all this supernatural crap that didn’t add up. Yeah, I did some digging…on my own time. There were whispers about monsters and hunters. I could never confirm anything for sure. People tended to clam up if I got too close to the truth. But…uh…Talia had come to the same conclusion. Talking with all those people, little things would slip out. She heard over and over that she wouldn’t believe them if they told her what happened. There were other glimpses. I mean I know Dean’s all that, but the way people defended him went beyond his charm and good looks. They went all out to protect him. It just got us wondering if there was some truth to the whispers I’d found.”

As Charlie spoke, Cas began to rethink her demeanor over the last months. The furtive looks she shared with Talia and the frowns and head shakes when they got word of Dean. It started to add up to something very different than his initial thoughts. “Why didn’t you tell me?” asked Cas quietly. Dean squeezed his hand firmly as he waited for Charlie’s answer.

“I didn’t want to get your hopes up. We hand no concrete proof. What if we were wrong? I’m sorry Cas. Sorry Dean.”

“No, I get it,” said Dean. “You were protecting him.” He nudged Cas prompting him to speak.

“It’s all right, Charlie. I’m not sure I would have listened.” Cas tried to give her a reassuring smile and she seemed to calm down a bit. “We were calling to find out if there’s any progress on clearing Dean.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s all underway. The fingerprints were simple enough to fix. With Bobby’s help we found several other cases, and I sorta inserted the fingerprints into the evidence. Conveniently, they corresponded with times Dean had a rock-solid alibi that put him far away from the crimes. Now we’re working on getting those police departments to submit the fingerprint data. That’s going to take some time, but Shep is confident she can get it done. As to the images of his car and him, we are in the process of establishing legitimate reasons for you to be there.” Charlie looked at Dean. “We’re using the whole private eye, bounty hunter cover. There’s going to be documentation and payments we had missed because we didn’t realize you use a pseudonym in your work.” She ended with a wink and a chuckle.

“Oh, I do, do I?” smirked Dean.

“Dean you actually do use fake names all the damn time,” said Cas with a huff.

With a roll of his eyes, Dean shook his head. “I know, Cas. It goes with territory. Life of a hunter and all that.”

Cas leaned against Dean and pulled his hand into his lap before returning to the earlier topic with Charlie. “What is the timeline we’re looking at because I know Dean hates being stuck here?”

“A couple weeks at best. I know it’s not ideal, but we have to have all our ducks in a row or this will be an epic failure.”

“Weeks,” howled Dean. “Cas, don’t even think about it. I am not staying here, doing nothing for weeks. I have a job to do. I hunted the whole time you’ve been after me. Why stop now? I get that I can’t go see the operation in Chicago, but I know what I’m doing. I know how to avoid law enforcement.”

Several rebuttals entered Cas’s mind, but he kept them to himself, wanting it to be a private conversation between him and Dean. Instead he changed the subject. “Speaking of getting our ducks in a row, we went to dinner at a friend of Dean’s last night and she mentioned the victims. She wanted me to keep them in mind as we assess the situation and our role. I think we need to factor them into how we are going to allocate funds and resources.”

“She did? You didn’t mention it,” said Dean. 

“You were talking to Alex and later we were kind of busy.”

“Yeah, we were,” said Dean with a suggestive grin.

Charlie groaned. “I’m happy for you guys, but no…just no.”

“Sorry,” said Cas, cheeks flushing hot as he looked at Charlie. “Uh…back to the topic.” Turning to face, Dean he stated, “I had an idea, but I wanted to run it by you before I broached it with the team.”

“No, go ahead. I might as well get used to this process, if I’m going to be a part of it.”

“All right,” said Cas with a nod. “I was thinking about the inn and how it’s sitting there empty most of the time. It’s big and secluded.”

“I’ll stop you there,” cut in Dean. “It’s already used as a safe house for hunters sometimes and they help with the upkeep, but if there are resources to make it a place for victims, I’m sure she would support it.”

“Who is she?” asked Charlie.

With a quick glance at Charlie, Cas blurted, “One of Dean’s former friends with benefits.”

“Yeah, okay, Cas. I don’t really think that’s relevant and I’m sure Charlie did not want to kn-”

Interrupting, Charlie said, “Oh, you’re wrong about that.”

“Well, I don’t care because we are NOT talking about it.” Glaring at Cas, he added, “Besides, I thought you didn’t care about my past sex life.” Dean stopped for a fraction of a second and then said, “Fuck, I am not getting into this. Back to the inn. Mara has dealt with several victims, so I think she would be okay with this idea.”

“So, you’ll call her?” asked Cas.

“Yes, and since we have time, maybe we should meet her there to go over it.”

Cas nodded, “That’s a good idea. I would like to have Talia there as well, and possibly Jody and Alex. They are better equipped to address what would be needed.”

Taking a deep breath, Dean dropped his head. “Cas, I’m not sure springing a bunch of people on her is a good idea. And I don’t know if Jody would want Alex to be a part of this.”

“Dean,” said Charlie, voice calm and gentle. “I understand your misgivings, but Talia has been talking with victims, working with them. She has stayed in contact with many of the ones she interviewed. I know that was before she knew the truth, but those people trusted her. It won’t hurt to ask, and if it would make her more comfortable, she could talk to Talia before meeting in person.”

Listening to Charlie, Cas hoped Dean saw the merit in her suggestion. The involvement of a mental health professional was imperative in his mind. The seeds of it were planted the second Jody mentioned the victims. “Please, think about Dean.”

Dean gave Cas a solemn look. “I’ll ask but I’m not making any promises.”

As he brushed his thumb over Dean’s hand, Cas said, “Thank you.”

“Moving on,” said Charlie, “Cas, I’m assuming you are planning to stay with Dean until this is cleared up, but that doesn’t mean you can ghost us. You haven’t taken a single call and your partner is cranky so answer your damn phone.”

“Sorry, I haven’t exactly had it on me since he left.” The look of exasperation on Charlie’s face spurred Cas to say, “But I promise to keep it on me from now on.”

“Good. Shep expects a call today and would like to speak with both you and Dean. Be prepared with info for our current cases and one’s going back years. She’s going to asking a million questions, so I recommend you do your homework. Um…Dean, do you mind if I talk to Cas alone for a minute?”

“No problem. I’ll just go get started.”

After Dean left, Cas said, “What?”

“You’re really okay?”

Cas smiled. “I am. Everything isn’t fixed, but we love each other and for now that’s enough.”

“And you got over the whole ‘I don’t deserve forgiveness’ crap.”

Sighing, Cas replied, “I still feel guilty, but Dean does not want that, so I’m working on it.”

“And Dean? How is he?”

“He’s hurt and angry, but he forgave me. The rest will take time.”

Charlie smiled and said, “I’m happy for you. Just don’t talk yourself out of this. Listen to him and believe him. You two belong together and that’s not coming only from me. Bobby won’t shut up about it. And when Rufus and Sam got here-”

Cutting her off, Cas practically yelled, “Sam’s there. As in Dean’s brother.”

“Yeah, he didn’t tell you?”

“No, he didn’t. Is there anything else I need to know about what’s going on?”

Leaning back, a look of discomfort settled on Charlie’s face. “I’m guessing he didn’t tell you about Garth.”

“Who the hell is Garth?”

Charlie shifted nervously. “Um…ah…remember the new guy working in the cafeteria. The over-exuberant guy. So, that’s Garth. He was sorta spying for Dean. And… I think that’s my cue to say goodbye. You should probably talk to Dean.”

“Don’t worry I will,” stated Cas. 

“Don’t be too hard on him. Okay, bye.” Charlie signed off before Cas could respond. He sat quietly for several heartbeats before going to find Dean. When he found him, he stood in the doorway until Dean noticed him.

“I’m assuming by that look that I’m in trouble. What did she tell you?”

“Oh, I don’t know…how about the part where Rufus is there or even better that your brother is there. Or maybe the best part is that you had a spy in my office building.”

Dean stood up and approached Cas. “I planned on telling you at some point, but we’ve been kind of busy dealing with our own shit. Most of it was Bobby’s doing anyway, and Garth’s part of the reason he even let you in the door. He told us you were trying to clear my name and that you got reassigned. You kept my name out of it as long as you could. Cas…I knew that before you told me and it meant a lot. But I was working through the rest of it and what you called me kept coming to the forefront of my mind. I heard it in my dreams and in the quiet moments of the day. Since you’ve been here, I’ve heard it less and less.”

The mention of that phone call opened a cavernous pit in Cas’s stomach. He was still ashamed despite Dean’s forgiveness, but he managed to swallow it down and push past it. _For Dean’s sake_ , he told himself. “I’m glad,” he said out loud. “When did you find out they were all in Chicago?”

“Sam texted me when he arrived. Told me what they’ve been up to.”

Cas shook his head thinking of Sam having to leave school. “I’m sorry I upended his life.”

With a shrug, Dean said, “It’s not the first time he’s faced this, and in the end, I think it will turn out for the best. Keeping this secret is not a way forward in a relationship. We’re proof of that.”

“So, Sam’s planning on telling Kayla.”

“He is. With Talia and Charlie’s help,” replied Dean. “It’s the right decision. It’s what I should have done.”

“I understand why you didn’t, and as I said I’m not sure how receptive I would have been.”

Dean threw his hands up in the air. “Well, it’s water under the bridge now.” 

As Dean’s arms dropped back down, Cas caught his hands in his. “I love you.”

Cracking a smile, Dean sarcastically said, “Nice segue.” Cas tipped his head in acknowledgement, and Dean nodded in response. “I love you, too. And I can’t believe how often you’ve gotten me to say those words.” Dean tugged Cas forward and kissed him. He let it linger, never pushing for more than a simple touch of lips. Eventually, he released Cas’s hands and moved his hands up Cas’s body. One hand cupped Cas’s cheek while the other found its way into Cas’s hair. Whispering against Cas’s lips, he said, “I should probably call Mara.”

“Nice segue,” said Cas in a mocking tone.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re hilarious.”

With a light laugh, Cas planted a firm kiss on Dean’s mouth. “You go call her, and I’ll call Victor.” After Dean walked away, Cas went to the den and retrieved his phone. 

“Bout damn time you called me back,” Victor snapped in lieu of a hello.

“Sorry. I put my phone away. I needed to concentrate on Dean. He deserved at least that much.”

“Hmmm…I suppose he did. You’re doing okay though, right?”

Cas took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I am. We are. As good as we can be under the circumstances. And you, how are you doing?”

“It’s a learning experience. But I have to tell you these hunters are special people. We have several here and we’ve been networking with a few others. I think we’re on the right track. But Bobby has warned us that not all of them will welcome our interference. Having a few of the old guard, like Bobby and Rufus, makes it easier to convince others.”

Cas nodded along as Victor talked. When he paused, Cas interjected, “And Sam?”

“Sam’s great. Whip smart and he’s open to all of this. I think he’s wanted a more coordinated effort in the hunting community for a long time. He tried to convince his dad, but that led to a big fight. Dean and Bobby weren’t quite as adamant about saying no, but they certainly never tried to work towards it. I was actually surprised Bobby has been so supportive and actively involved.” Victor paused briefly before asking, “What about Dean?”

“He’s making a call as we speak, so he’s at least on board. But…uh…he has some conditions.”

“Let me guess…You aren’t allowed to hunt without him.”

With a huff, Cas said, “Precisely. How’d you know?”

“Oh, Bobby and Sam both spoke to me privately. They warned me this was coming. I don’t want you worrying about it. We’ll work it out,” said Victor with sincerity.

Cas heard movement behind him. When he turned to look, Dean gestured for Cas to get off the phone. “Victor, Dean finished his call and needs to talk to me.”

“All right. Talk to you later?”

“Yes,” said Cas. After hanging up, he asked Dean, “How’d it go?”

Breaking out in a huge grin, Dean replied, “Mara agreed and so did Jody.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll tell you this chapter took over and drove me to its own conclusions. I let the characters lead me to where they needed to go, and based on their growth throughout this story, I think it played out correctly. I know it helped heal some of my wounds during these difficult times. Hope it did something similar for you.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so glad this was the chapter I was editing and posting this week. After watching the finale, it was cathartic for me to reread it and I hope it will provide something similar for all of you.

The comfort and familiarity of the room allowed Cas to sleep almost uninterrupted for seven hours. The body at his side gentled his waking moments. Rolling closer to Dean, he felt the heat radiating off him and relaxed even further. A small smile came unbidden to his lips. A hand swept through his hair, fingers threading through the added length. A hair cut had went the way of many of his other routines. It joined the lack of dry cleaning, a disregard for personal grooming, and broken eating habits. He could sense Dean itching to speak, so he opened his eyes. “Hmmm…that feels good.”

“Your hair has never been this long.”

“True.”

Dean tangled his fingers in the strands at the base of Cas’s neck and tugged lightly. “I think I like it, but not sure if I should.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I know it wasn’t a choice you made.”

“No, it wasn’t. Daily life things just didn’t seem important anymore.” Dean chuckled, and it surprised Cas because the tone of the conversation was somber. “What?” he asked.

“That was the least Cas-like sentence I have ever heard you speak.”

“Ah...too relaxed for proper diction. Besides, you have rubbed off on me in more ways than one.” Cas punctuated the comment with a roll of his hips.

Dean moaned at the contact even as he tensed. “Not too relaxed for innuendo, though,” he said, voice tight and anything but relaxed.

“No, I suppose not,” Cas said, shifting back. The feeling of familiarity vanished, and Cas berated himself for falling into it so easily and forgetting the lengthy discussion they had about sharing a bed. It was a suggestion by Mara which prompted the conversation. She had offered them the master suite since they would be arriving a day before her and the others. Cas knew Dean was unsure about taking it, so he had not pushed or given his opinion. He let Dean come to the decision on his own. By the time they arrived at the inn, Dean had made up his mind. Carrying their bags to the master bedroom without a word to Cas. Memories seemed to catch them both when they stepped into the room. Both glancing around, eyes focusing every few seconds on different areas of the room. When Dean set the bags down and looked at Cas, his face had paled. 

_How could I have forgot that expression_? he thought. “I’m sorry,” he said, “I got lost in the moment.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” Cas said as he rolled away and climbed out of the bed. “Just because we are here,” he gestured at the room, “Doesn’t mean we are back there. I should know that, and respect that times have changed.” As he threw on some clothes, he glanced over his shoulder. “I’ll go start breakfast. Take your time. We can talk then.”

Dean nodded but remained silent. Cas took it as his cue to leave. As he prepared breakfast his body revolted. He had hoped he was past the bouts of nausea. Hoped that the smell of food would trigger hunger instead of the urge to empty his stomach. At Jody’s he had eaten without a problem, enjoying the food, savoring each bite. Even at Bobby’s, he ate, less pleasurable and more utilitarian, but without incident. So why now, here in a place he loved, did the opposite happen? The answer was obvious, but clearly, he did not want to assess it, or even think about it. There was a selfishness to his feelings, and he hated himself for his self-absorption. The fact was he had rejected Dean in the most brutal way. Ripping him apart with callousness, and yet here he was stung by Dean’s understandable rejection. Cas scoffed at himself. “Rejection,” he said to the empty room with a shake of his head _. It wasn’t anything so dramatic. Not wanting sexual contact was hardly rejection_ , he thought scolding himself. 

“What are you mumbling about?” asked Dean as he entered the kitchen, making for the coffee maker.

“I didn’t realize I was.”

“That doesn’t answer my question. And why do you look so shaky?”

“I didn’t re-”

Dean cut Cas off. “Yeah, no, we are not doing that. You said we could talk, so talk.”

Leaning back against the counter, Cas dropped his head to his chest. “I hate how selfish I’m being. Seeking contact and wallowing. Even this,” he said, pointing at their breakfast, “When I’m trying to do something for you, I make it all about me.”

Dean reeled back with a confused frown. “What do you mean?”

“I’m standing here cooking and I’m consumed with my own issues.” Cas stopped himself before he could reveal too much, but he should have known Dean would not drop the topic.

“What issues?”

Cas lifted his head, which felt way too heavy and muddled. “My issues with food,” he let out in a pained whisper. Dean stepped closer, bringing his hands to rest on Cas’s wrists, a wary expression on his face. Cas groaned, “This is what I mean. I hurt you and here you are comforting me. It’s ridiculous. It’s all so stupid.”

“No, it’s not. Someone’s struggles are never stupid, Cas. You know that.” Dean slid his hands up Cas’s arms and rested them on his shoulders. “Tell me.”

“I already mentioned that I was struggling with eating and keeping food down, but it’s more than that. The smell makes me nauseous. I look at what’s in that pan, and I wish I did not have to stomach it. I wish I could avoid it all together.”

Dean took a few seconds before speaking, and Cas could tell he was trying to formulate a response. “How often? Is it every time or does something trigger it?”

A burst of dark laughter escaped before Cas could prevent it. “That’s just it. I thought after the last few days I was over it. Or at least moving past it. I haven’t really struggled to eat and rarely felt the urge to vomit. And after Jody’s where I enjoyed food again, I guess I thought that was it, but…this morning…the smell…”

“So, are you thinking it’s a medical issue and not an emotional one?”

Cas shook his head dejectedly. “I wish,” he said, sadly, “but no, I know the reason it happened and it’s not medical. It’s why I’m so angry with myself. I’m a mess and you don’t deserve this on top of everything else.”

“Cas, I’m gonna need you to spit it out because I’m at a loss.”

Looking directly in Dean’s eyes, holding firm despite his fear and disgust with himself, Cas replied, “When you tensed this morning, in the moment I understood, but when I got down here, I felt this wave of rejection. It’s so unfair of me especially after I rejected you in the cruelest way possible. And…and my head knows it wasn’t really a rejection…God I’m so fucked up.”

Dean squeezed Cas’s shoulders. “You are not fucked up. This situation is fucked up, but you are not. We both got hurt, Cas. I don’t blame you for being confused and afraid. I don’t blame you for struggling with this. If I was in your shoes, I wouldn’t be any better. Blame and guilt are basic tenets of my personality, so I get it. I get tearing yourself down and breaking yourself apart. It’s not what I want for you, and I wish I could convince you to stop, but I get why it doesn’t work that way.” 

Glancing away, Cas kept his eyes on a space above Dean’s shoulder. “No it doesn’t, but, I know you tensed this morning, but you seem so…I don’t know how to describe it, but…uh…you seem okay, settled I guess, in a good way.”

“Because I am,” assured Dean. “For me, I think the healing started the moment I saw you. I know how sorry you are. I understand the reason you did what you did. I understand how hard it was for you and how willing you are to correct the mistake. And once I forgave you, I decided to try and put it behind me. Guilt doesn’t work the same way. It’s a burden that is much harder to shake off. And for you it seems to manifest itself in a physical way.” Dean cupped Cas’s face and pressed a kiss to his lips before saying, “That doesn’t make you selfish it makes you human. Sometimes I think you forget that your allowed to be like the rest of us.” 

Cas had not realized he was holding his breath until his chest loosened and he exhaled sharply. As he let himself breathe freely, his nausea passed and the food actually smelled appetizing. “Thank you, Dean.”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart.”

“Oh, Dean,” whispered Cas, leaning into his touch.

Dean smiled as he slid his thumb across Cas’s lips. “I’m here. I might not react the same as I did before. I might have some bad days, but I need you to know I’m not going anywhere.” Feeling more secure, Cas captured Dean’s thumb between his teeth, nipping lightly. He sighed when Dean did not pull away. “Let go so I can kiss you,” said Dean as he leaned forward. Their lips collided a moment later and Cas melted in Dean’s arms. “Mmmm…if I wasn’t so hungry, I’d offer to continue this upstairs.”

Opening his eyes, Cas found Dean smiling indulgently. “Really?” he asked.

“Yes, really,” said Dean. “I want you. I’ve always wanted you. Even when I was royally pissed, I still wanted you. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you put a spell on me that first night.”

Cas sighed, “I feel the same.”

“Good. Now, that we established that, feed me.”

“Of course, Dean.”

Breakfast was a hurried affair and Cas ate without a hint of nausea. By the time, he pushed his plate away, Dean was waiting by the doorway, feigning patience. “Are you going to help me with the dishes?” asked Cas, testing the waters.

“Cas,” whined Dean.

“Yes, Dean.”

Dean grunted as he rolled his eyes. “Come on. Leave the damn dishes and come take a shower with me. Mara will be here soon.”

“If you insist.”

“I do,” said Dean as he turned away and started walking. He glanced back and smiled when he saw Cas hurrying to follow. 

Surprisingly, the shower remained relatively chaste. A touch here and there, punctuated by long, tender kisses. Even though they both grew hard, neither pushed for more. When they fell into bed, still damp and heated, Dean took them both in hand and stroked them to completion. “That was probably counter-productive,” he said, swiping a finger through the mess on Cas’s stomach. He brought the finger to his mouth, eyeing Cas as he sucked it into his mouth. His eyes closed and he moaned. “I suppose I should clean you up,” he whispered but did not move to get up. “What do you think, Cas?” he asked as he started kissing down Cas’s chest.”

“Yes,” responded Cas, arching his back and seeking more contact. When Dean continued to kiss and lick his way to Cas’s abdomen, Cas lost himself to the sensation. He floated in a haze of need and desire. He was hard before Dean finished, keening and desperate. He came back to himself when he heard Dean whimper loudly. Opening his eyes, his whole body locked up at the sight before him and he almost came on the spot. He only managed to hold his release in by gripping the base of his cock firmly. Dean bucked his hips as he watched Cas frantically try not to orgasm, but he did not stop his ministrations. In fact, he rocked back and forth more aggressively, burying his fingers deeper into his body each time. 

“Oh, fuck, Cas, please,” he begged when his body spasmed after he added another finger. Cas reacted without thinking. He released his cock and grabbed Dean forcefully, flipping him onto his back. Somehow Dean managed to keep his fingers buried inside himself. Cas pushed them in and out a couple times before removing them and wrapping them around his own cock. Slick and impossibly hard, he lined himself up and pulled Dean down onto his cock, burying himself as their bodies collided. “Holy fuck, oh, God.”

“Too much,” asked Cas breathlessly.

“Fuck, no.” Dean shifted his hips. “Come on. I want it.” Cas rocked into Dean’s body, letting his cock slide slowly. “Cas, I need it, please.” It was as if those words flipped a switch inside Cas. Guilt and shame washed away replaced by overwhelming desire and the familiar feelings of power and control. Letting loose he slammed into Dean’s body, practically folding him in half as he took and took. Dean cried out, begging and writhing as their bodies heated and sweat dripped off both of them. Cas drove him up the bed forcing Dean to brace his hands against the headboard, relinquishing his last vestige of control to Cas. The moment it happened they both moaned loudly as their pleasure spiked. Cas hiked Dean’s leg higher, burying himself deeper, grinding into Dean’s body. The orgasm that ripped through Dean wracked his body, and he practically screamed as it continued even after his release was spent. Mesmerized, Cas barely noticed his own body lock up as he came forcefully. Watching Dean, he rocked slowly, letting their bodies come down as they stayed joined together. The pleasure coursing through him made him shiver and shake, and when he finally pulled out, he was well and truly spent. Despite the exhaustion, he could not look away from Dean. He had never seen him so beautifully wrecked. His eyes were open but they were unfocused, lost to another plane. When the haze of pleasure finally cleared, he smiled languidly. “Cas?”

Chuckling at the question in Dean’s voice, Cas said, “I’m here.”

“Yeah you are,” responded Dean as he tipped his head to look at Cas. “You are all here.”

“I take it that was what you wanted.”

“That was so what I wanted and it was what you needed.”

Cas smiled as he traced his finger along Dean’s jaw. “You aren’t wrong.”

“Yay for me, except you could have just said I was right instead of…”

“Yes, Dean,” said Cas. He kissed Dean’s forehead before adding, “I think we need another shower.”

Dean pressed closer to Cas. “Can’t argue with that, but I’m not sure I can stand. Although there is a nice big tub in there.”

Dean lay back in the tub as Cas dried himself off and started cleaning up the water they had splashed onto the ground. As he stood up, he noticed Dean staring at him, eyes tracking his movements. “What?” he asked.

“Just thinking. You seem better.”

“I am. Don’t read too much into it though.”

With a nod, Dean said, “Work in progress, right?”

“Exactly,” replied Cas with a smile. “Are you going to get out of there? The water has to be cold by now.”

Making grabby hands, Dean pouted. “I need help.”

“No, you don’t. Get your ass out of there. I’m sure I heard a noise, and I don’t exactly want to meet Mara without you there.”

“Why not? It’s no big deal.”

Cas sighed, “It is a ‘big deal.’ She knows about us, about what I did, and…” Cas could not finish as he let his gaze drift away from Dean, feeling heat rise up his neck.

“Cas, come here,” stated Dean. When Cas was kneeling next to the tub, Dean tangled his fingers in Cas’s wet hair. “You have nothing to worry about.”

“But-”

“No, buts, Cas. Yes, she knows, but she is not going to judge you. Not now. Not after I explained I don’t want that.”

Cas sat back on his heels. “Do they all know?”

“Who’s all?” asked Dean. Cas raised his brow in frustration. “Cas, hunters are not some monolithic group. Sure, some of them know because they had to. Those I’d been with recently had to be warned. Those who are well-connected like Bobby, Mara, and Ellen had to know to be able to control the story, but as far as the rest, if they know anything it’s to watch their backs because the FBI is seeking cases related to the supernatural.”

“And they know you are wanted by the FBI.”

Dean scoffed, “It’s not like they all know who I am.”

Cas thought about arguing the point, since Bobby clearly said Dean was the best there was, but instead he stood up and asked, “Who’s Ellen?”

As Dean lifted himself out of the tub and dried himself off, he explained. “Ellen owns a bar that acts as a meeting place for hunters. She has resources similar to Bobby, but she also has her very own Charlie. So, when I say she’s connected I mean it. We had a rocky start when we first met. My dad and her husband…well it’s a long story and if you actually heard Mara, we should probably save it for later.”

“All right, but I’m holding you to that.”

“Yeah, yeah, let’s go get dressed,” Dean said as he opened the door and walked into the bedroom. 

“It’s about time,” said a sultry female voice. 

“Shit, Mara, what the hell?” said Dean as he stepped back, trying to cover Cas with his body as he dropped his hands to cover his own groin.

With a wicked grin and a much too long perusal of the two naked men, she said, “Not like I haven’t seen it before.”

Pushing Cas back into the bathroom, Dean yelled, “Well, you ain’t seen Cas and you are NOT going to. Get out. We’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

“Wow, possessive much. I’ve never seen this side of you.”

Shutting the bathroom door, Dean called out, “Get used to it.” With a deep breath, he visibly calmed. Shaking his head, he looked at Cas. “So, that’s Mara. She used to be much more lawyerly, but uh…yeah, she’s changed.”

Cas had no basis for reference since Dean had barely talked about her before. In fact, he had never explained how they met or how they ended up in their arrangement. The ease with which she teased him and the hunger in her eyes as she perused Dean left a sour taste in his mouth, but after what they had just shared together, the intimacy and the passion, Cas chose to brush off the feeling. He smiled mischievously at Dean. “Well, I suppose I will just have to judge how much you’ve rubbed off on her for myself.”

After dressing, they joined Mara in the kitchen. She greeted Cas with a genuine smile, and when he asked how she’d met Dean, she immediately launched into the tale. 

“I was a public defender assigned to his case. The damn thing made no sense and there was something about his demeanor that did not sit right.”

Cas chuckled, “I’ve been there.”

Her expression turned hard as she said, “I guess you have, but I never-”

“Mara, stop,” interjected Dean before she could continue. “We are not doing this. I forgave Cas. Hell, I even understand why, so drop it, please.”

She sighed as she looked at Dean. When she turned back to face Cas, some of the anger had faded from her eyes. “Sorry, it’s not my place.” Cas wanted to say he understood her position, but she continued before he could speak. “Anyway, I helped him because I thought he was innocent. Long story short, I got nosy, discovered ghosts are real, and was thrust into the world of hunters and monsters. As for us, that was more convenience than anything else.”

Dean inhaled sharply, feigning he’d been stabbed. “Wow, that’s a ringing endorsement.”

“You don’t need me to stroke your ego,” Mara said as she smirked at Dean.

Cas laughed, nodding along with her statement as he caught Dean’s pout. Wrapping his arm around Dean he tugged him closer and gave him a kiss on his temple. “She’s not wrong.”

“Yeah, yeah, you two yuck it up.” Dean slipped out of Cas’s hold. “And Cas I’ll remember that comment.”

“Of course, you will,” said Cas with a grin. “I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

The banter continued for a few minutes until it was interrupted by the sound of a vehicle. Cas and Dean went to the door while Mara hung back. By the time they opened it, Charlie was halfway to the house. She bypassed Cas and practically leapt into Dean’s arms. “I’m so sorry. I should have gone with my instincts. I shouldn’t have-”

“Hey, hey, no,” said Dean as he cut her off. “None of this is your fault. I know you tried, and I know in the end you were only doing your job. As I told Cas, drop the guilt it doesn’t help anyone, least of all me.”

Talia stood on the bottom step. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell her. Hello, Dean, it’s nice to finally meet you.”

“You, too, and we need to talk later so you can explain to me how you put up with this one.” Dean winked as he dropped his gaze to Charlie who was still in his arms. Letting her go, he said, “Come on in and meet Mara.”

After introductions and a tour of the inn, Talia and Mara fell into a conversation. Dean had migrated to the kitchen to cook lunch which left Cas with Charlie. She linked their arms and tugged him outside. “How are you really?”

“I’m good. We’ve talked a lot and he forgave me. It’s more than I hoped for. More than I ever thought possible. He loves me, Charlie.”

“That much is obvious to anyone with eyes. I’m glad he forgave you, but…uh…have you forgiven yourself?”

Cas rolled his eyes because he knew she well aware of the answer to that question. “I’m working on it,” he said, offering some hope to her and more importantly to himself.

“All right, then.” With a nod, she started leading Cas down the path into the trees. “So, Mara…how’s that going?”

Cas thought back over his entire encounter with Mara and came to a conclusion. “It’s a little strange. And I was worried it would be uncomfortable considering their past, but after a few tense moments, it’s been surprisingly okay.” They continued walking until they felt the first drops of rain. The downpour hit before they made it back to the inn. Drenched and cold they burst through the door, slipping on the tile floor. A strong arm caught Cas as he was trying to keep Charlie from falling. Dean snorted when their feet gave out under them and they all fell to the floor in a giant heap. Cas was holding Charlie to his chest and Dean was crushed beneath him. The _oof_ that was expelled from Dean’s body made Charlie burst out in laughter. Cas joined in even as he felt Dean struggling under their combined weight.

“Guys, come on, get off,” Dean croaked, shoving at Cas’s shoulders. Cas took mercy on him, pushing Charlie to the side and lifting himself off Dean. He pulled Dean up and into his arms. “Hey.”

“Hello, Dean.”

Dean leaned down, pressing their lips together in a tender kiss. “Ahhh….fuck that’s cold. Mara spotted you sprinting across the yard, so she went to grab some towels. I didn’t realize I’d need one too.” The smile he gave Cas was bright and his eyes sparkled as he said, “You need a change of clothes. I can help with that.” 

“Okay…that’s…yeah, I’m just going to go,” said Charlie, not bothering to wait for the towel. “Where’s Talia?”

“In your room,” responded Dean. “Lunch will be ready soon, so don’t get up to anything.”

With one last glance back, Charlie chided, “I think you need to take your own advice.”

Dean laughed and waved her off. When they were alone, he leaned forward and captured Cas’s mouth in a firm kiss. As he let him go, he smacked his ass. “That is all you’re getting.”

“Is this my punishment for earlier?” asked Cas.

“Maybe,” replied Dean with a wink.

Cas was saved from tying to think of a comeback because Mara had returned with the towels. “Thanks,” he said, grabbing one and drying his hair. “I’m going to change. Dean, do you need dry clothes?”

“Grab me a shirt.”

By the time he returned, the table was set and the food was laid out. Charlie and Talia had already filled their plates and Mara was puttering around the kitchen. Dean pushed her toward the table before approaching Cas and changing his shirt. Mara whistled as he did, and Cas felt a pinch in his chest. The annoyed look Dean gave her and the impish grin she gave in return prevented any further discomfort and Cas found himself smiling at their antics. For people who had slept together, they acted more like brother and sister. Their interactions resembled to his relationship with Charlie. 

“What’s that look?” asked Dean.

“I’m simply observing.”

“Not buying it. That was your constipated look.”

Cas shook his head as he eyed Dean. “I do not look constipated. I was merely comparing your relationship with Mara to mine with Charlie.”

Dean’s eyes went almost comically wide. “You slept with Charlie,” he sputtered.

Rolling his eyes, Cas smacked Dean’s arm. “Of course not.”

Dean’s cheeks flushed red and he rested his head on Cas’s shoulder. “I’m an idiot.”

“Only sometimes,” smirked Cas, before adding, “And I was talking about how you interact more like a brother and sister than lovers.”

“There’s that word again. We were not lovers. We fucked around when an itch needed to be scratched. You called ME your LOVER, and what her and I had was not remotely like what you and I do.”

“So, you agree you are my lover.”

“Cas,” whined Dean, “That was so not the point I was making.”

Cas nodded. “I know, but it’s what I’m taking from it.”

“Whatever,” Dean cheekily conceded before his tone altered. “Are you ready to eat?” There was a different question hidden behind the words and so Cas chose to answer that one.

“It smells good. I’m hungry.”

A smile broke out on Dean’s face, and he smacked Cas on the ass again as he rushed over to the table. Joining him, Cas returned his smile. He let himself be sucked into the conversation already underway and ate without a single worry. The food was delicious, and he was enjoying himself. He felt eyes on him, and he lifted his head to find Dean smiling tenderly at him. Cas stared back, mesmerized by the man he loved. It was a place he’d been many times. Drawn and held by the emotion so easily read in Dean’s eyes. A throat clearing made him break the eye contact and look at the others. Charlie was grinning with delight. Talia had her hand over her mouth as if she was holding back an _aww_. And Mara was openly staring, confusion and wonder on her face. 

“I’ve really never seen you like this,” said Mara as she stared at Dean.

“It’s all Cas. Never loved anyone the way I love him, so…”

“I’m glad,” she whispered, “You deserve it.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one picks up where the last chapter leaves off and ends up taking a wide turn.

“Okay, enough out of all of you. We are not here for your amusement,” said Dean as he pushed his chair back from the table and stood up. “And you all get clean up duty.” He punctuated his words by reaching for Cas’s hand and pulling him up. 

Cas followed him from the room and let Dean press him into the hallway wall. The kiss was all heat and passion and left Cas breathless. When he regained some measure of coherence, he said, “What was that for?”

“For that look you gave me. Nobody’s ever looked at me the way you do.”

“And how’s that.”

Dean sighed, dropping his head to Cas’s shoulder. “Like I’m something precious. Like I’m the center of your world.”

“Hmmm…that’s because you are. Do you not know that?” Cas intoned. Dean shrugged and Cas pulled him closer. “I guess I need to do a better job of showing you that.” He tipped his head to the side, brushing his cheek against Dean. The arms around his body tightened and Cas grinned when Dean finally lifted his head to look at him. Dean returned the smile.

“Wanna go fool around?” asked Dean with a salacious grin.

Cas shook his head, even though he knew he would agree. 

“Come on, Cas, it'll be f-” Dean’s words were drowned out by a series of loud knocks. The cacophony was followed by a sharp, scolding voice.

“Alex, stop that. You have to give them time to answer.”

Dean backed away from Cas. “I guess we have to get that.”

“Yes, Dean. We can pick this up later.”

“Ahh…I knew you were on board despite that look you were giving me.”

Cas rolled his eyes, spotting movement to his right.

“Were you guys kissing?” asked Alex.

With one last look at Cas, Dean turned to face the new arrival. “What are you the kissing police?” he asked. Alex didn’t bother answering. Instead, she gave them a shrug and a little wave before bounding off.

“I suppose I should get in there and help with the introductions,” said Dean. After everyone met, they settled at the large dining table. Ideas were thrown out and questions were asked. An hour passed and a rough sketch of how to proceed had been established. Alex had been quiet for much of the conversation, and Cas began to wonder why. Dean must have noticed the same because he asked, “You seem awful quiet, shorty.”

“I’m not short,” groaned Alex.

“I beg to differ. Now why don’t you tell us what’s going on in that brain of yours.” Alex frowned and shifted nervously under Dean’s gaze, but he did not back down. “We want your opinion. It’s why you’re here. So, spill.”

Her eyes darted around the room before she looked at Jody, receiving a reassuring nod. “Fine. You’re talking around some of most important stuff. I’m not the only one like me and some people have it a lot worse. They were possessed and did things…with their own hands. I…um…for me getting over my participation was worse than anything else. I still have nightmares. I see their faces. I can’t image what it’s like for…them. And what about the people who have been turned or don’t want to be like the others. I mean most of them are hunted by their own kind, but uh…some get away. Don’t they need help, too.”

A beat of silence followed Alex’s recitation. For Cas, it was due to his feeling of awe. Awe at how a young teenager could see more clearly than all the adults at the table. From the expressions on the others’ faces, he assumed they felt the same. Thankfully, Talia broke the silence since Alex had started to turn in on herself. “You’re right,” said Talia with a slight smile. “We need to expand our thinking. Having other locations across the country needs to include places that would fill those needs. What were you thinking?”

Alex’s shoulders sank a bit and she exhaled heavily. “I don’t know for sure,” she said tentatively. “But, for me, I wouldn’t have wanted to be around a lot of people. It was hard enough to be with Jody and Dean. But being alone is worse, I think. Cause all you do is think about it, then. So, I don’t…” She trailed off as she looked at Talia and then at Jody. “What do you think, Mom?”

Jody’s breath hitched, and Dean gave her a wide-eyed look. Cas thought he might know the reason for their shock, but now was not the time to speculate or ask. Instead he reached for Dean’s hand and held it firmly. Dean turned to him, with a small smile and watery eyes, before looking back at Jody.

With a nod at Dean, Jody responded, “I think you’re on the right track. A more tailored approach is necessary. Not to mention, the legal side with those who have been arrested for crimes they committed while possessed or under duress. The range of victims is vast and their needs are just as wide.”

“That’s where I come in,” said Talia. “Charlie, with Sam and now Mara’s help, has started to compile a list of mental health professionals and caregivers that know about the supernatural. I will be personally contacting them to assess their willingness to be involved. But the numbers so far are small. We may need to recruit people.”

“I was thinking the same for law enforcement,” said Jody. “I have contacted those that I know personally, and they-”

Dean shook his head and interrupted with a sharp, “No.” When the others stopped talking and stared at him, he added, “We do not introduce people to this shit. That is hunter 101.”

Talia immediately launched into the reasons it may be necessary and Mara chimed in forcefully. The argument quickly grew heated when Dean was unwilling to listen. He tried over and over to shut down the discussion, pleading with Jody to not abandon the one hard and fast rule. Charlie attempted to add her opinion but was ignored. And Cas tried to intervene, but Dean refused to even look at him. As their voices grew louder, no one seemed to notice a shift at the table. That is until Jody called out, “Stop.” Everyone at the table froze and when Jody’s eyes flashed to Alex, they all understood. Alex had curled in herself, knees to her chest, face buried in them. 

Dean was closest to her and quickly wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. We shouldn’t have yelled. I’m sorry half-pint.”

Her quiet sobs broke as she huffed, “That’s the worst one. You know. I’d rather be shorty.”

“Well it worked, so…” Alex lifted her head and rolled her eyes at Dean, but her tiny smile gave her true feelings away. Dean smiled back at her and suggested they table the discussion. After everyone agreed, Dean looked at Jody and some silent communication passed between them. He turned back to Alex and said, “I think there’s a game console around here somewhere. We can see if you can finally beat me at something.”

The small smile turned into a bright grin and she said, “You’re on old man.”

Cas watched them leave the room and was not surprised in the slightest when Charlie jumped up to join them. As he contemplated doing the same, Jody asked, “Cas, would you take a walk with me?”

“Of course.” 

Talia and Mara waved them off and dove right back into a conversation. Cas was glad to see they had hit it off. It would certainly help moving forward. Before he could travel further down that road, Jody nudged him toward the door. Once they were outside, she linked her arm with his and began to meander down the path. They remained silent until they were ensconced in the trees. The sunlight dappled through the leaves, flickering across the landscape. Cas felt Jody’s gaze on him and when he turned, he saw her eyeing him curiously. 

“What?” he asked.

“I understand what he sees in you.”

Cas frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I saw it when we met but just now in there, I saw what it is between you.”

Despite the vagueness of her words, Cas understood. He understood how clear his love shone in his eyes when he looked at Dean. How Dean was his center and how often everything else faded when they were together.

Jody brushed her hand on his arm, making him look down at her. When their eyes connected, she said, “He needs someone to see him the way you do.”

“I love him. Since the moment I met him all I’ve ever wanted was to be with him. To show him how amazing he is and the thought that I almost ruined that…” Cas trailed off before shaking his head to ground himself. “He doesn’t want my guilt. Doesn’t want me wallowing in it.”

With a grunt, Jody said, “Of course he doesn’t. Why would he?” Cas shrugged. “You need to take his word, take his forgiveness and grab hold of what you have and enjoy it.”

The fierceness in her voice was matched by the fire in her eyes, and Cas found himself unable to bite back his words. “You’ve lost someone.”

“I have. My husband and son were killed in a car accident. Bobby was first on the scene. He tried to save them, but Sean died on impact. He managed to get Owen out of the car and perform CPR until the paramedics got there and took him to the hospital. Bobby’s the only reason I got to say goodbye to my son.”

“I see why you’re so protective of him. And of Alex.”

“When you’ve lost one family, you can either learn to welcome others into your life and love again or you can wallow in pain, grief and guilt. Bobby didn’t really give me a choice. He knew the pain I was in, having lost his wife, and he knew how he had crawled out of his grief.” Jody’s voice had faded into quiet contemplation as if she had slipped into a well-worn memory.

Even though he did not want to disrupt her peaceful moment, Cas could not stop himself from asking, “How did he do that?”

“That’s easy. He welcomed two traumatized young boys into his life and never looked back.”

Cas knew the truth in those words, had heard the undercurrent of them when Dean told him about his past. The life of a hunter’s kid. One consumed by revenge. A father who put that need above the needs of his children. And the saving grace those boys found in Bobby. The safety and security he provided. And now he had the other side of the story. The way those two young boys had saved Bobby in return. “I’m glad they found each other.”

“And I’m glad I found them. And I’m glad to add you to the motley mix. As Bobby says, _Family don’t end in blood_.”

Having kept others at bay for so much of his life, Cas would have struggled to understand such a concept. But Charlie wheedling her way into his life had opened the door. A door that Dean crashed through, resulting in a profound change in Cas. The more Dean became family, the easier it was for Cas to let others in. Even in this moment, having only met Jody twice, he could feel his heart open to her. Welcoming her friendship and care. “Dean gave me that,” he whispered.

“Good,” said Jody matter-of-factly. “Now that we understand each other, I wanted to ask you-” 

The shrill sound of Cas’s phone halted her question. It was his mother’s ringtone and it set him on edge. She never called during the day. The only times she had it ended with bad news. “I have to take this,” he said. “Hello.” He blanched, practically feeling the blood drain from his face. Jody’s expression told him that feeling was accurate. She gripped his arm, and he was grateful for the support. As the person on the phone continued to explain, he managed to regain some of his composure. He even managed to ask a few questions. When he hung up, he turned toward the inn. “I have to go,” he said as his feet started moving swiftly. 

He could hear Jody racing to keep up with him. When he entered the house, he rushed straight through the kitchen without acknowledging anyone. As he rounded the corner, exiting the kitchen, he heard Jody’s voice. It seemed to be growing more frantic, but he ignored it. The only thing he could think of was getting to his car. Before he reached the front door, a body stood in his path, holding up a hand to stop him. Cas tried to sidestep, but a firm voice pulled him up short. 

“Cas, stop.”

“Dean. Let me go. I need to go.”

“Not until you tell me what’s going on.”

The words froze in Cas’s mouth and he swallowed harshly. By then Jody had joined them. “He got a call. From his questions it sounded like it was a medical emergency.”

Cas edged forward, trying to maneuver around Dean, put a firm grip on his shoulder halted his advance. “Please, let me go.”

“Not a chance, Cas. You are not driving in this condition.”

“I’m fine.”

“You may think you’re pulling off this whole stoic bullshit by standing up straight and keeping all emotion out of your face, but I know you better than that. I see the tension around your eyes, and I see the way you are flexing your fists, digging your fingers into your palm. So, no you are not driving. Give me your keys. I’m driving.”

Cas shook his head. “You can’t.”

“He’s not wrong,” said Charlie as she joined them.

“I don’t care about laying low. Cas needs me and I’m going.”

Shoulders slumping, Cas shook his head once again. “Dean, I will be fine. You don’t even know what’s happening.”

“Then tell me.”

Cas took a deep breath before meeting Dean’s eyes. “My dad had a heart attack. He’s currently in surgery. A nurse had to use my mother’s phone to call me because she was too distressed to do it herself.” The torrent of words had flooded from his mouth, and even as he said them, he wanted to call them back. He knew there would be no way of talking Dean out of going now that he knew the truth. And he was proven correct the second the last word fell from his mouth.

“Charlie, I don’t care what you do, but you find a way to clear my name, now. Call in the damn cavalry and get it done because I am going.” Dean glared at Charlie until she nodded, and then he held out his hands. “Keys.”

“Dean you can’t drive the rental car.” Cas had no idea how he could even think of such a small, insignificant detail with the severity of the current situation.

“Who the fucks care,” said Dean. “Besides I’m sure Charlie can fix that too, right?”

“Yes,” said Charlie. “You two go. I’ll take care of everything on my end. And I’ll see you at the hospital after it’s done.”

Cas gave Charlie a half-hearted smile and reluctantly handed the keys to Dean.

“Thank you,” said Dean, relief and sincerity evident in his tone. “I’ve got you,” he added as he guided Cas out to the car. “We’ll call and update you as soon as we know anything.” Cas turned to see who Dean was addressing. Talia had her armed wrapped around Charlie’s waist. Alex was standing directly in front of Jody and Mara was at her side. Their expressions were grave as they looked at Cas. Alex gave him a small wave and Cas attempted a smile. He hoped it was enough to convey his appreciation for their concern. “Come on, Cas,” said Dean, holding the passenger door open. With a final nod at the group, Cas slid into the car. 

The drive was tense and mostly silent. Cas stared out the window until the landscape started to change as they neared Chicago. “It’s ironic, isn’t it?” he said, not waiting for answer. “A heart surgeon. THE heart surgeon having a heart attack. He’s the one who should be operating.”

“Cas, you can’t think like that.”

“Why not?”

Dean glanced away from the road. “Because it will drive you crazy. He’s not the only qualified heart surgeon.”

“I know that. He brags about all those he’s trained. His proteges.”

“Focus on that then. He’s in good hands. Hands he trained.”

The certainty in Dean’s voice helped Cas see something positive, if only for a moment. The touch of Dean’s hand, the connection as he laced their fingers together eased a bit more of his tension. Knowing Dean would be at his side gave him strength. He sat up straighter and prepared himself for what was to come. He needed that strength so he could support his mother. “Thank you.”

“For what?” asked Dean.

“For insisting to come along. For being here with me. For this,” Cas said as he held up their entwined hands. “I wouldn’t want to face this without you.”

“I would never want you to. And I would never let you because we are in this together. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I know it’s been mostly ugly lately, but I wouldn’t be anywhere else. You’re worth it. We’re worth it.”

“Yes, we are,” said Cas with all the conviction he could muster as he stared at the man he loved. Dean looked over, holding eye contact for a second as he smiled. When they pulled into the hospital parking lot, Dean gave him another reassuring smile, but Cas could read the worry in his eyes. “What is it?”

Dean bit his lip and nervously tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing.”

“It’s nothing compared to-”

“Dean,” interrupted Cas, stern and resolute.

“I’m going to meet your mom, Cas. Under the shittiest of conditions. Not to mention the whole wanted by the FBI thing. What if she recognizes me? What does she even know about me?”

Leaning back, Cas sighed. “She knows there is someone in my life. Someone I care for deeply. I doubt she knows anything about you being wanted by the FBI or she would have been calling me on a daily basis.”

“Okay, but what if…”

“Dean, we will deal with it, if it comes up, but right now I need to get in there.”

Regret flashed in Dean’s eyes as he said, “Shit, Cas, sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“I asked you to. And I want you with me. I want my mother to meet you, and maybe the circumstances aren’t the best, but it doesn’t matter because I love you. And that’s all she needs to know.”

“I love you, too, sweetheart,” said Dean before placing a kiss on Cas’s cheek. 

Dean took the lead as they walked to the hospital and continued to take charge once they entered. Before he knew it, Dean was leading him to the surgical waiting, and he was standing in the doorway. His mother sat in the corner, face buried in her hands. Dean pressed his hand into the small of Cas’s back, edging him forward. It was all the prompting Cas needed to cross the room and drop to his knees in front of his mother. “Cas,” she said quietly as she raised her head, eyes red and damp. On the next breath, she wrapped her arms around Cas’s shoulders and buried her face in his neck. He could feel the tears against his skin. It made his chest ache. The last time he had seen his mother cry was when Jimmy died.

When she pulled back, Cas wiped her tears away, not realizing his own were streaking down his face until she swept her fingers across his cheek. “Quite the pair,” she said before her eyes trailed up and off to the side. “Who’s this?”

Cas followed her gaze and saw Dean standing nervously a few feet away. “Dean come here,” he said, holding out his hand.” 

His mother gasped, “Dean?”

“Yes,” said Cas just as Dean placed his hand in Cas’s. His mother stood and to his utter shock she pulled Dean into a tight hug. Letting go of Cas’s hand, Dean wrapped his strong arms around her, returning the hug. 

“I’m glad to finally meet you. I was beginning to wonder if Castiel made you up to appease me.”

Dean huffed a laugh. “I can see him doing that. And it’s nice to meet you too, Mrs. Novak.”

“Call me Madilyn.”

“Okay, Madilyn,” responded Dean.

Gesturing at the chairs, she said, “Sit, sit.” 

Cas sat next to his mother and Dean took the adjacent chair. “How is he?” asked Cas.

“He’s still in surgery. It was bad.”

“How bad?”

A shadow fell over her face, stricken with a deep sorrow. “He coded on the way to the hospital.”

“Oh, Mom,” muttered Cas. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

“You’re here now,” she said before continuing to explain his father’s condition. Dean excused himself at one point to go get them something to eat and drink. Hours passed and Cas could see the exhaustion consume his mother. Eventually, she let him pull her against him and she slept. Knowing they would not be able to see his father for a long while, Cas let her sleep even when the doctor same to say he was out of surgery and in recovery. He only woke her when the nurse came to say they could see him.

“Mom, mom,” he said as he gently squeezed her arm. After several attempts, she cracked her eyes open. When they focused on Cas, he said, “He’s out of surgery. We can go see him.”

“Oh, oh,” she uttered as she stood abruptly, swaying slightly. 

Cas stood up and braced her. “Ready?” he asked. 

“Yes,” she responded. Cas nodded, keeping his hold on her as they followed the nurse who had patiently waited. Dean stepped in behind them. 

When they reached the ICU, Dean pulled Cas into a hug. “I’ll be here if you need me.” Cas did not have the wherewithal to respond verbally as he held back a sob, but he pressed in closer and kissed the crook of Dean’s neck. Letting go, he gave him a tiny smile before taking his mother’s hand and escorting her into the ICU. The sight of his larger than life father lying in a hospital bed was disconcerting to say the least. He looked small and pale, and vulnerable. The last a word Cas would never have associated with his father. Wires and IV’s, the sound of machines, it all seemed so wrong. The way his mother froze as she stepped into the room signaled to Cas that he was not alone in his assessment. When her hand rose and covered her mouth, Cas pulled her against him. As one they approached the bed.

“He looks so pale,” said Madilyn, lowering her hand and laying it on her husband’s arm. At her side, Cas watched her take in the wires and the IV. “What did the doctor say?”

“She said the surgery went remarkably well. She would like to speak with us later to go over the procedure and show us the images. But she did say there was extensive damage.” 

Cas felt the shiver run down her body and caught her as her knees buckled. Backing up, he lowered her into the chair at the side of the bed. “Mom?”

“I’m all right. Just got a little dizzy.”

Kneeling down in front of her, Cas said, “You didn’t eat anything earlier. When was the last time you ate?”

“This morning, I think.”

“I know you want to stay here, but you need to eat.”

She dropped her shoulders as she looked at the bed. “What if the doctor comes?”

“I’ll tell the nurse. Please, Mom. I don’t want to have to worry about you too.” That seemed to convince her because she nodded and let him lead her from the room. He stopped to talk to the nurse and then they left the ICU to find Dean pacing the hallway. As soon as he saw them, he raced over, concern written all over his face.

“Cas, what…”

“There’s nothing new. Mom just got a little dizzy. She needs to eat.”

“Oh, okay. We can certainly take care of that.” Dean held out his arm and Madilyn placed her hand in the crook of his elbow. Cas kept his hand on the small of her back all the way to the cafeteria. Several people turned to stare and then the whispering started. Once they were seated Dean went to get the food, eyes tracking him across the room. A nurse stopped in front of him, eyes wide in shock. At that point, Cas stood up. He heard the woman say, “You.” Dean turned to look at Cas, panic in his eyes. A heartbeat later, the woman pointed at the TV in the corner. Cas’s phone rang as he stared at the screen. 

He almost ignored the call but thought better when he realized it was Charlie’s ringtone. “Are you by a TV?” she asked before Cas could even say hello.

“Yes.”

“We broke the story about an hour ago. News coverage has been pretty wall to wall since. The press conference should be starting any minute. Riley is going to give a statement, and then Shep will take over.”

Cas muttered under his breath, repeating some of Charlie’s words. “Press conference. Shep.”

“Yes, Cas. It’s official Dean is cleared. Law enforcement agencies received confirmation earlier and then we sent out a blanket press release.”

It all finally registered. Cas looked at Dean and then flicked his eyes back to the TV just in time to see Dean’s face splashed across the screen. Someone turned up the volume. “…mistakenly identified as a suspect.” The reporter glanced over her shoulder. “David, it looks like they’re ready,” she said before turning around to face the podium. 

Riley stepped up to the microphone. Cas tried to listen but the sound of his mother’s voice drew his attention. “Castiel?” By the time he turned, Dean was already at the table. He had dropped to his knees and was quietly speaking to Madilyn. Cas watched them, even as he tuned back into the press conference. Riley had finished her remarks, and Shep was answering questions.

“Yes, Mr. Winchester is a Private Investigator. He was hired by a private citizen and no we will not be sharing the name of that person. And before you ask, Mr. Winchester readily agreed to assist us with the investigation.”

“Is it true he is dating one of your agents?”

Dean snapped his head around and said, “How the fuck do they know that?”

Madilyn swatted his arm. “Language.”

“Sorry,” Dean said sheepishly as he blushed. Despite the circumstances, Cas smiled and so did his mother. Dean huffed and shook his head. “Seriously Cas how do they know that?”

“If I had to guess, I’d say Agent Parker leaked it.”

“Why the hell would he do that?”

Taking a seat, Cas replied, “Who knows why that idiot does anything?”

“Are you okay with…”

Cas reached out and took Dean’s hand, pulling him into the seat next to him. “Of course, I am. You are not a secret.”

Dean went to respond, but Madilyn gave Cas a grave look as she interjected, “This is why you haven’t been returning my calls. You thought he was…”

“I did,” said Cas.

“But you worked it out?” she asked.

“Only because Dean is an exceptional and forgiving person.”

Dean ducked his head as he stood up. “On that note, I’m going to get the food.”

They watched him walk away, and then Cas’s mother said, “He’s not very good at taking a compliment.”

“No, Mom, he most certainly is not.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, sorry this is late. Last week was crazy and I just did not have time to do even a cursory edit. I hope you enjoy this one. We get to learn a bit more about what the agents and hunters have been up to and where they are going in the future.

The food in front of his mother was picked apart and despite his encouragement she refused to eat anymore. Giving up, he cleaned up the mess on the table while Dean continued talking with her. They had hit it off in a way Cas would never have expected. She smiled and smirked at Dean’s childish humor, even when it bordered on crassness. Cas marveled at the sight of his usually strait-laced mother, patting Dean’s arm and whacking his shoulder, scolding him with a grin. The colorful language Dean used prompted her to fall into teacher mode, albeit feigned. Dean just threw his head back and laughed. It was infectious, and one of the things Cas loved most about Dean. In any given situation, no matter how difficult or dire, Dean seemed to possess an uncanny ability to bring about a measure of joy. And in this moment, his mother reveled in it, completely enamored, almost smitten, if Cas was honest with himself. 

After watching them from a distance for too long, he rejoined them, unwilling to break the moment, yet knowing he must. From experience he knew that his mother needed to return to the ICU or she would end up feeling guilty. Cas knew because he was much the same, often overcome with regret and guilt. Looking at Dean brought that knowledge home. They may have found their way back to each other, but Cas was still fighting the waves of regret over his actions. The guilt was slowly fading, and he was proud of that fact, especially knowing how much it meant to Dean. He continued to stare at Dean’s profile, mesmerized by his beauty. A description Dean would roll his eyes at and deflect, yet it was the heart of who he was. The beauty went beyond his looks. It was inherent and deep and made up the soul of the man. Cas would never stop seeing him that way no matter where they ended up. Dean’s capacity for unconditional love shined brightly and seemed to have enveloped Cas’s mother. 

When Dean turned and raised an eyebrow at him, Cas smiled and crossed the distance between them with one thought in mind. Dean obviously recognized the look because he smirked and turned to face Cas fully. He met Cas’s kiss with the the same intensity until gentling it and pulling back. “What was that for?” asked Dean.

“I just love you.”

“Good to know,” Dean said smiling sweetly.

Having completely lost track of where they were and who was seated at the table, Cas was shocked when his mother said, “That was a bit brash.”

“Oh, shit,” responded Cas.

“Language,” she reprimanded.

Dean chuckled, “So glad I’m not the only one getting in trouble.

Cas shrugged his shoulders and grinned sheepishly before shifting into a more serious tone. Facing his mother, he said, “Mom, we should get back.”

“Yes, we should,” she said with a firm nod. She stood up in the next breath and walked away. Cas and Dean scrambled to follow her. As they walked, Dean placed his hand lightly on the small of Cas’s back. The pressure increased the closer they got to the ICU. As they rounded the last corner, Cas tensed when he spotted the woman waiting at the entrance. Dean slid closer, pressing into Cas’s side and sliding his arm more firmly around him.

“Naomi,” said Madilyn as the woman stepped forward and pulled her into a quick hug. 

Stepping back, Naomi shifted her gaze to Cas. “Castiel,” she said, practically spitting his name. His mother immediately put her hand on Naomi’s arm, in what Cas knew was a warning. 

At his side, Cas sensed Dean’s anger. Before he could act on that anger, Cas said, “Aunt Naomi.”

“I’m surprised to see you here,” she said.

“What the hell?” snarled Dean. 

Cas laid his hand against Dean’s chest. “Dean, it’s okay.”

“The hell it is,” said Dean, just as Cas’s mother stepped in front of Naomi. 

“Dean, honey, would you escort me in?” Madilyn asked. Cas’s mouth dropped open at the endearment, and he looked at his aunt seeing a similar expression. By then his mother had continued, “I would like to see my husband now.”

Whatever anger Dean had evaporated and his hold on Cas loosened. “I can do that,” he replied, taking her outstretched hand. Cas watched them walk away and caught Dean looking over his shoulder several times. It was during one of those looks that he heard his mother say, “He can take care of himself.” Dean glanced back again, the question in his eyes prompting Cas to nod, telling Dean to go.

Cas waited until they disappeared through the door before turning to his aunt. “Of course, I’m here. Where else would I be?”

“At work as usual, making your mother worry.”

“Naomi, we are not doing this again. Not now,” said Cas shaking his head in frustration and emphasizing the _now_.

She frowned at him as she eyed him crossly. “Fine,” she said, “I suppose we have more important issues to discuss than your flagrant disregard for your mother’s feelings. 

Cas ignored the snipe, used to it after all these years. Instead, he said, “She won’t want to leave.”

“I know, but she will need to and I need you to support me on that. I have already made arrangements at the hotel down the road. If you would be willing to stay for a while, I think I can convince her to get some rest with the promise we will return first thing in the morning.”

“I am more than willing to stay.”

Naomi nodded. “Good. Now who precisely is Dean.”

“He’s my boyfriend. I’m sure he’s been mentioned to you before.”

With a huff, she said, “Ah, he’s the one.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

She shook her head. “Never mind. It’s not the time. We should join them.”

“Fi-” he started but was cut off by small arms wrapping around him. “Hello, Charlie,” he said, looking over his shoulder to smile down at her.

“Hi, Cas, how are you?”

“Okay,” he responded sincerely. “You remember Naomi.”

“Yes. Hello.”

Naomi tipped her head. “Hello Charlie. I assume you drove.” Charlie nodded. “Well, that make this easier. I need to go to Madilyn’s and get her some clothes and necessities. You can drive me.”

“Um…uh…” muttered Charlie.

Cas tried to intervene, but Naomi said, “There is no need for you to go, Castiel. You should stay while you can. There’s no telling when you will be called away for work.” For once, her tone was not harsh when she mentioned his job. It was mostly resigned. 

As Cas looked at his aunt, he saw how worried and exhausted she was. It was what prompted him to say, “Charlie, do you mind?”

“No, no. I can do that. Whatever you need, Cas.”

“Thank you,” he said, pulling Charlie into a tight hug.

After they left, Cas entered the ICU, walking slowly to his father’s room. Everything looked exactly the same, and Cas couldn’t decide if that was good or bad. As he stood rooted to the spot, Dean’s eyes drifted to him, a small reassuring smile on his face. “Cas,” he said, “Come here.” Crossing the room, he stopped at Dean’s side, leaning against him as Dean wrapped his arm around him. “You okay?” he asked.

“Yes,” replied Cas before his eyes shifted to his mother. Addressing her, he said, “Charlie showed up and she drove Naomi to get your things. You will be staying at the hotel down the road.” His mother shook her head but Cas continued, “You need your rest. And I’m not taking no for an answer.”

Madilyn dropped her head and sighed.

“Mom, I know you want to stay, but you have to take care of yourself. Dean and I will stay until they kick us out, and Naomi promised to bring you back first thing in the morning.”

“And what about you two? Don’t you need rest, too. What about work?”

Cas smiled. “We’ll get rest and don’t worry about work.”

“Your father would not want you to miss work to sit around here.” 

Exhaling heavily, Cas said, “Work can wait, Mom.”

She shook her head. “Not from what I saw on the news and not from what Dean told me. You are both needed right now. I will go to the hotel if you promise to work tomorrow. Spend the morning there and bring me lunch. Maybe from that little Italian place you like so much.”

Frustration ate at Cas. He wanted to challenge her for basically giving him an ultimatum, but her entire countenance gave him pause. There was no anger or defensive in her, no real challenge on her part. She had said it but was clearly not demanding it. It was simply a wish, a request. Before he could gather his thoughts and respond to her, Dean squeezed his hip, gaining his attention. The nod was barely perceptible but Cas read Dean’s eyes, the look of acceptance and understanding. Any counter argument he had for his mother died with that look. “That placed closed down, but there is a new Thai place that I think you’d love.”

A small flicker of light shined in Madilyn’s and a smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “Oh, I love Thai.”

“I know,” said Cas as he leaned more fully against Dean.

His mother watched them intently, eyeing the slightest movement. Dean barked a laugh, “Cas, I see where you get the creepy staring thing. Same eyes. Same intensity. I bet you terrify your students.”

Madilyn huffed. “Hmmm…only when it’s necessary. And this one here can attest to that.”

“Wait, you were her student,” Dean said with unabashed glee.

“Don’t remind me. It was a truly traumatic experience for me.”

Waving her hand, his mother said, “Don’t be so dramatic. It wasn’t nearly that bad.”

“Oh yes it was,” replied Cas. “And you continue to torture me about it.”

His mother waved her hand again as if brushing off his comment. “Sharing stories is hardly torture, and I’m sure Dean would love to hear a few.”

Dean pounced immediately. “Yes, yes, he would.”

Cas rolled his eyes at the pair of them, once again wondering how Dean had won over his usually reserved mother. But then he thought, _The charming, gorgeous bastard easily won me over._ On that note, he realized his only recourse was to watch and listen as his mother told story after story. She beamed at times, laughed out right at others, and seemed to love every second of it, especially when Dean joined in her merriment. And the entire time she spoke she held her husband’s hand and snuck glances at him. Cas saw the love, the concern, but also the hope in her eyes. During one of their bouts of laughter, Naomi and Charlie arrived. Cas spotted them through the window and excused himself. Dean and his mother hardly noticed his departure.

“What is all that about?” asked Naomi.

Shrugging, Cas said, “Stories.”

“Ah…she does love to tell them. It’s what makes her such an exceptional teacher,” she responded, glancing at her sister once again. “Did you convince her to leave?”

“Only after she set a condition.”

Charlie grunted, “Sounds like her. Sounds like you. What do you have to do?”

“Go to work in the morning before bringing her lunch.”

“Perfect,” said Naomi. “And I’d like to take her to the hotel now. While she’s relaxed and smiling.”

“I’ll get her,” said Cas. 

Hours later, after Charlie had gone and it was just the two of them, Dean eased Cas up from the chair, insisting it was time to go. He could hardly argue since exhaustion had hit hard and fast. His body screamed for a place to rest his head, for bed. And he could think of nothing better than being wrapped up in Dean’s strong arms, so he let him lead him out of the room and to the car. Cas drifted off during the ride and had to be shaken awake. 

“Come on, sleepy,” Dean said as he gently shook Cas’s shoulder.

With a grunt, Cas opened his eyes and forced himself to sit up straight. His body protested the action and was even more opposed to getting out of the car, but with Dean’s help he eventually slid out of the car. They walked slowly. Dean keeping him close, guiding him with a hand on his back. Once in the apartment, Cas skipped his nighttime routine, flopping into bed fully clothed. Dean rolled him over and divested him of his clothes. Blissfully naked he managed to crawl under the covers and to his dismay and mortification he made grabby hands at Dean. The other man chuckled while he stripped, but it hardly mattered because Cas’s embarrassment faded the second he felt the heat of Dean’s body wrap around him. _Home_ was all he could think. He exhaled heavily and relaxed into the embrace, but despite his exhaustion sleep would not take him. 

“What’s going on in that mind of yours?” asked Dean.

“My mom called you honey.”

“THAT’s what’s keeping you up?”

Cas grabbed the hand Dean had wrapped around his chest, kissing the knuckles. “One of many things.”

“Care to share.”

Shaking his head, Cas lowered Dean’s hand and placed it over his heart, holding it tight to his chest. 

“All right then. How about you answer some of my questions?” When Cas nodded, Dean continued, “Why didn’t you tell me about Naomi? And what’s with her attitude toward you?”

Glancing over his shoulder, Cas said, “I’m surprised my mom didn’t tell you.”

“She said it was your story to tell.”

“I suppose it is,” said Cas. “It started after Jimmy died, after I graduated. Naomi was there for all the awful moments. She held my mother together through it all. Dad was overseas and couldn’t get back in time to deal with everything so Naomi was the one who held her while she identified his body. She took over the funeral arrangements. And when I decided to go into law enforcement she stood at her side, trying to convince me not to put that stress on her, not after Jimmy. I told you my father intervened for me, but that didn’t really change how Mom felt, how much she worried. And it was Naomi who took every late-night phone call, hearing the stress and worry in my mom’s voice. When shit happens to me on the job, it's Naomi who comes to take care of her, so when she looks at me she sees my mother’s fear. She sees the person who, in her opinion, causes her sister undue stress. And to be honest I get it. It doesn’t change anything for anyone involved. I’m still going to do my job, Mom will still worry, and Naomi will continue to be the protective older sister. So, I decided a long time ago to accept it for what it is. I let her vent on me because she helps ease the stress I place on my mom every day.”

Dean’s grip tightened and he buried his face in Cas’s neck, whispering, “You don’t deserve that.”

“It is what it is.”

The heat of Dean’s mouth drifted under his jaw, lips pressing into the skin, leaving a trail of kisses. When he stopped his ministrations, he exhaled sharply. “To be honest, I’m not sure I wouldn’t be the same if it were Sammy. But I still think you don’t deserve to be treated that way.”

“Ah…maybe you can bond with her over being the obsessively protective older sibling.”

“Hard pass on that. And I’m not obsessive.”

Cas hmmm’d. “We’ll see what Sam has to say about that when I talk to him tomorrow.”

“No ganging up on me with my brother, Cas. That shit’s not cool.”

“Really? And you ganging on me with my mother is.”

Dean’s laughter reverberated against Cas’s throat. When it subsided, he said, “What can I say I’m a charming devil.”

“That you are,” said Cas, rolling over and capturing Dean’s lips, gentle yet firm. When he tried to deepen it, Dean pulled back.

He cupped Cas’s cheek and in a heavy tone, laced with worry he said, “Cas.” 

“Dean, I’m not going to shatter apart. Just kiss me and if it leads somewhere let it.” As he finished speaking, Cas leaned in again, waiting for Dean to close the scant distance between them. They kissed slow and deep, rocking against each other lightly. Neither pushed for more and eventually Cas fell asleep to the rhythm of Dean’s heartbeat and the tender caresses Dean trailed across every inch of his body.

The car idled, Cas quietly contemplating, until he said, “I don’t know. Are you sure?”

“Cas, even if I’m not sure you promised your mom, and I will not be part of lying to that wonderful woman.”

Dropping his head to the steering wheel, Cas whined, “Using my mother is so unfair.”

“Why are you trying to avoid this?”

Cas lifted his head and looked at the building in front of him. Seeing more than the structure. Seeing what it held inside. “Your brother’s in there.”

“Yeah, and he doesn’t bite so what’s the issue?”

“The last time, the only time I met him…What if?”

Dean grabbed Cas’s hand off the wheel and held it firmly. “You have nothing to worry about, Cas. The issue is settled and Sam is fine. In fact, he’s in his element here. Loving every minute of it, and I’m sure he can’t wait to pick your brain like he’s done to all the others. He already likes you because I like you. Please believe me.” 

Part of Cas wanted to accept Dean’s words and walk in the building, but another just needed a touch more time. As he stared out the window, he retreated into his mind, letting himself take that time to refocus and rediscover FBI agent Castiel Novak. The sound of Dean shifting and moving broke into his thoughts. When he looked over, he saw Dean fiddling with the dashboard. Pressing buttons and turning dials. “Stop monkeying around.”

“I’m not hurting anything. I’m just not used to all the bells and whistles of an FBI issued vehicle.”

“Just because your behemoth of car is stuck in the sixties doesn’t mean the rest of us want to join you there.”

Dean huffed and rolled his eyes. “You sound like Sam. And don’t knock Baby. She’s special.”

“Of course she is,” said Cas, placatingly.

“Hey, not cool,” whined Dean. 

Cas reached over and took Dean’s hand off the dash, clasping it firmly. “Dean, speaking of your car.”

“Don’t say it, Cas,” he snapped cutting Cas off.

“Dean, we have to talk about this at some point. And flying for that matter.”

Dean shook his head. “We are not talking about either of those things now. We are going to walk in that building and get to work. No more stalling.”

“Fine, but we are discussing this later,” Cas said as he opened the driver’s door and stepped out of the SUV. Dean followed suit and joined Cas at the front of the vehicle. The closer they got to the building the more Cas settled and when he opened the door and saw a familiar set-up, his body automatically stood up straighter and his shoulders squared. Dean chuckled at his side. “What?” asked Cas.

“Just admiring the view. You really are a hardass aren’t you.”

“You would know.”

“Mmmm…yeah I would and now is not the time to remind me.

A touch of Cas’s rigidness waned, and he slipped Dean a hint of a smile. “Noted,” he said. Whatever Dean was going to say in response was drowned out when Victor called his name. Cas snapped his eyes to find his partner approaching quickly. Before he could even greet him back, he was wrapped up in a tight hug.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m all right.”

Stepping back, Victor said, “I was surprised when Charlie told us you were coming in today.”

“Well, you can thank my mother for that. She would only leave last night if I promised to work this morning.”

“Ah…it’s probably a good thing. Keeps you busy and to be honest we didn’t want to progress too far until you two were here. So, we’ve basically been stalling.”

Dean grunted, “There’s a lot of that going around.” Cas glared at him and Dean gave him a cheeky smile.

“Enough out of you this morning,” Cas said before turning back to Victor. “Where do you need us?”

“Pretty sure Shep wants to talk to you before we-” Victor was interrupted by the sound of heavy footsteps behind him and Dean exclaiming, “Sammy.”

“Dean,” said Sam as he engulfed his older brother in his arms. “And stop calling me Sammy.”

“That’s not gonna happen. And what’s with the monkey suit,” Dean said, moving back and tugging on Sam’s lapel. 

“We are professionals here so you might want to prepare yourself.”

“This just keeps getting better and better,” groaned Dean. “I can still change my mind ya’ know.”

Cas brushed his hand along Dean’s lower back, gaining his attention. When their eyes locked, he said, “I guarantee you are not changing your mind. Not with the way you were admiring all the gadgets in my vehicle and certainly not when you realize I will do this regardless of whether you are my partner or not.”

Dean’s shoulders drooped, along with his entire demeanor. “You love to hit below the belt.” His face morphed into a scowl when Sam burst out laughing. “Shut up, bitch.”

“Not a chance, jerk. Cas has you pegged and I am loving that,” responded Sam with a wide grin. Cas joined in the laughter when he realized how hard Dean was working not to crack a smile of his own. Breaking through the laughter, Sam looked at Cas and said, “I knew I’d like you.”

“About that, Sam, I owe you an apology.”

“No, you don’t,” replied Sam with all sincerity. “Dean was the one you owed and if he forgives you so do I. Nothing else needs to be said.”

Cas wanted to continue, wanted to give a full apology, but the way Dean leaned into him made him hold back for a moment. In that fraction of a second, any chance he had was taken away when his boss walked into his line of sight. “Cas, Dean, I would like to talk to both of you. In private.” As usual, her tone brooked no argument and Cas was moving in her direction without a thought, Dean at his heels. When they reached her, she held out her hand to Dean. “DeeDee Sheppard.”

“Dean Winchester.”

“All right then, let’s get started.” She released Dean’s hand and gestured toward an office. Once they were all inside, she shut the door and motioned for Dean to sit. As he did, she turned to face Cas, reaching up and gripping him by the shoulders. “Charlie filled us in, but have you had any updates.”

“No, but we’re heading to the hospital around noon, so hopefully we’ll no more then.”

With a final squeeze she backed off. “If you need anything…”

“I know,” said Cas.

She nodded once before rounding the desk and taking a seat. Dean did not wait for her to begin, and Cas smiled at his impatience. “I wanted to thank you for working so fast to clear me. I know it wasn’t how you wanted to do it. So, yeah, just thanks.”

“You’re welcome, Dean,” Shep said, “And in the end, I think it was the right choice. Dragging it out and keeping one of my best agents on the bench was never ideal. We need to hit the ground running on this and any delay is problematic.”

Surprised by the sudden urgency, Cas asked, “Why the rush?” 

“We have a deadline, and it’s fast approaching. I briefed the director, and he expects us in Washington next week. He has delayed as long as he can before he must do his duty and brief the President. Which means we must have every single duck in a row, every T crossed and every I dotted.”

Dean exhaled sharply. “The President?”

The tension in the room had noticeably spiked at Dean’s incredulous tone. Cas had wanted to warn him of the possibility, but without direct knowledge of the situation on the ground he had kept his speculations to himself. And for some reason, even though he knew why it had occurred, he could not find it in himself to try and explain, so he asked, “Shep, how did this happen?” 

Taking a deep breath, she leaned back in her chair. “There was no way I could gather enough resources for this to work without garnering suspicion and without violating the law. And honestly, the more I thought about it the more I realized I had a duty I had to fulfill. We all do. I want to assure you both we are limiting access as much as possible. As of now the director and the deputy director are the only ones who know besides the agents in this building. Homeland Security has not been notified and I will do everything in my power to keep this contained.” Shep stopped and glanced at both men, waiting for an acknowledgment. Cas nodded first, and Dean seemed to take the cue and did the same. “Okay, now about logistics, Singer and I have agreed that you two will join us in DC. This started with you and it should be presented by you.”

“Yeah, nope, that ain’t happening,” said Dean. “If you want a hunter, Bobby is more experienced and Sam is much more suited to the whole suit and tie schtick.”

“Dean, I understand your reservations, but I assure you we spent long hours hashing this out. If you must know, due to your personal relationship I was against this, but Sam and Victor insisted it was the right choice. And once Singer heard their arguments he agreed, and then he convinced me. He explained you would be reticent, but he also said you are the best at helping people understand and accept the change in their world when they are confronted with the supernatural.” 

Cas’s gaze shifted from Shep to Dean when she mentioned Sam. Dean’s leg was bouncing and his fists were clenched. There was not a muscle in his body that was not coiled and ready. Ready for fight or flight, and Cas was unsure which inclination was winning. Before he could find out, he interjected himself into the discussion. “I think Dean and I share the same concerns. Neither of us is prepared or up to speed on the situation. We are essentially new here, and there are definitely others with more seniority or expertise.”

“What he said,” Dean chimed in with a smack to Cas’s arm.

“Be that as it may,” said Shep, “Dean, you were chosen by not only the senior hunters but the others as well. And you, Cas, you are the most senior agent after me. So, unless you have a more significant objection, I’m going with the recommendations presented.”

Neither Dean nor Cas spoke. _What was there to say_ , thought Cas. He knew there was no way to change her mind and from the little he knew of Bobby he assumed he was just as intractable. And when they both remained silent, Shep read it as acceptance and consent so she continued, “Good, now that we’re on the same page we can get down to the business at hand. Logistically things are progressing, but there are a lot of moving parts. Cas, I need you to coordinate with Riley. Right now, she is assessing outreach and recruitment. Dean, developing a training program is essential and Sam insisted we wait until you arrived. From what he’s implied, he would like to handle operational procedures, but he wants you to be the one to assess prospective instructors and train them. That way you can continue taking cases but would have the assurance others were trained to your standards.”

The moment she mentioned Dean working cases Cas knew the discussion was essentially over. Dean leaned back in his chair and visibly relaxed for the first time since they entered the room. He winked at Cas. “I can do that as long as Cas is with me.”

“About that…Victor told us of your intent, but Cas, I cannot be here for day to day operations. It will raise too many questions. It already is. Which means-”

Cas cleared his throat and leaned forward to place his hand on the desk, interrupting her. “Shep, I am not the one for that job. I may have seniority but you know Victor is the better choice to put in charge. He is better at following protocol, and I guarantee his rapport with the hunters will far exceed mine.”

“I don’t know, man, your rapport with hunters is pretty damn good from where I’m sitting,” Dean said with a mischievous lilt.

“Ohhh, I see…” chuckled Shep.

“See what?” asked Cas and Dean in unison.

“How it is between you. Bobby and Charlie warned me.”

As Dean threw his head back and laughed, Cas raised an irritated brow at his boyfriend and said, “Now you know why I am definitely not the one to lead this team.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!!! So glad to put 2020 in the rearview mirror. My year ended with my computer crashing and the loss of some of my writing. And fitting for 2020, the cloud did not have the last saved versions of two of my works, including this one. I spent a lot of time cursing and banging on keys. I spent hours searching for recovered files and ordered a new computer. I am back on track now and hopefully I will be able to start posting a chapter per week again.
> 
> Thanks for the kudos and comments. They are much appreciated. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy learning a bit more about Cas's family.

“No way, Sam, that’s not good enough and you know it.” Dean’s voice carried across the room as it snapped harshly, making Cas turn away from Riley to look his way. Everyone else seemed to have a similar reaction. All other conversations died as the two brothers continued to argue. Everyone except Bobby. The hunter was stalking toward Sam and Dean, body as taut as the Winchesters squaring off against each other. Before he reached them, Bobby yelled, “Boys, knock it off.” By then Cas had started to follow the older man, aiming directly for Dean. When he reached him, he placed his hand low on Dean’s back and felt some of the tension leave his partner’s body as he leaned into Cas’s touch. 

“Now, what is this all about?” asked Bobby. 

“Dean wants everyone to get tattooed.” 

Dean practically growled as Sam talked, and when he spoke, his tone was harsh and commanding. “I don’t just want it, Sam. I insist on it. There is no choice here.” 

“Of course, there’s a choice. They can wear-” 

“No,” said Dean, cutting Sam off. “If they are going to hunt, the tattoo is nonnegotiable. It is the only option. For their safety and for the safety of everyone else.” 

Sam went to argue again, but Bobby held up his hand to forestall him. “Sam, Riley has some questions for you. Why don’t you go now? Give Dean and I a chance to talk.” 

“Fine,” said Sam, pointedly frowning at Dean before he turned and walked away. 

When he was out of earshot, Dean said, “Bobby, what the hell is going on with him? The suit and tie. His whole attitude. He’s acting all superior or some shit. I don’t get it. It’s like he’s trying to be someone else. And him being here. That’s a whole other…” Dean shook his head. “He wanted out. He pled his case over and over. About wanting a different life. Wanting to leave this whole world behind. And…Jesus, Bobby, I’d finally made peace with that, and now he’s all gung-ho. I just…I want to understand but I just…” Dean dropped his head, voice fading away. 

“You two will have to talk that out,” said Bobby. “I don’t know what’s going on in that head of his, but based on what I’ve seen, he wants to be here. He dove right in and got to work.” 

Dean lifted his head and sighed heavily. “That’s part of the problem. On every issue he’s trying to be a G-man. As if he forgot what it’s like to be a hunter and what’s required to stay safe and sane out there. Tattoos are necessary. He knows that, so why argue about it.” 

Bobby shook his head before glancing over his shoulder. Cas followed his gaze. Sam was bent over the table explaining something to Riley and Victor. They were both fully engrossed in what Sam was saying. When Charlie stepped over to join them, Sam immediately shifted his body to make room for her to have better access to the table, even as he continued speaking. He was animated and deliberative. 

“That right there is why,” said Cas, answering Dean’s question without thinking. 

“What?” asked Dean. 

“It’s not that hard, Dean. Look at him. He fits here,” responded Bobby. 

“So, what, he’s taking their side, forgetting where he came from.” 

Cas slid his hand up Dean’s back, settling it between his shoulder blades. “Dean, I don’t think he’s taking sides. I think he’s trying to see the other side. I think he’s finding his place.” 

Dean threw his hands in the air. “I thought the whole point of this freaking shitshow was so that there are no sides. I thought the point was to be one big, happy team. I listen to your FBI crap and you listen to my hunter crap. And just so you know anyone in the training program is getting a fucking tattoo because that is crap hunters do. It’s no different than you and that damn SUV with all its bells and whistles.” 

Understanding dawned and Cas saw his opening. “So, you’re ready to accept the use of an FBI vehicle. Since that is what’s required for this work.” 

“No, no, that is not what I’m saying.” 

“Sounded like it to me,” said Bobby. “A tit for a tat.” 

Cas grunted a laugh and Dean rolled his eyes. “Really, that’s what you went for,” stated Dean. 

“I could have said a car for a tat but that seemed too on the nose.” 

Dean rolled his eyes again. “And that is still not what I meant. I am not trading in Baby for one of those things, but I am willing to put all that junk in her even though it will cause me pain every time I see it.” 

With an indulgent smile, Cas ran his fingers down Dean’s arm, finding his hand and linking their fingers together. “Thank you,” he said. 

“I heard the humor in that, even if you tried to sound sincere.” Dean bumped his shoulder into Cas, knocking him to the side. 

Cas bumped him back. “Why can’t I mean both?” 

Shaking his head, Dean chuckled, “Yeah, yeah. I suppose you can. And you’re welcome, but I’m not happy about ruining my car. And I reserve the right to bitch about it.” 

“Noted,” said Cas. “Now, back to the issue at hand. How are we going to explain these tattoos? Some people have significant others. Riley’s recently engaged. Victor’s divorced, but his son will surely notice if he suddenly has a tattoo. And how do we protect our fam-” 

“Hey, hold on, Cas, one issue at a time. The tattoos can be a symbol of team unity. Most people will understand that. And as far as the rest, there are wards and protections we can use without alerting anyone. Bobby is an expert on this kind of stuff.” 

With a flick of his eyes, Cas looked at Bobby. “I promise you, Cas, we will do everything we can to keep people safe without disrupting their lives. I already worked out some of the details with Sheppard. And Dean here can help you protect your family.” 

Dean squeezed Cas’s hand, gaining his attention. When their eyes locked, he said, “I planned on talking to you about this later, but now is as good a time as any. While your parents are at the hospital, we can ward their house and vehicles. As for personal warding, we need to be a bit craftier and it might take time to come up with the best solution. But we will find a one.” Dean spoke with confidence and surety which eased any lingering worries Cas had so he smiled and nodded. “All right then, what do we do about Sam and his objections. He needs to be on board. He can’t be working against this.” 

“And he won’t, Dean,” said Bobby. “I’ll take care of it, and if he won’t listen to me, Rufus will convince him.” 

A huff of laughter burst out of Dean. “Well, then I have nothing to worry about on that subject.” Sobering, he added, “But what about…he’s so…” Dean’s gaze had drifted to Sam, confusion etched on his face. 

Bobby reached out and gripped Dean’s shoulder. “You gotta let him find his way. I know it’s hard for you, but it’s what he needs.” 

“It’s not like it will be the first time. It’s seems I’m always having to let him go.” 

“It’s what parents do, Dean,” said Cas reverently. “Sam is a capable man. You raised him well. Trust in that.” 

“I’m not his parent,” protested Dean. 

“The hell you ain’t,” said Bobby. “You raised that boy, and he knows it.” 

Dean flushed crimson and ducked his head against Cas’s shoulder. “Okay, okay, enough of that. Cas, I think we should look over the resumes and background checks Shep gave us. The sooner we pick some recruits the better. Riley gave me a few names from her team.” Turning to Bobby, he added, “I hear you put Ellen and Ash in charge of finding us some hunters.” 

Bobby nodded. “She’s got better connections than I do at this point. Lotta hunters traipse through the Roadhouse and Ash is the best at what he does.” 

Tipping his head to the side and quirking a brow Cas said, “Ash?” 

Dean quickly responded, “He’s the hunter version of Charlie. In fact, he may give her a run for her money.” 

“Hmmm, don’t let Charlie hear you say that.” 

“Say what?” asked Charlie as she slinked over to stand next to Dean. 

Looking down at her, Dean tried to deflect, but Charlie would not allow it. Her look alone said she would not be deterred. Dean finally relented when she squinted at him and repeated, “Say what?” 

“We were talking about a friend of ours named Ash. He’s a genius like you and I may have alluded that he could-” 

“Oh, no, don’t you finish that sentence, Winchester, unless you want me to show you just what I can do with a computer.” 

Dean clamped his mouth shut and backed up a step, right into Cas’s chest. “Un, hey, there,” he said as he glanced over his shoulder. 

“Hello, Dean,” responded Cas, feeling Dean shiver in his arms, so he laid his hands on his hips and pulled him closer. Charlie shook her head and gave them a disapproving grunt. Bobby chimed in with a huff, mumbling something about decorum and idjits as he walked away. Dean’s laughter followed the man, and Bobby shook his head continuing his muttering. When the laughter subsided, Cas said, “I think we may need to rein ourselves in. I am behaving unprofessionally.” 

“You think?” Charlie said sternly before cracking a smile. “Not that anyone really cares, Cas. You’ve earned a little leeway after everything. We’re all just glad to see light in your eyes instead of the constant shadow of sadness you’ve been trying to hide since that day. And failing miserably at, I might add.” 

Cas nodded once, acknowledging her acceptance without a word. That sadness clung in his memory and he did not have the energy to think about it, let alone deal with it in any way. Charlie seemed to understand because she abruptly returned to the previous topic. “So, this Ash guy…what should I know?” 

“He’s not going to invade your territory, so stand down,” teased Dean. 

Charlie huffed, “I’ll be the judge of that.” 

Taking her by the elbow, Dean steered her toward the small conference room. Cas followed and listened while Dean explained, “You don’t need to worry about him. In fact, I think you’ll like him. He’s doing the same work as you except he doesn’t get paid big bucks and he’s doing it for hunters.” 

“Yeah, we all get _big_ bucks around here,” Charlie said with a smirk. 

Dean chuckled. “I’ve seen Cas’s apartment. Not like he’s hurting for money.” 

“Ha, that’s just cause it’s the only thing he spends his money on. Now-” 

With a kick, Cas shut the door, effectively halting Charlie’s commentary. “If you two are done talking about me, we should get to work. Those resumes aren’t going to review themselves.” Cas eyed Charlie and then Dean before taking a seat and opening one of the laptops. Clicking keys and shuffling papers around until he heard the other two sit down. “What about this one?” he said, gesturing at the smartboard. 

Dean and Charlie looked at the screen and after only a few moments, Dean said, “No.” One word, no explanation, voice firm, as if his decision was final. Cas cleared his throat and shook his head. Dean turned at the sound, giving Cas a disgruntled look. “What?” he scoffed. 

“You barely looked at the person’s details.” 

“So, what? It was enough to know they are not the right fit.” 

Cas sighed, “Dean, you can’t just dismiss candidates out of hand. We need to discuss them.” 

Leaning back in his chair, Dean put his feet on the table, crossing his ankles with an air of superiority. “Look at his psych eval, Cas. Hunters need to be bold, but arrogance is dangerous. It would never work. I may feign arrogance when confronting a monster, but that’s all it is, an act.” 

“Fine, I see your point. What about this one then?” 

Dean took longer to look over the details, nodding a few times, posing a question and then another. Charlie chimed in about the candidate’s research and computer background. With a nod, Dean said, “I’m okay with this one.” 

On and on they went. The rejections far outweighed those Dean accepted, but Cas was hard pressed to argue against his opinions when they were usually spot on. They haggled over two people, ultimately accepting them both when Charlie used her magic to provide additional information. By the time that was settled, it was almost time for lunch. Before they left the room, there was a knock on the door. 

Shep opened it and stepped inside. “Sorry to interrupt, but I wanted to catch you before you left for the day. I just got off the phone with the director. He agreed with your suggestion, Dean, but there will need to be a lot of advance planning to make that happen. How soon do you think you could make contact with Lenore?” 

“I already did.” 

“You did?” asked Cas. “When?” 

“You were busy with Riley. I figured I should find out if she would even agree before I pressed the issue any further.” 

“And?” asked Shep. 

“And she agreed. She’s terrified about it, but she understands why it’s important.” 

Charlie shoved her chair back and stood up, raising her voice, “Who the hell is Lenore?” 

“She’s a vampire.” 

“A vampire?” 

“Yes, one of the good ones,” assured Dean. 

Charlie’s faced morphed into confusion as she mumbled, “A good one.” 

Cas reached out and placed his hand on Charlie’s arm. “Perhaps we should all sit back down, so Dean can explain.” Letting her go, he righted her chair and took the seat next to it. 

As the others sat, Dean started, “I grew up thinking all supernatural creatures were monsters. That they all should die. It was what my dad taught me and what most of the hunters I met believed. It wasn’t until I spent more time with Bobby that I realized it might not be so black and white. But, uh, it was meeting Lenore that cemented that fact. She wasn’t some bloodthirsty monster. Her and her family lived peacefully, not bothering anyone, blending into society. You’d never know they were vampires if you encountered them. After knowing her, I started to see the world a bit differently. Charlie, if you remember, when we were talking with Alex, she mentioned how some creatures end up hunted by their own kind. Lenore and her family have been hunted by other vampires, going back generations. So, for her, helping us helps protect her family and future generations. Fewer trigger-happy hunters and fewer bloodthirsty monsters. It’s a win win.” 

“I remember Alex mentioning something, but I assumed it was people who were just turned. I didn’t think it meant there were others.” Charlie paused briefly before adding, “How exactly is Lenore planning to help us?” 

Dean chuckled, “She agreed to meet the President.” 

“Oookayyyy,” drawled Charlie. “I think this just went above my pay grade.” Standing, she began to mutter, exiting the room with one last look and a shake of her head. 

“She’s something else,” said Dean as the door shut. 

“That she is,” said Shep. “Now back to Lenore.” 

By the time, they were done speaking with Shep, Dean was practically crawling with pent-up energy. Subtle shifts and expressions clued Cas in, but he felt it more than saw it. Several times he had touched Dean’s leg under the table to try and calm him. At times it worked, at others it had little or no effect. So, when they wrapped up, Cas was about as ready to leave as Dean appeared to be. Leaving took longer than expected, but eventually they found themselves in the parking lot. 

“Finally,” said Dean. 

“I agree,” replied Cas. 

Dean snaked his arm around Cas’s back, pulling him close and planting a kiss on his temple. “Time to get some food and get to the hospital.” 

Hearing the word hospital brought Cas back to reality. “Yes, I suppose you’re right. You drive. I’ll call in the order. Is there anything you want?” 

“You know I'm not picky, Cas, so whatever you order will be fine,” Dean said as he took the keys from Cas. “This isn’t the worst vehicle,” Dean said after several minutes of driving. “But we’re still using Baby.” 

“Of course, Dean,” said Cas, smiling indulgently. 

“Stop smiling at me like that. It makes me feel all...” Dean said while waving one of his arms in the air. 

“In love?” 

“Yes, dammit. Now shut up and give me directions.” 

Cas chuckled, and Dean looked at him before dropping his hand to the seat, palm up. Cas took the invitation and laced their fingers together, letting go only when they reached the restaurant. The food smelled delicious and both men were eager to eat by the time they arrived at the hospital, but it was not to be. The second they stood in the doorway to his father’s room, Cas froze and almost lost hold of the bag. Dean quickly grabbed it from him, but Cas barely registered it. His sole focus was the man on the bed, sitting up and staring at him. 

“Are you going to stand there all day or are you going to greet your father?” 

“Um...oh...yes,” stuttered Cas as he took several steps forward, placing his hand on the end of the bed. Using the support, he approached his dad, shocked to see his father, arms open, waiting for a hug. Cas could not remember the last time his father hugged him, possibly not since Jimmy’s funeral. He hesitated for a second before dropping gently into his arms. “Dad.” 

“Hello, son,” he said as he patted Cas’s back. 

Cas leaned back and his father released him, turning to look at his mother who had her hand over her mouth trying to cover her shocked gasp and her weeping. Before Cas could acknowledge the intense moment, his father said, “I assume you are the man who has charmed my wife.” It took Dean’s laughter for Cas to register what his dad meant. 

“That would be me,” said Dean, with a cheeky wink and lopsided smile. 

“I must say she described you quite accurately. With much more detail than Castiel ever did.” Offering his hand, he added, “It’s nice to finally meet you, Dean.” 

“You, too, Dr. Novak,” said Dean as they shook hands. 

Cas’s father frowned and tipped his chin up. “That won’t do. I think you should call me Jacob. If what my beautiful wife has informed about the two of you is true, we should forego the formality.” 

Dean nodded and said, “All right, then, Jacob. What exactly did she say about us?” 

“Don’t you answer that,” interjected Madilyn. 

“Now I have to know,” replied Dean, looking at Cas’s mother before turning his gaze on Cas. “Don’t you want to know?” 

Raising his hand, Cas cupped Dean’s cheek. “I have a pretty good guess what it is.” 

“Oh,” whispered Dean as he leaned into the touch. “They’re not wrong.” 

They stared at each other for several moments before Cas brushed a kiss across Dean’s lips. Much more than a simple touch passed between them. Intimacy and love laid bare for anyone to see. No distance, no hiding. Instead, there was faith and devotion and a belief in their future together. And for Cas, the fact his parents understood, that they read it and accepted it so easily, was as freeing as it was overwhelming. With one last press of their lips, Cas leaned back with a smile on his face. “No, they are definitely not wrong.” Turning to face his parents, he said, “Dean is it for me.” 

“So, he’s the one,” said Jacob. 

“Yes, he is.” 

“Told you,” said Madilyn smugly. “And I can’t wait for the wedding.” 

Cas’s eyes flew wide open as he choked out, “Who said anything about a wedding?” 

A knowing smile replaced his mother’s smug expression. “No one,” she said, “Although that reaction lends me to believe you’ve at least discussed it.” 

Dean who had stumbled briefly at the mention of a wedding, squared his shoulders and responded before Cas could deflect. “We have.” 

“And that is all we are going to say on the matter,” added Cas. After a beat of silence, Dean nudged Cas with his elbow and held up the bag of food, effectively closing the subject of marriage. As they ate, the topic shifted to Jacob’s health. There was permanent damage to segments of his heart, but it could have been much worse. Cas marveled at his father’s upbeat spirit. Even as they discussed the seriousness of the heart attack and the medical procedures, he maintained a calm and almost pleasant demeanor. Where was the anger? Where were the demands? Where was the ego? This was a man Cas had not known for a long time. He remembered a few moments from when he was young. Times his father played with him, read to him, dried his tears, and held him close, but they were fleeting and seemed so rare he often wondered if he had dreamt them. But here, now, he saw that man, that father and it brought a smile to his lips. 

“What?” asked Dean. 

Cas leaned closer and whispered, “Just...he’s different.” 

“Confronting your own death will do that to you.” 

Jacob cleared his throat, drawing their attention. “No need to whisper about it. Dean’s right. Waking up here, seeing your mother, knowing how close it was. Makes a person rethink some things in his life.” 

“Don’t let him fool you,” Madilyn said with a chuckle. “He wasn’t nearly so placid when Dr. Chase was here.” 

“Hmmpf...yes, well, Rome wasn’t built in a day.” 

“Of course, Dear.” 

Dean smacked the arm of his chair. “Cas, did you hear that?” 

“Yes, Dean.” 

“Holy shit, you sound just like her. Same phrase, same intonation. It’s freaking nuts.” 

“Language,” snapped Madilyn. 

With a sheepish look, Dean said, “Sorry, it’s just so bizarre. Cas is always saying, _Of course, Dean_ . Half the time it’s serious, but the other half it’s placating and a bit snarky. Sounds exactly like your, _Of course, Dear_.” 

Madilyn was the first to laugh, followed closely by Jacob. The laughter was contagious, leading Cas and Dean to join. That was how Naomi found them. Red-cheeked, eyes welled with happy tears, and in the midst of a new bout of laughter. “What is going on?” she asked haughtily. 

“Nothing,” replied Madilyn. 

Naomi squinted at her sister. “It does not seem like nothing.” 

“It really is nothing. Dean said something, and I laughed and for some reason we all ended up laughing.” 

Clicking her tongue, Naomi entered the room. “If you are finished, we should get going. Gabriel is waiting for us. And you know I cannot spend time alone with him.” 

“Who’s Gabriel?” asked Dean. 

“My brother,” said Jacob. “He’s unique.” 

Naomi huffed. “You mean annoying and immature. Madilyn is the only one he will behave for, so she has no choice but to go with me. Naomi paused before she turned her intense gaze on Madilyn. “Unless you don’t want him to arrive in one piece?” 

“There is no need to be so dramatic, Naomi. Of course, I am going with you.” 

Cas stifled a laugh at his mother’s word choice. He noticed both his father and Dean had a similar reaction. Fortunately, it went unnoticed by his aunt who was focused on gathering Madilyn’s purse and coat. 

“Ready?” asked Naomi. 

“Would you all give me a moment with Jacob?” 

Nodding Cas ushered Dean and Naomi out of the room. “Where are you going?” he asked. 

“The airport. Gabriel refuses to use a ride service of any kind. He is a self-indulgent, nuisance, and if he wasn’t the best person to handle your father’s rehabilitation, I would have insisted he not come. But alas we are stuck with him. Thankfully, he has booked his own suite. And once Jacob returns home, he will be tucked away in the mother-in-law cottage.” 

As often as Cas disagreed with his aunt and as tense as their relationship was, on the subject of Gabriel he sympathized with her. His uncle was an acquired taste, and Cas could only deal with him in small quantities. He had a feeling Dean would be even less likely to acquire the taste for the devious nature of Gabriel’s personality and his over-the-top antics. He was glad they could limit their contact with him. “Good. It’s the best place for him.” 

“Is he that bad?” asked Dean. 

“Yes,” Cas said at the same time Naomi replied, “Worse.” 

“All right, then, should be interesting to meet him.” 

Naomi shook her head and scoffed, “Interesting is not the word I would choose.” Before she could continue, Madilyn joined them. 

“I’m ready.” Almost as an afterthought, she said, “Cas, he’s pretty tired, so don’t stay too long. Take Dean out to a nice dinner. And I’ll see you tomorrow for lunch.” 

“If that’s what you want?” 

“It is,” she replied. “Now, give your mother a hug and go say your goodbyes to your father.” Not waiting for Cas to comply she pulled him into a tight hug, patting his cheek once when she released him. A second later, Dean received the same treatment. “You two, have a goodnight.” 

“We will,” said Dean. 

Cas touched her hand and put in his own request. “Mom, please try to get some rest.” 

“I will make sure she does,” interjected Naomi. Madilyn rolled her eyes at her sister but nodded when she caught Cas’s eye. The two men watched the women walk away. By the time they reentered Jacob’s room, he was practically dozing. Cas touched his hand and quietly told him they would return the next day. His father tipped his head up in acknowledgement before closing his eyes. Dean and Cas slowly exited the room. 

“Ready to go ward your parent’s place?” 

“Yes. And I suppose we should extend it to the cottage.” 

“Wow, that sounded really convincing. Are you trying to tell me you want your uncle to be possessed by a demon?” 

Cas chuckled darkly. “It’s possible he’s already a demon. It would explain a lot.” Dean laughed but did not reply. 

Gathering the supplies took longer than Cas expected. Darkness had crept in, so the house was cloaked in shadow as they pulled into the long driveway. It kept Dean from seeing the massive structure until the headlights flashed across the façade. The vehicle came to an abrupt halt. “This is where you grew up.” 

“Yes,” said Cas. 

“It’s a freakin’ mansion, Cas. You never said you lived in a goddamn mansion.” 

“I never thought about it. It’s just a house.” 

Dean scoffed, “Just a house? Are you kidding me?” 

Cas squinted in confusion, staring at Dean for a moment before he looked at his childhood home, seeing it from another’s perspective for the first time. “My father comes from old money. This was kept in trust for him until he got married. It’s all very archaic. I generally don’t like to think about it and neither do my parents. Dad wanted to be a self-made man, but it would have broken his mother’s heart if he refused the home. So, he compromised. He refused to take it after he married my mother, agreeing to take it only after he finished medical school and became a resident.” 

“Bold move.” 

“An apt description. My dad is often bold in his assertions. Despite his more contemporary views on success and money, he still carries himself the way those with old money do.” 

Dean stared at him for several heartbeats. With a contemplative look, he said, “I thought you said his behavior came from being a _world-renowned_ surgeon.” 

“That is certainly a contributing factor,” said Cas. “Now, park the car so you can see the rest of the _mansion_.” 

“Don’t mock me, Cas. It is a mansion. I can’t wait to see what you call a cottage.” Dean parked the car and stepped out. “I’m guessing it’s a three-story home with a giant porch and swing.” Cas bit his lip, trying to cover his shock, but even in the low light, Dean caught his effort. “Fucking hell, I’m right aren’t I? I am so right.” 

“Nobody likes a braggart Dean.” 

Bumping his shoulder into Cas, Dean said, “You love me.” 

“I do, but I may need to re-" 

Dean grunted, interrupting Cas. “Oh, no, you don’t. We’re engaged so you’re stuck with me.” 

Stopping, Cas grabbed Dean’s arm. “I’m not stuck. I chose you. I will continue to choose you.” 

“I know, Cas.” 

Reassured Cas, said, “About what my mom said...” 

“Cas, it’s okay. I’m the one who responded. I was looking at her and she was smiling so wide and looked so hopeful, I almost blurted out the whole story. If you hadn’t interrupted, I think I would have. So, thanks for taking charge.” 

“You’re welcome. When we tell them, I want it to be in a better setting.” 

“Me, too.” 

With a nod, Cas walked to the door and opened it. After a tour and a whole lot of exaggerated ooh’s and aah’s from Dean, they brought in the supplies. The next hours were spent warding the massive house. As Dean finished up, Cas made a quick dinner. “It’s a beautiful home,” Dean said when he stepped into the kitchen, “But I can’t picture you growing up here.” 

“I never quite fit in this environment. Jimmy, on the other hand, relished living here. He loved all the pomp and circumstance.” 

“What about your mother?” 

“She and I are alike in many ways, but she grew into it in a way I never could and never will,” said Cas as he dished up their plates. They ate in a comfortable silence. Dean finally breaking it as they cleaned up. 

“All right. I want to see how close I was to describing the so-called cottage.” 

With a put-upon sigh, Cas directed Dean to the back door, turning on the yard lights. 

“I fucking knew it,” Dean squealed in delight. 


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed this chapter after the awful events of the past week. I needed some fun and love between the boys. Happy reading!

The body next to him radiated heat and strength. It balanced him and held him steady as they made their way into the building. The arm around his waist added a note of gentleness to the moment. Soothing circles rubbing his hip, bringing pleasure and solace. The long, emotional day had finally caught up to Cas on the ride to his apartment. Evening had long ago transitioned into night, closing in on midnight by the time Dean parked the car. Somehow Dean’s energy had never waned. He almost seemed rejuvenated as they entered the building. The delight started when he discovered his predictions were wholly correct. Cas had rolled his eyes and shook his head when Dean skipped to the cottage, seating himself on the porch swing. The smile he had given Cas was almost predatory in nature. The intensity of it overwhelmed him, and there was no stopping his next actions. Cas was amazed the porch swing withstood the massive swings his fevered actions created. Dean, on the other hand, stood no chance. His body gave and gave as Cas took him apart. Despite the chaos, at moments there was a certain beauty. A beauty displayed in moonlight. It was a reminder of how it all started for them. A reminder of how a simple look or touch could ignite a fire between them. 

On the other end of that spectrum were the moments where touch reassured and comforted. As they entered the building, Cas appreciated how easily they could slip from one to the other. Having Dean at his side, walking with him, supporting him, was just what he needed to end the day. They talked quietly in the elevator, whispering and giggling. Dean’s joviality rubbing off on Cas the longer they stayed pressed together. Cas envisioned falling into bed together, curling up against each other, but it was not to be. At least not right away and based on who was waiting outside his door, he wondered if it would even be possible later.

“Sam, what are you doing here?” he asked.

Sam’s voice wavered with uncertainty when he responded, “Dean texted me.”

“You did,” said Cas as he turned to look at Dean.

Dean smiled sheepishly. “Sorry I meant to tell you, but we were a bit wrapped up in…um…things.”

“It’s fine. Come on in.” Cas waved at Sam as he unlocked the door. Once inside, Cas quickly excused himself.

“You don’t have to go,” said Dean.

Cas stepped in front of Dean and took his hands in his. “I think I do. You two should talk. In private.” He gave Dean a tender kiss as he squeezed his hands, offering support. He didn’t wait for further discussion, walking away without glancing back. 

The deep timber of Dean’s voice filtered down the hall. “What was that today?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” responded Sam.

Picking up his pace to avoid eavesdropping, the sound of his own footsteps drowned out Dean’s reply. With the door shut behind him, their voices disappeared. Cas readied himself for bed, almost forgetting what was transpiring in the other room. That feeling did not last because as soon as he shut the light out and crawled under the covers Dean raised his voice in anger. “Fuck that.”

“You don’t get to tell me what to do,” yelled Sam.

“Bullshit. When it comes to this…” The rest of Dean’s words faded as he lowered his volume. It went on and on. Snippets of conversation reaching him, enough to let him understand the gist of the argument. He knew when Dean eventually came to bed, the man would be tense and frustrated. Most of the conversation seemed to consist of neither one listening to the other, talking over or around each other. Each time Cas thought they were done, and he could finally sleep, he was snapped out of it by a harsh voice. The last words he heard erupted from Sam’s mouth about ten minutes before Dean walked into the bedroom. They were angry and bitter, and the slamming door punctuated them. “You are not my father.”

Cas hated that his prediction was right. He hated the heavy footfalls and slumped shoulders he saw enter the room. “Dean,” he whispered, voice laced with concern.

“I’m okay, Cas.”

“No, you’re not. I heard what he said.”

“He’s not wrong.”

Cas sat up and threw his legs over the edge of the bed. “He is,” he said when he reached Dean, engulfing him in his arms. “For most of his life you were his father, and it doesn’t matter that he’s a grown man, it doesn’t change that facet of your lives.”

“I love you,” said Dean, pressing his face into Cas’s neck. Lips skimmed across the tender skin. “What would I do without you?”

“Hmmm…I feel the same about you.”

“I know,” Dean said as he straightened and looked Cas in the eye. A small smile curled the corners of his mouth. “I need sleep,” he breathed.

“You smell like whiskey.”

“Sorry.”

Cas shook his head. “You don’t need to apologize. I understand, but don’t make a habit of it.”

Dean leaned up and kissed Cas’s forehead. “I won’t.” He stepped back and muttered, “I’ll just go brush my teeth.”

When he returned, Cas gestured at the bed. “Lay down on your stomach.” Dean’s eyes went wide. “No, not that,” Cas rushed to say. “I’m going to give you a massage or you’re never going to relax enough to go to sleep. Come here and lay down.”

Readily complying, Dean crawled onto the bed and sprawled out on his stomach. Cas immediately straddled him, rocking back onto his ass. “Mmm…sure you don’t want to do somethin’ else.”

“I’m sure. Now relax and let me take care of you.”

Dean sighed and halted his movements, letting Cas take control. Sweeping his hands up Dean’s back, Cas leaned down and kissed the back of his neck. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Don’t know.”

The tone of Dean’s voice and the uncertainty in it prompted Cas to take the decision out of his hands. “Tell me what happened.”

Shifting, Dean looked over his shoulder at Cas. “Is that an order?”

“Not an order. A request because I know you, and I know you need to talk about it even if you don’t want to.” 

Exhaling sharply, Dean dropped his head onto the pillow. Silence followed for several minutes as Cas massaged Dean’s shoulders, trying to the ease the tension. “I just wanted to know why he was acting the way he was, but the second I brought it up he tried to deflect. When I pushed him, he got angry and lashed out. Went so far as to start calling me names.” Dean’s voice broke, and he choked back his next words. Cas slid his right hand into Dean’s hair as he leaned forward and kissed his cheek. 

“I’m here. And I’m on your side.”

Cas felt and heard the harsh swallow. “Needed to hear that,” shuttered Dean. “I feel like I’ve been a raw nerve for weeks. And he can push my buttons like no one else can.”

“I think it goes deeper than pushing your buttons. It’s okay to acknowledge how much it hurts.”

“Yeah, well, I ain’t exactly comfortable with the whole vulnerable thing.”

Laying his body over Dean, Cas pressed the full weight of himself onto the other man’s body. He linked their fingers and held firmly. He wanted to ground Dean, show him he was safe and loved. “You don’t have to hide that part of yourself from me. I will repeat that as long as you need me to.”

“It’s not like you haven’t seen it before. Even when I try to hide shit from you, I fail.” Dean’s eyes had been closed since Cas laid over him, but they opened lazily when he added, “I’m glad I fail. It’s part of how I know I’m yours and you’re mine.”

“Good,” Cas said as he untangled their fingers and pushed himself back. Dean whined, but Cas shushed him by pressing his fingers into the small of his back. 

After a few seconds, Dean said, “I don’t think he gets it. I think that’s partly my fault because I always put on this front for him.”

“I’m familiar,” said Cas.

“Nah, not really. What I do with you is different. For one, it doesn’t last. Just a few words and a _tell me_ pretty much break it apart with you.”

“Are you saying your defenses are weak with me?”

Dean huffed, “Pretty much nonexistent. But with Sam I can hold out. I know how to show a brave face and keep it until he’s gone. I think I used to do it to protect him, but now it’s morphed into protecting myself. Which is all kinds of depressing.”

“Dean,” Cas started, but Dean cut him off.

“I know, Cas. I know it’s not a healthy way to look at it, but it’s what I feel. And tonight, it was harder than usual to maintain my composure.”

Hesitating for a moment, Cas concentrated on digging his fingers into the tight muscles along Dean’s spine before moving his hands to grip Dean’s biceps. “Do you think it’s time to let him see? Let him know it hurts you.”

“I can’t do that.” Dean closed his eyes and tried to shift out from under Cas, but Cas’s grip on his arms stopped him. “Cas, come on, let me up.”

“I will if you really want me to,” said Cas, tenderly. Dean deflated immediately, relaxing his body, letting Cas touch and hold him. “I love you, and I am not pressuring you. I was simply asking. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready.” Cas punctuated his statement with several kisses along Dean’s shoulder blades. “What do you need from me?”

“I need you. I need to feel you.” Dean’s hips rocked up and back, pressing into Cas’s groin, eliciting a groan. “I need it.”

“Not like this,” said Cas as he shifted off Dean. “Roll over, I need to see you.” 

The second Dean’s back hit the sheets he spread his legs, welcoming Cas between them. Before he accepted the invitation, Cas grabbed the lube from the nightstand. When he settled between Dean’s legs, he ran his hands up and down his thighs, settling them on his hips, stilling Dean’s movements. “Stay still,” said Cas. With that command, he proceeded to touch and kiss Dean until they were both rock hard. Dean’s whimpers pushed Cas to the edge and suddenly it all felt urgent. The need to please Dean. The need to be inside of the man he loved. Dean must have sensed the change because he started chanting Cas’s name, head flinging back and forth on the pillow. The sight increased the urgency and Cas fumbled for the bottle. Coherence left him as he opened Dean up. It was hurried and frantic and beyond desperate. When Dean yelled out he was ready, Cas almost lost it. He had to squeeze the base of his cock, hissing at the abrupt contact. “Fuck, Jesus, fuck,” he cried.

Dean mumbled, but it was garbled and punctuated by a deep moan. “Ahhh,” Dean groaned before he composed himself enough to say, “Want you.” Cas pressed his cock against Dean just as he finished speaking. The gasp and jolt of Dean’s body made Cas’s hips snap forward. Dean let out a pleased sigh. “Finally.”

The desperation had ebbed, and Cas found the control he had lost. He slowly slid inside of Dean, watching him intently with every blessed inch. There was desire and need in Dean’s gaze, but the overarching emotion Cas saw was reverence. It was a look Cas relished. It was the one that took his breath away. The one he questioned because how could he deserve it. _How could I?_ he thought.

“Don’t,” whispered Dean as he rubbed the lines on Cas’s forehead. “This is real. This is everything.”

It was Cas’s turn to whimper as he let the feelings sweep over him. Rocking into Dean, he whispered, “You’re everything.” Those were the last words he said. He let his body speak for him as he shifted his hips, lifting Dean’s ass off the bed. He pounded into Dean relentlessly. Hard and fast, making Dean cry out. He knew he was on a razor’s edge, but he was determined Dean would succumb first. He watched as Dean stroked himself, hard. Harder than Cas would ever jack himself. The message was clear. Dean needed to feel, needed the pressure, so Cas slowed his pace while increasing the intensity of his thrusts. Dean became completely incoherent as his cock dripped and his body shook. Sweat dripped down Cas’s face, and a sheen of sweat covered Dean’s chest as he heaved for breath. Cas lifted his head from the glorious sight to find Dean staring at him. The second their eyes locked Dean’s body arched, cock erupting between them. Cas followed him over the edge a few heartbeats later, vision whiting out as he collapsed onto Dean. He stayed still trying to catch his breath before sliding to the side, keeping his arm draped across Dean’s chest.

“Best medicine there is,” breathed Dean.

“Hard to argue with that.”

Dean leaned over and kissed Cas’s head. “Glad you agree. Makes things easier.” Cas allowed himself a few more moments before climbing out of bed. “Where ya’ going?” uttered Dean.

“To get something to clean you up.” Cas hurried to the bathroom and quickly wiped himself down, returning to Dean with a warm, wet cloth. He took his time, tenderly wiping across Dean’s abdomen and between his thighs. 

“Thank you,” whispered Dean as he stilled Cas’s arm.

“It’s my responsibility since I’m the one who made such a mess of you.”

Dean smiled. “Not exactly what I meant, but I do appreciate that, too.”

“What were you thanking me for then?”

“Always knowing what I need. When I thought I lost this, what we have, I think I was most afraid of losing the one person in my life who put me first. And I don’t mean just now. I mean ever, Cas. No one has ever seen me or treated me the way you do. Like I’m someone special. Just the way you look at me sometimes, the way you listen to me like anything I say is important, I don’t think I could live without that anymore.” Dean ran his fingers up Cas’s arm until he was cupping Cas’s jaw. “I know I don’t want to.”

Cas sighed as he covered Dean’s hand with his own. “Where is all this coming from?”

“I’ve been thinking. What happened hurt but look at us now. I’m here in your apartment. I was able to be there for you when your dad had a heart attack. We’re going to work together. Spend real time together. Being with you like this, I realized how lonely I was when we were apart. How sex-deprived.” Dean pulled Cas closer to brush his lips against Cas’s. 

“Sex-deprived. Really?”

“Yes, really. Weeks, sometimes months, without touching you, being touched by you. Fuck, I hated that.”

Curious about where Dean was going with this line of talk, Cas asked, “And now?”

Dean rolled to his side, taking Cas with him. As they gazed into each other’s eyes, he said, “Even when I was angry and hurt, I needed your touch. Yours are the hands that calm me. That light a fire in me. So, if you’ll have me, I’d like to live here with you.”

“Wow,” breathed Cas.

“Good wow or bad wow.”

Cas closed his eyes and took a deep breath, feeling Dean tense up. “Definitely, good. It’s what I’ve wanted for a long time. I never thought you would want it, too.”

“Well, I do,” Dean said seriously before grinning wide and adding, “As long as I get the parking spot for Baby.”

“Of course, Dean.”

“Awww…that means you love me.”

Smiling indulgently at Dean, Cas replied, “Yes, it does.” They let the words hang in the air as they stared at each other, eyes drifting shut, breaths mingling. Dean drifted off first and the sight of him, looking so peaceful, warmed Cas’s heart as he joined him in sleep. 

Cas woke to a loud crash and an equally loud, “Shit.” Crawling out of bed, he pulled on a pair of sleep pants and walked to the kitchen. Dean was hopping around, grabbing his foot, muttering about _a stupid fucking rack_ and something about _organization and shitty ass pans_. Cas grinned as he reached down and picked up the offending frying pan on the floor. Setting it on the counter, he braced Dean with his other hand. Dean leaned against him. “I hate that rack, Cas, it’s crappy and a giant mess. How the hell do you cook in here?”

Cas rolled his eyes, pulling out a stool and sitting down heavily. “It’s not that bad.”

“Yes, it is. And it doesn’t fit with the rest of the place,” said Dean. Cas averted his eyes, feeling the heat rush to his cheeks. “Oh my God, Cas, you put this up. Didn’t you?” 

Exhaling slowly, Cas looked down at the counter and nodded once. “Since you’ll be living here now, you can do whatever you want with it. Maybe you can make this place feel more like a home, than a resting place.”

Dean’s eyes went wide with excitement. “Yeah, you’d let me do that.” Cas looked up and nodded, giving Dean a tiny smile. Foot forgotten, Dean moved over to the rack and proceeded to take down every pan. “Where’s a screwdriver?”

“Are you serious? You’re going to do that now. What about breakfast?” asked Cas as he eyed the griddle on the counter.

“Fine, breakfast first. But then we are getting rid of this monstrosity.”

Cas sat down at the counter. “And what about work?”

“Shit. You’re purposely taking all the fun out of the moment,” pouted Dean.

There was no defense against that look, and Cas caved immediately. “I’ll get a screwdriver. You cook.”

“That’s what I’m talking about. Knew I loved you for a reason.”

Shaking his head, Cas stood up. “Hmmm…because I indulge your every whim.”

“Precisely,” said Dean, pointing a spatula at him before jumping at the loud knock on the door. “Who the hell would be knocking this early? It’s not even seven.”

Cas pushed back from the counter and stood up. “It’s probably Charlie. She comes up if she’s out of coffee, but uh…usually she just let’s herself in.”

“Probably not a good idea with me being here.”

A stream of dirty images filtered through Cas’s mind. He turned to face Dean, walking backwards as he ogled the man. “You’re right. I could have had you bent over the…” he said as he grabbed the door handle, finishing as the door cracked open, “…couch.”

“Not what I was expecting, Cassie.”

The sing-song voice brought Cas to halt and he tried to slam the door shut, but a foot shot in and blocked it.

“Are you not happy to see me?” asked Gabriel, shoving his face in the crack to smirk at Cas.

Cas sighed as he shook his head and let go of the door. Gabriel stumbled forward, almost falling, and Cas simply stepped back and let it happen. “What do you want?”

“It’s good to see you, too. I missed you at the hospital yesterday. Had to come see the pretty boy for myself?”

Cas’s eyes found Dean’s as his hand shot out and gripped Gabriel’s elbow. Voice low and harsh, he said, “Don’t call him that.”

“Just kidding nephew. I’m not here to cause trouble. Maybe you should be the one bent over the couch. Get that giant stick out of your ass.”

Anger flooded Dean’s face, eyes going sharp, jaw tight. “All right, enough. I don’t care who you are, you don’t get to disrespect Cas.” The booming voice was accompanied by heavy steps and a very pissed off boyfriend coming to stand at Cas’s side. 

“He’s the one who said-”

“Yeah, no, not gonna happen,” snapped Dean, interrupting Gabriel. “If you’re going to be a dick, there’s the door.” Dean’s anger was palpable, breaths heavy and stance confrontational.

Gabriel stared at Dean with his mouth tightly shut and a discerning look in his eyes. “You’ll do,” he said after several tense moments, patting Dean’s arm as he walked around the two men and made for the kitchen.

“What the hell, Cas?” whispered Dean. 

“I warned you. It’s why I made sure to avoid him yesterday.”

Dean gaped at Cas before looking back at Gabriel who was rummaging through the fridge. “Okay, I can see how Naomi is related to your mom, but how the hell is that related to your dad. I mean, come on, they are polar opposites. They don’t even look alike.”

“I like to pretend he was found somewhere, and my grandparents felt sorry for him and took him in. That way we share no genetic material.”

Dean grunted a laugh and wrapped his arm around Cas. “I love you, ya’ know that. The way you can say shit like that without cracking a smile.” He kissed Cas’s nose, laughing even more when Cas kept his face passive. “You’re something else, Cas.”

“Thank you,” deadpanned Cas.

“Okay, enough of that or I’ll drag you back to bed and have my way with you.”

Cas’s composure finally cracked, and he threw his head back and laughed. “Really? That turns you on.”

“There is very little about you Castiel Novak that does not turn me on.” Dean let go of Cas and smacked him on the ass as he walked away.

“I’ll remember that,” scolded Cas.

Dean looked over his shoulder and said, “I hope you do.”

“Oh, you two are going to be fun,” interjected Gabriel as he slapped his hand on the counter. 

Dean reached the kitchen and proceeded to knock Gabriel out of the way, completely ignoring him as he went about preparing breakfast. Ever the good man Cas loved, Dean set out a plate for Gabriel despite his instant dislike to the man. His uncle smiled at the gesture and went to speak. “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth,” said Cas.

Gabriel retorted, “All I was going to say was that I was already growing on him.”

“Don’t mistake Dean’s good manners for acceptance.”

Dean stopped moving at that statement, looking Cas in the eye and giving him a slight nod before acknowledging Gabriel. “You treat Cas like he deserves, and you and I will not have a problem. You step out of line, and I will have no qualms about dealing with you.”

“Never pictured you with someone so overprotective.”

“Get used to it, and just so you know I feel the exact same way about Dean.”

Gabriel raised his hands in supplication. “All right, all right, I’m backing off. In all seriousness, I just came by to meet Dean. Your parents couldn’t stop singing his praises, so I had to make sure they weren’t being suckered by a _former_ fugitive. Cassie here is all they have left, and you,” he said pointing at Dean, “Can’t fault me for being protective of him. Not after the display of protectiveness I just witnessed.”

Dean tipped his head in understanding and began to fill Gabriel’s plate. Conversation after that was easier, despite being punctuated by invasive questions. Cas brushed those off and changed the subject instead of engaging his annoying uncle. They were saved from any further inquiries by the arrival of Charlie and Sam, walking in unannounced. Dean raised a brow at them. 

“What? The door was open,” said Charlie. “Trust me I will knock if the door is locked. I do not want to see any of that.” She waved her hand, encompassing all of Cas and Dean.

Sam choked at her comment, covering his face and groaning. “Charlie, I heard enough about your speculations the entire way up here. Can we please not start that again?”

_Well, I thought we were saved_ , Cas thought as Charlie told Sam to stop being such a baby.

“He’s my brother. I don’t need to think about what they do.”

“Oh, oh, oh,” said Gabriel way too enthusiastically to be good news for Cas and Dean. “Then you don’t want to hear about how Cas wants to bend your brother over the back of the couch.”

Sam glared at the much shorter man. “Who the hell are you?”

“Cassie’s uncle.”

“Oh, shit,” said Charlie. “Sorry, Cas, I didn’t see him or wouldn’t have…” Her voice trailed off as she flushed crimson.

“It’s fine. It’s not like he wasn’t already asking highly inappropriate questions.”

Gabriel huffed. “I’m a healthcare professional. I’m making sure you have a healthy sex life.”

Standing up and clearing his throat, Dean garnered everyone’s attention. With a flirty wink at Cas, he announced, “Best damn sex of my life. In fact, he sucked me off last night, and we almost broke the porch swing at his parent’s house. And he wasn’t done. He had me screaming when he fucked me into the mattress, and if this asshole hadn’t showed up, he would have bent me over that couch and-”

Worry coursed through Cas’s body, fear over how Dean would react when he realized what he had revealed. “Dean, my love, stop,” he said, pulling him into a hug and kissing his temple, needing him to understand. “There is no need.”

“Maybe not, but I’m not ashamed of what we do. And if they are going to poke at it, I’m going to tell the truth. Because I wasn’t lying. You are without a doubt the best I’ve ever had,” Dean whispered, lips brushing Cas’s ear. It made Cas melt into Dean’s arms, sliding his body closer and breathing out a contented sigh. He did not get to enjoy the tender moment for long because his uncle just could not keep his mouth shut.

“Seems like Cassie’s the one doing the having.”

Dean pulled back enough to gaze into Cas’s eyes. “Believe me, I can rock Cas’s world when he wants me, too.” Cas chuckled before yanking Dean into a fierce kiss, tongues tangling, battling for dominance. Present company forgotten, they grinded against each other until they were interrupted by a very undignified squawk. 

“Sammy…” Dean said in a daze. The name brought Cas out of his haze and he shifted back slightly, giving Dean room to breathe and speak. “Oh, ah, sorry, kinda forgot you all were here.”

Cas knew his face was as red as Dean’s, and yet he did not truly feel embarrassed. Not when he saw how beautiful Dean looked, smiling wide and chuckling, but the longer he looked at Dean the more a sense of worry crept up. “I think we’ve entertained these degenerates enough for one day. Everybody out. Sam, Charlie we’ll see you at work,” Cas said as he shoved everyone out the door. As soon as it shut, he rounded on Dean, taking his face in his hands. “Are you okay?”

“Yes. A little shocked that we lost it like that, and I said all that, but I meant it, Cas. I don’t ever want to feel bad or embarrassed about wanting you. I love being fucked by you, and there is not one goddamn thing wrong with that.”

“No, there is not,” said Cas forcefully.

“Not sure my brother needed to hear quite so many details, but fuck it, he was an asshole last night, so I guess this was payback.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this finds all of you well. This story has now surpassed my largest number of subscribers. Thanks for being here and supporting my work.

Steam rolled out of the bathroom as Dean stepped into the bedroom. Cas stared at him, watching water drip down his chest, soaking into the towel slung low on his hips. His body responded to the tempting sight, but he tamped it down and looked away. Dean chuckled darkly as he crossed the room, crowding into Cas’s space. Hot breath caressed the side of his neck and firm fingers pressed into his hips, holding him in place. Anticipating the slide of lips across his neck, Cas gasped when he was left cold and alone. The heat of Dean’s body gone in a flash.

“No, nope,” said Dean, taking another step back.

Confusion swept over Cas until he turned to see Dean staring at the bed and the two suits laid across it. “Dean, I-”

“Don’t bother, Cas. I am not wearing that.”

Cas took a deep breath and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I don’t want to argue about this.”

“Then don’t,” snapped Dean. “I just spent time arguing with Sam over this crap. How could you possibly think it’s a good idea for me to wear a suit?”

Taking a step forward, Cas reached out and took Dean’s hand. He led him to the end of the bed and sat down, tugging Dean down with him. Before he spoke, he stroked the back of Dean’s hand, hoping it would be enough to make him listen. Dean’s fingers relaxed and linked loosely with his, so Cas spoke, “I am not asking you to wear a suit all the time, Dean. There are just times when it will be necessary. You, yourself, wore them when you were hunting, pretending to be an agent. How is this different?”

Ducking his head, Dean sighed, “I don’t want to lose myself in this whole thing.”

“Is that what you think I’m asking?”

“No, not really.”

Cas rested his fingers under Dean’s chin and lifted until their eyes met. “I don’t understand.”

“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” said Dean. “You can’t look at me like that. It’s not fair.” Cas quirked his lips up and Dean huffed a laugh. “I don’t think you want to change me, but I worry about it happening. I see it in Sam already.”

“It’s not a bad to change and grow. I never planned on sharing my life with someone, and yet here we are. I think sometimes we just have to let go and not try to control everything.”

Dean dropped his head, resting their foreheads together. “Not sure I know how to do that.”

“Start by wearing the suit,” replied Cas. Dean closed his eyes and groaned, making Cas laugh as he said, “You thought I forgot about that, didn’t you?”

“Okay, I will wear the damn suit, today-”

“And when we meet the director and the president,” interjected Cas.

“Yeah, then, too. But I don’t plan on wearing a suit on a case unless it’s absolutely necessary. In fact, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about tactical gear.”

Cas leaned back and then stood up. “What about it?” he asked, picking up a pair of dark suit pants.

“I assume I can’t go out wearing my flannel and jeans anymore, so…” 

When Dean’s voice trailed off, Cas looked over his shoulder at him. There was a look of expectation on his face as if he was waiting for Cas to fill in the blanks. Instead of responding right away, Cas continued to dress, tipping his head at Dean, indicating he should do the same. Once Dean stood and grudgingly began dressing, Cas said, “We have tactical teams. I’m sure you can modify their gear to suit your needs. But just so you know FBI will be emblazoned on whatever uniform design.”

“I know that,” said Dean snidely. Cas raised his brow and let out a disapproving grunt. Dean immediately apologized. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped at you.” They continued dressing, eyeing each other, frustration turning into appreciation and hints of desire. “None of that,” Dean said when Cas gave him a longing look. “We don’t have time for you to be looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you want to tear this damn suit off me,” huffed Dean.

“Hmmm…now there’s an idea.”

“Dammit Cas.”

Cas grinned wickedly. “That’s not a no.”

Tipping his head back, Dean exhaled sharply. “You have no idea how much I want to say yes, but we are already late.”

“When did you become the responsible one,” said Cas, hints of humor and frustration laced in every word. Dean laughed as he tugged Cas toward him, wrapping his arms around him and kissing him breathless. The heat of his mouth and the slick slide of their tongues sent waves of pleasure coursing through Cas’s body, and he melted into Dean arms.

Fingers wove through the back of Cas’s hair. Dean gently tugged, separating them by a mere inch. His words flowed over Cas’s lips. “When you abdicated the role.”

“I didn’t abdicate it, I simply put it on hold. You are very tempting, so it’s hard-”

Dean threw his head back, barking a laugh. “It’s hard, huh?” smirked Dean as he thrust his hips forward. “You weren’t lying.”

Cas rolled his eyes at the juvenile behavior, even as he smiled brightly. “Finish getting dressed Dean. We leave in five minutes,” he said, taking back his role. Dean grinned widely before planting a firm kiss on Cas’s lips.

“Yes, sir,” he said with a wink and a whispered, “Love you.”

“I love you, too, Dean,” said Cas as he walked over to the nightstand to grab his phone and wallet. 

Before he exited the room, Dean said, “Sweetheart.” Cas spun around to face him. “I will always take the responsibility when you need me to. I hope you know that.”

“I do,” said Cas.

“And I will always let you have it when it is what I need.”

The words were simple, but the depth of their meaning was not. They represented trust and faith, and that knowledge reverberated through Cas’s body, delivering hope and promise.

Following Dean toward the building, Cas’s eyes stayed trained on the cut of the suit. The way it clung to Dean’s form, almost as if was tailored for him. It seemed no matter what Dean wore, or didn’t wear, made Cas yearn to touch him. He knew he was caught when Dean looked back at him with a heady smile. The smirk that followed reiterated that fact. Cas waited for the ‘like what you see’ but it did not come, so he felt compelled to offer his appreciation.

“I know you don’t want to wear a suit, but you look damn good in one.”

“Thanks. I’ll remember that when I’m in the doghouse,” Dean said with a flirty chuckle. “Now stop staring at my ass and focus on work.”

“Whatever you say, Dean,” said Cas, stepping around Dean and opening the door for him.

They walked into a hive of activity. A touch of guilt crossed Cas’s mind. Guilt over being distracted and distant from work. He was used to being the first one in and the last one out. As soon as the feeling hit, he tried to brush it away. Dean assured him he had earned some leeway. _We both did_ , Cas thought, remembering his conversation with Shep and Victor. His boss and his partner told him to take his time, to not push himself too far. And he had taken that advice, but maybe it was time to start getting back into a steady routine. His father would understand, encourage it even. Dean may balk at it, worry ever present in his eyes when he thought Cas was not looking. In reality, Cas felt okay, settled and sure of his life for the first time. With those thoughts swirling, he stepped into he building behind Dean determined to do just as Dean asked, focus on work. 

Shep had agreed to meet with them so that was their first task. The discussion was brief as she readily agreed to Dean’s wishes, acknowledging his expertise.

“Dean, you know what will work best. I simply ask that you find someone from our tactical team to join your ranks. I think it’s imperative for you to have a person who understands the FBI’s rules of engagement. They will also be able to provide you with an up-to-date list of all the equipment available.”

“That’s fine by me. I already have a candidate.”

“Who?” asked Shep.

Dean pulled up the information on his tablet. “Name’s David Spencer. Riley recommended him.”

“Spencer. He’s former military.”

“Yep, a Ranger.”

Shep ruminated on that for a second before addressing Cas, “And what do you think of him?”

Cas did not rush his answer. He paused before saying, “You know how much I value Riley’s opinion. And Dean concurred with her observations and assessment. I defer to them on this one.”

“That’s not an answer, Castiel,” said Shep, eyes hard.

“He is a good fit but will need to understand he is not in command here.”

Shep’s eyes shifted to Dean, giving him the same hard look. “He’s in command of his unit?”

“He is, but his military record shows his willingness to learn. And this will be a huge learning experience for him. I don’t think it will be an issue, but if it becomes one, I will take care of it.”

A small smile flickered on her face before she stamped it out. “You are surprising.”

“What does that mean?”

Shep leaned forward, resting her arms on her desk, clasping her hands together. “I see this young face and charming smile, but behind all that is a fierce, confident leader.”

“I’m not a leader,” retorted Dean. Cas set his hand on Dean’s arm. “It’s not what I ever set out to be.”

“You may not have set out to be one, but that is who and what you are,” said Cas with conviction. 

As Cas spoke, Shep nodded. “And in this building, with this task force, you are a leader. You need to accept it and embrace it. The first face the recruits will see is yours, and I expect you to take command of them.”

Whatever reservations Dean had seemed to melt away at those words as understanding dawned. “You got it, Boss,” he said with a wide grin.

Shep shook her head and pursed her lips. “Don’t try to charm me, Winchester. It won’t work.”

“It worked on Cas and he’s just as much of hardass as you are,” responded Dean. At that Cas pulled Dean up out of his chair and hastily made their goodbyes, thanking Shep as he shut the door. He ignored Dean’s attempts to get his attention and moved them to their office. “Oh, come on, Cas. It wasn’t that bad. She wanted to smile.”

“No, she didn’t,” Cas said seriously.

“Really?” asked Dean, sounding unsure for the first time.

“Yes, really. Shep is an exceptional leader and she is approachable, but don’t for a second let that make you forget she is in charge.”

Dean hesitated for a second as he stared intently at Cas. Nodding, he said, “Got it. I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going?”

“To set things right,” Dean answered as he left the room. It was barely a minute later when Dean returned, face tinged pink. “Don’t say a word, Cas.” 

Swallowing his words, Cas muffled a laugh and swiftly changed the subject. “Shep sent the order clearing us to meet with Spencer.”

“Good. We should go to him.”

“I agree.”

An hour later they walked into the Federal building housing Cas’s former unit. He was comfortable in that space, but a tinge of foreignness settled over him. His life had altered since the last time he entered the building, and his destination was different. A different floor a different unit. When they exited the elevator, they found Agent Spencer waiting for them. Formality did not enter into their interaction. Brief introductions and a walk to a secure room occurred concurrently. Once inside, Spencer addressed them but gave no indication he was privy to the details of their visit. 

Dean deferred to Cas, letting him take the lead. “I understand you have agreed to the terms and understand the secrecy of this conversation.”

“I do,” responded Agent Spencer.

“Your security clearance has been elevated because the information we are about to share with you is limited to a select few. The President and Director will be briefed next week. Beyond that the only people who know are within a new task force created solely to deal with a threat we have never encountered but one that has been ever present.” Cas halted his recitation and waited for the agent to acknowledge the situation before him.

With a nod, Agent Spencer said, “I understand.”

At that, Dean stepped forward. “You are about to see the earliest draft of a presentation we will eventually use to brief the president. Let me start with this. Your first inclination will be to deny the truth in my words. Your second will be disbelief, but then I need you to set aside those feelings.” Dean let those words sink in before he continued, “The supernatural is real. It always existed. And for all that time, there have been people fighting against it. We call ourselves hunters.”

Before Spencer could ask a question, Cas started the video presentation. Historical and current images flashed across the screen. An abundance of both visual and physical evidence. Cas watched the agent’s body language and facial expressions. He went through a series of emotions, denial and disbelief prominent yet quickly replaced by curiosity and intensity. When it ended, Cas said, “Do you have any questions?”

Facing Dean, Spencer asked, “Is this why you were on the FBI’s radar?

“Yeah, my cases intersected with the cases the FBI was working on. The creatures and methods to eliminate them are varied, so I was shocked Cas’s unit connected them.”

“And how did you figure out the truth?” he asked Cas.

“My partner, Agent Henriksen, was taken by a creature. A Vetala. When I found him, Dean was there. He killed the perpetrators.”

Spencer took a moment, breathing evenly while staring at the blank screen. “What now?” he asked as he turned to face them. 

“Now your training starts. Show us the gear you have and then we get to work,” replied Dean. 

Sitting back, Cas watched Dean and David interact. The two had fallen into an easy camaraderie as soon as they started talking about the equipment. Last names and titles fell away. They discussed the merits of each piece, even something as innocuous as shoelaces. Cas admired their diligence and the precision with which they analyzed the gear. As much as Dean protested being a leader, there was no doubt he was one. He took the lead and directed the conversation, laying out precisely what a hunter needed and how accessible each item needed to be. Discussions of holy water, silver, iron, salt, the use of fire and machetes. Cas saw the type of trainer Dean would be and why it would be effective. David responded well to the style, and with one question the reason became clear.

“Were you in the military?” David asked as he pulled on a standard military-issue bullet-proof vest, outfitted with MOLLE, a lightweight load-carrying equipment weaving. The flexibility of the design allowed the vest to be fitted with pouches and equipment based on the mission requirements. 

Before Dean answered, he spent a few moments rechecking the material and assessing the placements they had designed. With a nod, he looked up at David. “No, but my dad was.”

“Did you ever think about joining up?”

Dean took his eyes off the vest and made eye contact with Agent Spencer. His tone was flat, emotions gone, as he said, “In a way I did. I may not have been in the military, but I was raised as a soldier. He put a gun in my hand when I was nine and trained me for combat.” Cas took a deep breath, hating to see Dean bind and bury his feelings to shift into the hard soldier his father commanded him to be. 

The news seemed to shock David, or maybe it was the shift in Dean’s demeanor, and he took a step back. Cas understood his reaction because despite the way Dean had assessed the gear with a military eye, his charming personality had shined through. The absence of it even took Cas by surprise. He wanted to reach out and comfort him, but Dean quickly shook off the old attitude, giving Cas a smile and a wink. “That was lifetime ago. We approach things differently than when I hunted with my dad. You need to understand that if you want to do this job. Not every situation ends in killing and not every monster is our enemy. Lot of gray areas.”

“Nuance,” said David.

“Exactly,” replied Dean.

“Actually, that is a perfect segue,” said Cas. “We have to get back. Talia and Mara have arrived and they’re waiting on us.”

Dean frowned as he said, “Oh shit, I completely forgot they were coming.”

Cas smiled at him. “We’ve been quite busy. I think they’ll forgive you.”

“Yeah, okay.” Turning to David, he added, “Pack up this gear and bring it with.”

Everyone was assembled by the time they arrived, and the main part of the restaurant had been transformed into a replica of a large conference room. Victor stood at the front alone. “Now that everyone is here, we can start. Most of you know me, but for those of you just joining us I am Special Agent Victor Henriksen, and I am in charge of this task force. This is Bobby Singer he will be the liaison between the FBI and the hunters. And as most of you know that is Dean Winchester. A hunter and now a Special Agent.” Victor pointed at the back of the room and every head turned to stare at Dean. “With him is my former partner Special Agent Castiel Novak and Dean’s current partner. Winchester is in charge of the training program for those of you who will be in the field. Novak will be the immediate supervisor of our tactical teams. Any questions?” The room remained silent, so Victor continued.

“This unit is based here, but eventually we will have satellite locations. As of now, we have one, and it is led by Ellen Harvelle and her team of hunters stationed in Nebraska.” Ellen appeared on the large screen, accompanied by Ash. “Until we get official approval, they are consultants. Some of you will be joining them when we get clearance and a formal budget. With her is her tech guru, Ash.”

Ash waved and then stood up and left.

Victor shook his head but did not comment. “To explain his role, I will turn it over to Charlie Bradbury.”

The wide-eyed look Charlie gave Victor clearly signaled she had not been told of her role at the meeting. She looked at Cas for support and he gave her a reassuring smile. Standing up, she joined Victor. “The technical and research needs of this task force will be extensive and varied. We are currently assembling a team of computer scientists, engineers, and analysts. I have worked with the FBI as a consultant, but that has changed. Most of the technical team will be joining me as full-fledged employees. I will lead the team as a whole and Ash will take the lead on research and analysis.” Finishing, she hurried to take her seat again.

“Thank you, Charlie,” said Victor before turning his attention back to Dean. “Agent Winchester?” The implication was obvious, so Dean walked to the front of the room, launching into his history. 

“I was raised in hunting. My mother was killed by a demon, and my father made it his mission to hunt down her killer. As is common among the hunting community, he lost his life in the process. Hunters, for the most part, have either been raised in it or joined because the supernatural touched their lives. And the unwritten rule has always been to never introduce people to the supernatural or hunting. That has obviously changed now. My job will be to prepare you for any and all things you will encounter in this job. And to join you in the field. Cas, um, Agent Novak will keep us in check and take the lead with local law enforcement. If you ever have an issue you are not comfortable approaching us with, please seek out Bobby or Agent Henriksen.” Dean bounced and shifted. “Okay that’s about it.”

Victor smiled at him. “All right, now that we have the basics down, I want to address the process going forward. We meet with the director and the President next week. The goal is to get approval for a vast network, reaching across the country, not only to provide case agents and tactical teams, but also to provide social support teams. It was brought to our attention that one of the issues hunters faced was an inability to deal with the aftermath of their cases. People recovering from possession, legal troubles, medical care, psychological issues. There was no time or resources. About all they could do is clean up the scenes, but even that could be a struggle. Often, they had to quickly leave before law enforcement caught up to them. It’s why as we looked at creating the task force, we decided to concurrently develop a social program. Talia, Mara you have the floor.”

The screen filled with an image of the inn as Mara stood up. “This inn has been a safe haven for hunters for years. It started soon after I met Dean and Sam Winchester. Discovering the supernatural was real has changed by my life. As a public defender, I have made it my mission to offer advice and protection to victims and to defend hunters who have been arrested. I am not a social worker or counselor so what I could offer was limited. That’s where Talia came in. She has counseled victims of violent crimes for years and has recently extended that to victims of the supernatural.”

Talia took over, providing more detail. “We have spent time developing a plan to cover a multitude of needs. Safe houses, mental health programs, medical rehabilitation centers. What I want you all to understand is that some of those needing protection and aid are supernatural creatures. Some hunted by their own kind, some humans who have been recently turned. Anyone we help will be treated with respect and will receive equal care.” Her tone brooked no argument, and the majority of people nodded. 

Victor’s gaze flashed over the entire room before he said, “Understood?”

“Yes,” said a chorus of voices. 

“I’m glad that’s settled, so we can move on. Agent Novak?”

Cas walked over to the screen. “Convincing people that the supernatural exists is not an easy prospect and has many pitfalls. We would like your input on the presentation we have created for the director and the president.”

The next hour was spent hashing and rehashing the details of the presentation. Some arguing against Lenore’s presence. Others saying it was necessary. Those recently introduced to the supernatural were inclined to believe the more direct evidence the team could provide would be the most successful. Cas, at one point, asked Agent Spencer his opinion and why he so easily accepted the presence of the supernatural with only the video presentation.

“I accepted it because I was inclined to believe it based on past experiences. Over in Afghanistan, we saw things that didn’t quite add up. But I image most people don’t have similar experiences or they easily found reasons to explain the strange occurrences. Showing people evidence they cannot deny is the best possible solution.”

With that statement, Cas ended the discussion. “Well, that settles it. Any cases that come up between now and the meeting with the president will require the use of body cameras. It is the best chance we have to provide more hard evidence.”

The meeting ended and people broke off into different groups. Cas and Dean joined Mara and Talia, welcoming them with hugs and a long discussion about Cas’s father. It was a reminder they needed to go to the hospital. Dean excused himself to go speak with Bobby and introduce him to Spencer. Cas took the opportunity to talk with Victor, laying out plans for the next few days. A short time later, Dean signaled him, pointing at the door.

The next days passed quickly, rushing from work to the hospital and back. Late nights left little time for decompressing and falling into bed completely exhausted left even less time for any intimacy. By the third day, they were both cranky and quick to snap at each other. 

“That’s it,” said Dean, “After we bring your dad home, we going back to the apartment, and we are spending the night naked and sweaty.”

Cas snorted. “And how exactly do you plan on getting sweaty?”

“I have sooo many ideas,” Dean said as he leered at Cas, eyes roaming over his entire body. “Believe me.”

“Hmmm…I guess I believe you.”

Dean rolled his eyes and wrapped his arm around Cas, escorting him into the hospital. Before they even reached Jacob’s room, they heard bickering. Naomi’s voice hit them first followed quickly by Gabriel’s. Cas rushed forward, rounding the corner, finding his aunt red-faced and his uncle smiling wickedly. “Gabriel, Out,” he said angrily. His ire dissipated when he felt Dean’s hand on the small of his back. Taking command, he told Gabriel to meet them at the house. He ushered Naomi out with instructions to pick up ingredients for dinner. Once they were gone, he greeted his mom and dad. They both smiled with pride shining in their eyes. “Are you ready?” he asked hurriedly, hoping to stave off any comments.

“We are,” Madilyn said.

“Dean will you meet us at the door.”

Dean grinned. “Sure, Cas.”

Leaving the hospital was easy and the ride to his parent’s house was filled with entertaining conversation. The lightness of the moment was crushed as soon as they entered the house. The tension was palpable, and it clearly set Dean’s teeth on edge.

“How is it a good idea having those two here?” asked Dean. “They cause nothing but stress.”

“I know,” said Cas, “But Mom wants Naomi here and Gabriel is…” Cas trailed off when a loud crash came from the kitchen. 

“I’ll go deal with that,” said Madilyn, rushing around Dean and Cas.

Shaking his head, Dean looked at Cas with concern. “I get that Gabriel helped outfit this place for your dad and he will help with his cardiac therapy but come on Cas this is not okay.”

Cas sighed as his shoulders dropped. “I’ll talk to them.” Leaving his dad in Dean’s care, Cas joined his mother in the kitchen. The conversation with his aunt and uncle was brief yet pointed. Both listened and seemed inclined to take his advice. They separated. Gabriel went to get Jacob settled, showing him the room they set up on the first floor and the on-suite bathroom with new handrails. Naomi remained in the kitchen and started cooking dinner. When it was finished, they all sat down to eat together. Dean and Jacob bantered back and forth while Madilyn smiled at them. She squeezed Cas’s hand, whispering her approval and telling him how happy she was for him. The pleasantness was shattered at the end of the meal.

“Are you ever going to grow up?” snapped Naomi.

“Why would I if it means I turn into a bi-”

Dean stood up, cutting Gabriel off. “Enough,” he yelled. “You’re constant nagging and bickering is stressing everyone out. And it is not good for Jacob, or did you forget he just had a heart attack. Pick a corner and stay out of each other’s way.” Madilyn grinned wide and mouthed, _Thank You_ , after which Dean stated, “Until you work out your shit, I am taking Madilyn to get some dessert.” With that, he held out his hand for Cas’s mother. She took it and they proceeded to walk away. Dean looked back over his shoulder and addressed Cas. “Spend some time with your dad and keep him away from those two.”

“Sounds like a plan,” said Jacob as he watched his wife loop her hand around Dean’s elbow. 

“Yes, it does,” responded Cas.

They retired to living room and before Cas was seated his father said, “What’s bothering you? Besides you aunt and uncle.” Not ready to answer the question, Cas looked at his dad apprehensively. Even though things had never been easy between them, his father could read him well, so he was not surprised when his dad added, “You’ve had a lot of changes all at once.”

The words, the understanding behind them, made Cas fold. He spilled his fears. Laid out the emotional rollercoaster he had been on for weeks. When he was done, he lifted his head to stare at his father. The man had remained silent throughout Cas’s torrent. A pair of blue eyes pierced him, making his breath catch and question what he had just done. The moment his mind drifted back he realized what he had said. “Oh shit.”

“So, when you said you’ve discussed marriage what you meant was you are already engaged?”

“I…um…yes, but we weren’t going to say anything about it.”

“Why not?”

Cas sighed, “I fell in love with him the moment I met him. I didn’t acknowledge it, but it was there. He’s the best man I know, and I would like nothing more than to tell the whole world. But like you said, there are a lot of changes happening, work is overwhelming right now, and we didn’t want to rush it. Waiting seemed to be the best choice.”

“Castiel, look at me. I worked myself into a heart attack. I missed much of your brother’s life, and then he was gone. I haven’t been there for you or your mother. Not the way I should have been. Do not make my mistakes. Live, love, and when it gets hard talk it out, get help. But do not deny yourself a single day with the person you love. You and Dean have something special. Anyone can see that.”

“I don’t plan on wasting a day. Marriage might be down the road a bit, but we already decided to live together.”

“Glad to hear it,” Jacob said, patting Cas on the arm. “Now, what precisely do you think your mother and Dean are up to?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I have been thinking of writing some timestamps from Dean's perspective, especially with how this chapter ended. Would love to know what you think of the idea, so if you could give me some feedback on that I would appreciate it. Thanks.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timestamps are coming. I'm not sure yet if they will follow the chronology or if they will come in a haphazard order. If you have any sections you are interested in seeing from Dean's POV, I am open to suggestion. Thanks so much for sticking with me on this story.

A couple days later, light streamed in the windows and Cas found himself alone in bed. When he entered the living room, he spotted Dean racing around the apartment, nerves and joy warring with each other. He had been in a similar state over the last day and a half. After pleading his case and it falling on deaf ears, Dean had finally relented to Victor’s request when Bobby intervened with an assist from Jody. As he approached the window for the third time, Cas stepped over to stand at his side. Dean leaned against him, sighing as he dropped his head to Cas’s shoulder.

“It’s going to be fine, Dean. You trust Jody, right?”

“Yeah, I guess, but this is Baby.” Dean paused as he lifted his head and looked at Cas. “No matter what Victor said I could have taken a couple days off to go get her. I can’t believe I agreed to this.”

“Well, you did and it’s too late to change it. The truck is almost here, so worrying about it now won’t serve any purpose.”

Dean frowned before turning back to the window. “You are not helping.”

With a chuckle, Cas asked, “What can I do to help?”

“Kiss me,” breathed Dean.

“That I can do.” Cas pulled Dean around to face him. Cupping his face in both hands, he placed kisses on both of Dean’s cheeks, inching closer to his mouth. When Dean whined, Cas relented, kissing Dean lightly on the lips, flicking his tongue out and sweeping it across Dean’s lower lip. Dean groaned as he parted his lips and let Cas take command of his mouth. The familiarity tugged at Cas’s heart and added a touch of desperation. As Dean melted into his arms, the desperation turned fervent. The kiss deepened and left both men breathless. Pulling out of the kiss, Cas stared into Dean’s eyes, blown wide with desire. “Better?” he asked.

“God, yes,” Dean choked out. 

“And just in time,” said Cas as he pulled Dean’s phone out of his hand. A text had come in while they were otherwise engaged. “You should read that.”

“I didn’t even notice it.”

Cas smiled smugly. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Dean shook his head with an exasperated look on his face, but his words belied that reaction. “You should.” After looking at his phone, Dean said, “It’s here.” 

Cas chuckled as Dean raced out of the apartment. “I’ll catch up,” he yelled while putting on his shoes. By the time he exited the building, Dean was already inspecting the car, getting in the way of those trying to offload the Impala. “Dean, you need to let them do their job.” Dean turned and stared at Cas, giving him what could only be called the evil eye. Ignoring the look, Cas said, “Relax, love, they got it here in one piece. I’m sure they can do the same now.” Dean listened, jumping down from the truck, keeping the scowl on his face.

Once the Impala was off the truck, Dean raced around and assessed every inch of it. Breathing a sigh of relief, he opened the driver’s door and sat down behind the wheel. Cas heard his whispered words. “Missed you.” After touching the wheel and the dash, he gestured to Cas. “Get in.” Cas assumed he was going to pull into the garage, but Dean had other plans. He hit the gas and took off down the street. It wasn’t long before they were racing down the interstate. Opening up the engine and listening to her roar. 

“I’m glad she’s here,” said Cas. “Especially since she puts that smile on your face.”

Dean shrugged. “She makes me happy.”

Cas nodded. “I know and I hate to break the moment, but we are going to be late for work.”

“Yeah, yeah,” said Dean. 

Bobby and Sam were waiting for them in the parking lot. “She looks good,” said Bobby. “I told you Jody could handle it.”

“Okay, old man, no need to pat yourself on the back.”

“Why not? I’m the only one who seems to do it,” grumped Bobby before turning his back and walking away. 

Dean and Cas laughed as they watched him go, but Sam did not join them. “What’s up, Sammy?”

“We got a case in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Same symbol, same M.O. as the others.”

“We better get in there then,” said Dean.

The briefing did not take long. Everyone was familiar with the details of the previous cases. Hunters and agents had already exchanged all their information, and yet were no closer to solving the case. Waiting for a new case had been their only recourse. They hoped a faster response time with more bodies on the ground would make the difference. With no time to waste, Victor quickly assigned the teams and their roles. “We leave in an hour. Garth will be joining after he finishes the clean up on his current job. Ellen will be sending a couple other hunters.”

Cas felt Dean tense at his side, so he placed a hand on his knee. It got Dean’s attention but did not change the set of his shoulders. “What is it?” he whispered. Dean shook his head and returned his gaze to the front of the room. Victor was in the process of answering questions.

When a hush fell over the room, Dean said, “I thought Cas and I were going to New Mexico.”

“That was before we knew about Michigan,” replied Victor.

Dean exhaled loudly, frustration evident, so Cas added, “Dean, someone else can cover the witch case. It would be good for us to be in Grand Rapids. Working the case together as a unit.”

“I’ve been at a ton of those crime scenes and got nowhere,” stated Dean as he stared at Cas. Turning his attention back to Victor, he said, “You need fresh eyes and I’m needed in Albuquerque. Those guys are in over their heads. Witches are bad enough, but one controlling some creature makes it extremely dangerous. Since we haven’t even agreed on what kind of monster it is, a more experienced hunter needs to be there.”

“And they will be,” said Victor. “Ellen is sending someone.”

“Who?” asked Dean skeptically.

“I don’t know, but I trust her to make that decision.”

With a dark chuckle, Dean stood up and said, “Why?” Cas grabbed Dean’s arm, trying to pull him back into the chair, but Dean shook him off. “You don’t even know her.”

“I think you’re forgetting about me,” snapped Bobby. “Victor and I work together, just because he takes the lead in these meetings doesn’t mean we haven’t talked it over and worked out a decision. And you trust Ellen so sit down and quit being difficult.” Dean stared at Bobby for several moments before nodding and taking his seat. “Now if there aren’t any other questions. Get ready to go.”

The others filed out of the room, leaving Cas and Dean alone. “Someone else can handle it. Really, Cas? And you know this because you are such an experienced hunter. I’m right about that case. If it is a Qareen, I have the best chance of dealing with it.”

“We are part of a team, Dean, and this is what the team decided.”

“And you agree?”

Cas nodded. “I trust Victor and Bobby. And I really believe we need to be in Grand Rapids, helping solve that case.”

Unfortunately, Michigan turned out to be a bust. The initial investigation led to what they hoped was promising lead on the Siren, but it never panned out. Every false lead and dead end seemed to set Dean on edge, so by the time they got back to Chicago he was a ticking time bomb. The bomb exploded when word came about the case in New Mexico. Bobby ordered Dean to go home and cool off, benching him until he could control himself. 

The anger followed them home, and Cas was faced with a darkness settling over the apartment. Cas felt the pain of the moment, but also the guilt. He knew he bore some of the responsibility, but it was Dean’s reaction which set him on a course of baring sole responsibility. It triggered his guilt and left him bereft. Isolating himself in the guest room was his attempt at centering himself enough to analyze the situation more objectively. As he worked through the details the door opened and Dean stepped inside, anger etched on his face. 

“Dean,” started Cas, but once again Dean did not let him continue.

“I don’t want to hear it. You dismissed me and my expertise and someone died Cas. I should have been there. I have more experience and you know it. But you listened to Victor and Bobby and ignored me.”

Responding with anger would not help, so Cas closed his eyes and took a deep breath before responding. “That is not what happened.”

“Bullshit. If I was out there, if I wasn’t spinning my wheels in Michigan, I would have been there saving lives. I would have been doing my damn job. Instead, I’ve been sitting around going over the same damn details and getting nowhere. I wouldn’t have been wasting time doing jack squat. This whole thing is a waste of time and I don’t want any part of it.” Dean stared at Cas, fists clenched at his side. 

Cas flinched and took a step back. He had been prepared for more anger. He had not been prepared for Dean to give up on what they were building. Words died in his throat. Part of him desperately wanted to defend himself, but the other part was tired of fighting. Arguing for hours had achieved nothing except to escalate Dean’s frustration. Cas had willingly bore the brunt of it, but he could no longer sit back and listen to the vitriol. With a heavy heart, he walked toward the door. Dean stood only several feet inside the door, so Cas had enough room to skate around him and exit the room. He heard Dean’s loud scoff but chose to ignore it. He refused to look back as he pulled on his shoes and pocketed his keys. The sound of footsteps echoed as he left the apartment. 

On the ride down the elevator, he decided he should at least let someone know where he was going. He knocked on Charlie’s door. To his surprise, Sam opened it. “Oh…um…I forgot you were staying here. Is Charlie here?”

“Yes,” replied Sam, but he did not move or call out to Charlie. “Cas, what’s-”

Cutting him off, Cas said, “I just need to speak with Charlie.”

“Yeah, okay,” said Sam. Taking a step back, he yelled for Charlie.

Moments later, she approached the door. “Cas,” she said, concern evident in her voice and in her eyes. 

Cas wondered just how bad he looked because he had seen the same look in Sam’s eyes. Not wanting to dwell on the thought, he pressed on, “I just wanted to let you know I’m going to a hotel for the night.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. I just wanted someone to know where I would be. I’ll call and let you know where after I check in.”

Charlie looked at him before eyeing the space around him. “You don’t have any bags.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine.”

Charlie looked as if she wanted to pry further, but she simply shook her head and stated, “Let me know your room and I’ll bring you some clothes in the morning.”

“Fine,” said Cas as he turned and started down the hall. Sam’s voice filtered out of the apartment. “What the hell is that all about?” Cas could not hear Charlie’s reply, but he did hear Sam say, “I’m going to talk to Dean.” _Good luck_ , thought Cas.

Sitting in his car, he pondered his decision to leave. As he drove, he continued to wonder about it. His thoughts pushed him to drive on and on. When he eventually stopped, he was nearly an hour away from his home. An hour away from Dean. The distance did nothing for him. The loneliness of the hotel room did even less. A burning hot shower left him drained. He hoped it would be enough for him to sleep. Hope had not served him well over the last days, and it did not serve him well as he lay staring at the ceiling. Running through the events, for God knows how many times, he came to the same conclusion. They had made the right decision. Despite the lack of results in Michigan, they had succeeded in forming a cohesive unit. And the other case required long hours of travel. Leaving it to experienced hunters in the vicinity gave the best shot at stopping the witch and the monster she was controlling before another person was killed. Victor and Bobby made their decision based on the correct parameters, and Cas had agreed. They were not alone in their assessment. Ellen had obviously concurred since she had picked out the hunters herself. Dean was the lone dissenter. 

Even though Dean was proven correct about the Qareen, the chances he would have gotten there before the next victim was killed were practically nil. And in the end, the witch was stopped. Dean, however, could not see it as a success, and his anger had bubbled over, lashing out at Bobby and Victor before turning it on Cas. For some reason, he made the most convenient target. At first, he accepted it, but he had not expected it to follow them home. They had learned to check work at the door for the most part, so he was shocked when Dean started in on him the second the door closed. It was why he had escaped to the guest room. And why he needed to leave his home when even that space was invaded by anger. He ached to go home, to fix the problem, but he knew there was nothing he could say or do to make Dean understand. The man would have to work it out for himself. Cas worried about Dean’s last words. His expressed desire _to not want any part of it_ , and he feared just how far that desire extended. 

His eyes snapped to the door when it rattled from a series of sharp knocks. Cas rolled over and pushed himself to stand. He did not want to talk, and he had hoped Charlie would accept that, but he should have known better. When he pulled the door open, he swallowed his reprimand. 

“Heya Cas,” said Dean nervously. “Uh…can we talk?”

Cas’s only response was to step back and let him enter.

“I’m sorry,” Dean breathed with his back to Cas. 

“What are you sorry for?” asked Cas.

“For taking my anger out on you. You didn’t deserve that,” Dean said as he turned to look at Cas. His eyes blazed with regret. 

Cas exhaled sharply before going to sit on the bed. “No, I didn’t. We’re going to have disagreements at work, Dean, but you cannot treat me like the enemy.”

“I know,” said Dean, ducking his head as he sat down next to Cas. He reached for Cas’s hands where they were clasped between his legs. Out of pettiness Cas wanted to yank them away, but he chose to let Dean lace their fingers together. “I think maybe I haven’t exactly dealt with what all this means.”

“All what means?” asked Cas as he looked over at Dean.

Dean lifted his head and made eye contact, holding it as he spoke. “What it means to part of a team. What it means to share responsibility and decision making. And what it all means for you and me. I want us Cas. I want a life with you, and I didn’t realize how much all this shit could affect that if I let it. Sam chewed me out. Told me I was ruining the best thing that ever happened to me and he was right. Not being all alone in this, having you as my partner, having a chance at...” Dean shook his head as tears welled in his eyes. “Sweetheart, I am so sorry. Please forgive me.”

Tugging Dean into his arms, Cas laid back on the bed. It took a bit of scrambling to get in a comfortable position. With Dean laying across his chest and their legs entwined, Cas placed a kiss on Dean’s forehead. “I will always forgive you. There’s no need to ask, but we do need to talk about what happened and how to prevent it from happening again. Some of your anger was warranted, but the level of it seemed excessive.”

“I’m usually better at controlling it,” uttered Dean.

“Controlling it will only go so far.”

Dean lifted his head and rested his chin on Cas’s chest. “But it’s what I’ve got.”

With a slight shift, Cas moved his hand up Dean’s back. He ran his fingers through Dean’s hair as he said, “If you don’t deal with the causes of your anger, it will always find a way to the surface. You told me to work on my guilt. All I’m asking is for you to work on your anger.”

“It’s been with me most of my life, Cas. A lifetime of pent-up frustration building, layer by layer.”

“Where did it start?”

Dean closed his eyes and laid his head back down, facing away from Cas. “Probably when my mom died.”

“You were only four. Are you sure what you felt was anger then?” asked Cas, keeping a firm hold around Dean’s waist because he could feel his desire to pull away.

“Don’t ask me that,” whispered Dean, anguish carved into each syllable.

The word was there. The answer to the question, but Cas could not say it for Dean. He would need to find the strength to say it for himself. Sitting back and waiting as Dean shuddered in his arms nearly broke Cas’s resolve. The word almost escaped into the quiet of the room, but he managed to hold it in his own mind. It was Dean who eventually let the word fall into the space between them.

“Fear,” he sighed, “It was fear.”

“And why did it turn to anger?” pushed Cas.

“Because I didn’t have another choice. I wasn’t allowed to be scared.”

Cas thought about stopping there, but he felt a need to press further. “Who are you angry at?”

“My dad. But uh…I think I’m mad at my mom and Sammy, too. Which is fucked up?”

With a finger under Dean’s chin, he gently encouraged Dean to look at him. “No, it’s not. Your mom died and you never grieved for her, so anger took over. You grew up too fast because you had to take care of Sam. And you have never grieved the loss of your childhood. Anger is familiar and, in a way, it is safe. Safer than facing other emotions. I was angry at Jimmy for so long. It took years before I started to allow myself to feel his loss without being pissed at him for leaving me, for choosing drugs over me.”

“And you think if I let myself grieve, I’ll be less angry.”

“It’s not a science, but yes I think it would help you,” said Cas before he hesitated, uncertainty creeping in on him. Dean gave him a perplexed look, eyes filled with both concern and confusion. It prompted Cas to take a deep breath and ask the question he had been holding back. “And what about me? Are you angry with me or are you simply taking out your anger on me?”

Dean shimmied until he was propped up on the bed, hovering over Cas. “I forgave you and I meant that. Clearly I have a problem about where and how I direct my anger.”

“I won’t be your punching bag, Dean.”

Leaning down, Dean pressed a light kiss on Cas’s lips. Breath ghosting across Cas’s skin, he said, “And I don’t want you to be.” Leaning back, he added, “Being angry at you is beyond exhausting. It’s like it tears at something inside me. I don’t like how it feels, but I hate how it affects you.”

“So, we work on it. First step, we leave our disagreements over work at work.”

Dean nodded before saying, “Second, we don’t argue in our bedroom.”

“I like that,” said Cas. “And we let the other have a moment when they need it.”

“But not for long because if you leave me alone too long, the anger will only fester. I need you to challenge me, Cas.” Dean smiled down at him, cheeks blushing lightly. “What about you? Was it okay that I came here?”

Returning Dean’s smile, Cas said, “It was. It is. I missed you as soon as I left the apartment. I don’t think putting distance between us is a viable option for me.”

“Yeah, well, same for me.” Dean slid to Cas’s side and rested his head back on Cas’s chest. “Not knowing where you went…it wasn’t okay. I was worried.”

“I know the feeling. When you missed a check-in, my chest ached.”

“So, you’re saying we’re a bit codependent.”

Cas chuckled and squeezed Dean’s hip. “I’d say we’re in love.”

Hot breath and a trail of kisses snaked across Cas’s neck. When Dean reached the sensitive spot behind Cas’s ear he whispered, “Ah, yeah, there is that.” They stayed like that for several minutes before Dean sat up. “Do you want to stay here or head home? I have a bag in the car.”

“Let’s go home. We’ll be in a hotel soon enough.”

“Don’t remind me. I hate flying and I have to meet the president. The freakin’ president, Cas.”

Cas chuckled, “He’s just a person.”

“You’re only saying that because you’ve already met him.”

“More than once.”

With a grunt, Dean poked Cas’s shoulder and stood up. “Smartass. Get up. I’ll race you home.” Cas shook his head and smiled, happy to see light in Dean’s eyes and a smile on his face. He allowed Dean to pull him up and followed him out the door with no intention of racing him home. Dean glanced back at him. “You’re not going to humor me are you, sweetheart.”

“Not a chance, love.”

Their mutual agreement was put to good use with the trip to D.C. The dim light falling over Dean’s back drew Cas’s eye to the shift of his muscles. The rigidness of his body had not changed in hours. Not since they arrived at the airport. Not since they got on the plane. Even after landing and checking into the hotel Dean remained tense. Cas had helped keep the worst of his nerves at bay, but he could not ease all of Dean’s tension. His hand still tingled from Dean’s overly firm grip. Cas wanted to cross the space between them, but Dean had asked for a moment. He stood at the window, looking out at the skyline of the nation’s capital. Shadows danced across the profile of his face, making his jaw look sharper. Desire sparked through Cas. Taking a deep breath, he found the strength to look away. He picked up his toiletry bag and shut himself in the bathroom. 

After glancing in the mirror and noticing the dark bags under his eyes, he decided to take a shower to rinse off the exhaustion of the last few days. Water cascaded over his shoulders and down his chest, just shy of too hot. Red streaks littered his body by the time he heard the bathroom door open and shut. He turned to face the spout as Dean stepped into the shower. His cool skin pressed along Cas’s back and his arms wrapped around his waist. 

“Always too hot, Cas,” said Dean as he snaked one hand forward to adjust the temperature.

Cas leaned back, tipping his head onto Dean’s shoulder. “Feeling better?”

“I am now.” Dean ran his hands up and down Cas’s chest. “Want me to wash you?” 

“Mmmm…I’d like that.” 

With soap covered hands, Dean retraced the path his fingers had taken before dipping further south. Cas sighed as Dean tenderly washed his groin, stopping short of arousing him. After rinsing the soap away, Cas turned to face Dean.

“I’m sorry about earlier.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Dean. We agreed on this. Needing a moment to yourself is perfectly understandable after the week we’ve had. I know I’m not used to be around so many people for so many hours of the day. I can only imagine what it’s like for you.”

Dean scrunched up his face. “I’m used to life on the road. A room to myself most of the time. Don’t get me wrong, I love being with you, in _our_ apartment, where we can shut out the world. But today it was just too much of everything.”

Cupping Dean’s cheek, Cas ran his thumb along Dean’s lower lip. “I understand. Between work and my family, it has been hectic.”

“Your family is great, Cas, even if I want to toss Gabriel out the window every ten minutes or so. But combined with everyone asking me a thousand questions and invading my space at all times, yeah, I was going a bit stir-crazy. And I have to tell you it isn’t getting any easier thinking about the meeting tomorrow.”

“You’ll be fine. I meant it when I said he’s just a person.”

Nodding Dean turned them around and stepped back under the spray, quickly washing his body. “I didn’t want you to think I was trying to get away from you.”

“I never thought that,” said Cas as he cupped Dean’s cheek.

Dean leaned into Cas’s palm and closed his eyes. “Want to order room service and watch a trashy movie with me?”

“I’d love to,” said Cas as he turned off the shower. They dried quickly, so they could place their order. While Cas made the call, Dean flipped through the channels. He was still flipping through them when Cas approached the bed. “You should probably put some clothes on before the food arrives.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Dean said cheekily.

Cas rolled his eyes and went to pull on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, tossing the same to Dean. As they waited for the food to arrive, Cas decided to approach a subject that had been nagging at him. “Except for Gabriel, it’s been so easy for you with my family. Even Naomi begrudgingly likes you. They’re so different with you.”

“How do you mean?”

Tossing his hands in the air, Cas said, “For one they smile and laugh. My dad laughs with you. My mom adores you. I’ve never seen her blush until you. I just…” Cas took a deep breath, swallowing his jealousy. “Never mind.”

“Cas,” Dean said firmly, “come here.” Cas sat down next to him and Dean continued, “I have no history with them. I don’t share any of the painful memories. There’s no baggage. They can be freer with me because I only know these versions of your mom and dad. I don’t know who they were before Jimmy died. They can be lighter with me for the same reasons it’s easier to talk to a therapist than your family or friends.”

“So, I’m a reminder of what they lost.”

“That’s not what I’m saying. You share a loss and the memories of pain you all went through. It changed how you interact with each other. It changed all of you.”

Cas leaned against Dean, letting his head fall on his shoulder. “Maybe we can find a new way to interact.”

After placing a kiss on Cas’s head, Dean said, “You already are. Think of the time we’ve spent with them.” 

Cas’s mind ran through their time with his family. Most of it was filled with laughter and…hugs. Jimmy had been the hugger in their family, and yet each memory of the last weeks included rounds of hugs. With every hello and goodbye as if they were making up for lost time. His mother’s arms around him, making him feel safe and loved. The feeling of acceptance when his dad held him. The whispered words of gratitude from Naomi and the moments of empathy from Gabriel. All of it felt new and different. Maybe it was an awakening because of his dad’s heart attack, but Cas suspected it had more to do with Dean’s infectious personality, especially where his mother was concerned. “Wow,” he said, “You’re right.”

“I’m always right,” Dean said, puffing out his chest.

“Of course, you are,” replied Cas.

Butting his head against Cas, Dean said, “Sarcasm doesn’t suit you, _Cas_.”

“I beg to differ, _Dean_.” Before he finished speaking, Dean tackled him to the bed and proceeded to try and tickle him. A wrestling match broke out and it lasted until room service arrived. Cas insisted Dean get the door which gave him the opportunity to grab the remote and pick something to watch. 

“Sneaky bastard,” said Dean, glancing at the remote before looking at the TV. “Are you serious?”

“Yes, and you can pretend to protest, but I for a fact know you love Jane Austen. And this movie in particular.” Cas laughed when Dean shrugged his shoulders and smiled sheepishly. “Your secret is safe with me,” promised Cas.

“It better be,” said Dean.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this chapter is quite late, but in my defense I was angrily watching, and sometimes crying, over the damn impeachment trial. It distracted me from pretty much everything even though I knew the cowards in his party would acquit him.
> 
> To make up for it, I added a bit of...well, let's just say the ending of this chapter is longer and more detailed than originally intended. Hope you enjoy!

The stark white walls and narrow corridor irked Cas. He hated the feeling of being confined and between the dull yellow lighting and the gathering crowd the walls seemed to be closing in on him. Dean’s hand rested on the small of his back, rubbing gently. Cas leaned into the touch and sighed. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” replied Dean as he shifted closer, aligning their bodies from hip to shoulder. “I thought I was supposed to be the nervous one.”

“I’m not nervous.”

“Feels like you are.”

Cas shook his head, frustrated at himself for showing his irritation. “I don’t like being here. It’s claustrophobic.”

Leaning closer, Dean whispered, “Ahhh, I’m used to small, tight places that are nastier than this. We’re going to have to work on getting you comfortable with it or hunting is going to be a problem.”

“I know how to deal with it,” said Cas. Hoping to curtail any further discussion of that topic, he asked, “How are you doing?”

With a shrug, Dean said, “I’m fine. I’m more worried about Lenore. This can’t be easy for her.”

Cas’s gaze drifted to Lenore, where she was huddled with Talia and Mara. The two women had been added to the group to provide company and comfort for Lenore. It was easy to see the decision had been a sound one. With mostly men in their group, she would have been isolated in a hotel room, awaiting a difficult and worrisome meeting. Despite knowing Dean well and despite her trust in him, she deserved to have others to provide protection and support. As Cas watched the women talk, he spotted another set of secret service agents enter the corridor. They stopped just inside the door, flanking it. 

“Does that mean what I think it means?” asked Dean.

“It does.”

Within moments, the door opened, and the Director of the FBI walked through. He immediately entered a room off to the left. The group of secret service members assigned to their contingent directed them down the hall and into the same room. The door shut behind them. 

“I feel like I’m in a CIA black site, disappearing into the bowels, never to be seen again.”

“Dean,” Cas said as he swatted his arm, “Don’t be so dramatic. Think of it more like the situation room.”

Dean snapped his head to the side to stare at Cas. “This isn’t…”

“No, it’s not,” replied Cas. “But it is a secure location away from prying eyes.”

“Is that why we’re in D.C. and not Quantico?”

Cas went to answer but a door on the opposite side of the room opened and a hush fell over the room as the President was announced. All eyes turned to see him stride into the room, confidently making a beeline for Castiel. “Cas, it’s good to see you.”

Smiling Cas said, “And you, Mr. President.”

“I didn’t realize you actually knew the President,” whispered Dean, sliding closer to Cas.

The President chuckled and held out his hand. “You must be Dean Winchester.” Dean shook the offered hand, smiling nervously. “A few weeks ago, I was briefed about a prolific serial killer and here you are standing before me.”

Dean shrugged. “That would be me. Although there are extenuating circumstances.”

“So, it would seem. I was briefed about the situation, and I know you have a full presentation planned, but I would like to hear from you and Cas first,” stated the President.

Dean’s eyes went wide, and he looked at Cas, imploring him to respond. “Of course, Mr. President.”

“It’s too bad we have to be so formal. We always did our best thinking at a pick-up game.” The President smirked as he finished, and Cas forced himself not to roll his eyes. 

“Maybe for you. I spent most of those games losing miserably.”

With a huff, Dean interjected, “Wait, you played basketball with the President. And you didn’t tell me? How did that even happen?”

“We lived in the same city, Dean. I was a beat cop.”

“And a damn good one,” said the President. “Cas was always our first call. He kept a lot of kids out of trouble. Speaking of that, how is Charlie? I hear she works for you now.”

“She does. And she is doing well. In fact, her girlfriend is here.” Cas gestured at Talia. “Let me introduce you.” As they walked over to the table, Dean leaned into Cas’s side. “We can talk later,” whispered Cas. Dean groaned, making Cas laugh. “I promise. I’ll tell you the whole story.” That seemed to appease Dean and he put a touch of breathing room between them just in time for Cas to introduce Talia who then proceeded to introduce Mara and Lenore. The start of their conversation was cut short when Director Mueller addressed the assembled group. 

“Mr. President, shall we begin?”

“Yes, but as I’ve already discussed with Agent Novak and Agent Winchester, I would like them to begin. And then we can proceed with the rest of the presentation.”

Bobby and Victor nodded at Cas and Dean before taking their seats. Once everyone was seated, Cas stepped to the head of the table with Dean at his side. He launched into a brief tale about meeting Dean and their friendship, ending on the day it all fell apart. Dean took over from there, explaining his life as a hunter and how their work paths eventually crossed. “I knew Cas was working on some of my cases, but I hoped he would never make the connection. When he did, we had choices to make. I chose to distance myself and he chose to turn me in. It wasn’t until Agent Henriksen was kidnapped by a monster that our paths crossed again. And that is how we ended up here after another set of choices. Believe me for a hunter this is the last place I ever expected to be. We work independently and under the radar. For good reason, we kept our world a secret and always have. Until now.”

Cas took a step closer to Dean and said, “I know Dean says there was another set of choices, but truthfully once Victor and I knew and once we informed Agent Sheppard the proverbial cat was out of the bag.”

“And that’s probably a good place for me to step in,” said Shep. “We kept the information contained to a small group as we searched for Dean. Through that search, we were introduced to Robert Singer and with some discussion and negotiation we discovered the extent of the issue and decided to work together. Director Mueller?”

“I approved the initial creation of a task force after reviewing evidence. Agent Henriksen’s first-hand account and Mr. Singer ‘s vast knowledge were essential in that process.”

The President had sat quietly, leaning forward, hands entwined on the table, listening intently. When the Director finished speaking, he said, “Let’s see the evidence.”

Over the next hour, they presented historical documents, detailed research, and video evidence. Dean and Bobby discussed cases they had personally worked and their outcomes. Covering procedures and processes almost every hunter followed. When they were finished, Dean gestured to Lenore, asking her to join him. Nervously she stood, body visibly trembling. Dean reached out to her, taking her hand briefly. 

“You’re safe here,” said the President. 

Lenore nodded at him, but her body remained tight with tension until Dean began speaking. “My brother and I met Lenore on a case. Her and her family were in danger from a hunter. Until we met, our understanding of supernatural creatures was pretty black and white. But she changed all of that. Long story short, she taught us that some so-called monsters are just like us, trying to live their lives as best they can. The hunter in this case was the dangerous one, and Lenore was the one in need of protection.”

Shakily, Lenore opened her mouth, descending her teeth. “I come from a long line of vampires who only feed on animals. To hunters we are the enemy and to some of our own kind we are the enemy.” Her eyes traveled to the secret service agents who had all placed their hands on their guns. “We are never safe, Mr. President.”

The President waved off the agents, and they all relaxed their stances. “In this room, you are safe. I understand this was a difficult decision for you, stepping into the lion’s den, and I want to thank you for doing so. What we do from here on out must be based on every piece of available information and your presence here and your contribution will be part of any decision we make. I assure you.”

The words helped settle the tension in the room. Lenore stood a bit straighter and Dean smiled at her. Over the next few minutes, she answered questions from both the Director and the President. Dean remained at her side, offering support and encouragement. As Cas watched the exchange, he felt warmth radiate across his chest. It was no wonder he fell for Dean. _How could anyone not?_ he thought. It was his final thought before Dean sat down next to him.

“Like something you see.”

“Yes,” said Cas. “You.”

Dean chuckled. “Are you flirting with me in front of the President?”

“You started it,” whispered Cas.

“No, way. You started it with those looks you were giving me.” 

Cas went to answer, but he froze when he realized the room was silent around them. With a quick glance, he saw all eyes trained on them. He felt his cheeks heat up and felt Dean’s hand settle on his knee. It grounded him and drew his gaze back to Dean. They stared at each other for several moments. 

“Are they always like this?” asked the President.

A chorus of yes’s and yep’s followed his question.

“Hey,” admonished Dean, “We’re not that bad.”

“Yes, you are,” said Bobby.

Dean laughed brightly, planted a kiss on Cas’s flushed cheek, and said, “Yeah, I suppose we are.”

From that moment on, the meeting turned into a back-and-forth exchange about needs and wants, interspersed with personal questions and anecdotes. The President made his exit when it turned to available resources and budgets. After he left, preliminary decisions were made, but the bulk of discussion and negotiation would continue in the days and weeks to follow. Everyone, except Shep and Bobby, were flying back to Chicago the next day. With a partial budget, they could get down to work and expand their scope.

Back at the hotel, Dean and Cas changed out of their suits and dressed in more casual clothes for dinner. The dark jeans and tight t-shirt Dean slipped into made Cas second guess leaving the room. He stepped in front of Dean and ran his hands down his chest, settling low on his hips, before Dean finished buttoning his pants. With a huff of laughter, Dean grabbed Cas’s hands, lifting them away from his body. Cas raised his head and made eye contact, seeing matching desire in Dean’s eyes. Yet, the other man shook his head, indulgent smile on his lips. Cas took the opportunity to kiss it off his face. Hands quickly shifted, and Cas found himself gripping Dean’s hips and pulling him closer. The heated touch of Dean’s hands ended up on Cas’s face, tilting his head so Dean could take control of the kiss. Sighing, Cas let go, allowing Dean to shift and move him how he saw fit. Before long, Cas was backed against the wall with Dean’s body pinning him in place. Pressure built between them as Dean rocked his hips, eliciting moans Cas could not contain. The sounds seemed to spur Dean on, and his movements became frenzied. Ripping his mouth away from the welcome heat of Dean’s mouth and his questing tongue, Cas groaned, “I’m going to come in my pants if you keep that up.”

“What’s wrong with that,” Dean said as he slid his lips and tongue along Cas’s throat. 

Cas grunted, “We’re not teenagers.”

“Hmmm…you make me feel like one.” Dean punctuated the statement by sucking a mark low on Cas’s neck. 

“Did you just give me a hickey?” asked Cas, gripping Dean’s hair and pulling him back. 

Dean chuckled. “You look like a disgruntled puppy. All squinty eyed and frowny.”

“Frowny, really, Dean?”

Shrugging, Dean leaned forward a smacked a kiss on Cas’s cheek. “I stand by it. You’re cute when you’re all pissed off and glaring at me.”

Cas rolled his eyes and groaned in frustration. “I am not cute.”

“Yes, you are. And I love it. And I love you. Every damn thing about you.”

“Dean,” breathed Cas, mesmerized by the love shining in Dean’s eyes. “I love you, too. And I want nothing more than to take you to bed, strip off your clothes, and show you just how in love with you I am, but…ahhh…there are people waiting for us.”

“I know. But when we get back here, I am holding you to that plan.”

“Of course, Dean,” Cas said deep and gritty with promise.

“Fuck, that is not fair,” whined Dean. “Not when we have to leave.”

“I didn’t see you being fair just a few moments ago when you pinned me to the wall.”

Dean dropped his head to Cas’s shoulder. “Touché.” 

Placing his hand on the back of Dean’s neck, Cas ran his fingers along the base of his hairline, damp with sweat. Dean turned his head, burying his face in Cas’s neck, breath hot and rapid against him. It sent shivers down Cas’s spine, even as he tried to cool the heat and desire between them. With his other hand, Cas held Dean’s waist and gently pushed their hips apart. In the space between them, Dean dropped his hands and buttoned his pants. “Ready?” asked Cas.

“Yeah, I’m good.”

Whatever was left of their arousal faded away on the walk to the restaurant. When they entered, Cas spotted their table right away. Walking toward it with Dean’s hand clasped in his, he heard a wolf whistle. To his shock, the sound came from Mara. She had a huge grin on her face and her cheeks were bright red. “That’s my girl,” said Dean. Letting go of Cas’s hand he approached her and dropped a kiss on the top of her head. “No need to be embarrassed. You aren’t wrong.” He turned to Cas and winked. “He can’t keep his hands off me.” 

A stern voice interjected, “Need I remind you, your boss is here.”

“Not sure it would do any good,” said Cas as he looked at Shep. “Dean is basically shameless.”

“He ain’t lying,” agreed Dean. “What’d we miss?”

Bobby leaned back to look at Dean. “DeeDee was just telling us about the first time she met the President.”

Dean took the seat next to Bobby, directly across from Shep. “It’s DeeDee now, is it? Does that mean we all get to call you that?”

“Absolutely not,” said Shep, eyeing Dean intently.

“Got it,” Dean replied quickly. 

“Idjit,” said Bobby with a smack to the back of Dean’s head. “If you’d shut up, we can hear the rest of the story.”

Dean pretended to zip his lips shut, just as Cas sat down next to him. He shook his head at Dean’s antics and asked, “Where were you at?”

“Just finished telling them about law school. You would have been…what…eighteen or nineteen.”

“What year was that?” asked Cas.

“1997, ’98.”

“More like twenty-one, twenty-two. Still a few years before we met.”

Shep tipped her head in acknowledgment and then continued, “That’s right. Well, by then we all knew who he was. Pretty much everyone in Chicago had heard of him, especially on the south side. You must have been just finishing college.”

“I was. I’d just reached the age requirement for the police department. The degree didn’t really impress them when I looked like I should still be in high school.”

“Yes, well, you won them over.”

“Not for long,” scoffed Cas. 

Shep smiled. “That’s true and that’s a pretty good segue into how we met. Cas, here, was already a thorn in the side of his superiors when we met for the first time. And it was the President who introduced us. You see, Cas, had moved to the south side and was considered a…what’d they call you?”

“Panty-waist, bleeding heart…take your pick.”

“Assholes,” muttered Dean, placing his hand over Cas’s and giving it squeeze.

“Thank you, Dean, but I really didn’t fit the mold of the department.”

Shep smacked her hand on the table. “And that’s a good thing. Cas’s big heart was just what that community needed. And the President understood it. Charlie isn’t the only kid Cas saved from a cycle of arrests and prison. I was working in the Attorney General’s office in the civil rights division. I worked with the President who was a state senator then. He was one of many advocating for officers to live in the communities they served. Cas, for my knowledge, was the only one who actually took the step to move to where he was assigned.”

“Wow,” said Talia. “What made you decide to do it?”

“A lot of factors,” said Cas. “Policing an unfamiliar area is bad enough, but not knowing a single person you are serving is uncomfortable at best. It certainly made me a better cop, even if my superiors didn’t see it that way.”

Everyone at the table had turned to face Cas. Bobby leaned forward so he could see around Dean. “So, let me get this straight. You moved to the south side of Chicago because the President of the United States asked you to.”

“He wasn’t the president then. He was a just a regular person who cared about the community and was trying to do what was right for it.” Cas began to feel uncomfortable as everyone continued to stare at him. He wanted to shift the conversation to someone else but was struggling to think of another topic. Dean seemed to sense his discomfort, brushing his hand along Cas’s arm to draw his attention.

With a brief nod at Cas, Dean quirked his lips. “So, I gotta ask. What do you think the probability is of getting the budget we requested?”

The question was greeted with a snort from Bobby, but it was Shep who responded. “Slim to none. It’s why we set the damn thing so high. Skimming that amount from other budgets without arousing suspicion is impossible. Procuring the money will take a whole lot of finesse and creativity.” 

As she continued, the food arrived. Cas looked at the server when he set a plate down in front him. Out of the corner of his eyes he noticed Dean was doing the same. “I ordered for you,” Bobby said gruffly. “I know what Dean eats and figured you could eat the same. So, quit looking so damn confused and eat.” Dean shrugged and picked up his burger. Cas followed suit.

“Thanks, Bobby,” said Cas before taking a bite. 

Most of the table was silent as everyone started eating. After several minutes, Dean leaned toward Bobby. “Can you believe this? Never thought I’d see anything like this. I mean…we’re sitting here with the FBI, a vampire, and we just met the President.”

“Not to mention that you found your soulmate,” Bobby said without a hint of sarcasm.

Dean griped, “What the hell, Bobby?”

Bobby’s poker face cracked with the tiniest hint of a smile. “I don’t hear a denial.” Dean tossed his hands in the air, and Bobby raised his brow, challenging him to disagree. “That’s what I thought,” Bobby said when Dean’s only response was a slight droop of his shoulders. “It’s nothin’ to be shy about, Dean.”

“I’m not shy,” muttered Dean. “You just don’t always have to point this shit out.”

“Why not? I always wanted you boys to find someone to love.”

“Jesus, Bobby,” Dean said as he pulled the older man into a hug. Bobby patted his back, eyeing Cas over Dean’s shoulder. He gave Cas a discerning look, posing a question with that singular look. Cas nodded, assuring Bobby he was not going anywhere.

Bobby quirked his lips before pulling out of the hug. “Get off me, idjit. My foods getting cold.” 

“Yeah, yeah, caring and sharing time is over.” 

For the rest of the meal, Cas listened in on other conversations, knowing Dean needed space to deal with the emotions Bobby had stirred up. When they finally left the restaurant after dessert and several drinks, Dean had loosened up. His hands wandered freely as he leaned into Cas. Touching and kissing him in front of everyone. The contact continued all the way back to the hotel and into their room. “Cas, sweetheart, I think you promised me something,” Dean said as he slipped off his coat.

“Did I?”

“Yeah, jackass, you did.”

Cas tugged on one of Dean’s belt loops and pulled him forward. “Hmmm…anything for my soulmate.” Dean’s body tensed, and he quickly shifted out of Cas’s arms. Cas’s attempt to pull him back in was abrupted when Dean shook his head. Stepping away, Dean sighed heavily, eyes dropping to the floor. At a loss over the drastic change in Dean’s demeanor, Cas followed him with his gaze, scrutinizing every movement and expression. When Dean stopped at the end of the bed and ran his hand down his face, Cas said, “What is it, love?”

Dean’s eyes slipped closed as he huffed a brittle laugh. “What Bobby said, Cas, it’s…I’m not sure I like the idea of soulmates or whatever. Destiny, fate. It all seems like a crock of shit. But then I think about how I felt the moment I saw you and…” Dean tipped his head back and stared at the ceiling. “My life has been messed with enough by things out of my control.”

“Dean, what we have is not preordained. It took work and dedication. Patience and a whole lot of trust. If this was some machination of a greater power wouldn’t it have been easier?” Cas had closed the distance between them. Standing behind Dean, he rested his hands on Dean’s hips. “It took two years for us to get here. It didn’t just happen.”

Dean shifted backwards, aligning their bodies before tipping his head back to rest on Cas’s shoulder. With the slight movement, Cas’s hands slid forward, and he took the opportunity presented, wrapping his arms around Dean’s waist. “This is what I’m talking about,” said Dean, sounding almost pained.

“I don’t understand,” replied Cas.

“This,” Dean said, laying his hands over Cas’s arms. “When you touch me…I’ve never experienced something like it before. It makes me forget everything else. Pain, anger, sadness…all of it vanishes and all I feel is love and home. And a desire that seems unreal.”

“And you think because you feel that way it can’t be natural? I don’t agree with that. All our experiences made us who we are. Choices we made, unforeseen circumstances. They’re all part of our journeys and just because those experiences shaped us into people who could love each other…soulmates, a matched set, or whatever you want to call, it doesn’t mean we were manipulated.” Cas placed a tender kiss on the nape of Dean’s neck, breathing in his scent. The scent of home and love just as Dean described. When he felt some of the tension leave Dean’s body, he whispered, “Do you know what you make me feel? You make me feel safe and confident. You bring out the part of me I thought was dead and buried. The part that laughed and teased. And when you look at me, you make me feel sexy. Something I had never felt once in my life before that night in the bar.”

“Cas,” breathed Dean. “You are sexy. So goddamn sexy you take my breath away.”

“We fit together Dean because of a myriad of reasons, but mostly I think it’s because we bring out the best in each other.”

Dean turned his head and kissed Cas’s temple. “We do,” agreed Dean. 

Cas stayed still for several moments until they were breathing in concert. “Are you okay now?”

“Yes,” sighed Dean.

“Do you still want me to carry out my plan?”

Dean moaned. “God yes.”

Sliding his hands up Dean’s chest, he pulled him tight against him, whispering words of love into the hollow behind his ear. When Cas slid his hands under his shirt, Dean shuddered in his arms. His stomach twitched as Cas traced patterns into his skin. Slowly, he raised Dean’s shirt, hands pressed into the warmth of his chest. Dean’s breath hitched as Cas dragged his fingers over his nipples. “Up,” whispered Cas, encouraging Dean to lift his arms. It took some effort for Dean to comply and Cas chuckled. “You seem to have melted already.”

“Feels good,” muttered Dean. When Cas pulled his shirt over his head, Dean immediately flopped back into Cas’s arms. “Want you.”

In answer, Cas dragged his lips along Dean’s shoulder until his mouth came to rest at the top of his spine. “Turn around.” When Dean turned, Cas took his face in his hands, tracing the curve of his cheeks with his thumb. Dean’s eyes slipped closed as his head tipped back. The long line of his neck was too enticing to resist so Cas ran his tongue over the flushed skin. “Mmmm…” Cas moaned as he tipped Dean’s head forward, pausing to stare into pleading green eyes. When Dean tried to close the scant inches between their lips, Cas held his head firm. “Not yet. Just let me look at you.” Dean whimpered even as he let his body go lax, giving into Cas’s request. As he stared, he threaded his fingers through Dean’s hair. With his other hand, he traced his fingers down Dean’s chest, settling them at the top of Dean’s jeans. As he slipped a finger inside, tracing Dean’s hipbones, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the corner of Dean’s mouth. “Breathe,” whispered Cas.

Dean exhaled sharply and muttered. The words were indecipherable, making Cas chuckle. “Hey,” Dean grumbled. Cas soothed him with several gentle kisses. When Dean sighed, Cas ran his tongue along Dean’s bottom lip. Using the hand tangled in Dean’s hair, Cas angled his head and pressed their lips together more firmly. With a simple nudge and quick swipe of Cas’s tongue, Dean parted his lips and whispered, “Kiss me.” The desperation in Dean’s tone spiked Cas’s arousal and he automatically deepened the kiss. Swiping his tongue inside, searching out Dean’s. As they tangled together, Cas groaned and rocked his hips against Dean. “Fuck,” said Dean.

“Exactly,” replied Cas as he flicked open the button on Dean’s jeans. The zipper soon followed, making Dean tip his head back and wiggle his hips. Cas slid his hands down the outside of Dean’s hips and down his thighs, slowly undressing him. When the pants finally dropped to the floor, Cas pressed Dean into the bed until he dropped down onto it. Lowering himself to the floor, Cas tugged Dean’s jeans off. As he inched his way back up, he kissed along Dean’s calves and up the inside of Dean’s thighs. 

When he nipped at the tender flesh, Dean began to beg. “Please, please, Cas, please.” The last word turned into a deep moan before he said, “I need you. And take your damn clothes off.”

“Not until your naked and laid out on the bed,” said Cas as he cupped Dean’s straining erection through his dark blue boxer briefs. Dean arched his body, pressing into the contact. With a firm hand, Cas pressed his hips back down and leaned forward to trace his tongue along Dean’s length. Dean cried out and began to squirm. Cas was mesmerized by the sounds Dean made and by the flushed across his chest. The twitch of his cock served to intensify Cas’s desire. “Lift your hips,” he said as he breathed across the damp fabric. When Dean lifted his ass off the bed, Cas slid his boxers off. “You’re gorgeous,” he said before flicking his tongue across the top of Dean’s cock and wrapping a hand around the base. 

“Come up here,” said Dean as he lifted his head from the bed and made eye contact. 

“I thought you wanted me to take my clothes off.”

Dean nodded vigorously. “Shit, yeah. Do that first, please?”

Cas smiled as he stood up and began to undress. He took his time, enjoying having Dean’s eyes on him, tracking his hands and breathing heavily with each new piece of skin exposed. When he was finally naked, he stroked himself firm and tortuously slow. 

“No, that’s mine,” said Dean. 

“You think so.”

“Yeah.”

With a nod, Cas joined Dean on the bed. “It is yours, but tonight I am in charge of it and you.”

“When are you not?” Dean posed.

Cas chuckled darkly as he lowered his hips and thrust against Dean’s rock-hard cock.

“Holy fuck,” yelped Dean. “Yep, you’re in charge. I’m yours.”

“And I’m yours,” said Cas, leaning forward to kiss Dean. It grew heated quickly, tongues battling for dominance until Cas gently bit down on Dean’s lip. From there, Dean let Cas control the kiss. Hot and wet, all teeth and tongue. After several minutes of losing themselves in the kiss, Cas rocked his hips, setting up a slow rhythm. When Dean was panting into his mouth, Cas retracted himself, making Dean moan with displeasure. “I’ll be right back,” he assured as he went in search of the lube. 

When Cas returned, he saw that Dean had slid up the bed and spread his legs. “Cas,” he said, “I want…” Cas knew instantly what Dean wanted. Setting the lube aside, he crawled between Dean’s legs and ran his hands up the back of Dean’s thighs. As he pressed them to Dean’s chest, he lowered his mouth and began tracing his lips along the curve of Dean’s ass. He slipped his tongue into the crack, flattening and flicking it against the furled entrance until Dean’s body shook with desire. Cas’s hands shook as he reached for the lube, overcome with the need to be inside the heat of Dean’s body. As he slicked up his fingers, he placed a kiss on the inside of Dean’s knee. Opening Dean up brought Cas immeasurable pleasure. The way he arched and whimpered and begged heightened Cas’s arousal and made him feel strong and wanted in a way nothing else did. And when he finally entered Dean, he ached to move, to let go and give Dean all of himself. More than once he’d likened it to a religious experience. When Dean’s hands tugged at Cas’s hair, he knew it was time, but he could not resist kissing Dean breathless one more time before he rocked his hips. 

Dean’s body pulled him in, negating any attempt to take it slow. He lifted his hips to meet Cas’s thrusts and wrapped one leg around Cas. Hitching the leg higher, Cas pressed in deeper. He snapped his hips until Dean cried out. “Right there,” croaked Dean. “Harder.” They lost themselves after that. Both chasing their release. Dean’s hands found Cas’s face, gripping almost too tight, when he pleaded, “I need…Cas…” And when Cas closed his hand around Dean’s weeping cock, stroking firmly, Dean erupted over his fist. Cas tried to hold out as he worked Dean through his orgasm, but it was not to be. Dean’s body shook and he tightened around Cas’s cock, pulling his release from him. With herculean effort, he stopped himself from collapsing on Dean until he had let go of his leg and lowered it to the bed. The smell of sweat and sex mingled in the air as they struggled to catch their breath.

“Better every time,” Dean said between pants.

“Hmmm…you may be right,” said Cas. “I think you broke me.”

“You broke me first,” sighed Dean. Cas lifted his head to see a bright smile on Dean’s face. Leaning forward he kissed the tempting sight. Dean threaded his fingers in Cas’s hair, massaging gently. Against Cas’s lips he breathed, “I love you.”

“And I you,” said Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I assume you all figured out who the President was in this chapter, despite the fact I didn't name him.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we get to the hunting!!!!!

The mostly shuttered farmhouse looked ready to fall over. The covered porch listed to the side and was covered in rotted wood. From what they could see from their vantage point, holes dotted the steps and floor. The scent of blood and decay permeated the air. It was a scent Cas had become accustomed to over the last days, weeks, and months. The overcast sky limited their sight lines, making radio communication even more significant. The heat of Dean’s body to his left was reassuring as was the earpiece in his right ear. The last check-in with the unit confirmed every team had arrived at their assigned location. The group assembled was the largest team to take the field together since the meeting with the President almost two months ago. Preparations had been made for such a large team, but only some of them had properly trained together. 

When Jody called, they had scrambled quickly, cobbling together a group large enough to deal with a massive vampire nest. At last count, there were twenty who had converged on the farm in Mitchell, South Dakota, and they had become increasingly active. In addition, there were whispers of other monsters in the area. Garth and David had been deployed immediately to assess the validity of those rumors. It had taken them further away than anticipated, so they were still en route as the team assembled at the farmhouse. Taking their place on Cas and Dean’s right were Tamara and Kyle. Tamara a well-trained and experienced hunter had balked at first when she was partnered with Kyle, a ten-year FBI vet with not a single hunt under his belt. With Dean’s recommendation and a bit of persuasion, she had acquiesced. It helped that Rufus, someone she had hunted with over the years, had been assigned to the team. Cas pictured the older man and the image of Riley standing her ground and pointedly saying to her new partner, _I’m not taking any of your shit, so get used to it_. His lips quirked up at the memory. Riley had come a long way from the timid agent who had been nervous to speak up in meetings. When they were first paired, some thought it was odd, but it worked. And they were no odder than David and Garth. In fact, Dean had no idea how that partnership worked at all. He would never have had the patience to deal with Garth’s giddy personality. For some reason, David seemed impervious to it, except on the occasions he found the antics hilarious and laughed uproariously. 

As they sat waiting, and waiting some more, Cas missed the interjection of Garth’s unique commentary. It broke up the monotony of a long stake-out. For the last hours, the only break had come from Bobby and Jody’s bickering. He had insisted she be assigned a partner, and she had refused and kept refusing even when Bobby offered to be that partner. Her dramatic eyeroll showed exactly what she thought of that idea. Logistically, it was not in the cards anyway. Bobby and Victor were coordinating the team’s assault, including Talia, Mara, and a medical team who were awaiting any victims. Safe houses had been established along the routes to the Inn, which had only recently become fully operational. 

Thinking of the safe houses triggered some negative feelings. Irrational as they were, Cas was still struggling to shake them. Knowing about Dean’s sexual history was one thing but meeting people he had been intimate with was another. Sitting in their homes and carrying on conversations was uncomfortable at best. Meeting them on hunts was equally unpleasant. Dean warned him and tried to curtail any comments about the past, but several of the women missed the cues, or maybe they simply ignored them. Being introduced as Dean’s partner in every sense of the word helped but not enough to alleviate the negative thoughts. Meeting Lisa and her son Ben was what finally tipped it over the edge. Women, each and every one of those he had met were women, and then suddenly there was a woman with a child who markedly resembled Dean. The familiarity and the genuine affection between all three of them surprised Cas to a degree he was not prepared for and he had to excuse himself at one point in order to compose himself. 

Dean had not let him get far before he joined him, reassuring him and holding him tight. The whispered words and tender touches had been a balm to his worries. It was why he knew his negative feelings were irrational. Almost since the moment they met they had been devoted to each other. And in the last few months that devotion had only intensified. The ease with which they worked together in the office, during trainings, and on hunts. Their protectiveness and the desire to wrap around each other at the end of a hunt. The way they fell into bed with each other at night and how they woke up together each and every morning. Cas smiled at the thought of Dean’s grumpy morning face.

“Cas,” whispered Dean as he poked him in the arm. “Where were you just now?” Not waiting for an answer, he added, “Get your head in the game.”

“I’m here,” replied Cas, shaking off the memory just in time to see movement in one of the upper windows. “We’ve got movement,” he said.

“So, do we,” came the reply from Bobby. “Cars headed your way.”

“Shit,” said Dean. “Twenty vamps ain’t enough.”

“Thought you liked a challenge,” quipped Tamara.

Dean chuckled. “I do, but once in a while I’d like the odds to be in our favor.” As he finished speaking, the front door opened, revealing a tall well-built man. 

“He’s all yours,” Tamara said almost jovially.

“Yeah, yeah…” started Dean. The sound of tires crunching on gravel halted any further comments. Five people exited the two vehicles. “Don’t think those are vamps.”

“Why not?” asked Kyle.

“Just a hunch.”

Several clicking sounds were followed by heavy breathing and a new voice in the conversation. “Pretty sure you’re right, Dean. We caught up to them about a mile out.” Garth paused briefly as if trying to catch his breath. “David spotted the car, and we followed them here.”

“Any guesses as to who or what they are?” asked Dean.

Garth quickly replied, “Other than monsters…nope.”

“All right, looks like we need to go now and go in fast,” interjected Bobby. “You need to be prepared for anything.” 

At that moment, Cas looked down at his hands. One holding a machete and the other his gun, loaded with bullets coated in dead man’s blood. He felt eyes on him, so he raised his head and looked over at Dean. “Aim and shoot, sweetheart. Just aim and shoot.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “How effective will these bullets be if they’re not vamps?”

Dean shrugged just as Bobby said, “Dean, we need a distraction. Get your ass out there and give us one. Everyone move on Dean’s signal.”

Shifting out of his crouch, Dean inched toward the driveway, keeping himself in the shadow of the trees lining the gravel road. He gestured for Cas to stay put. “We’re about to find out about those bullets.”

“Dean, no,” Cas whispered.

“Go big or go home,” chuckled Dean as he stood up and started walking toward the house. “Hey,” he yelled, “My car broke down. Can I borrow your phone to call a tow-truck?”

A long-dark haired woman walked toward Dean, stopping only a couple feet from him. She dragged her gaze up and down his body, a wicked smile coming to her lips. “Thought that was what cell phones were for pretty boy.” 

Dean’s posture shifted even as he kept the patented Winchester grin on his face. “No bars,” he said cheekily. 

Cas had figured they were in for something big the second she had used the word _pretty_ , but when she added _boy_ and heard the snark in Dean’s voice _,_ there was no doubt in his mind. Bobby’s, O _h, shit. That ain’t good_ , was all the warning everyone else got before Dean stabbed the woman in the chest and started firing his gun at the others. “Werewolf,” Dean yelled as he tossed the woman aside. Cas was out of his crouch and racing forward before the body hit the ground. “Hey,” Dean said as they advanced together. “Aim for the head.”

Automatically, Cas adjusted his aim and fired. The man-turned werewolf’s head snapped back but he remained on his feet. Not even a second later, Dean’s knife caught the werewolf across the throat, and he dropped to the ground. Cas did not hesitate to pick out another target, even as he heard frantic voices over the radio. He spotted a blur of movement to his right followed by the distinctive sound of a shotgun. The spray of blood and gore hit him in the face and chest. When he cleared it away from his eyes, the target he had been aiming for had half of his head blown away. “Thanks, David,” yelled Cas as he raced up the stairs, miraculously avoiding the holes, and into the dark cavern of the house. The sound of footsteps followed him into the building. 

“Cas, duck,” snapped Dean. The rush of air over his head was followed by the thud of head hitting the floor. Intense fighting raged all around them, broken only by a plea for help from Jody. 

Bobby replied to her request. “Victor’s almost to you.”

In the ensuing chaos, Cas saw Riley and Rufus advancing up the stairs. Several bodies were tossed over the rail. “We got victims,” Riley relayed.

“How many?”

“Don’t know, yet, Bobby,” Rufus griped. “Give us a second to clear all the rooms.” 

Another call of alarm rang out before Rufus had a chance to give the numbers. “Cas, Dean. Get out here,” demanded Victor, “They’re making for the woods.”

“Fuck,” yelled Dean as he raced to the back door. “Hurry up, Cas.”

Cas skirted around the next vampires, leaving them for David and Garth. When he got to the kitchen, he saw Tamara and Kyle locked in combat with two vamps. “Go,” Tamara said as he hesitated.

“We got this,” added Kyle. 

Nodding, Cas rushed out the door. Dean was nowhere in sight. “Dean,” he called. When he received no answer, he asked, “Anyone see Dean?”

“He ran into the woods after someone,” responded Victor, breathing heavily. “Jody and I got the others. Go find him.”

With one last glance back at the house, Cas headed toward the trees. A shape emerged. “Dean,” Cas said tentatively. When the moonlight hit the figure, Cas sighed. “You okay?”

Dean smiled. “Yeah.” As Cas approached, something felt off. Before he had time to analyze it, another figure stepped out of the woods. “Shoot him,” said Dean. Cas raised his gun at the second figure, only to see Dean’s face. He looked between the two Dean’s standing in front of him, only yards apart from each other.

“He’s a shapeshifter. Shoot him,” said the first Dean.

“Cas don’t shoot,” said the second. Cas ignored the advice and fired at the first Dean. Laughter rang out but was immediately squelched when Dean plunged a dagger into the creature’s chest. “What the hell, Cas,” yelled Dean as he looked down. “You could have shot me.”

“But I didn’t. I shot that thing.”

“You didn’t know that.”

Cas shook his head and smiled. “Yes, I did.”

“How the fuck did you know?” asked Dean angrily.

Cas took a step closer, staring into Dean’s eyes. “I know because when you look at me what you feel-”

Huffing, Dean cut Cas off. “Shut up.”

Before Cas could respond, Jody and Victor entered their field of vision chasing after a person that had rounded the west side of the house. No matter how many bullets they fired the person would not go down. “Silver isn’t working,” relayed Victor. Dean and Cas took several steps back until they were under the shade of the trees. Dean swung as soon as the person got in reach, knocking the man to the side. Cas used that advantage to run the man’s head into a tree. The body went down. “Nothing worked,” said Jody when she reached them. “And Garth said David was acting strangely when they encountered it.”

“What kind of strange?” asked Dean.

“Like I couldn’t control my own actions,” said David as he joined them.

Garth stepped up next to his partner. “He tried to attack me.”

“Bobby did you hear all that?” asked Dean.

“Yep, you got that mirror on you?”

“Yes.”

“Well, use it.”

Dean pulled the small compact out of his thigh pocket and put it in front of the man. “Fuck,” he said. “It’s a siren. Now what?”

They heard several deep breaths before Bobby instructed, “Tape its mouth shut, but don’t you dare get any saliva on you. Cover its eyes and tie it up.”

After they trussed up the siren and loaded it into the back of the van, Victor said what they all were thinking. “This might be the break we’ve been waiting for.”

After an hour of cleaning up the scene, Cas had gotten used to the overwhelming stink of blood and the sight of severed heads. Inured to the whole disgusting mess, he had worked quickly and with precision. They had worked to clear the worst of the mess before the victims were escorted out of the house. While the others cleaned, the medical staff had checked them over, pausing when they discovered three of the children were vampires. Newly turned and absolutely terrified the kids struggled to answer questions, when, finally, one of the adult victims intervened, explaining that none of their parents had survived. 

Discussions ensued, devolving into arguments. “You can’t be serious,” said Dean.

“Why not?” asked Talia. “They’re children, Dean.”

“That doesn’t mean others will see them that way. They’d be safer at another location.”

Talia sighed, weary and frustrated. “Well until Lenore can make arrangements to take them, the Inn is the safest place for them.”

Dean started pacing again as Mara tried to further explain their reasoning. Shaking his head and grumbling, Dean stopped to stare out the window. “Lisa would keep them.”

“How is that any different?” snapped Cas. “How do you know Lisa will see them as children and not monsters?”

“I just do,” said Dean as he turned to glare at Cas. 

The slap of a hand on a table preceded Bobby’s gruff, “Enough.” When all eyes trained on him, he added, “You’re going in circles. Dean, if you’d listen to reason just once in your damn life. They converted the old barn into living quarters for this specific reason. You know that.”

Ducking his head, Dean gave his tacit approval. With the matter seemingly closed, Talia and Mara loaded the children in the van along with the other victims. Dean watched them for a moment before he turned and said, “That settles one issue, but what about this whole monster conference bullshit.”

“That was not something I ever expected to see,” said Bobby. “And that many purebred werewolves in one place is strange enough without adding in a shapeshifter and a siren.”

Tamara stepped into the room, shutting the door to the basement behind her. “Basements clear except for these. They were lining one wall.” She held up photo after photo, tagged with names, dates, and locations. “Look familiar,” she said as she stopped on one photo. 

“I guess that gives us our answer. This is exactly what we’ve been waiting for,” Victor replied as he reached out and took the photo. “Rachel Miller. December 12, 1983. Butte, Montana.” 

Bobby, Victor, and Jody departed for Sioux Falls with the evidence and the prisoner, taking him to the heavily warded, iron room Bobby had in his basement. The remainder of the team was stuck cleaning up the rest of the scene because the farm was a bit too close to town to torch it without a response from the fire department. Once they were done with the house, they cleaned themselves up as much as possible before heading to the hotel. They avoided the lobby and hurried to their rooms. Cas barely made it inside the door before Dean had him pinned against the wall. 

“What were you thinking? Are you ever not reckless?”

“I think that’s my line, Dean. Walking out there and right up to a fucking werewolf.”

Dean laughed darkly. “In my defense, I didn’t know it was a werewolf. And she’s the one who approached me.” 

“Irrelevant. You needlessly put yourself in danger. Bobby asked for a diversion not for you to use yourself as bait,” Cas replied as the forearm Dean had pressed to his chest loosened slightly.

“Yeah, well, it’s what I do. You on the other hand are supposed to be the more cautious one.”

It was Cas’s turn to laugh darkly. “Wishful thinking on your part. But today I wasn’t the reckless one.”

Dean’s eyebrows shot up, and he huffed angrily. “You shot me.”

Rolling his eyes, Cas pushed himself off the wall and stepped away from Dean. Immediately, Dean’s hand caught his arm in a loose grip. Cas could have shaken him off, but he let the point of contact remain, knowing how much Dean needed it after a hunt. “I shot a monster. And as I started to explain, there was no question which one was you and which was the monster.” Dean inched closer, pressing his body against Cas’s back. Cas took it as an invitation to continue. “The way you look at me. The depth of your love. There’s absolutely no way a monster can emulate that.”

Soft lips pressed into the nape of Cas’s neck. “Bluh,” Dean grumbled. 

Cas turned his head to side, trying to catch the expression on Dean’s face. “What was that about?”

“Not a fan of the taste of blood and sweat. You need a shower.”

Looking down at himself, Cas couldn’t agree more. His hands were tinted red, and despite changing out of his FBI gear, he still felt dirty. His clammy skin did not help matters either. “Hmmm…I believe you may be right. Want to join me?”

“Nah, you go first. Covered in this shit isn’t really how I want to picture you naked.”

With a chuckle, Cas said, “I see your point.” After placing a quick kiss on Dean’s lips, Cas walked toward the bathroom. 

Before he could shut the door, Dean called out, “And don’t burn yourself this time.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t burn myself.”

“Close enough. I’ll be inspecting you, so be prepared.”

Leaning his head out the door, Cas said, “Now, that sounds promising.”

Dean shook his head. “Not like that, you ass.”

“More’s the pity,” Cas replied puckishly, shutting the door before Dean could reply. When he reached for the shower handle, he turned it to hot, letting the water heat until the room filled with steam. Stepping inside, he breathed a sigh of relief. Hot water had a way of making him feel cleansed as much as, or probably more than, soap. He knew Dean hated to see his skin flushed a deep red, so he stayed under for a fraction of the time he normally would before he lowered the temperature. It was at that moment he heard the door open. 

“Cas,” groaned Dean.

“I turned it down.”

“Good,” said Dean. “I left your clothes on the vanity. I’m gonna run and get us some food.”

Cas smiled at Dean’s constant insistence on going out and getting food. Breaking him of his old habits was proving to be a long process. “Just order room service. And don’t look at the prices.”

“But-”

“Dean,” Cas said forcefully, effectively cutting him off, “We have expense accounts for a reason. Order some food and then take a shower. The food will be here by the time you’re done.”

“Fine, what do you want?”

Most food wasn’t even the littlest bit appetizing after such a gruesome hunt, but Cas’s stomach still craved it. He racked his brain for anything that would be the least offensive under the circumstances. “Something simple. I don’t think I can deal with anything heavy.”

“I’ll see what I can find,” Dean said, voice trailing away.

“And, love, that means no fried food.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Dean muttered as he went to shut the door. Cas was pretty sure he was espousing about Cas’s unfair use of the endearment to get what he wanted. The thought made Cas smile as a feeling of serenity washed over him. He finished his shower and stepped out, dressing quickly. As he walked out of the bathroom, Dean slid around him. “Food should be here in twenty.”

Cas acknowledged him with a tip of his head. He busied himself with organizing their bags. They were leaving bright and early the next morning, heading to Bobby’s. The others would be heading out in various directions. Rufus and Riley were flying back to Chicago to debrief and analyze the new evidence. David and Garth were going to follow-up on the werewolves, and Tamara and Kyle were going to try and find the siren’s trail. Analyzing its movements preceding the monster conference, as Dean called it, was paramount, if only to aid the interrogation. Anticipation stirred inside him. They finally had a shot to advance the case, to find some answers, and he could hardly wait to be in the room with the creature they had been seeking for so damn long. Before he got too far into the line of inquiry he was planning to use, the food arrived. 

As if on cue, Dean joined him, flushed pink and apparently ravenous. Cas spent as much time watching Dean devour his food as he did eating his own. “What?” asked Dean.

“I just like looking at you.”

“God, how the hell am I supposed to respond to that?”

Cas reached out and took Dean’s hand. “You don’t have to respond. Your eyes do it for you.”

“Cas,” sighed Dean.

Unable to resist, Cas added, “And your pink cheeks.”

“Dammit, Cas, it’s bad enough that I blush like a pre-teen with a crush, you don’t need to point it out all the time.”

“But look what happens when I do,” Cas said gesturing at the space between them. The space Dean had unconsciously narrowed. Cas couldn’t resist the temptation, leaning closer he breathed, “Hello, Dean.”

“Hey, sweetheart. You did good today.”

“So, did you.” Cas stood up and started to clean off the table. “We should probably get to bed.”

Dean groaned. “Mhmm…Bobby gets up at the crack of dawn. He won’t be happy if we aren’t there for breakfast at eight.”

Calculating the drive time, Cas realized they would need to be on the road before seven. That left them with only a handful of hours to sleep. “I’ll set the alarm. You get in bed.” After tidying up and setting the alarm, Cas climbed into bed. It took only a moment for Dean to inch back until his ass brushed Cas’s side. The sigh Dean let out signaled his contentment, but it did not last. He started fidgeting and shifting around, all the while exhaling sharply. Cas wondered how long it would take for Dean to breakdown and ask for what he wanted. Feeling a measure of impatience himself, he decided to act, rolling onto his side and pulling Dean flush against him. His hand skittered down Dean’s chest, eventually landing low on his abdomen. Dean pressed into the touch, arching his body to keep their hips flush. Lowering his hand further, Cas dipped it inside Dean’s boxers to grip his hardening length. The full body shudder and the subsequent relaxation of Dean’s muscles never ceased to surprise Cas. They were the manifestation of the need Dean had for physical contact after a hunt. The need for Cas’s firm hands and his hard body pressed against him. The need to know they were both safe and alive. 

His own body craved much the same, but it hummed under the surface. It did not emanate from every inch of his skin the way it did from Dean. Cas’s impatience, his need, was fueled by the urgency of Dean’s desires, by his desperation for contact. And Cas had not been able to resist him yet, nor did he want to, so when Dean thrust his hips, Cas started stroking him, hard and fast. Slow and sensual had its place, but it was never what Dean wanted after the adrenaline rush of a hunt. The sense of desperation had started after their first hunt together. The second the ghost had thrown Cas into the wall Dean lost all semblance of composure. He screamed at the apparition and cursed up a bloody storm. Angry at the situation, and the fact they all missed the existence of a second ghost. When he radioed the team digging up the body of Felicity Lord, he yelled for them to salt and burn her husband as well. 

While they waited Dean kept the ghost at bay, protecting Cas with his body and a shotgun filled with salt rounds. Cas had tried to help, swinging the iron bar he held in his hand, but his damaged shoulder and dizziness hindered his accuracy. When the ghost had finally flamed out, Cas slid down the wall and Dean collapsed next to him, cupping his face in his hands. He had obsessively checked Cas over for injuries and treated him like glass until he had treated his wounds. The second they had laid down in bed together, Dean had rolled into Cas and clung to him. From there it had been a mad rush of shedding clothes, almost brutal kisses, and Dean rutting against Cas until he came forcefully. The kisses eventually turned tender before Dean dropped off to sleep. Cas had stayed awake and watched Dean sleep. The furrow in his brow had disappeared sometime during their frenzy and a look of peace had settled over his face. That night Cas saw their future. He intrinsically understood that would not be the last time Dean reacted that way. Each subsequent hunt proved the truth of his assessment. It didn’t seem to matter if either of them was hurt or not. Dean needed reassurance, and touch was what provided it.

On a night such as this where they were whole and unharmed, the desperation was tempered but the urgency remained. The need for release taking priority. Dean did not bother to try and forestall his orgasm, so it wasn’t long before Cas felt Dean harden further. With a final stroke, Dean came, crying out Cas’s name. They laid still for several heartbeats before Cas found his t-shirt and cleaned Dean up. Soon after, Dean fell asleep. As Cas watched the rise and fall of Dean’s chest, he traced the line of Dean’s jaw. Settling his hand on Dean’s neck, Cas felt the pulse of his heartbeat, and the last remnants of his tension faded away. Dean was not the only one who needed the reassurance of touch. With a last kiss to Dean’s forehead, Cas closed his eyes, sinking into sleep slowly. When the alarm sounded a few hours later, it bolted him from his sleep, and he ended up elbowing Dean in the stomach.

“Oof,” exhaled Dean before groggily uttering, “Cas, what?” 

“Sorry, wasn’t ready for that. I feel like I just fell asleep.”

Dean cuddled up to Cas. “Hmmm…me, too. Five more minutes.”

“You go ahead, take fifteen. I’m going to shower and then load up the car.”

Rolling over, Dean moaned, “Okay.” Before Cas even slipped from the bed, Dean was sound asleep again. He took his time getting ready, hoping to give Dean a few extra minutes. Twenty minutes had passed when he forced himself to wake Dean. With the precision of someone who was used to life on the road, Dean showered, dressed, checked the room over, and was out the door in under ten minutes. By 6:50, they were on the road to Bobby’s. An hour later, they pulled into the scrapyard. Bobby greeted them from the porch.

“About time you got here. Food’s ready.”

“We’re ten minutes early,” countered Dean.

Bobby glared at Dean. “Don’t be smart ass. Get in here and eat. We have a lot of shit to get done today.”

“Thank you for cooking,” Cas said, hoping to curtail any more bickering before he had some much-needed caffeine.

With a shrug, Bobby said, “Ain’t gonna cook itself.” Cas and Dean smiled at each other as they followed the older man into the house. 


End file.
